Apperances Can Be Deceiving

Before I say anything about the story, I must thank Diccon, he patiently went through my story and made it British. His comments were right on point. Let me say "THANK YOU DICCON." And yes I am yelling. Since he is the UK I want to be sure that he heard me.

This story is based on the English Comedy KEEPING UP APPEARANCES. The major character in the show is Hyacinth Bucket (which she pronounces Bouquet). She is supported by her long suffering husband, Richard, her sisters Daisy and Rose; Daisy's husband Onslow and Hyacinth's greatly put upon next door neighbour Elizabeth and Elizabeth's brother Emmet.

However, the story at hand concerns mainly Richard and Elizabeth, the main recipients of Hyacinth's never ending attentions.

I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it.

It was a beautiful spring day in Blossom Avenue in a small suburban town in England. Elizabeth Warden was humming a happy tune as she pruned the rose bush that grew to the side of her front door. Now that the weather was warm and dry she could engage in her favourite past time, gardening. Elizabeth loved to potter about in her garden and it showed. She had the perfect English garden everything was just so.

As she worked, she heard the next-door neighbour's front door open. She made a mad dash for her door but before she reached the safety of her hall she heard, "HELLLLOOO ELIZABETH."

She had been caught; resigned, she turned and trying to sound happy said, "Good Morning, Hyacinth."

But Hyacinth's attention was not on Elizabeth rather Richard had now become the target.

"Richard, if you must work on the flower beds, you should be suitably dressed. It just won't do for the neighbours to see you without a collar and tie."

"Hyacinth, I don't think that the neighbours will be upset by my working in the garden without a collar and tie. I am working with my hands in the dirt and that is not conducive to a tie and collar."

Richard stepped out of the front door and noticed Elizabeth. He turned to her and said, "Good morning, Elizabeth. Tell me, you won't be scandalized seeing me in a collarless shirt working in the garden, will you?"

Elizabeth did her best to suppress a giggle and with a big smile said, "No Richard, I won't be scandalized seeing you working in the garden without a collar and tie."

Hyacinth gave a loud harrumph, "It's not Elizabeth that I'm worried about. What if the Baker-Finches' across the road see you?"

Richard gave a sigh and said, "Hyacinth, my dear, I doubt that the Baker-Finches' will be spying out of their front windows to see what I am wearing as I work in the garden."

"Well if you have to dress like that, the least you could do is work in the back garden, so that no one of any importance will see you," Hyacinth snapped.

She then turned to Elizabeth and in a patronizing voice said, "I hate to disappoint you, Elizabeth, but we will not be having our morning coffee, today."

Suppressing a smile Elizabeth thought, can this day get any better.

"I am working with the Ladies Group, in a very important position. We are preparing for the ball that will take place at the end of the summer and they couldn't possible do it without me. God only knows what it would turn out to be without my impeccable directions. So you will have to do without me today."

"Richard, as I will not be home for lunch or dinner, you will have to make do." Hyacinth turned to Elizabeth and in the same breath continued, "We are having lunch at the church hall and we are going into Wimbledon, to a very high class restaurant for dinner."

Richard rolled his eyes and said, "Don't worry Hyacinth, I think that I will be able to muddle my way through lunch and dinner without you. It's only lunch and dinner, so I really don't think that I will starve."

"Well just don't use my Royal Doulton China with the hand-painted blue periwinkles. I wouldn't want you to chip a plate or cup."

"Fear not my dear, I will most certainly use the old stoneware in the cupboard and I promise that I won't even chip that."

Elizabeth was watching this play out, trying to keep a straight face, but just smiling a little bit.

As Hyacinth was getting into the car she looked back at her husband and in an exasperated voice said, "RICHARD, please go in the back...work back there, not out here where someone can see you."

"I'm going, my dear, I'm going," Richard said as he walked to the back of the house. He didn't look back as he Hyacinth start the car and drive off.

Richard worked in the back garden. As the day went on, it got hotter and hotter. At around 11 o'clock, Elizabeth, who had gone into her house, noticed that Richard was still in his garden, weeding the flowerbeds.

She had just poured herself a glass of lemonade, when she looked out of her kitchen window and saw Richard sit back on his knees and wipe the sweat off of his head. Elizabeth smiled to herself and poured another glass.

She walked into the back garden and said, "Richard, can I interest you in a glass of ice cold lemonade?" She held out the glass to him.

Richard looked up and as he got up, he reached for the glass. "Elizabeth, you are truly an angel. I would like nothing more than a cold glass of lemonade," he said with a big smile.

They both sat on the wall and as he sipped the lemonade he looked at Elizabeth and said, "I want to apologize for what Hyacinth said this morning."

Elizabeth looked at him questioningly and said, "What are you talking about, Richard?"

"What Hyacinth said about the important people around here."

"Oh that, Richard I am so used to that. I don't think about it at all."

"Well, I just want you to know, in my opinion, you are the most important person around here," he said with a smile.

Elizabeth felt her face get warm and knew that she was blushing. "Oh Richard, you are being kind."

"No I'm not, Elizabeth. There is no one around here who is nicer, kinder or sweeter than you."

Elizabeth, feeling even more self conscious, quietly said, "Richard you are a real flatterer."

"Yes, maybe I am. And it gets me absolutely nowhere," he laughed.

"Oh I don't know about that," she giggled.

Richard laughed and as he handed the glass back to Elizabeth he said, "Now you are the one being kind, Elizabeth."

She giggled and took the glass. She went back into her house and Richard went back to his weeding.

After midday, Elizabeth was making herself a sandwich for lunch. She thought of Richard, not having anyone to make him lunch. Not that Richard couldn't make lunch for himself, but it would be nice to have lunch with someone.

She went out to the back garden but couldn't see Richard. Then she noticed that he was working out in the front. He was down on his knees bent over, pulling weeds. She walked out to him and said "Richard?"

Richard looked up and Elizabeth went into fits of laughter. She laughed so hard that she had to lean on the low wall separating the houses so that she would not fall down.

Richard stood up. He was wearing a big pair of shaded glasses with a huge fake nose and moustache. He smiled and said, "Well I reckoned that if no one recognized me, then there would be no problem if I worked in the front garden without a collar and tie... just as long as no one recognized me."

"Richard believe me, no one will ever recognize you. Believe me...Oh Richard you are really something else," she giggled.

Richard was laughing, "I hoped that you would find it funny."

"Richard...the reason that I came out was to see if you would like to join me for lunch." She went into another fit of laughing. "Richard, please take that thing off, I can't take it any more."

Richard took off the glasses and put them in his pocket. "I would love to have lunch with you Elizabeth." He stepped over the wall and they went into her house. They had a wonderful lunch, talking, laughing and just enjoying each other's company. It was a light enjoyable lunch. They both had a good time, nothing serious, just light and happy.

As Richard left, Elizabeth thought that her day had got even better. Richard went back to his gardening and Elizabeth went back to her cleaning.

The next week was spent as usual, Elizabeth suffering through morning coffee with Hyacinth and Richard doing what Richard always did; whatever Hyacinth wanted.

The next Saturday morning, Hyacinth with her usual panache gave Richard his instructions and went off to lead and guide the Woman's Group. Once again it was a beautiful spring day. Richard mowed the lawn.

Around midday Richard went out into the back garden and seeing Elizabeth, said, "Elizabeth, as you made lunch for me last Saturday, I thought that I should make lunch for you this Saturday."

"Richard you don't have to make lunch for me."

"I know that, but I thought that being the wild and crazy guy that I am, we would have a picnic," Richard said as he held up a picnic basket and a blanket.

"A picnic? Where?" Elizabeth asked.

"Right here, on the grass," Richard said as he waved his arm toward the newly cut lawn. He walked over to the middle of the lawn and spread out the blanket. He turned toward Elizabeth and asked, "Will you join me, my lady?" as he bowed.

Elizabeth giggled and lifting the hem of her skirt she stepped over the wall. As she did, Richard was treated to a glimpse of her wonderful shapely legs. She caught his gaze and held the hem up for a moment longer than she should have. Both of them became a bit self-conscious and she dropped the skirt and he averted his gaze.

Although there was only the low wall separating the two gardens, there were high hedges around the sides and back of them. Years ago Hyacinth wanted to put a hedge between the gardens to make it more private. However, when Richard pointed out that it would make the back look small and that, this way, it appeared to be so much bigger, Hyacinth changed her mind and no hedge was planted.

Thus their picnic lunch today was very private, hidden as they were from the spying eyes of their neighbours. They sat on the blanket talking and laughing as they ate their lunch. Richard had made a variety of finger sandwiches and iced tea.

As they sat Richard said, "Elizabeth, you seem to be so calm and relaxed this afternoon. It seems so unlike you."

Elizabeth gave a small smile and said, "That's because it's only you and me. I wouldn't be so relaxed if Hyacinth were here. I don't know what it is but when I'm around Hyacinth, I get so nervous and jumpy. I couldn't tell you the last time I had coffee with Hyacinth and didn't spill the coffee or drop a cup."

"Yes, Hyacinth has a way of doing that to people," Richard sighed. Then he brightened and said, "Well, don't worry, there will be no problem if you drop your glass or spill the tea...you won't stain the grass."

They both laughed and continued to enjoy the picnic lunch and each other's company.

After they finished eating, Elizabeth leaned back on her elbows and in a soft easy voice, said, "Richard, I want you to know that I have truly enjoyed lunch today and last week. It is so nice to be able to sit and talk with you. Sometimes I get so lonely.

"Having Emmet with me helps, but he is always so caught up with his directing and music it seems that he never hears anything I say. But when I am with you it's different. You listen to what I have to say. It's like what I say is important and interesting."

Richard looked at her and smiled, "Elizabeth, I find that you are a very charming and delightful woman. You are interesting and have a wonderful sense of humour. I have truly enjoyed our lunches together. And if things go the way it appears, Hyacinth will be busy with the Lady's Group every Saturday for the rest of the summer. Thus, we will be able to have our little lunches for the rest of the summer...that is if you want."

"Oh Richard, that would be wonderful. I will be looking forward to Saturdays all week long."

"So will I, Elizabeth, so will I."

For the next couple of weeks Richard and Elizabeth would have lunch every Saturday afternoon. They would take turns preparing the meal, not getting too fancy but always having something they both enjoyed.

One Saturday afternoon in mid July, the weather was terrible, it was raining heavily. This week it was Elizabeth's turn to prepare lunch and she had made two shepherd's pies. She went to the back door and stood watching as Richard made a mad dash from his back door to Elizabeth's.

He leapt over the wall, like a runner in a steeplechase. But his jump was a little too far and instead of landing on one of the paving stones he landed on the wet grass. His foot slipped and he went sprawling across the soaking lawn, ending up on his back on the grass.

Elizabeth bolted out of the door and into the rain. She ran to Richard and fell to her knees, saying, "RICHARD are you alright? Have you been hurt?"

Richard sat up and looking very sheepish, "The worst pain is my bruised ego. But my bum is also a bit painful."

They looked at each other and both started laughing. By this time they were soaked to the skin. Elizabeth stood up and helped Richard get to his feet and they walked into the house.

Elizabeth went into the bathroom, got two bath towels and gave one to Richard. As they started to dry off, Richard said, "I really should go home and change into some dry clothes. These are soaked." And he started to walk to the door.

Elizabeth stopped him saying, "That will take too long, Richard. The shepherd's pies will be burned. Go into the bathroom and take off those wet things. I will get one of Emmet's robes for you."

Richard went into the bathroom and undressed. If a few moments there was a knock on the door and Elizabeth handed him a light robe. Richard arranged his soaking clothes in the shower, put the robe on and went into the kitchen.

Elizabeth had gone upstairs to her room to get into some dry clothes.

As Richard was going into the kitchen the cooking timer went off. He went to the oven opened the door and saw that the shepherd pies were bubbling wonderfully. Being a man who enjoyed cooking he knew that they were ready. He got the oven gloves and took the pies out of the oven and placed them on a rack. He was turning the oven off when Elizabeth walked into the kitchen.

Much to Richard's surprise she was also wearing a short light robe. Elizabeth smiled at the look on Richard's face and said in a rather timid voice, "I didn't want you to feel self- conscious so I thought that I would wear a robe as well."

Richard's gaze went over Elizabeth's body. Her robe came to just above her knees, affording Richard a view of a pair of slender shapely calves. As she had the robe tightly tied at the waist he could see her thin waist and lovely round hips.

Her breasts although on the smallish side were pressing against the material of the robe. Her damp hair had been combed and was hanging straight down. Richard thought that Elizabeth never looked more attractive.

Aware of Richard's gaze, Elizabeth blushed and stammered, "Where are your wet clothes? I want to put them in the drier with mine and get them dried."

Richard retrieved his clothes from the shower and Elizabeth took them to put them in the drier. By the time she got back to the kitchen, Richard set the table and poured some lemonade.

Elizabeth smiled when she saw that everything was prepared and she turned to Richard and said, "You're going to spoil me: you're doing everything. I can just sit back and be a lady of leisure."

Richard laughed and said, "If doing this little bit is spoiling you then I will most certainly continue to spoil you."

They sat down for lunch and talked, laughed and giggled. Lunch was a happy affair that went by far too quickly for both of them. As they sat there talking, the buzzer on the drier went off and Elizabeth left and in a few moments came back with dried, folded clothes.

As she put Richard's clothes on the table she giggled, "See if you can make it home without an accident. If you fall again you will have to dry your clothes yourself."

Richard laughed at that and put his hands on Elizabeth's shoulders, leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.

Elizabeth shivered at the touch of his lips. She looked into his eyes and slowly moved closer to him. Richard pulled her closer and softly pressed his lips against hers. They kissed like this for several moments. Their lips parted and again they looked into each other's eyes.

Once again Richard pulled Elizabeth to him and kissed her. But this kiss was not soft and loving but hard and lustful. Richard pushed his tongue into Elizabeth's mouth; she opened her mouth and granted entrance. Her tongue met his and they entwined.

Richard easily untied her robe and slipped his hand inside. He ran his hand over her stomach and up to her breast. Like him she didn't have anything on under the robe. Elizabeth's breasts were not as large as Hyacinth's but were firmer and didn't sag as much. Richard thought that they were just wonderful.

Elizabeth reached into Richard's robe and slid her hand down to the base of his erect dick and took it into her hand. She took the base of his dick into her hand and started to stroke it, but it seemed that her hand went up forever. Richard was big; not a John Holmes, but larger than anything that Elizabeth had ever experienced.

She sighed and whispered in Richard's ear, "Oh my god, Richard you are big."

"That's what you do to me, Elizabeth, you have been doing that to me for years."

"For years, Richard?"

"For a good many years, Elizabeth."

As they talked Richard had move one of his hands from her breast down her body to come to rest between her legs. Elizabeth spread her legs a bit and he moved his hand to her quim. He slipped one of his fingers into her very wet slot and then inserted a second.

"You see what you do to me. And believe me this is not the first time that I have got wet because of you," she panted.

Richard pulled her close and kissed her lips. She just melted against his chest and returned the kiss with equal ardour.

They parted and hand-in-hand walked up-stairs and into Elizabeth's bedroom. When she got to the bed she stopped and turned toward Richard. Elizabeth stood there with her arms by her sides and looked at him.

Richard wasn't the most handsome man around, but there was a wonderful warmth and tenderness about him that melted Elizabeth's heart. She couldn't think of any other man she would rather be with right now.

She knew that Richard felt the same when she glanced down and saw that lovely large erection sticking out from the robe. My god, she thought, am I going to be able to take that thing? She smiled thinking how fantastic it would be to try.

Richard reached out to Elizabeth and slipped his hands inside her robe. He ran his hands to her shoulders and slid her robe off and it dropped to the floor.

He looked at his neighbour of many years standing in front of him stark naked. She was lovely. Her firm breasts, slender waist and her round ample hips were, to Richard's thinking, extremely attractive and it was very apparent that he liked what he saw.

Elizabeth reached over and slipped off his robe. She looked at Richard; she found that he was in better shape than she thought. While not heavily muscled, he was rather fit. There was no flab or love handles. His rather conservative dress hid his fit body. Needless to say Elizabeth was very pleased and excited by Richard.

She went toward Richard and took him in her arms. She pulled him close and pressed her body against his. She felt his erection pushing against her stomach and she knew that this was going to be a wonderful afternoon. She kissed him with all the lust in her.

Richard was taken by surprise at Elizabeth's ardour. She had become the aggressor. Richard was not used to that. Hyacinth was a very, shall we say, an apathetic lover, thus, having Elizabeth come after him really turned Richard on.