Kiernan and Emma both faced me as they sat on their knees to lean over the back of the couch. It would have looked almost nonchalant, if not for the screen behind them playing footage of Sydney Sweeney getting her tits licked in what I recalled was a post-orgasm makeout between the three of them. The duo in front of me ignored what was happening on the TV, and Kiernan reached out with one hand.
"Are you going to join us?" Kiernan asked, her eyebrows raising as if it were a reflex.
"Of course I will," I said, admiring the sight of the two of them for a moment.
Then I stopped, pointing off to the door leading to the bedroom and bathroom.
"I'm just going to refresh for a minute."
"Ana's in there," Hailee said.
"Ah, was wondering," I said, turning to leave and then turning back. "Don't worry, I won't let her distract me from coming back."
Kiernan made a fake pouty face, while Hailee just giggled. The two turned back toward the TV, and I slipped into the darkened bedroom, where only a slip of light from the bathroom door was spilling onto the floor. I approached quietly, listening at the door but hearing nothing. When I gently tapped on the door with one knuckle, Ana's voice echoed off the marble.
"Come iiin..."
At first, I opened the door casually, but as soon as it was open far enough for me to see what was in there, I all but threw it open the rest of the way. Ana was lounging in the bathtub, with a layer of bubbles thick enough to cover everything below her shoulders. Except for her legs. She had her feet propped up on the edge of the bath, one ankle crossed over the other with her calves wet with soapy streaks. Her hair was tied up in a messy bun, yet her face was left dry and still looked immaculate.
"Hello," Ana smirked as she watched me lean against the doorframe, just staring at her.
"Hi," I said, clearly aghast at the sight of her.
"How was the party?" Ana asked as she raised her legs, pointing her feet at the ceiling before she dipped them back into the water.
"Interesting," I said quietly.
"Ohh yeah?" Ana said, raising her eyebrows suggestively.
I removed my jacket, haphazardly hanging it on the nearby drawer of a knob.
"I mean, that's one word for it," I said, not able to even sum up the events of the evening.
The conversation with Anya was still sitting in the front of my mind. One of those things that you know was necessary to do or it would drive you crazy, but at the end of the day didn't make you feel like any less of a fool for doing it. I sighed quietly, unbuttoning my collar and then splashing some water on my face from the nearby sink. Ana watched curiously, pulling herself up to lean on the side of the bath, her arms delicately placed to lay her head.
"What's wrong?" Ana asked.
I wondered if it was the fact that I wasn't ogling her in the bath that gave it away, or if I generally looked that upset that she could tell. Whatever it was, it didn't matter. Ana looked up at me with something I badly needed, eyes that said she was ready to listen. I walked over and all but sank down next to the bath, leaning on it and looking at Ana further down the marble.
"Can I ask you a question?"
"Mhm," Ana nodded quietly.
"How do you...see me?" I asked, not quite sure I was saying it the way I wanted to.
"Hmm?" Ana furrowed her brow slightly.
"I..." I had to chuckle and shake my head first. "Don't get me wrong. Obviously I love what we all do."
Ana raised her eyebrows at that as she gave one simple nod and an 'mm' of agreement.
"And like, those are the days that I actually consider fulfilling. Making you girls happy whatever way I can. And not even just with...you know. I like being the place that you can come to when you want to get away. When you want quiet or to hang out somewhere away from cameras. Happy to be that host."
I nervously tapped my fingers on the bath. Normally, they'd be teasing their way into the water, trying to find Ana's legs, but at the moment I just wasn't in the mood.
"But like...when that's all I *can* do, despite how well I get to know some of you? It just makes me feel like I'm not really there. I'm not in anyone's life."
I thought back to what I said to Anya, realizing that talking to her brought out the perfect word for it.
"I feel like I'm just a toy sometimes, or like I don't exist or something," I said with a sigh.
I looked at Ana, who was watching me with those eyes that almost looked amber. For a moment she was silent, just looking with a sympathetic gaze that almost looked sad. In that moment of silence, I didn't know why I was talking about this with Ana. As amazing as she was, and not that she wasn't smart, but I guessed that perhaps this conversation would be better suited to someone like Emma Watson, who I knew to be emotionally astute with a wonderful use of language. Not to mention that her accent was almost as lovely as Ana's.
Then, Ana reached out with one arm, and put a still wet hand on mine.
"Do you remember? When I came to your house after what happened?"
I looked at Ana and nodded. She didn't have to be specific. I remembered all too well the night Ana showed up on my doorstep after her breakup. The Lodge was the perfect place to stay out of sight.
"It was the first thought I had for somewhere I could go. Do you know why?"
I shrugged, "Out of the way. No paparazzi. Heh, it's comfortable?"
"Because *you* were there," Ana said. "Not just because of what we had done, but because I never felt judged by you. I never felt pressured. I liked being with you."
Ana looked at me quietly for a second.
