Why Is This Happening Now (her Story)

Why is this happening now? How long do I have to figure this out before the opportunity is gone, possibly forever? Is it really an opportunity, or am I reading too much into it? This could be so embarrassing if I'm wrong. But it's been so long.

As I leaned over to pick up my glass from the table I brushed against his arm. I didn't do it on purpose, but I might have if I had thought about it first. He's a little older than me but he is cute, and sexy in his own way. I've always liked maturity in my men. He startled at the touch, and blushed deeply. But he didn't pull away too quickly.

Can he hear my heart beating? It feels like it's going to jump out of my chest. I swear the neighbours can hear it! Is he staring at me? Am I blushing too. His hand looks a little shaky as he reaches for his glass. Could he be as nervous as me? Could he want as I do? God I hope he doesn't ask me a question because I'm so short of breath I doubt I could answer.

He's married, and not unhappily in his own words. Flirting with me doesn't bother him so should it bother me? We have chatted quite a bit on IM.

He has a webcam and made it clear it was unfair for me to see him and not vice versa so I'm getting one. It's nice to be able to see him and watch his reactions when I say something leading or provocative. He giggles a lot. Somehow I don't think his interest is in watching me giggle. Men are so much more visually stimulated than us girls. I'll bet he's hoping to get the occasional peek at me in something other than my street clothes. I bet I could see the sweat on his brow if I was to flash a bit. Opportunities.

Our IM conversations have been all over the map. We both have the same sense of humour. We mostly start out on a level and straight-laced subject but it always deteriorates. A joke or a tease here and there. And always sexual undertones. I can't tell if he starts it or I do. But I know he is the one who takes it up a notch. Not that I don't egg him on. It's nice to be flattered and wanted. And there is no doubt that is where his end of the conversation is going. But he always seems to stop just before committing.

I think it must be true what they say about men and the C-word. Should I push him to finish his thoughts? To state his true intentions? It's cruel for him to string me along not knowing if there is something here or not. I hate it when he does that.

But like they say about women, we love to be chased. Don't have to be caught, just wanted and pursued. Is he pursuing or just teasing? I'm OK with being teased. Flirting has always been a sport with us girls. I could win a medal if it was an Olympic sport. I do have to be careful with the tease though. Men do NOT understand flirting like we do. They take it seriously! Think it might lead to something.

But what if he only wants to tease and has no real desire to take the relationship any further, either emotionally or physically? I have needs and wants. If I push him to state his real intention and it's not what I'm thinking of, what will I do?

I have faced this life alone for the most part up to now. Am I setting myself up to be hurt again? He's married. I can't have him to myself. But do I want him, or anyone else? I say I don't want another live-in relationship but do I really? It's not going to happen with him.

So a smart girl would cut it off whenever it gets too intense. I've let it continue, and quite enjoyed the flattery.

But now he's here! This is a LOT different than watching him in a webcam and watching his words appear on the screen. He's big and warm and so nice to look at it, if I could see straight. God I hope he can't see how nervous I am.

I'm thinking the right thing to do is finish our drinks, say goodnight and usher him out the door. But I love the sound of his voice. And the way he looks me in the eye when he talks to me.

And I think I caught him staring at me when he came in. I reached up to get a couple of glasses off the top shelf and when I turned around he was staring at my hips. I realized my shirt had ridden up and my pants down enough to expose the small of my back and the top of my panties. Boy did he turn red then! Mumbled "sorry" then seemed to recover pretty well. That's when my heart started to pick up speed. And my mind went into overdrive.

I remember one IM discussion about colours. He likes black and white. I told him I prefer red. Tonight I'm wearing black. Did I do that on purpose?

I've been fussing ever since we decided he should come by. Should I have said no? Was I leading him on by saying yes? Did he really have any intentions towards me or is it my oversexed imagination getting the better of me? What if he is interested but unsure of my intentions? Should I set the record straight or wait for him to take the lead?

OK. I know what I'm going to do.

During an IM session I once told him I have a spot behind my left ear that drives me up the bend and around the corner! That one got a rise and a comment from him. I need him to look at something on the desk behind me anyways but rather than get up and let him see it I'm going to stay in my chair and turn around. Hopefully he'll be forced to lean over me to get a look. Will he remember the exchange about my weak spot?

Here we go! I've kept my chair back far enough that he can't see it clearly without leaning over me or asking me to move. He's going to lean over. And he's coming over my left shoulder. I can feel his breath on my neck. God he smells so masculine!

It's now or never. His hand is on my right shoulder! The rule is that women have absolute control when it comes to intimacy and I'm going to be in bed very soon but it is his decision tonight if I go alone.