August 16, 2014 - Upper Darby Performing Arts Center
27 years after graduation from Upper Darby High School in Pennsylvania, Tina Fey was coming back. And she was bringing her biggest movie back to the school that inspired it.
Tonight, Tina would be at the school's performing art center for a 10'th anniversary screening of her film "Mean Girls," which she wrote and appeared in. She would also be at a meet and greet and a q&a session after the screening. I knew this intimately because I helped arrange it.
It was by accident at first. Technically it wasn't, since I worked at the school and at the performing arts center for the summer, so I was where I was supposed to be. I just stayed later than I should have and was the nearest one to answer the phone when Tina called, to arrange this screening and fundraiser.
After the initial disbelief that it was her - complete with a minimum of stammering when I was proven wrong - I managed not to blow the deal. In fact, even after I got her on with my superiors, she let me serve as a liaison between the school/center and her representatives over the phone in the coming weeks. Sometimes I even spoke to her directly again.
Maybe it did the trick when I mentioned I was a 26-year-old teacher and the school was my alma mater. Perhaps the idea of getting into teaching as a career, at such a young age, was funny in today's cynical world. Tina was an expert at funny things, although her comedy wasn't that kind of cruel - arguments by Sarah Palin supporters to the contrary.
Either way, I was already in her graces when we talked over final preparations a few days before she arrived. The level of comfort kept us talking over the phone, even when business was settled.
Why I wound up making a joke about me being a virgin - a true joke, at that - I puzzled over for the next few days. While trying not to get an anxiety attack before Saturday.
Admitting to someone else I was a virgin at my age...well, if my job wasn't comical, that sure was. Admitting it to a famous person I had to meet soon, was another level of humiliating hilarity.
I could have sworn I didn't drink too much while we were talking. What else could have made me feel that free?
The time to wonder that was over on Saturday night. Luckily, I was part of a group welcoming Tina to the performing arts center. Maybe I could ride their coattails the rest of the night in the background.
As such, I tried not to stare conspicuously when Tina arrived, sporting a white shirt, blue blazer and skirt. When it was my turn to greet her, she joked she was glad to put a face to the Darth Vader phone voice. Otherwise, it didn't look like she was someone who knew my most embarrassing secret.
Then again, she had improved as an actress since Mean Girls.
As further proof, she wasn't the one who flinched when we sat down in the theater, and the seat I found was next to hers. And she pulled off a good stage whisper when she leaned in and quietly said, "The only guys I did stuff with around here were gay."
"Huh?" was my only answer.
"You know that from my book, right?" she whispered anew. "Almost everyone who got excited over me in high school tried to forget I had breasts. Or what I had passing for them at the time." After a pause, she added, "So that disqualifies me from making comments or jokes about any kind of sexual history. In case you were wondering."
"Was I?" I asked, which was stupid. But I recovered by adding, "Was I that obvious?"
"My 'holy crap, I said something way too personal' radar went off a bit. It felt stronger over the phone, though," Tina noted. "But you don't need to set it off that bad just for me. And since I'm the special guest, you gotta obey."
"How Plastic of you," I felt okay enough to say.
"Then if that's a yes, we can both relax and enjoy this movie for the 200'th time. Can't we?" Tina offered.
"It's just the 12'th for me. But I get the point," I agreed.
I got it enough to sit back and watch the movie without any more worries. I got it enough to laugh at the same classic jokes and quotable lines for the 12'th time like everyone else, only right next to their writer. I even relaxed more when Tina stage whispered some little on set tidbits during certain scenes.
I figured that would be the extent of our personal interaction, once the movie was over and she went through her q&a and meet and greet. But instead of leaving afterwards, she apparently made the decision to stay and tour through her old stomping grounds.
Guess who wound up chaperoning her.
Everyone else was allowed to clean up and go home, while I showed Tina around her old school and my current one. Between my little tidbits on the school today, and her far more amusing accounts of school life in the mid 80s - including stories that didn't make her book - there weren't many quiet moments.
Finally, I made it to the most personal part of the school for me - my classroom. As I went to my chalkboard, Tina sat in a seat on the front row, putting a few images in my head.
"Actually, I think we should switch," I said. "I have the most seniority in real teaching, but you've got the most star power. No one will be quoting my lessons in 10 years."
"I could argue, but that would be pretty after-school special of me. Usually no one wants to hear that in summer," Tina jabbed. Either way, she got up and headed for the chalkboard, and I went over to her seat.
"I think you'd find me a more cooperative student than the Plastics, Ms. Norbury," I addressed Tina, assuming she would be in Mean Girls character mode.
"Actually, Ms. Fey would like to take this one," Tina corrected. "It's nice to be on the other end of this. At least in here. Of course, after running two writers rooms like grownup classrooms, this would seem slightly more manageable."
