Needless to say, we left the museum shortly after that episode. The outside world was glaringly sunny and contained far too many people for us. We walked along hand in hand, but the ambience that surrounded us was no longer as carefree as our surroundings. His hand held mine tightly, his pace was quickened, and the air between us positively crackled with unsaid thoughts and feelings. My mind was filled with desire for Stefan—in more ways than just the physical. I wanted him in my life as a lover, a partner, and a friend. I had a strange feeling that being with him would ease this feeling of longing in my heart—longing for something that I couldn't quite put a finger on, but had a sneaky feeling he could fill.
My reasonable side still held strong, though. So far the only feeling he had expressed for me was pure, animal attraction. Now trust me... I was not complaining about that. There was nothing (nothing) like being desired that intensely. However, now that my feelings had deepened, I found myself wondering if perhaps something could grow from this avalanche of an affair. As if I needed further proof or any reason to exercise further caution in my relationship with Stefan, my mind felt the need to unlock boxes of past relationships and fling them in my face. Gonzalo, my ex-boyfriend to whom I had willfully given four years of my life, had stolen my trust from me with a sexy smile, and proceeded to take advantage of my trust in the worst possible of ways. Given the prospect of a new man in my life, I couldn't help but feel nervous and flighty. Yes, my mind, on the way back from the museum, was not a very pleasant place to reside. On the one hand, there was my raging desire to be lying in bed with Stefan on top of me, kissing my neck and whispering sexy things to me... and on the other hand, there was the sense of preparation -- it felt like my heart was trying to take off and fly and then discovering that it was still shackled to the ground. Nothing this good could possibly last.
I sensed a shift in his awareness and looked to my left to find him watching me intently. The expression in his eyes changed a bit as lust met and mingled with concern.
"What're you thinking?" he asked, his voice laced with worry. I mentally cursed myself for having such a readable face.
"Nothing really... just wishing that we had wings, at the moment," I grinned, rearranging my features and squeezing his hand in mine. He smiled back, but I could tell that he merely put aside his worry for a later time upon perceiving my reluctance to share the source of it. Wise man, I thought to myself, blessing him for his patience.
Sooner than I would have thought, we reached my apartment building. His passion seemed to have abated a bit, and he looked at me concernedly with a question on his handsome face. I knew he was expressing uncertainty as to whether or not I wanted to bring him upstairs right now. I made a mental note to ask him how he became so damn perceptive. Any other man I knew would have been thinking with their dick, and would have gotten me up to my apartment and divested me of my clothes by now. The truth was, no matter how much I wanted him physically in that moment I wasn't sure how much I could give of myself with the newfound knowledge of my love for him. I figured since he was too polite to invite himself in or leave, I would have to make the decision.
In the end, I figured, life is all about risks and hazardous decisions. We can never predict what will happen, and more often than not we find ourselves regretting events that transpired because we did not do what we wished. With this in mind, I turned to Stefan and looked at him. I took him in, unfiltered by any anxieties or preconceived notions created by past relationships —I just looked at him for the man he was, not the man he appeared to be upon comparison with others. He stood about a foot away from me, holding both of my hands in his larger ones. The look on his face was earnest and questioning. I thought of the time we had shared together so far—definitely nothing to complain about. Hell, what is there to lose?
"Come on... what're we waiting for?" I grinned, and pulled him inside.
Chapter Six
The walk up the steps was much less frantic than it was the night before. He slid his arm around my waist as soon as we got inside the doorway, and kissed the top of my head. The gesture filled me with a pleasantly warm sensation. Inside the apartment, I set the kettle on for tea, and Stefan took off his shoes and sat down on the couch in my living room. The scene struck me as domestic, and I smiled. It had been a while since I'd had a companion in life, and I welcomed this new development with open arms.
As I waited for the water to boil, I watched Stefan from my vantage point in the kitchen. He was sitting with his head leaned back and eyes closed, legs stretched out and crossed at the ankles. There was still a slight bulge in the front of his jeans that he was trying to mask with his hands. Once more, I found myself marveling at his perception of the situation, and his gentlemanly restraint. As I scanned further down his body, I saw that his feet were moving to a rhythm of a song playing in his head. When my eyes found their way back up to his face, I saw him watching me.
