White Christmas Ch 03

For the rest of the day, Ellie almost felt as if she was on a first date with her husband.

She was a frantic tangle of nerves during lunch, fearful and shy whenever David asked a question or tried to engage her in anything beyond polite conversation. Ellie quickly became frustrated with herself, wishing she could

just

relax enough to have a true dialogue with him, however brief. This was the most concerted effort David had made to talk with her in months, and she wanted to seize it before he lost interest. She didn't even care about the topics discussed — all she wanted was the verbal connection.

Ellie tried to interact more as they explored the jungles of the island that would be their private paradise for the week, but still she felt vulnerable and insecure. David's voice was so proud and intelligent, deep and commanding, yet charming enough to keep her from feeling completely intimidated. She'd always loved to listen to the sound of his voice, enjoying the way it calmed and excited her.

But Ellie didn't trust her own words, nor did she fully trust her ability to form sentences in the language she did not feel perfectly comfortable speaking in. Despite her fluency, her voice was still accented, quiet and weak, her words far slower than natural English speakers.

Quite unlike the quick witted, confident voice of the highly educated Sabrina Taylor, a lifelong native of New York.

Ellie tried to banish thoughts of Sabrina as she joined David on a quick yacht ride back to the main resort, for she knew she'd lose her mind entirely if she continued to fixate. She tried to tell herself that what mattered most was the fact that David was here with her

now

.

Surely this meant

some

part of him was still invested in their marriage.

As they enjoyed an on-the-beach couples massage, Ellie's dread of his affair was partially kneaded away, only to be replaced by something else. Her heart and thoughts still raced, but she didn't feel entirely fearful.

Instead, she was energized by the unmistakable butterflies of a first date.

Her husband was like a new person to her as they toured the resort botanical gardens and art galleries, so focused on her that Ellie was almost overwhelmed by the attention.

But he wasn't a new person, she reminded herself. Not really. He was simply acting almost exactly as he had during their courtship — focused, seductive, and relentless in his pursuit of her. A delightful combination of boyish charm and mature dominance, he seemed more and more familiar to her as the hours passed.

And before Ellie realized it, she actually began to relax, feeling inspired by his attention. She found herself speaking more and and more, fully engaging in conversation with David, and no longer second-guessing her words.

An unspoken rule seemed to cause their dialogue to organically avoid the most painful subject of the last few months, and to her surprise, Ellie found that she didn't mind at all.

She was enjoying a beautiful day, in a beautiful place, with a handsome man she loved dearly.

She was perfectly happy talking about sports, friends, movies, and the weather, at least for the moment, for she didn't know how many happy memories with him she had left.

******

"I've missed your singing, Ellie," she heard David say.

Ellie blushed, re-aware of the notes that had indeed been coming out of her mouth. She struggled to lower herself further into the bubble bath to hide her body, but she didn't want to risk losing her view of the night shore.

"I didn't even realize I was doing it," Ellie admitted, folding her arms across her chest. She eyed David carefully as he refilled her wine glass, before sitting down a few feet away from her on the floor, his back against the frame of the open door-window.

"It was beautiful. I haven't heard you sing that one in a while," David mentioned.

Ellie immediately froze.

"We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," David added softly.

Ellie lowered her eyes to the bubbles in the tub, too nervous to look at him.

"It's an Old Swedish lullaby. I used to dream about teaching it to her," Ellie said quietly.

She kept her eyes fixed on the bath water as she heard David inhale. That painful pressure in her chest was beginning to return, and Ellie wanted nothing more than to escape before it could consume her.

"I have no doubt she loved the sound of your voice, Ellie. Just like I do," she heard him say.

Ellie looked at David then, and nearly began to cry from the utter softness of his gaze. It quickly grew overwhelming, and Ellie lowered her head again and continued to soak.

It seemed she'd forgotten just how powerful his gentle gaze could be.

"Did you ever think of names? I don't think we ever talked about that," David asked suddenly. Ellie felt like her heart was being pulled by the sound of his voice, and she bit her lip to keep herself from automatically talking. She could already feel herself growing vulnerable, her protective walls beginning to crumble.

There would be no way for her to protect herself if David chose to hurt her while she was defenseless.

"I'll admit...I did hope you'd pick a Swedish name. So that she would know her heritage," David continued.

Ellie spoke before she could stop herself.

"I actually...I really wanted to name her Eira. After my mother. Eira Lisbeth, so that she'd have your mother's name too," Ellie said.

David didn't immediately respond, and Ellie wondered if she'd said too much. Nervously, Ellie raised her eyes, and found herself instantly calmed by David's soft smile.

"Eira Lisbeth Blake is a beautiful name. Why didn't you ever tell me?" David asked. Ellie shrugged her shoulders.

"I didn't think it mattered. Your mother really seemed to favorite the name Vivienne," Ellie replied, shuddering at the memory of those awkward conversations.

There was nothing

wrong

with the name Vivienne itself, but Ellie had felt ambushed by Elizabeth's relentless presumption the moment she found out Ellie was pregnant with a baby girl. In addition to a list of "approved" family names, Elizabeth had provided her with an unending deluge of unsolicited advice, from what to eat to how to dress, and even, how to talk.

"I know that she can be quite...a handful. She just hasn't been the same after my father's death. I know how hard you try with her, and I do appreciate it. Even if she doesn't," David said.

Ellie's blush deepened, for she was entirely unprepared for the sudden acknowledgment. She had no idea David was even aware of how his mother treated her.

She paused to take a sip of wine, but she couldn't keep her eyes away from the sight of David, handsome and deeply tanned from their first full day on the island. He'd changed into a loose button down shirt with a pair of torn jeans, looking all the more attractive to her.

Before she realized it, Ellie's heart began racing again as her flush creeped down to her shoulders and chest. It became increasingly difficult to stay still in the warm, bubbly water, for her skin seemed to be growing increasingly sensitive. The tremors in her torso began to lower as she continued to look at her husband, until she had to tightly squeeze her thighs together in the water to halt her arousal.

She bit her lip when David's eyebrows suddenly rose.

There was no denying that he was very well aware of what was suddenly happening to her body beneath the water.

"Would you like me to wash your back, Ellie?" he asked. His words were innocent, but his deep voice was filled with knowing suggestion.

Ellie's arousal spoke before her logic could.

"Please," she whispered softly, extending her loofa.

Ellie closed her eyes as David pushed up his sleeves and settled on the floor behind her, his arms descending into the water. She couldn't restrain her moan as his large hands wrapped around her waist, expertly massaging her skin until her toes curled in delight.

He tenderly moved his hands up and down her spine, washing and massaging her back and shoulders with sweet smelling lathers. If at all possible, his massage revealed even more expertise than the masseuse at the resort earlier that afternoon, for David knew her body in ways no one else could. He knew exactly where, and how, she liked to be touched.

She was feeling so relaxed, and so indulged, that she didn't even think of protesting when David's lips suddenly reached her neck.

He left slow kisses on the sensitive skin beneath her ear as his left hand remained on her waist, thumb kneading the tension in her back. His right hand, however, remained on her shoulder, and began to slowly descend into the water once more.

When his fingertips lightly grazed her breast, Ellie gasped and automatically began to squirm away in alarm. But David's coaxing whispers seemed to melt away her resistance as his hand moved to a safer zone.

"Sorry. It won't happen again...unless you want it, that is," David said, gathering warm lather around her upper chest. She sighed in relaxed defeat as his hand tenderly began massaging her collarbones and shoulders, loosening the tension she hadn't even realized she'd been holding.

Too soon, the water began to turn cold, and Ellie reluctantly crawled out of the tub at the end of the impromptu massage. But as David left her alone to dress, she couldn't dampen the heated arousal he'd managed to stir.

She gasped as the rich fabric of the bath towels caressed her wet skin, for her pores felt overly sensitized. Her hands shook as she massaged floral scented lotion into her body, for even the feeling of her own touch upon her flesh caused her to tremble.

Before she even realized it, she began softly moaning, for her hands had mindlessly paused on her breasts, massaging them with sweet oils, until her nipples stiffened in excitement.

Ellie jumped, nearly tripping on her own feet, horrified by her sudden exploration in self-pleasure.

She dried her hair and prepared to dress for bed in a simple oversized tourist shirt she'd purchased at the main island hotel gift shop, but some strange, hungry impulse compelled her to resist.

She had an entire closet full of brand new clothes, hand-picked by the handsome man she was married to, who was currently downstairs catching up on the news.

If she put on the t-shirt, she knew she'd go to bed alone, as she had for so many nights.

But she could also choose to put on something

else

...

******

******

After he finished watching the news, David figured it was probably time to try to go to bed. He was now onto his fourth generous shot of the bottle of potent rum gifted by the resort, and he knew that any further indulgence would only increase the risk of behavior he'd likely regret.

He'd retreated to the downstairs living room with the intent of cooling off. After her physical revulsion on the plane, he'd silently promised his wife, and himself, that he would

not

try to have sex with her.

He was not a barbarian...at least, in theory. He was her husband. He

could

be civilized and patient. As Dr. Cole had repeatedly instructed, he would gladly "wait for Ellie to come to him."

But his sweet Ellie had been singing, those same high, haunting notes that she'd sung throughout her pregnancy.

A natural introvert, Ellie seldom expressed her true emotions in most conversations, even with him. It took concerted, gentle effort to get her to open up, and the rewards were bountiful.

When Ellie sang, however, no such effort was needed, for her voice broadcasted her feelings in heavenly melodies. He could gauge her emotional state based solely on the tone of her songs.

And her voice was so powerful, it always summoned him, even when she was singing softly.

She had a series of songs she sang when she was feeling happy, ranging from power rock ballads to show tunes to bubblegum pop hits.

When she was feeling sexual, Ellie teased him with seductive stripteases to songs by classic jazz and blues artists.

She sang upbeat Swedish folk songs when she was feeling fearful or sad, trying to cheer herself up with the familiar verses she'd grown up with as a little girl.

Old Swedish, however, was something rare.

It was something she reserved only for when she felt powerful longing.

And the longing didn't always mean sorrow. She'd sung those lullabies to their unborn daughter, and those pretty lilts had conveyed in words he didn't understand just how much she wished to meet their child.

Tonight, however, Ellie was longing for something else.

And for the first time, he couldn't tell what it was.

David reached for his phone, ignoring the unread deluge of messages from Sabrina from earlier that day, and sent a quick text to Dr. Cole.

Give me a call when you get this tomorrow morning. Thanks.

He knew the sun hadn't even yet risen back home, but he wanted to make sure his message would be the first the doctor would see.

To his surprise, his phone immediately vibrated with an incoming call.

"Hey Anna, I didn't mean for you to call this early," David said apologetically. Anna laughed on the other line.

"Your timing is actually perfect, I'm just about to head to the airport to catch the first flight into Boston. How can I help you David? I suppose I should say you're certainly up

late

, again," Anna teased. She was well aware of his frequent tendency to work beyond midnight, and into the early hours of the morning.

"Ehh...not exactly. It's not even eleven here yet, actually," David replied. He hadn't yet informed her of his last minute holiday plans for Ellie, and he hoped she'd be supportive of his thinking.

"I'm confused...Ellie said you guys were staying local for the holidays. Have your plans changed?" Anna sounded suspicious, and David had a sinking feeling she was about to berate him for his impulsivity.

"That was the plan originally, but...I decided to do something different this year," David began.

"Meaning...what exactly?" Anna sounded increasingly skeptical.

"I just thought she could use some time away to relax. I rented a villa at a resort in the South Pacific for the week. The two of us haven't had a vacation alone together in a while, so I thought—"

"David...we've talked about this. You are

not

helping your wife by taking away her sense of choice. I know you don't see it that way, but to her, this is could be a violation of her freedom. Did you even

ask

her thoughts prior to making these arrangements?" Anna asked.

"Anna...I really don't think you understand how she thinks—"

"I've spent a

minimum

of three hours each week with Ellie for the last several months, David, so I think I understand her pretty well. Maybe even in some ways you don't," Anna interrupted softly.

Anna's calm words infuriated him far more than he wanted to admit. Yes, she was a doctor, one of the most renowned psychiatrists on the East Coast. She'd authored dozens of bestselling books, had appeared on countless television programs, and had even lectured at every major medical institution in the country. He respected her education and experience, truly, and he respected her advice.

But she didn't

know

his wife like he did.

"You're not at home with us, Anna. You don't see what's happening to her — you only know what she tells you. She's still not eating, she keeps losing weight, and she's still crying herself to sleep every night. She's withdrawing, more and more each day. You can't honestly expect me to continue to just...

sit

here while she's suffering like this!" David argued.

It was only when he heard Anna repeatedly sighing that he realized he'd actually elevated his voice.

Not wanting to offend the doctor, David quickly apologized.

"Sorry, Anna...starting to feel the jet lag," he offered.

"David...the therapy plan I've designed for your wife

is

working. You just have to trust and commit to the process, one hundred percent. And you can't interfere. You will damage her healing if you continue to undermine my recommendations. I'm sorry, but...I

can't

in good faith support this trip. It will harm Ellie in more ways than either of you realize," Anna said solemnly.

David sighed in frustration, and idly glanced at the bottle of rum.

Perhaps he

would

end up finishing it after all.

"What do you suggest I do, then? Cancel the whole thing? She was sick for over an hour on the flight this morning. I don't feel comfortable putting her back on a plane right now," David said.

"Then perhaps consider returning home sooner rather than later. Give her a couple of days to recover, and then come back to the city. She needs to stay in familiar places right now, as she's still very fragile," Anna said.

David brought his fingertips to his throbbing temples. This was not how he'd expected the conversation to go. Ellie

had

seemed to enjoy the luxury of the resort and the surprises he'd planned for her. She'd certainly seemed impressed by the private estate. But perhaps the doctor was right.

Perhaps he was fucking things up. Again.

"Our flight team is in Hawaii right now — I gave them this week as holiday there. They aren't scheduled to return until the thirty-first. They still need to refuel and perform maintenance, so the

earliest

they can be back is probably at least two days," David explained dryly.

He really wasn't fond of the idea of asking his staff to cut their family vacations short.

"Not ideal, but we can work with that. Now promise you will give Ellie her space while you're still there. Do not crowd her, and do not push her," Anna instructed.

"Understood."

"And David?" David rolled his eyes.

"What?"

"No sex. None at all. Not even if she initiates it," Anna said seriously. While disappointing, David had expected as much.

He'd gotten very used to cold showers over the last four months.

"Understood, Anna. Anything else?"

"Well now that you mention it...you haven't told your wife about what's going on with Sabrina Taylor, have you?"

Sabrina was truly the last person David wanted to talk about at present. Her sudden neediness in his well-deserved absence was truly irksome.

Sabrina knew her place, and knew her role.

But now, she was truly testing his patience.

"I was hoping to tell her the end of this week, while we're alone. It kills me to have secrets from her, and I know we can only move forward if she's fully aware—"

"David...now is

not

the time. Dropping a bombshell like that

will

be Ellie's undoing. She'll be devastated," Anna urged.

"But perhaps if I explained the circumstance—"

"Look...I understand you have your reasons for doing...what you did. You know I don't support it...but I understand — things like this are not uncommon for couples who've experienced this kind of loss. However...Ellie isn't going to see things that way right now. She's still internalizing everything. That guilt she's feeling now, it will only get worse if you tell her. I know you think she'll be angry with you, but I believe she'll only be angry with herself. She'll

blame

herself. Please heed my advice, David. For your wife's sake," Anna said.

And for the first time, the doctor sounded as if she were truly begging.

David really didn't want to continue keeping the secret, but his wife's mental health was far more important than clearing his conscience.

"It's going to go public eventually. Not from Sabrina, she's not that careless...but someone,

somewhere

, is going to let it slip to the press," David mentioned sadly. Anna sighed.

"Come home, and let me talk to Ellie in my office first. I'll be back in Greenwich on the twenty-eighth. After I have another session with her, we can discuss the best course of action for telling your wife. How does that sound?" Anna asked. David wasn't happy with this either, but he knew he was in no position to argue.