Warmth of a Mid Autumn Night

Note: This is a novel, not a short story. It is designed to be long.

Chapter 22 Home at Last

It is certainly nice to be back home. Humbly had the dining room all warm and cozy.

"Glass of sherry, Sir?"

"Yes, Humbly. Thank you."

"Dinner will be out soon."

"That sounds lovely. Please join me."

"Yes, Sir."

I wonder if Gracie is still upset with me. This will not be an easy talk when we see one another again. I dread the thought of making her upset, but this is not about upsetting her. It is for the sake of our future.

[ Few days ago at Miss Highbrighton's guest room... ]

"Should I stay mad at Mr. Devoncaster, Aveline?"

"No, Miss. You should not let a question such as that to bother you. He is only thinking of the future that would be best for both you and him."

"Yes, I know. It is quite upsetting that he would think I have an affair on him or that he would even think of having one of his own."

"He is not thinking about having one or suspecting you of having one. He is only trying to figure out how each side will handle such a matter if it arises. There is not any guarantee that the future will be the same as it has been in the past. You can easily lose interest in him. He can easily have bad habits that will test your nerves.

To tell you the truth, when Hayden was around in the state he was in mostly drunk, I had my thoughts on someone else. I was ready to go where there was an opening for me to get away from him. All his words and actions did not show his love for me any more. He was too far gone into his own world of depression to really notice me. Nothing I did for him was ever acknowledged and it made me feel hopeless.

Would you blame me for leaving him, Miss?"

"Well, no. Not when he had put everyone through so much trouble. Everyone was trying to help him and he would not see the light of day. I think everyone had a right to be upset with him."

"Exactly. I am not saying that Mr. Devoncaster would be that way, but it is possible he could do something that may have you lose interest in him. You could do something that has him lose interest in you too.

For the sake of your future, I would seriously talk to Mr. Devoncaster more in depth. More about how each side would handle a scenario. Truthfully, how would you handle it?

Not how you would handle it now. Not how you think you can change things to your advantage. If you are open to something now then you can be open to it later. But if you are not open to something then the future may not change that. All he wants to do is make sure that you both will be happy together. It is better to know what to expect now than later."

"I suppose so. It is risky for us to discuss various topics that can cause our relation to break apart."

"It is, Miss. But would you rather find out the hard way later on?"

"No. I do not know what to think. He is a wonderful gentleman, but I fear he may lose interest in me after asking me that question."

"This is why both of you need to talk. Talk till those fears are gone. He will be back in a few days. Why not invite him over for lunch?"

"I suppose that will not hurt. Give him some time to adjust when he is back. Do not rush him. I do not want him to think that I am anxious or anything."

"Yes, Miss. I will do that."

[ Back to dinner with Humbly... ]

"How have you been, Humbly?"

"I have been well, Sir. Did you have a good trip?"

"Yes. I am sure you would enjoy the salami from Frederick."

"Yes, Sir. Mr. Humbertwald has a lovely selection of cured meats."

"Anything exciting happen while I was gone?"

"No, Sir. They are planning to build a rail way that will go from here to South of Waldenleigh. In the future, both you and Mr. Humbertwald can see one another more efficiently."

"Splendid. It is about time they build a train station around here. Do you have any idea if Miss Highbrighton is still upset with me or not?"

"From what I was told, she has calmed down. I do believe that there will be a meal to be shared in the near future."

"Yes. You think I am wrong to ask her such questions?"

"No, Sir. You have a right to be concerned. It is best you know now than later. I do not want to see either of you with broken hearts. If for any reason you do not see this relation working out in the future then it is best to cut it off while you can. You do not want to find out at the most inconvenient moment."

"Quite true. It is hard not to feel sad before anything happens. I am having to prepare myself for the negative results. She could easily end the relationship, run off in tears, slap me or something else."

"The worst that could happen is the relationship would come to an end. I know you are quite fond of Miss Highbrighton, but it would only hurt more if you extend the relation and never come around to discussing what should be discussed about."

"I feel as if I am losing a major part of me if she leaves me."

"I can understand, Sir. It is better she leaves you early than later. Do you really want to marry someone that will not be there for you later on?

Do you really want to see yourself lose interest and do the unthinkable to her?"

"I know what I have to do even though it will not be easy. Frederick and I had discussed about this matter too. We really do have to bring out our past, our goals, dreams and more if we want to make everything right. I fear she will not be too thrilled about my past."

"We do many crazy acts when we are young. I am sure Miss Highbrighton has her fair share of her more lively days."

"I would think so. But if she does not then I will look out of place."

"Well this is a time to let out any skeletons in the closet. If there are any secrets that may come to light in the future, this will be the best time to bring them up."

"Yes. One secret I will not tell her is what Frederick and I did with a young lady while I was in Waldenleigh."

"Oh?"

"You can say that Frederick and I were reliving some of our earlier days. I did not plan on it, but one thing led to another. Since I am not engaged to Gracie and do not know if she would end the relation or not, I had gone along knowing it would stay private."

"Your secret is safe with me, Sir. I do not think Miss Highbrighton would be happy to hear that. Something tells me that when you were in such a situation that you were thinking of Miss Highbrighton."

"Yes, I was. It was difficult not to. I have been wanting to show her my love and affection in a more animalistic way, but do not want to toy with her emotions. I want our relationship to be based on everything else except that. It would be icing on the cake when I do have her all to myself on our honeymoon."

"Do you think it is possible that she too would want to do the same, but does not want to appear less than a lady?"

"I suppose she could think in a similar fashion. It excites me to think that she wants to be intimate with me as much as I want to be intimate with her. Sometimes I wish that we can have a more intimate relation without having to tie the knot. But that would not be honorable."

"I can understand, Sir. It is not about you being more or less honorable. You want to have more a cushion in case you fall. You do fear that the relationship can go badly in the future. By not tying the knot, it could ease some of the pain. The pain is there regardless of the marital status. There is not an easy way to go about the matter."

"Is there a way you can find out if she is open-minded in some areas?"

"I will try, Sir. What did you have in mind, Sir?"

"Well you remember my days in Paris and Milan?"

"Yes, Sir. You and Mr. Humbertwald had wild and care free days with some locals."

"Yes. I wonder if Gracie had such days before or if she would take a chance at such or that she dreams of doing something that spontaneous.

My worry is she would look at my past in a confused way. You know how I look at everyone in general. I am color blind, do not discriminate against gender and find different cultures fascinating. It is all about what is inside that counts."

"Yes, Sir. I share your views. The world would be a much happier place if they stop drawing so many lines upon one another. If we learn to be more accepting and respectful in general than rejecting and crossing the lines with hatred then we would not have all these outrageous crimes against humanity.

The pleasure of the flesh should be free from so many restrictions. The only restriction is that the parties are all full grown adults that agree on the matter. It should be mutual. The options are much wider when the fine lines are removed. The ones who place so much restrictions on everyone are the ones most likely to commit the crimes against people. Their insecurities lead them to a dark path even though they point that they are on the brighter one."

"Indeed. Please find out more about Gracie's past. I am not sure how she will take in the relation Frederick and I have. It would ease my nerves if I know she has a best friend that has been intimate with."

"I will find out what I can, Sir. More cream of corn, Sir?"

"Yes, thank you. You have made a great meal as usual, Humbly.

"Thank you, Sir."

I had decided to go to bed early and not sleep in too late. There are some business matters I need to attend to with Nigel, the senior office manager. I had Humbly arrange for his visit to my place in the afternoon.