This part of my day I could do blindfolded. My alarm goes off but I'm already awake, in fact I've been awake for at least two hours. Sleep has come hard for me for the last six months since I left hospital, if I get any more than two hours a night it's a bonus. I drag myself out of my warm bed and stagger into the kitchen where I prepare my breakfast of coffee, which I drink before heading to the bathroom where I'm confronted by my almost healed face that, along with my lonely bed, is a constant reminder of the day, almost a year ago when my world came crashing down around me.
It was my fault, I'd been to my sister's birthday party and I'd had a few too many drinks. I had told myself that I needed them to ease the pressure of my work, of the investigation that I had just wrapped up after three months, that had sapped my physical and emotional resources. Julie, my long suffering Julie, had lived through the hell that I'd been going through in dealing with a wave of organised crime ranging from murder, rape and extortion, to drug labs that churned out massive quantities of crystal meth to supply the market desperate for a high.
I had been told that I'd made enemies that were out to get me but I persisted until we were able, finally, to close the case and make several high profile arrests. Detective Chief Inspector Matthews, my boss, had suggested that I take some time out to recuperate before the trials, so Julie and I travelled interstate for my sister's party.
My face staring at me from the mirror was accusatory, it yelled at me that if I hadn't become a cop Julie and I would have been safe. It yelled at me that if I'd been a normal beat cop Julie and I would have been safe. "Leave me alone!" I yelled back at the mirror. "I can't help what has happened, nothing will bring her back."
We had left the party and Julie was driving, we were heading back to the hotel because there were too many people in Stef's house and no room for us. Julie had just turned onto the main road when a car pulled up beside us. Something made me look at the car and I could clearly see the pistol pointing directly at me, its barrel looked huge. Julie must have caught a glimpse of it because she slammed her foot on the accelerator. That move cost her her life, the bullet meant for me hit her instead. She was dead before the out of control vehicle crashed into the front window of a hardware store. A sharp metal tool of some description crashed through the windscreen and lodged in my skull. I was in a coma for three weeks and in intensive care for ten before being sent to a ward to 'recover'.
My face was testament to the cosmetic surgeon's art, the scar had almost disappeared, and people no longer stared as I walked down the street. It was the scars inside that weren't healing. The self blame just would not go away. I was no longer employed as a detective although I kept that title and rank. The shrink decided that I should remain on duty doing menial tasks that the others just didn't seem to get time to do. Filing of evidence, court transcripts, closed cases to be filed in the archives, including the one that I had worked on, at least I didn't have to give evidence, I wasn't well enough and, even if I had been, I wouldn't have been able to be objective in my testimony. While my mind and body were kept busy the constant reminder of what had happened was eating at my insides. The other detectives were good about it, probably realising that if it hadn't been me that had copped it, it would have been one of them.
I missed the after shift drinks because I now had no tolerance for alcohol and had given up drink, so I went home instead, home to my loneliness and my thoughts, home to my supermarket frozen dinners and coffee, always coffee, and, if I hadn't finished it in the morning, the cryptic crossword.
Showered and shaved I left my house, an attached cottage in a row of identical attached cottages, and walked to the newsagents where I picked up a morning paper before calling into a cafe to top up my caffeine levels with a cup of take away, because it was so much better than the station muck. I passed the time of day with the desk officer before heading for my desk and my filing. Before starting I sat and skimmed through the paper until I reached the puzzle page and my crosswords. The regular one got my brain working in preparation for the cryptic. I had just started on it when the DCI came up to me. "Charlie, how are you feeling?"
"Fine." I lied.
"Good. I've been talking to the shrink and he suggested that we might look at easing you back into your old job with some undemanding types of investigations, and one has come up that I think will fit that description."
"Oh?"
"Yes. It's a break and enter at the Bookworm bookstore, do you know it?"
"Yes, I know it well, I walk past it every day."
"The owner, who lives above it, came downstairs this morning to find that it had been broken into and had been trashed. She hasn't finished checking but doesn't think anything has been stolen. I'd like you to go down and have a poke around and see if you can't get a line on who it was that could have done this. Do you think you can handle that?"
Do I think I can handle it? I could do this without thinking; this is kids stuff so why is he getting me to investigate when uniform could easily do it? "Of course I can." I told him. I folded my paper and slipped it into my desk drawer, swallowed what was left of my now lukewarm coffee and grabbed my jacket. I was conscious of the eyes of my fellow squad members following me as I left.
The Bookworm was as I remembered it, a small frontage to a long narrow store. There were shelves down each side wall and fixtures at right angles down the centre of the room. In the centre of the store was the cash desk, a large polished wood desk that wouldn't have appeared out of place in an executive office. The only concession to modernity was a computerised register, its screen seemingly at odds with its surroundings.
The bookish woman, responding to the tinkling of the door bell, glanced at me as I entered and smiled as I walked toward her. "Miss Morgan, I'm Detective Sergeant Forbes. I understand that you had an unwanted visitor last night?"
She stood up from her task of collecting the scattered books from the floor and held her hand out to me. "I'm pleased to meet you, I was expecting a constable, I feel important having a Detective Sergeant attend. I'm Samantha Morgan, I own this store, or what's left of it."
I glanced at the books lying on the floor in front of empty shelves. "This is going to take a lot of work. I'd like to ask you a few questions before I have a look around. You sleep above the store, is this correct?"
"Yes, I have a flat above. I find it convenient"
"I would have thought that this would have made a lot of noise, how is it that you didn't hear anything?"
"I'm a heavy sleeper, the tablet helps, once my head hits the pillow I'm dead to the world until my alarm wakes me at seven."
"I'm envious, I can only manage a couple of hours." I mumbled.
"Oh, I'm sorry, it's insensitive of me prattling on about how well I sleep. I recognise you, you're the officer that was badly injured about a year ago, you lost your wife, didn't you. Oh there I go again, prattling on, I'm sorry, forgive me, please?"
"It's all right." Who was I kidding? Was I right in accepting this case? I suppose I'll just have to grin and bear it. "The most obvious reason for breaking into a shop is money, was there any stolen?"
"Oh no, of that I'm positive, you see there is never any money left in the till over night, not even the float."
"Float?"
"The money that is in the till at the start of the day is called the float. I take the cash drawer out and store it in my safe upstairs along with the takings for the day."
"Who ever did this obviously didn't know that, otherwise he would be tip-toeing up the stairs in the dead of night to rob you."
"That sounds scary, maybe I should rethink my security."
"That would be wise, sometimes even a small amount of money will satisfy your amateur criminal."
"You believe this to be the work of an amateur?"
"Yes, for a couple of very good reasons, the first is the target, this is a book store, not a high volume business so, even on the best days you wouldn't have enough money lying around to satisfy the professional crim. Secondly, a professional, finding no money, would normally slip off into the night leaving you unaware that he's even been here. Only a rank amateur would lose it and trash the place out of frustration."