Abigail and Emily

Like most mornings, I was the first one awake.

By the time I heard Rick and Emily taking turns in the bathroom, I had brewed a pot of coffee, and the kitchen was filled with the wonderful smell of muffins baking in the oven.

Rick came downstairs first, dressed for work in a button shirt and khakis. I said good morning, and handed him his coffee. He tried to take a muffin.

"Don't touch!" I said. "They're for Emily's meeting."

I gave him a protein bar instead. He took his car key and left.

Then there was the sharp sound of Emily's heels coming down the stairs.

"Where the hell's my briefcase?" she called out.

"It's in here!" I called back.

Her heels turned and clicked across the hardwood floor towards the kitchen. She appeared in the doorway. The morning sun streaming through the window bathed her in glowing light. She looked sharp and stylish in her twill pencil skirt and blazer.

"Good morning!" I said.

Her eyes scanned the room for her briefcase.

"On the chair by the door," I said. "I also printed the sales forecast from the Chicago report for your meeting. There's enough copies in there for everyone."

She opened the briefcase to confirm her laptop was inside, too. I'd charged it and backed it up overnight, and it was ready to go.

"I also made muffins," I said. I gestured to the tupperware on the counter.

"You know we're out of oat milk," she said.

"Yep, it's on my list," I said. "I'll get groceries today. Also dropping off the dry cleaning. You look great, by the way. Really great."

She gave me a funny look. But her hair looked so perfect, and her skin was radiant. I wanted to take her in my arms. I wanted to bury my face in her neck and inhale her perfume.

But instead I handed her a travel mug full of coffee.

"Will you make sure they see that mark on my blouse?" she said. "Show it to them, OK? Don't just tell them."

"I'll make sure," I said.

"Oh, and Rick doesn't like the organic oat milk. He says it tastes weird. So be sure to get regular. When I get home I'll have the numbers from last quarter, and I'll need you to put them in a PowerPoint. We need to make them look a lot better than they are!"

"Sure," I said. "Listen, Emily--I just wanted to tell you again how grateful I am for letting me stay here."

"Hush," she said. "It's nothing."

"I'm looking for a job every day. I'll be back on my feet and out of your hair as soon as I can."

"You'll stay as long as you need to. I don't want to hear another word about it."

"And, you know, if there's ever any opportunities at your company, I'd love to work with you again. I thought we made a pretty good team. That thing that happened in Reno..." I faltered. "I'm sorry, that's all."

"Stop it," she said. "It's in the past. You got a little carried away."

I nodded, a lump in my throat. I changed the subject.

"Oh, for dinner tonight--I saw a pasta recipe online I wanted to try. Is that OK?"

She made a face. "Rick'll hate it," she said. "Fuck him. Sounds great."

She slung her briefcase over her shoulder, and picked up the tupperware with the muffins in it.

"You know, no one else brings muffins to the meetings," she said.

"Well--no one else has me as a friend," I said.

"That's true. Thanks, Abigail." Then she was out the door.

"Have a good day!" I called after her.

***

It had been six weeks since that trip to Reno. This wasn't the first time I'd apologized for my behavior at the strip club. And it probably wouldn't be the last. Whenever I thought of the way I'd acted with that stripper-- Penny--I just wanted to die--to just sink into the ground forever. I'd completely lost control. And with Emily right there! I didn't blame her for leaving me in that place. Who would want to stay and watch a display like that?

I had sworn Emily to secrecy, but what if she told Rick or one of her other friends? I'd spent more than one night tossing and turning, thinking,

Everyone knows! Everyone's laughing at you!

But Emily wouldn't do that. She'd been so kind. I didn't deserve her.

Shortly after that trip, I had to face facts. I couldn't afford my apartment anymore. I was still between jobs, and all my prospects seemed to have evaporated.

I knew I had to tell Emily, but I was so embarrassed. I felt like I'd lost control of my life, and I didn't even know how it had happened, really.

"You can stay in our guest room," she'd said, without hesitation. "Rick and I have plenty of space."

"Are you sure? I can pay--"

"Nonsense," she cut me off. "Just help out around the house a little. That will be more than enough."

And I was happy to help, I really was!

I had just dropped off the dry cleaning and now I was buying groceries. I wheeled the cart down the aisle, scanning the shelves for the beer Rick liked.

When I got home I would vacuum, mop, and clean the pool. I loved that I could contribute in this way.

I was determined to show Emily that she could rely on me. I knew her job was demanding, so in addition to everything else, I had started cooking for her and Rick most nights, and I also helped her with whatever work she brought home.

I didn't know how I could ever get back to where we'd been that night, before we'd gone to that awful strip club. If only we'd never gone there! Everything had been going so well! I'd been on the brink of telling her how I felt about her, how I'd truly felt for years, but in one moment of weakness I'd ruined it all.

I still dreamed of telling her how I felt. My feelings for her were just as strong as they'd been that night--stronger even.

I was going to bide my time. I knew the day would come when she would finally break up with Rick. They had been together for years, they owned a house together, and yet they still hadn't gotten married. That had to mean something, didn't it? Emily wasn't ready to commit to him. She was still waiting for the right person to come along. And maybe that person had been right in front of her the whole time. When the day came, there I'd be.

I'd be her shoulder to cry on. I'd console her, comfort her.

Then I'd take her face in my hands, and say,

Who needs men, anyway?

I was standing there in the beer aisle, lost in thought--imagining Emily's head on my shoulder, Emily's lips on mine, Emily sitting on my lap, kissing my neck--when a familiar voice penetrated my reverie.

"Abigail?"

My heart squeezed like a clenched fist.

Penny?

I don't know why that was my first thought. It made no sense. Penny wasn't here. She was in Reno.

I turned to look, and saw Darcy Bryce-Clemens, of all people, her blonde curls cascading over her shoulders, just the same as ever.

"Abigail! I thought that was you!"

"Oh, my god, Darcy! How are you?" Darcy had gone to college with Emily and me. We were never friends, not exactly, but she had also been a communications major, so we saw a lot of each other. After college we had stayed in touch for a while, but it had been years since I'd last seen her.

"I'm good!" she said. "Really good. I can't believe it's been so long. How have you been? Can I hug you? I feel like I have to hug you."

Without waiting for a response, she enveloped me in her arms and pulled me close.

"Wow, I can't believe it's you! What are you doing these days?"

"I work in non-profit," she said. "How about you?"

"My last job I was an office assistant. But I'm actually between things at the moment. I lost my job, and, well, I'm looking."

"I'm so sorry. But don't worry, you'll find something soon, I'm sure of it. I'll let you know if I hear anything."

"That would be great. I can do copywriting, editing, I'm good with numbers. I'm also weirdly really good at PowerPoint."

"Oh, my god," she said. "I just thought of something. It's perfect for you! I have a friend who has his own business. He's looking for someone to help him manage it--just on a day to day, nuts and bolts level."

"Sounds great," I said.

"Get this--he

specifically

mentioned he needed someone who does PowerPoint!"

"Wow, that's perfect!" I said. "Do you mind giving me his info? I'll reach out to him right away."

"I'll do better than that," she said. "I'm going to a party at his place tomorrow night. Are you free? You can meet him and see if you hit it off."

"That would be amazing," I said. "I'm definitely free."

"I'm gonna ask him if I can invite you. I'm sure it'll be fine. His name's Greg. He's gonna love you."

"Oh, wow. Thank you so much, Darcy!"

"Don't even mention it. God, I can't believe it. It's

so

good to see you. Do you ever see anyone else we used to know?"

"Yeah, do you remember Emily? I'm actually staying with her right now, just until I get a new job."

She looked startled. "You don't mean

Emily

Emily, do you?"

"Yeah! She's my best friend."

"Oh, Abigail. I think you should stay somewhere else if you can."

"What do you mean?"

"Emily's not a nice person."

I laughed. "Are you sure you're talking about the right Emily?"

"She's manipulative. She uses people. You should ask that guy she used to date. Rick."

"Rick? But they're still together."

"Oh, god. Look, maybe this isn't my place to say. But I always felt like you were weirdly obsessed with her. You and her had this whole unhealthy thing going on. Like, you would do anything for her and she knew it, so she took advantage."

All I could do was laugh. That wasn't true at all.

"Just promise me you'll be careful," she said.

"Thanks, but I'll be just fine."

We exchanged numbers.

I found Rick's beer, and made my way to the register to pay for everything.

The whole time, my mind raced as I tried to make sense of what she had said. It was nonsense. Pure and simple.

But why did I have this knot in my stomach?

***

When I got back to Emily's house, I put away the groceries, and then went to my room, kicking off my jeans and tugging my sweatshirt over my head as I went.

I still had to get my chores done, but I knew I wouldn't be able to until I got a little relief. It had been in the back of my mind the whole time I'd been out running errands.

From beneath my bed, I took out a shoe box. Inside was a pair of clear platform heels--stripper heels--my own pair. They were exactly like the ones Penny wore. It was a silly thing for someone without a job to buy. But I had to have them.

I took off my panties and bra, and slipped on the heels. They made me a full six inches taller. I wasn't very good at walking in them. But I wasn't going far. I walked down the hall to Emily and Rick's room.

I leaned over their bed, opened Emily's bedside drawer, and took out her bright pink vibrator. It wasn't the kind made to look like a realistic cock, with veins and all that. That wasn't Emily's style. It was just a simple curve of soft silicone.

I had my own toys--a couple of different vibrators, a suction cup dildo, a butt plug. But sometimes when Emily was at work I'd use hers instead.

Not all the time--I knew how wrong it was. But I couldn't resist.

You're a nasty little pervert

, I thought.

You haven't changed one bit. You violated Emily that day when she was sleeping, and you're still at it.

There was a full-length mirror in Emily's room, and I sat on the bed facing it. I leaned back at an angle where I could see my nude body in the mirror but not my face.

Emily had pointed out, that night, that Penny's body was similar to mine. It was true. Sitting like this, I could pretend that it was Penny who I was watching in the mirror. My body wasn't mine anymore. It was Penny's body. I wasn't myself. I was a sexy stripper, performing for tips. I watched my soft curves in the mirror, pretending they were Penny's curves. I posed one way and then another, watching the way my body moved on the bed.

Those are her hips

, I thought.

Look at her sexy legs, her sexy shoes. Look at her big tits.

I lifted one heavy tit to my lips and sucked. I remembered that moment when I'd first taken Penny's nipple in my mouth. With my other hand I plunged Emily's vibrator between my legs, running the buzzing tip around my clit, dipping it into my wetness.

Emily's going to come home

, I thought.

Any minute now. She's going to come home early. She'll catch you. She'll hate you for this. She'll never forgive you.

I thought about Emily storming into the room in her skirt and blazer and heels, her eyes flashing with fury. This was how I rewarded her generosity --with this wanton display--here in the room she shared with Rick, right on their bed. She'd be disgusted--wouldn't she?

But how could anyone be disgusted?

I thought, eyeing myself in the mirror.

I look so fucking sexy.

I thought about her watching me with Penny. She

had

watched--for a while. How much had she seen? I wished I knew exactly when she'd left. Had she seen Penny remove my dress? Had she watched Penny rub her pussy on mine?

***

When I was done, I put everything away. Emily's vibrator went back in her nightstand. The stripper shoes went back in their box under my bed. Then I did the rest of my chores, feeling disgusted with myself the whole time.

You don't deserve her

, I thought.

But I was feeling pretty good again by the time Emily came home from work. My pasta recipe was simmering on the stove, welcoming her home with its delicious aroma.

"You'll never guess who I ran into today," I said.

"Who?" said Emily.

"Darcy Bryce-Clemens. Remember her?"

"Interesting," she said, her face a stone mask. "How is Darcy?"

"Get this," I said. "There's this party tomorrow night, and she said a friend of hers would be there who might have a job for me!"

"Oh?" she said. "Are you going to go? You know I need you to do the Dallas report tomorrow."

"Don't worry, I'll be able to get that done in plenty of time. This is a great opportunity!"

"You're right," she said. "It sounds really promising."

I thought she would be happier for me, but I brushed it off. She was probably just preoccupied with work. I knew she had been stressed about that report.

***

You're coming, right?

texted Darcy the next day.

Yes!!!

I texted back.

Great!

she texted.

Talked you up to Greg. He's super excited to meet you!

I was elated. I made lunch for everyone, watered all the plants, and finished up Emily's Dallas report. I reminded Emily about the party.

"It's tonight?" she said. "Are you sure you have enough time?" "I've already done the report," I said. "This is important. It might get me a job. I can't miss it."

She looked at me for a moment, considering.

"Fine," she said, her voice tight. "Go. Have fun."

I felt a twinge of resentment at her words. I didn't need her permission. I had agreed to help her and Rick, but I also had my own life, didn't I? I had to put myself first sometimes.

I showered and started getting ready. I wanted to look pretty and fun for the party, but I also wanted Greg to be able to imagine me in a business environment. I picked out a sensible dress and a pair of low heels.

While I was doing my makeup, Emily and Rick were in their bedroom with the door closed. I could hear their low murmurs, which occasionally got louder and more strident.

I was trying to decide which earrings to wear when their voices got much louder.

"Fine!" said Rick. "Have it your way!"

"Fine then! Leave!" said Emily.

Their bedroom door flew open and Rick came out. He shot me a glare and then stormed out the front door. I heard his car start and pull away. I sat on the couch and waited there until Emily came out. She was wringing her hands and her eyes were red.

"I guess you heard all that," she said, her mouth twisted into a pout.

"Not really," I said.

"It's OK if you did," she said. "We were pretty loud."

She sat at the far end of the couch from me. I reached over and rubbed her back.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked.

"It's just I don't know what to do!" she said. "I'm so scared I'm going to lose him."

I moved closer to her and put my arms around her. I wanted to know what the fight was about but I didn't press her.

"Oh, Emily," I said. "I'm so sorry."

She leaned against me. She sniffled. I stroked her head. I was very aware of the warm weight of her body against mine and the heady scent of her perfume. We didn't hug each other very often, and my heart was racing. Being close to her always did this to me. But this time it was more than that.

This was it. This was my moment.

It was happening almost exactly the way I'd imagined it. I should have been rejoicing.

But instead I felt like shit. It was like a tremendous black stone was crushing my heart. It was impossible for me to be happy when Emily was in so much pain.

After a few moments she said, "I just don't get it. I really don't."

"What is it?" I asked.

"I don't get why it's so important to him. He won't let it go."

I just waited, hoping she would continue. She sat up straight and looked at me. She gripped my arm hard.

"Promise you won't tell anyone," she said. "You have to promise."

"I promise!" I said. "You can trust me."

"He wants to have anal sex," she said, almost whispering. "He won't shut up about it."

"And you don't want to?" I said.

"I

tried!

" she said. "I wanted to make him happy."

"You didn't like it?" I asked.

"We didn't even get that far. We could never get it in! It hurts

so

much! No matter what we tried. I had to make him stop every time."

A wave of empathy washed over me. I wanted to do whatever I could to help her.

"I'm so sorry, Emily," I said, rubbing her back soothingly. "Men can be such jerks."

"It's just that he's so insistent about it," she said. "He won't let it go. I don't know what to do." I hugged her tightly.

"I'm here for you," I said. "Whatever you need, I'm here to help."

"Thank you, Abigail. You're always there for me." She hugged me back even tighter.

I wanted to tell her that Rick could go jump off a bridge for all I cared, but that didn't feel like a very supportive thing to say.

"Oh, no, Abigail! Your party!" she said with a start. "You have to go!"

"This is more important," I said. "This is where I should be."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive," I said.

"You're so good to me," she said.

I kept rubbing her back.

"Abigail," she said after another moment. "

You

like it, right? Anal sex? You told me!"

I blushed.

"Well, yes," I admitted.

"Do you have any advice, or anything? Any ideas I could try?"

"You have to use a lot of lube," I said. "And you have to go really slow."

"Right, I know that."

"It might be you're just overthinking it. You're building it up in your mind to be this huge thing so you're stressing out too much about it."

"What should I do?"

"You just need to relax. Maybe it would help if you had an orgasm first.

And maybe you could smoke a little weed or something."

"No, no! We've tried all that!" she said. "Nothing helps!"

I wasn't sure what else to tell her. I had never had a hard time doing it. There had never even been any pain for me.

"He's going to cheat on me," she said. "I know it. I just know it!"

"He wouldn't do that," I said.

"He will," she said. "He'll find some--some

bimbo

," she twisted the word "--to do it for him."

"Rick loves you," I said.

"That doesn't matter," she said. "You don't understand how bad it's gotten. He brings it up every time we have sex. He

begs

me to do it. It's making it so I don't even want to have sex with him anymore. I almost wouldn't mind if he did it with someone else. It's the thought of him kissing her,

making love

to her that I can't stand."

Dump him

, I wanted to say.

He doesn't deserve you. Be with me.