You Up?

My phone buzzes and lights up on my bedside table, disturbing me from a light doze.

- You up?

I can't help but smile at the sight of your name, even though I was trying to sleep and technically no, I am not up. But do you think I might be sitting around waiting to hear from you? I debate putting the phone back on the table and turning over to go back to sleep. But it buzzes again.

-Wanna fuck around?

God, do I. I really do. I type:

-Hey

-Yeah, okay.

I shift around in my blankets a little, already getting a bit turned on. I don't really know you but we've had a few of these conversations and they are, frankly, really hot.

-What are you wearing, gorgeous?

I'm in a tank top and shorts, but I think about telling you I'm in a matching set of lacy panties and a peekaboo bra, or a silky robe, or something sexy. Instead, I type:

-Tank top and shorts

-It's hot here in my bed

It always takes me a minute to get into the sexy talk.

There's a pause and I can see the text bubble.

-Why don't you take something off then?

I laugh at this. I knew it was coming. These conversations of ours aren't terribly original, but they do something for me that watching porn or listening to smutty audiobooks doesn't. And there's no worrying about condoms, STIs, bad breath or hygiene, or who pays the cheque. No awkward conversation about staying over afterwards.

I never know when the messages will come from you; sometimes, I send the first one, and you usually respond as quickly as I do. We seem to have a sense of when each other is available. It's possible that one of these times, I will send you a message and you won't respond. But that won't be any worse than being ghosted by someone on the apps.

I type:

-Why don't you take it off for me?

The text back is fast.

-I put my hands under your tank top and feel your beautiful breasts

-Your nipples are hard already, baby

-Let me take this off you so I can suck on your nipples

A shiver goes through me and my nipples get hard, for real. I run one hand over my breast and consider taking off my tank top. I type:

-Oh god, that feels good

And it does. I can imagine you bent over my body, taking my nipple into your mouth and sucking, pulling my tank top up, and I'm helping you pull it over my head, tossing it to the side while you feel my breasts, run your hands up the sides of me, roll my nipple with your fingers, lick between my breasts. I type:

-Tell me more

A text pops up immediately. You were already thinking of what would come next.

-I kiss you

-Your lips open and I touch your tongue with mine

-My tongue explores your mouth

-My hands roam your sexy body, feeling every delicious curve

-Your breasts are so amazing

I feel my face warm at this. My breasts are amazing, although you will never know that. But they are my favorite part of my body, and my number one erogenous zone. If you touch my nipples, it is like dialing a direct line to my pussy.

I type:

-Kiss my neck

You come back with:

-I know you like that, baby

-I kiss up your neck to your chin

-Gentle kisses and licks as my hands hold you

-You can feel my cock getting hard next to you

-Is your pussy wet?

My pussy is very wet. I want you to put your fingers there and feel my desire, gently run your fingers up and down my folds, feeling my swollen lips and finding my clit. I type:

-My pussy is so wet for you, baby

-I reach out and grab your cock

-It's so hard and big, and wet at the tip

There is no text bubble for a moment so I picture what you are probably doing. Your hand is gripping your shaft, stroking yourself. I imagine you naked; tall, muscular, dark hair, maybe a bit of a scruffy beard. I know you are a little younger than I am, or I think you are, anyway. Maybe you have some gray in your hair? Maybe a few lines at the corners of your eyes. But more importantly, you have a beautiful cock and large hands, arms streaked with veins, maybe a tattoo or even a couple. You look like whatever I want you to look like.

A voice note pops up. My heart beats a little faster. I press play. Wet sounds and moaning fill the air for a few seconds and my body reacts to them as though you are here in the room with me. I can feel my clit swelling and sensitive. I peel off my shorts, kicking them down to the bottom of my bed. My phone buzzes in my hand.

-You want to put it in your mouth?

-I love it when you suck my cock

-There's precum dripping off me

-Taste it, baby

I let out a little moan and put my finger on my clit and rub. I am so wet, so fucking turned on that I want to abandon you and just make myself come. But it's not as much fun to play with you when I've already finished. I type:

-Yes, please

-I lick the tip, just the tip

-I take your cock in my mouth

-I take it so deep

-You taste so good

The text bubble bounces for a second. I have one hand on my pussy, and my eyes glued to my phone.

-Oh, that's so good

-You're so good

-God you're beautiful with my cock in your mouth

-Mmmm

The praise makes me rub my clit faster. I love to be told I'm beautiful.

You have no idea what I actually look like. You've asked me to send photos, but I didn't. I won't. This is better if we can imagine each other, I think. You can picture me as the size, shape and colour you want in a lover, with the breasts you like, the eye color you like, the curves in the places that make you horny.

I type:

-Oh god, I love sucking your cock

-It's so big and hard

-Where do you want to cum?

And I do love imagining my mouth on you. The saltiness of you, swirling my tongue over your head, looking up into your eyes while you thrust into my mouth. The thought of looking into your eyes makes me moan.

Your answer is fast.

-I want to cum in your beautiful pussy

-But I want to eat you first

-Show me your gorgeous cunt

Oh, fuck. I love it when you call it my cunt. My body is on fire now, heat running through me and a keen desire to be touched. I want you to eat my pussy. It has been so long since I had a tongue licking me, and I want that so badly. I need it. I type:

-Lick me

-Fuck that feels good

-I want to cum

I imagine seeing you between my legs, looking up at me while you eat me out. I can feel your breath on my pussy, see you take my whole pussy in your mouth. I feel the pressure start in my pelvis and that tell-tale burn that means a climax is building. I imagine you sucking my clit, putting a finger inside me and curving it towards my belly. My back arches and lifts off the bed. I do want to come. I need it.

There's nothing for a minute and I wonder if you're going to send me another voice note. But then a text pops up.

-Let me hear you

I haven't done this yet in our few conversations. I've always been shy about sharing my voice, especially like this. But fuck it. I have nothing to lose. I hit the record button and rub myself. I moan and breathe into my phone for a minute. I slip a finger into my pussy and move it around in my wetness so you can hear the sound of me playing with myself. I press send.

A voice note comes back half a minute later. "Oh my god, that's so sexy," I hear you say. Your voice is deep and your breath is heavy. You moan and I can hear your lubed hand stroking your cock. I type:

-Fuck me

A jolt goes through me at your reply.

-Turn over, baby

-I want to grip your hips

-Let me watch your gorgeous ass while I fuck you

It's vanilla sex but something about this, the fucking of you, the unknown man, is so hot. I actually turn over and put my face into the mattress. I rub my pussy and imagine you slamming your cock into me, fucking me hard. But then I realize I can't type, hold myself up and touch myself. I try to use voice-to-text but my message is just nonsense. I turn onto my back. I type:

-Fuck me hard

-It feels so good

-Ooooooh, harder

I am close to coming so I stop touching myself for a minute. I don't want to come too fast, and I have an idea that I want to record my orgasm for you this time. The thought excites me and I move my hips around, squirming, squeezing my thighs together. It takes will to stop.

There's nothing from you for a minute, and I wonder if you've already got yourself off. Then:

-You feel so good around my cock

-I have my hands on your beautiful hips

-I fuck you hard

-Your ass is so luscious

I can practically feel your hips slamming into my ass as you fuck me. I'm moaning and panting, wanting to touch myself but resisting the urge when the next message comes.

-Cum for me

And that's the invitation I need. I hit record and lay the phone down next to me. I put my fingers to my clit and rub fast. I say "oh, fuck me," and moan. My breath comes faster and I start to say "Please, please," like I do in real life when I am close. I imagine you inside me, filling me and hitting that spot at just the right tempo. I get louder and throw my head back, tensing my feet and curling my toes. The waves of my orgasm roll through me. I breathe hard as I start to come down from my climax, and remember that I am recording myself. I say in a breathy whisper "oh, fuck, that was good," and press send before I lose my nerve.

I can't believe I've actually done it. The voice note is more than a minute long so there is nothing back from you for a moment. I type:

-Are you close?

The bubble appears and disappears again. Then you send:

-I'm so close

-Oh baby I loved hearing you

-My cock is so hard and full of cum for you

I think for a second. I know what puts you over the edge, just like you know that I like to be praised. I usually type it, but this time I hit record. I say your name - the name you gave me; it might not be yours, but I'll never know that - and tell you "Come deep inside me. Fill me with your hot cum." I press send.

Although it's not as powerful as whispering the same thing into your ear, I am pleased that I can make you feel this good with my voice. I imagine you stroking your shaft faster and faster as you feel the pressure in your balls.

A voice note pops up. I listen. The sounds of lube and grunting reach me and I hear you say "oh fuck, I'm gonna cum, I'm gonna cum," in a low growl, and then the sound of your release. It's hot and raw and intimate and I feel it in my core, and a current travels through me knowing I brought you there. I picture the cum exploding from you and onto your belly, or into the air. If I was there with you, I would take you into my mouth and swallow everything you gave me.

I type:

-Baby, that was so fucking hot

There is no text bubble for a second. I imagine you reaching for a towel nearby. Then:

-Come here

-Come into my arms

-Come closer to me and feel my heartbeat

This is a poor substitute for being in a lover's arms, but these little gestures at aftercare make me feel tender towards you, a man I don't know. I type:

-I put my head on your chest

-I rub your chest in small circles

-That was so good, baby

I imagine you have some hair on your chest, and picture myself playing with it a little as I lay in your arms. If we were actually together, I would kiss you and tuck my body in close to yours and relish the feeling of togetherness that comes from fucking. I would tell you how good I feel. I would settle into the glow from my orgasm, my body relaxed, my mind quiet.

I close my eyes. It is late.

My phone buzzes.

-Thank you, baby

-Go and get a drink of water

-Time for sleeping now

I don't know what time zone you are in or whether it is actually time for you to sleep, but it seems kind that you know I should be sleeping. I type:

-Thank you, baby

-Kisses

I think for a moment and then add

-'Til next time

I don't wait for you to reply. I put my phone on do not disturb, and set it down on my bedside table, face down so it doesn't rouse me again until my alarm. I find my shorts and pull them back on. I paddle out to the bathroom and have a drink of water, use the toilet and wash my hands. I crawl back into bed and turn to my side, imagining your arms around me and your face at my neck, kissing me gently at its crook, and fall into a deep and dreamless sleep. It'll do for now.