Author's note; Thanks for your patience everyone!
*****
The garage of my apartment building looked like the inside of a dance club with all the police lights swirling around the walls as they arrived to investigate my call of a possible car theft in process. I was standing there with a pink water pistol as two of the LAPD's finest walked over. Before I could speak, one looked at me with a quizzical look.
"Haven't we met before?" he said to me.
To my shock, they were the same cops who'd arrested me as a suspicious person after I'd been chased out of Jennifer Lawrence's house by her shotgun-toting brothers. And they couldn't help but snicker at meeting me again, this time armed with a pink water pistol. I quickly explained how the owner of the car was with me and I'd mistaken her for a thief. She backed up my story and produced the necessary identification to prove ownership of the car. They admired the car (and probably her), wished us a good night and left. I just knew I'd be the talk of the LAPD for the next decade or so.
The owner of the maroon 1973 Corvette Stingray Convertible was one Laura Austin, just returned from parts unknown.
"Uh, maybe we should talk somewhere. I could use some coffee." She said to me.
"Yeah, I could use some too." I said with a sigh "Maybe something stronger would be more fitting.
Once we were up in my apartment, she looked around and reacquainted herself with the place. She removed her jacket and her enviable body was clad in a dark brown shirt and black jeans. The shirt was low cut, of course, offering a generous view of her breasts. But I didn't know whether I should be angry at her for leaving me with so many questions or relief at knowing she was OK. She slowly sat down at my kitchen table. I joined her with a stern look of apprehension at what might come next.
"Uh, I guess the first thing you'll want to know is where I've been." She said with a nervous chuckle. It was probably the first time I'd ever seen anything resembling nervousness in her. She suddenly stood up and began to slowly pace the floor. She always seemed to be in perfect control of any situation (or person). But this time, she was standing in my kitchen like she was experiencing the legendary actors' nightmare of walking into a scene and not having the slightest idea what to say.
"The thought occurs to me, yes." I said as I poured glasses of Jack Daniels' for us. Why I chose this kind of poison, and why I actually had a bottle in my cupboard, I have no idea. But she eagerly accepted her glass and with a smile said;
"Cin cin!" as our glasses clinked together.
"What does that mean?"
"It means 'all good things for you'. It's an Italian toast, what did you think I'd say?"
"I dunno...maybe 'bottoms up'?"
"Funny. I'd say that if we were in a strip club. This is different."
There was a long silence between us.
"Then, maybe you should tell all...for a change." I said slowly, my suspicions clearly showing.
Laura took another sip of her drink and began to talk. "Well, what happened at Gary's place was more than just strippers and blow. It was the tip of the iceberg. You see, Rita told Elizabeth about Gary and Scott trying to produce their cheapo porn films, so Elizabeth tipped off the LAPD and the FBI. The Feds were already building a case against Scott because he'd tapped into what he figured was an untraceable and unlimited cash source."
"What was that?"
"Artists Unlimited. He was siphoning cash from the company."
"Scott was doing that?"
Laura nodded.
"And he had help. Remember Senator Geary? He used some banking connections to move the money into some offshore bank accounts he'd set up. Since he'd been on the banking commission in D.C. it gave him access to all the tricks and he helped Scott hide his transactions."
"But didn't Geary resign because of that?"
"Just because he resigned doesn't mean he burned his address book. Rita knew what his plans were and got her info to Elizabeth. Scott was probably planning to tell Gary, he saw Rita and...all hell broke loose."
"The domino theory comes to life." I said with a sigh "What about the group involved in his takeover bid?"
"Elizabeth reminded them of their previous association and they quickly pulled out. They were all previous clients' or had some kind of peripheral connection. And knowing Scott was a client and his reputation, she advised me and Rita and Vicki to lie low and hideout with people we trusted until the dust settled. So the text messages I sent were just my way of telling you I was OK. She sent us an all clear signal this morning, that's how I knew it was OK to come home."
All I could do was sit there with a stunned look on my face. I always knew about the dirty dealings that went on behind the scenes. Hell, I'd seen them first hand when Marty O'Brien was on the scene. And now I was seeing it happen again. Laura knew she'd thrown a lot at me at once.
"Look, I know, I put you in an awkward situation..." She said, trying to sound sympathetic.
"That's putting it mildly! I don't know if I should give you a hug or take you over my knee."
"Oooooh, I didn't know you had a kinky side!" she said with slightly raised eyebrows as she petted Smokie, who purred at her attentions. It almost seemed like a bad comedy gag but for some reason I leaned down to look into Smokie's face.
"Would YOU believe all this?"
Smokie looked at me, then at Laura, and yawned and strolled off. It only made her giggle at the absurdity of it all.
"Elizabeth always takes good care of us, she calls us her pets."
"Pets? That's what she calls you?"
"Would you prefer another term?" she replied angrily, like I'd offended her personally "Contrary to what you might think she's not some low-life driving a mile-long Cadillac down Sunset Boulevard. She takes good care of her friends, trust me. Remember Judy? She's our attorney now. Elizabeth paid her way through law school." There was a momentary silence between us now. I knew she was no dummy and she seemed to think of me as reasonably smart. I'd only met Judy once, down in Mexico but she seemed out of place with someone like Laura and her explanation made a little more sense to me. That didn't answer all my questions, though.
"So where have you been, then?" I asked in a calmer tone.
"Well, I can't be specific, you know that."
"Oh, why am I not surprised?" I said with a roll of my eyes. It was the kind of response I expected from her. She always left me with more questions than answers and I usually had no choice but to leave it at that, as much as it infuriated me. But this was one time when I wanted answers, real answers.
"But I will give you a hint." She said as she took out her cellphone and scrolled through its contents "Remember this photo?" she said as she showed me a photo of her on a nude beach giving a big smile and showing off her "goodies" as it were.
"Yes, you sent it to me long ago."
"See the guy in the back?"
Behind her was the slightly fuzzy image of an older gentleman, also naked.
"OK, I see the guy, what about him?"
"That's her husband."
"Whose husband?"
"You don't know who that is?"
"I'm assuming he's the CEO, right?"
"Wrong, she is. Who do you think took the picture?"
"I don't know who took it!" I was getting annoyed at her now.
"OK, OK, I'll make it even easier. Remember the lady who offered to make you the next Robert Evans?"
Everything suddenly came into focus now. The CEO was in fact, Jackie Morrison. She'd tried to take over Artists Unlimited and when that failed, made me a very tempting offer to leave AU and become an in-house producer at her newly created entertainment conglomerate. It ended up costing me my job at Artists Unlimited when Chuck Tyler found out about it. I was due to meet with her in two days to finalize my new deal with her company.
"That's her husband?" I said in a stunned voice.
"Yeah, too bad you can't see her."
"I guess she was, um..."
"Nude? Hell, yeah she was! She's got a kick-ass body for an old broad, I'll say that."
"And I take it that you and him, uh..." I was stammering now.
"Very good, Sherlock. You're not as dumb as I thought you were. Yes, we all played together." She replied with that sly smile of hers. She always knew how to turn me into a stammering idiot "It was fun too."
"So she knew all along I had the car?"
"Who do you think arranged it with the hotel? I had to leave it with someone I could trust. She just took care of the paperwork and greased a few palms when necessary. That's all."
I was dumbfounded. It was all too weird to be believed. I was so deep in thinking about all this I didn't hear what she said next.
"I'll take my keys now, if you don't mind." She said.
"Huh?"
"The keys? You know, those shiny things hanging on the rack behind you."
I reached for the keys that were on a chain with the ZZ Top logo hanging on them, another sure sign of who the owner was. The golden logo glittered in the light as I handed them to her.
"So, tell me...did you ever drive it?" she asked with that same sly smile. Of course I was tempted, but no, I never did. I was too busy trying to process how and why I had such a car in my care to even think about any joyrides.
"No, I never drove it. What if I got pulled over, I doubt I could bluff my way out of a ticket the way you could."
"Hmmm, I guess you've got a moral compass after all." She said as she took one last sip of her drink and looked at her watch "I should get on home."
