The following is a gay erotic fantasy and is not intended to reflect the actual thoughts, desires, intentions, experiences or preferences of any person mentioned, real or fictional.
*****
Andy Cohen sat within the grove of palm trees, surveying his new surroundings. Just one minute earlier, he had been in a New York TV studio, taking part in a crazy stunt just to placate his producer.
His producer had hooked up with some guy who claimed to have built a working time machine. Andy was supposed to exchange banter with the guy and jokingly try out the device as a segment for his TV show.
But by golly, it must have worked. The inventor said he was going to send Andy back to 1965. Andy wasn't sure if he'd gone back in time, but he knew he was no longer in midtown Manhattan. Andy guessed he was on a small island in the South Pacific.
Just then Andy heard a familiar-sounding voice yell "Skipper! Skipper!" Andy followed the sound and soon saw a recognizable sight: a thin young man wearing a red shirt, blue bell-bottom pants and a white sailor's cap. So the time machine really worked, Andy thought, figuring it had sent him back to 1965 and put him on the set of "Gilligan's Island."
Gilligan continued running toward the lagoon, and Andy followed.
As he neared the lagoon, Andy saw more familiar faces: Thurston and Luvie Howell, Mary Ann, Ginger, the Professor and the Skipper. But he noticed something odd for a mid-60s TV sitcom: Ginger's gown was awfully tight, especially around the bust - it made her already large breasts look even bigger. And Mary Ann's skirt was quite short; if he didn't know about her sweet and innocent apple pie reputation, he would swear she didn't appear to be wearing any panties.
As Andy approached the group, he heard Gilligan say "See? See what I told you, Skipper? Another stranger has dropped in on the island."
"Hi guys," Andy said to the castaways. "Sorry about messing up the shoot."
Thurston and Luvie exchanged quizzical glances.
"The shoot? M'boy, it isn't grouse season," Thurston said.
Andy laughed. "That's great, Mr. Howell. Or should I say Mr. Backus?"
Turning to Ginger, Andy said "I'm so used to knowing you as Ginger, I may forget and call you that instead of Tina Louise."
Ginger's voice had a perplexed tone as she replied "I've never played a character named Tina Louise."
"Same with you, Mary Ann," Andy continued. "When I see your face I think Mary Ann, not Dawn Wells."
"No, I'm from Mineral Wells," Mary Ann corrected. "I don't think there is a Dawn Wells in Kansas."
"This really is a sparse set. Where are all the cameras?" Andy asked.
"Cameras?" Mrs. Howell replied. "Well, Thurston had a 35 millimeter, and Ginger and Mary Ann each had a Brownie, and the Professor had an Instamatic. But they all got submerged in the wreck."
Andy laughed, then he realized Mrs. Howell was serious. And the girls were serious, too, about not recognizing the names Tina Louise and Dawn Wells.
Andy quickly formulated a new theory: the time machine not only sent him back a half-century, but it also sent him to a parallel universe - a universe in which five passengers really did set out on a three-hour tour and end up shipwrecked on a tropical island.
"So, who are you, and how did you get here?" the Professor asked.
"I'm Andy Cohen, and I'm from New York, and I really think I ought to explain how I got here to you privately before I tell the group," Andy told the Professor.
The Professor motioned for Andy to follow him. Once they were out of earshot, Ginger turned to Mary Ann.
"How do you like that," Ginger complained, "I have on my most provocative gown and the new guy wasn't pre-occupied with my breasts."
"And he didn't try to peek under my skirt at my bare pussy," Mary Ann added.
"Let's face it, girls, he's another proper gentleman," Mrs. Howell interjected, her inflection clearly signaling she didn't intend "proper gentleman" as a compliment. "When we got shipwrecked on this island, I know you girls thought you were lucky to be stranded with three men who are aroused by cock rather than pussy. But here you are, months later and still relying on your homemade dildos."