(Original publication: 11/27/2021
Editorial changes, updates, and few minor changes: 3/14/25)
Chapter 4- Hospitality of Dwarves
1 year and 9 months after my arrival in Azeroth-
After a near half day of flying on the back of a gryphon, I was saddle sore. The experience of flying for the first time was exhilarating, for about the first half hour, and then monotony set in. Pinkerpie tried to make it entertaining by pointing out scenic views and landmarks as we came upon them and flew past. She was so small and light that Lanie had let us purchase only one ticket for the both of us to ride one gryphon together. Then the gryphon master pulled one of the massive animals out of its stall and used a small flute to play a short song to it while I helped Pinkerpie up into the saddle and attached her harness. Once she was mounted, I climbed up behind her and Lanie made the final inspection of both our harnesses so that we wouldn't be accidentally thrown off mid-flight, and then she gave a trilling whistle that sent the gryphon charging forward before leaping into the sky.
It was hard not to feel Pinkerpie's ample bottom pushing back against my groin as we flew. Several times she gave me an erection. The first time she looked back at me in surprise while I blushed from embarrassment. The next time she gave me a sideways glance and a smirk. By the third time she scooted her bum back so that I was pressed so firmly against her bottom I felt like I might have an accident if I didn't find a way to calm down. With a giggling laugh of satisfaction, she leaned back and pulled my hands up from her thighs and wrapped them around her tiny waist, and that was how we arrived at Thelsamar. By then, neither one of us was interested in anything more than climbing off weakly and trying to reclaim the feeling in the bottom halves of our bodies.
"Ugh! I feel like I've been run over by one of my wagons," Pinkerpie complained as she stomped her feet in an effort to reclaim feeling in them. The side benefit was that it also sent rippling jiggles through her bottom with every stomp.
"Me too," I agreed as I shuffled up to a stout dwarf that I couldn't decide on whether he was angry or just looked that way. Handing him my new satchel filled with our papers, I greeted him, "Hello, my name is Hruthgar."
"Mmm, I can read as much," The dwarf grumbled as he looked through the documents.
Watching him flip through the paperwork, I started nervously explaining, "There's a Letter of Introduction from Gryphon Master Lanie Reed in Thorium Point. That's where I'm from. I mean, that's where we are coming from. Anyway, as you can see we're married, Pinkerpie and I..."
"Whatever tickles ye fancy, no account'n for taste," The surly dwarf growled. Once he was done inspecting the papers he looked at Pinkerpie and held out his hand and grumbled, "Papers."
She looked from him to me and then back to the dwarf then she snatched the satchel from my hand and handed it to the gryphon master.
With a raised eyebrow he looked from her, to the satchel, and then back at me before handing the satchel back and grumbling, "I suggest that ye go to the magistrate and have legal copies made o' these documents. Sharin' 'em is only good when ye together. Should ye become separated, Missus Glimmergem will be unable to facilitate any more transactions with the Alliance Gryphon Riders."
"I understand," I replied with a nod, "Where might I find the magistrate?"
"It's Magistrate Bluntnose," The gryphon master said as he pointed down the hill, "He's just in town. His home is just across from the Stoutlager Inn. Ye can't miss him."
"Do you have a stable master?" Pinkerpie asked, "Or someone that sells livestock? My caravan ran into bandits and now I need new animals."
The dwarf nodded as he replied, "That would be Lina Hearthstove, also down in town. Ye can't really miss her either."
"Thank you," Pinkerpie said with a wave and a smile before we turned together and left to walk down into Thelsamar.
It was so different from what I had imagined, or how I remembered it from the game. Paved roads and pathways curved around or carved through the sides of hills and ravines. To each side, branching off from the road were smaller paths leading to stairs that led up or down the hills to stone porches. Besides the distinctively dwarven architecture of the porches, their homes instantly reminded me of J.R.R. Tolkien's description of a "Hobbit" home; dry, clean, warm, and very inviting.
The stone porches stuck out of the hillsides like testaments of the owners wealth or prestige. Some were grandiose while most were modest to very basic. The rest of the homes' square footage was built right into the hills with the only natural light coming from large windows framed with glass on each side of heavy, iron bound wooden doors leading to the porches. As for the doors themselves, each one I saw was ornate, built with intricate recessed iron hinges and door knobs in the center. The wooden planks of the doors were thick enough that they looked like they could withstand a small army assaulting them. All in all, it was all very cozy.
The first thing we searched for was the Stables figuring we would find Lina Hearthstove there. We had come to Thelsamar after all to purchase livestock and the first thing we both wanted to know was if we would be able to do so here. If so, then our return to Thorium Point would be swift.
The stockyard was a pretty obvious giveaway that we had arrived at the stables. Animals milled about and we were starting to feel excited. The building itself was the only one in Thelsamar built above ground. Walking into the stable, we found a pretty dwarf woman who looked to be almost in her middle years. She still had smooth pale white skin, but I could see that she had the fine lines of crows' feet beginning at the corners of her intelligent blue eyes. Her hair was a bright flame red with just a few strands of white speckling her temples and she had a warm smile as she turned to me.
"What can I get ye," She called in the loud manner of her people.
"Good evening Lina," I greeted her with a nod, "I'm Hruthgar. The flightmaster up the hill said we might be able to purchase livestock here."
Just as I was finishing our greetings, Pinkerpie stepped out from behind me and Lina cut her eyes to her. Lina's smile fell into a sneer and she was glaring sharply as she shouted, "What the hell are ye do'n here with a no good goblin trickster?"
"Excuse me," Pinkerpie hissed.
"Ye heard me," Lina growled as she charged forward to make sure Pinkerpie didn't touch anything, "Tricksters, swindlers, and thieves be what ye are, and I'll have no part o' ye! The both o' ye can get, I'll not sell ye one o' my animals. No tellin' what ye do to 'em. Now get out!"
We left with Lina nearly pushing us out of her stable. As we walked out to the road we noticed that more than a few of the locals gave us grim stares or glances followed by disgruntled shaking of their heads.
"I guess this is what my people mean when they say beware the hospitality of dwarves," Pinkerpie grumbled, "The real burr in my boot is that I've done business with most of these folks for years now. Of course, they never let me inside their town. Make me set up just on the outskirts, but still, you'd think they never seen me before by the way they're treating us!"
"Hmm," I hummed as I shook my head, "Let's go find Magistrate Bluntnose and see if we can get our paperwork copied."
Walking back the way we came, we turned up a side path across from the Stoutlager Inn and proceeded up the hill until we came to Magistrate Bluntnose's home. He was sitting outside at a table with a cask and several tankards scattered across its surface. There was paperwork in front of him but he paid it no mind as he took a long swig on his mead and looked out across the countryside. As we walked up he set his drink down and stood up.
"What can I do for ye," He asked as he squinted his eyes and cut them from Pinkerpie to me.
"Good evening Magistrate Bluntnose," I greeted with a wave, "I was directed to you, sir, by the Gryphon Master."
"Aye, good ol' Thorgrum," Bluntnose said with a nod, "What did he send ye to me for?"
"Well, sir," I said as I pulled out my satchel with my papers and held them out for him to take and inspect, "I'm married, sir, to this good goblin woman. What I need is for these papers to be copied and certified as authentic."
The dwarf looked at me sharply, taking my measure, before cutting his eyes to Pinkerpie and looking her up and down. Once he was satisfied, he pulled out the documents and began reading over them. His eyes opened wide from shock before he said in a low grumble, "So ye have three wives it says here. Birdette Anvilsplitter, Ebonae Rubyheart, and Pinkerpie Glimmergem. This certificate was written and sealed by Overseer Oilfist o' the Thorium Brotherhood. So, I take it ye other wives are Dark Irons?"
"They are," I answered honestly with a nod of my head.
"How did that come to pass," He asked as he looked up at me sharply, "Ye weren't -- coerced -- into it were ye?"
I thought about telling him the whole story, but then thought better of it. If I told him the truth, he would most likely deem me as compromised or not part of the Alliance and would either arrest Pinkerpie or void the Certificate of Marriage. The same certificate Birdette had made such a huge compromise by allowing Pinkerpie and Ebonae to marry me for the sake of my quick return, so I kept it simple, "No, sir. I wasn't coerced. The circumstances surrounding my marriages to my wives are not as important as the fact that I am happily married to them and my first wife, Birdette, is at home expecting our second child. I am eager to return home, but for now, Pinkerpie and I are on a mission to purchase livestock capable of pulling three wagons that belong to her. You see, we are traders and had a run in with some bandits in the Searing Gorge."
"Oh," Magistrate Bluntnose said, his eyes sharp and suddenly interested, "I guess I do see, then. If I might ask, how did ye all escape the bandits?"
"Pinkerpie was traveling without me," I answered, "When she was late arriving home, I went searching for her. The bandits killed our hired hands but took Pinkerpie back to their camp to -- um -- have their way with her. When I arrived, I rescued her and four other women and killed the bandits."
