A short story about a man's decision to have his girlfriend's anus stretched by an agent of the Secular Church of Acceptance.
Set in the world of my novel, Rise of the Church: Zadie's Journey.
The church featured in this fictional story is a fictional organisation.
This story is pure fantasy and I condone only safe, consensual sex in real life.
The characters are over 18.
Please enjoy!
A Surprise Stretching
'How many times do I have to say
no
?'
'I really wish you'd try it. Just once!'
'No!' she said, forcefully, though she couldn't help but smile at his persistence. 'It must be so painful; there's just no chance I'll ever let you put anything in there.'
'I've read that loads of women actually orgasm from anal. Maybe you--'
She laughed. 'Let it go, Max!'
'Annie. What can I do to--'
'Nothing! You could buy me a yacht and I still wouldn't do it.'
'Don't you get bored of having it in the same old hole?'
'It's not old.'
Max sighed, defeated once again. After half a year of pleading and begging, he had made no progress. He had been toying with the idea of getting the church involved, but he was sure that she'd dump him if he did.
She returned her attention to the TV. 'Can we continue watching this now?'
'You're actually watching this shit?'
'Yep.'
'I might sit upstairs and do my own thing.'
'Aww, can't we snuggle?'
'No anal, no snuggle.'
'Are you
serious
?'
'No,' he laughed, 'I just have some work to catch up on.'
'Oh. Enjoy.'
Retiring to the study, Max guiltily reflected on the fact that he did indeed desire to punish her for her annoying lack of compliance. He wondered how willing he was to risk their relationship. If she left him, he would at least have the exciting prospect of finding someone more obliging. After all, they had not been together for so long, so they weren't too inextricably tied to each other.
He stared at his phone, amazed that he was actually considering it. He came to his decision. Accessing the website of the Secular Church of Acceptance, he found the relevant number. He listened to the TV downstairs and was satisfied that the daytime drivel would provide sufficient cover. His heart pounded as he quietly eased the door shut and returned to his phone. He called the number.
'Good afternoon, I'm Lilly, and you have reached the anal stretching service of the SCoA. How can I help you?'
'Hi, I was wondering if I could book an appointment,' said Max, his voice hushed. The pretty voice on the other end of the line added to his nerves; he had heard that the convent girls themselves operated the phones, so the voice probably belonged to a gorgeous young woman in a sexy little church uniform.
'Of course, sir. Would you like to visit your local anal stretching centre, or would you prefer that we send someone to you?'
'Yeah, if you could send someone to me, that'd be great.'
'That'll be no problem, sir. Can I ask who you're calling on behalf of?'
'My girlfriend.'
'Okay, so as you're not married, we do need to know that she consents to the procedure.'
Max hesitated. 'Yeah, she's actually the one who suggested it.'
'That's great, we love to hear of willing volunteers outside the church!' There was a pause. 'Can I just confirm that she's over eighteen?'
'Yeah.'
'And could you briefly tell me why she requires the service?'
'She, uh, she's too tight to, you know...'
'Enjoy anal sex?'
He imagined she was smiling. 'Yeah.'
After taking his address and some other details, Lilly confirmed that an agent would visit his home the next day. She wished him well and left him to dwell on what he had just done. He felt a little queasy as he weighed his options: he could tell her now or he could let it be a surprise. He knew the latter was the surest path to a turbulent breakup, but his cowardice won the argument, and he resigned himself to the fallout that was to come.
***
Another tedious game show was on the television. Max checked his watch frequently, paying no attention to the barrage of trivial questions and answers.
'You okay?' asked Annie, obviously irritated by the repetitive movement.
'Just bored of this,' he replied, wishing he could better control the edge in his voice.
'You've seemed distracted all day. Are you up to something?'
'What do you mean? That's a weird question,' he said, acutely aware of how defensive he sounded.
'Are you still annoyed at me for not doing anal?'
'Of course not!'
'You were acting funny last night, too.'
'You always do this. Why--'
'Well, if you've got nothing to hide, then I'm sorry.'
He paused. 'It's fine.'
They sat in silence for a long while, and Max resisted the urge to glance at his watch. The tension between them remained, and he cursed himself for allowing the mood to sour at such a critical moment.
'Annie, I need to tell you something.'
'Oh, God. What's this gonna be?'
'I know you're going to be pissed off, but just--' He jumped when the doorbell rang.
'Are you gonna get that?'
Max felt paralysed. He couldn't bring himself to get up.
'I'll get it then,' said Annie, rising from the sofa.
'Wait, I--'