Where to Find Love

My head hurts like crazy. I hate going to work like this. I'm sitting in the train on my way to work. I received a text from Julian this morning. He said he enjoyed the night and hopes to do it again. I don't know if by 'it' he means a fun evening out or some wild public sex. Daniël on the other hand hasn't texted me to my regret. Not asking if I enjoyed the night or telling me he enjoyed it. He seems like a fun guy to hang out with. Damn, my head hurts. This is what happens when the alcohol is paid by someone else. Last night I didn't think myself drunk, but it seems I was mistaken. I take out my phone and call Julian. I have talked with Ellen this morning about certain events yesterday, and I am going to do now what seems right to the both of us.

"Hey Sara, how are you?" Julian says.

"I have a big headache," I reply. Julian laughs.

"Yeah, me too."

"Listen," I start. "I'm calling for something serious." I pause a moment, but Julian doesn't interrupt. "About what happened last night, in the car. I'm sorry, but I was really drunk. It's just, ... I don't think we match well. I don't think it'll work out between us. At least not long term."

"I understand," Julian says. "It's not the first time I've heard these words." Julian pauses, but I am silent for a moment. "But hey," Julian continues. "I still enjoy your company. I wouldn't mind spending time with you, as friends."

"Thanks Julian," I say. "You're a nice guy."

"Yeah, that's what they always say," Julian replies. "I'm starting to think that's not what girl wants." I don't react to his remark.

"Well, until later," Julian says.

"Uhu, definitely," I reply. "Bye." I hang up and sigh. I still don't fully understand what happened last night. Or rather, what made me realize Julian isn't the right guy for me. Julian values knowledge, calculation, thoughtfulness. That became clear during that game of pool. I want someone who sets his mind to something. Something he wants to achieve and then goes for it. Someone who can take on the world.

***

My day at work was tiresome. In part caused by the headache that I felt in the first half of the day. I enter Ellen's home when I get a call.

"Hello." I say.

"Hello. It's me, Daniël."

"Oh, hey."

"I heard from Julian you decided it wasn't going to work out between you two?"

"Right, no. He's a great guy, but I don't think I want to spend the rest of my life with him."

"It's alright," Daniël says. "I don't need you to justify yourself. No, I'm calling because he said the two of you are alright with staying just friends, so I'm asking if you would join us again this Friday to go out. Both me and Julian really enjoyed having you around."

"Oh, well, I don't have anything planned. So why not."

"Great. You can just come to our office again after work. Talk to you later Sara."

"Uhu, bye."

"Hey," Ellen says when I walk into the kitchen. "Sounds like you made some friends. I'm making spaghetti. The sauce is finished so we can eat in less than 10 minutes you want."

"Thanks," I say. "If you're hungry, then you can start boiling the spaghetti. I can definitely eat in 10 minutes." I put my phone down and sit myself down at the kitchen table.

"Was the call from Julian?" Ellen asks.

"No, from Daniël, Julian's friend. And boss. He invited me for Friday night. He and Julian are going out and he asked me to join them. Do you know who Daniël is?"

"You quickly mentioned him this morning, when you were asking about advice about the thing that happened yesterday night."

"Oh right. I guess the hangover from today has made my memory a little foggy."

"Yeah. But you drunk?" Ellen says. "I didn't know that could still happen to you." I laugh a little at her joke. "So, this Daniël," Ellen continues. "How's he?"

"He seems like a fun guy to hang out with," I reply.

"And?"

"And that's it. I've only been around him for a couple of hours."

"How does he look?"

"Not much different from Julian. In other words, not really my type. Although he is somewhat better looking than Julian. Daniël is blond, tall and has blue eyes. But you know I prefer darker types. You know, tanned skin and dark hair. He also doesn't seem to be very muscular and you know how much I like that."

"He sounds cute," Ellen says.

"You seem to find all the new men in my life cute," I say. We both laugh. Dinner is ready and Ellen and I start eating.

"Sara, I want to tell you something," Ellen says while we're eating. She seems quite serious. "Have you been looking for you own place in these past days?"

"Oh, sorry, Ellen. I'm so sorry," I quickly say. "I'll swear that I'll...,"

"No, don't," Ellen interrupts me. "I mean... these past few days with you..." Ellen pauses for a moment, seemingly not knowing how to say what it is she wants to say. I remain silent, wanting to hear what she means to say. "I really enjoy living with you," she finally says. "I've lived alone for a while, and I like living alone. But living with you is much more enjoyable." I still remain silent, but that is because I don't know how to reply to that. "I guess I'm trying to say that, you know, if you want, you don't need to look for another place. At least not anytime soon." I see a girl that, despite always being very eloquent with her words, is having trouble with her speech. I smile. Ellen smiles too.