Chapter 4
In the weeks following the run-in with Allie's dad, things were tense at work and home. Allie was constantly on edge, as if she thought he was going to break into our flat or jump out from behind a corner at work. I did my best to calm her, but she was just too scared. Most of the time, she withdrew into her shell. I made the mistake of getting frustrated once. I didn't shout, but my tone definitely turned from caring to frustrated. Allie recoiled from me with tears in her eyes. It took a great deal of calming her down after that followed by caring hugs and kisses. I felt incredibly guilty and it was a while before I forgave myself.
It made me furious that a person - her father, no less - could have that sort of lasting effect on her.
Marge noticed as well. She pulled me to one side at work one day and said, "Just how bad is her dad?"
I sighed. "When we first met, she warned me about him. She's petrified of him and her brothers. They've never physically hurt her, but I think they bullied her over so many years that she developed a deep fear of them that haunts her."
"Is there anything I can do? I hate to see the poor girl suffering, it's like watching Bambi having a nervous breakdown."
"I'll try speaking to her again tonight. I feel sort of helpless, though. Nothing I'm doing seems to be working."
Marge patted my shoulder. "Don't give up, if there's someone who's worth it, it's her."
I smiled. "I know. I really love her, you know."
Marge's answering smile knocked years off her and softened her normally harsh features. "I know you do, and she loves you just as much. You'll get your fairytale ending, it just might be a little rough before you get there."
I left Marge and returned to work with Bernie for the rest of the day. He was a good sounding board, always happy to listen to my worries and offer good advice. We were mopping the floors up on 8
th
when I said, "The problem is nothing I say seems to make any difference. I've tried night after night but it's always the same. Sometimes, I feel like she's pulling away from me."
Bernie scratched his chin thoughtfully. "Sounds to me like you're dealing with something more like a trauma than just feeling scared. Maybe she should speak to a professional."
"I've suggested that but she's adamant she doesn't want to speak to anyone about it. I can try and talk her into it again, but I think she's worried about the cost and thinks she's making a huge deal out of something relatively small, when that's not the case at all."
"Well, if she won't go and you can't convince her, do what you've been doing and give it time before suggesting professional help again. Remember, years and years of emotional abuse won't disappear overnight. It might be years before she's over the way her family treated her."
"I don't care if it's twenty years, I just want her to be happy. I'll stand by her, no matter what."
At that moment, a petite figure collided with the back of me and I was suddenly attacked by a snuffling Allie, who hugged me so tightly my ribs hurt. My first thought was that she had heard everything and I had hugely fucked up by talking about her to Bernie. But that was swiftly countered by Allie's crushing hug.
"Uh, are you OK? How come you're up here?" I asked.
Allie wiped her eyes. "Marge gave me the rest of the day off and told me Bernie would do the same for you. I-I heard you say my name and stopped in the corridor, so I overheard what you both said."
"Ah, shit. Allie, I'm really sorr-"
"No! Stop! Don't apologise, I love that you and Bernie care about me so much. I've never had it before." She wiped her eyes.
Bernie chuckled. "Looks like I'm mopping solo. Take the rest of the day, Nick. Allie, have a think about that professional help, eh? You don't have to go tomorrow, next week, or even next month, but it's an option and it might help you further down the line. Marge and I are here for you both if you need to offload. Now go and enjoy the rest of the day."
Allie hugged Bernie and pecked him on the cheek. "Thank you, Bernie."
He waved his hand dismissively. "Go, before I change my mind and make you both mop with me."
I took Allie's hand and we powerwalked through the hospital to the Cleaner's Closet. I grabbed my rucksack from my locker and then we exited through the main entrance. Despite her improved mood inside, Allie tensed up as we walked the new route back to our flat.
I held her hand tightly the whole way and tried to distract her by talking about various things at work and even a bit about the book that I was polishing up on my new laptop to send to Len. She responded mostly with nods and short answers.
When we reached the flat, we went inside and I locked the doors. I hugged her and said, "Why is it so bad, Allie?"
She looked up at me with her big blue eyes. I could get lost in those eyes. "I just know what he'll do. He'll take me away and lock me in the house. But, worse than that, he'll hurt you and I know that I'll be to blame for it."
"If any of that happens, we'll go straight to the police!"
"Yeah, but that won't matter because it will already have happened! I don't want you ever getting hurt, and it petrifies me!"
We hugged for a while longer and then Allie started to prepare food for us. Short of moving far away, I couldn't see a long-term solution to our problem. The thought did inspire me, however. Excited, I quickly turned on my laptop and began searching online.
"What's up?" Allie asked, curiosity overcoming her worries temporarily.
"Nothing," I replied, a plan forming.
She frowned but didn't probe any further. I grabbed my phone to fire off a few messages and then returned to my search. My phone pinged a couple of times and I grinned.
"What are you smiling about?" Allie asked again.
"You'll see," I said mysteriously. Allie eyes narrowed but she smiled. I loved that smile, and I intended to keep her smiling.
By the time dinner was ready, I'd completed my little mission and closed the lid to my laptop. Allie wasted no time in asking me what I was doing but I fended her off with what I hoped was an infuriating smile.
After dinner, we put on a film and got under the blanket on the sofa. Allie immediately tucked herself into my side and said, "Can you tell me why you were being so sneaky now?"
I chuckled and kissed her nose. "Nope."
She pouted and scrunched her nose up adorably. "That's not fair."
"I never said it was."