I pulled back on the stick and jammed the throttle wide open, the ground screaming under me as I exited a steep dive over the scarred and torn fields of France. I could hear the enemy even over the roar of my own engine, chasing me relentlessly. We'd been back and forth for what seemed like hours, bullets flying from the ground and air as we weaved across the sky.
I could feel him gaining, see his gritted teeth and grim stare boring into the back of my head. I rolled, trying to out turn him, but he followed, his cannonfire chewing into my left wing. The plane bucked, and I wrestled for control. This was it, my last chance. I feigned a hard left, then right, and dropped the throttle, pulling hard. This time I succeeded, and he passed directly across my crosshair.
A buzzing from my pocket distracted me for a second, and an errant teammate crossed my path, obliterating my one good wing and sending me spiralling into the earth.
My pocket buzzed again.
I put my controller down and sighed. This had better be good.
"Hey, I really need your help with something"
It was from Lacey, the pretty blonde a few doors along from my room in my university halls.
"It's an emergency, please"
Pulling off my headset, I switched off the console and went looking for a shirt.
I paced across the corridor to her Lacey's room and knocked. "It's unlocked!" She called. I opened the door, and found her tucked under her duvet in her bed, the room lit by some of her ridiculous scented candles. The window was cracked, but she still looked a little overheated.
"Hey..." She said timidly. "I'm really sorry, please don't laugh at me."
"If this is another spider, I'm not gonna be best pleased."
"It's not a spider, it's uhh... Something a little more... Well it's actually really embarrassing."
She took off her glasses, and set them on top of the laptop on her nightstand. "I uh, need you to help me get something. I thought about asking one of my girls but they're all out, and I kinda don't want them knowing, and I-"
"What, you want me to go on an errand or something?" I interrupted, still a little confused at what this emergency was.
"No no, it's here, it's just a little... Ugh, I don't know how to say it! Look, we're both adults, right? And you know, we do adult things in the privacy of our own space, which is fine, and-"
"Lacey you've got five seconds before I-"
"My plug is stuck in my ass."
There was a good thirty seconds of silence as I just processed what she said.
"Your... Plug?" Lacey started flushing bright red and started pulling the cover up over her face. The voice from under it was quiet, and very, very embarrassed.
"Yes. I got a bit worked up, and I dunno, just pushed a bit hard I guess. I couldn't get it out, so I pulled, and the loopy bit broke, and need help."
Still processing, I wondered whether this was the weirdest prank setup I'd ever seen. I couldn't figure why though, Lacey and I were friends sure, but we'd never been that close. The most intimate moments we had shared were the occasional movie or dropping her drunk self back at her door after a night out.
"Have you considered the hospital?" I said slowly, closing the door to ensure this conversation stayed in the room.
