Sarah leaned forward and looked down into the foaming water. Just a little farther and she could topple so easily into the water, let it pull her under. Just... let go. Far below, the waves crashed so loud it was like constant thunder.
Nobody to miss me. If I died out here, someone would eventually come looking, not because I mattered to them but because I'd stopped doing my job.
Sarah sat down and pulled her standard issue Park Ranger jacket tighter around her, sinking her chin into the neck opening and pulling her hat brim low to block the setting sun. The cold of the rock quickly penetrated the seat of her pants but she needed to sit, if only for a few minutes. Just long enough to breathe in the marine salt.
The sun heated her dark jacket but it didn't warm her much. She was tired; tired of being alone but, more than that, tired of being lonely. That was the way it had been most of her life, in one way or another. As a true witch, the need to hide her powers had always kept friends at arms length. She'd gotten too good at hiding. Life went on around her, with or without her. She observed like a shadow; ignored, sometimes even stepped on. She could make people pay attention but it wasn't the same as having people that cared about you.
She stood slowly, balancing precariously for a moment on the boulder's edge, then turned and made her way back over the rocks and grass to the gravel parking area where her four wheel drive sat, emblazoned with the National Park system logo on the doors. She fired the truck up and headed back to her cabin, through the hills and into the mountains. It was October thirty-first and the sun was starting to set. Time to get ready for the Sabbat.
Campers had dribbled to a stop. She might get a few here and there. Technically the park was open year round but the visitor center was officially closed for the winter and she could relax a bit, turn her mind to other pursuits. She wouldn't be seeing nearly as many people come through. It was a bit too cold and rough out there for most.
Sarah was torn by the setting in of winter solitude. The people were fun to watch in the summer time sometimes, little kids running around, laughing and playing, couples walking hand in hand. At other times it just reminded her of what she didn't have in her life and she wanted to crawl into a hole. She was always the outsider, alone even in a crowd.
Now they were gone. It was just her and the animals again.
My cat and my little cabin
, she thought as she pulled into the clearing and stepped out onto the soft carpet of pine needles. Her eyes swept the area. There was the cabin. Where was the cat?
"Sam! Sam! Here kitty, kitty, kitty..." She turned and headed for the cabin. She was starting to get worried. He'd been gone for three days. He wasn't usually gone for more than one and never more than two.
"Probably took off, just like every other male in my life. Hell, even my imaginary friend took off on me." Of course, that had been when she was about eight. Sometimes she thought she remembered something about him but then it would dissolve into a shadow. The only thing she remembered for certain was his name, George. She'd fantasized him into complete romanticism during her adolescent years. She still couldn't let go of him completely. Sometimes she found herself imagining what he'd be like as an adult, as if he were a real person. She chuckled dryly. How pathetic was that?
"Come on Sam. Where the heck are you?" A huge Maine Coon cat in cream, brown and black stripes flashed past her into the cabin as Sarah opened the door.
'There you are, you naughty kitty." He stopped and rubbed up against a table leg just inside, looking up at her with wide eyes as if to say, "were you looking for... moi?"
Sarah flicked a couple light switches on. She could have simply told the lights to turn on but it was best not to get into bad habits when she was alone.
For a time, she'd tried to deny the power that coursed through her. That had not gone well. Men had been drawn to her dark Irish looks; black hair, fair skin and blue eyes. They soon left when they began to sense the strangeness underneath, something they couldn't quite fathom.
I must have some kind of freak flag
. She tossed her hat and coat onto the loveseat near the door.
In the kitchen area, she took out the cat food bag and filled Sam's bowl then opened a can of wet cat food and dumped it onto a plate. He didn't seem interested in either. Instead, he rubbed against her knee then stretched up her leg, his paws high on her thigh, a precursor to starting to climb her. That could be quite painful so she picked him up like a child. "You big bruiser," she grunted. "You've probably been out hunting or fishing and ate all you wanted anyway."
Sam, short for Samhain, purred loudly and butted her chin, snuggling in close. Sarah knocked a chair out from the kitchen table and sat down, turning Sam on his back over her lap and supporting him with an arm. She rubbed his chest for a few minutes and his tail lashed in pleasure.
"Alright bud, that's all I've got time for tonight. Time to get ready." She rolled him over and dropped him to the floor then started opening cupboards and pulled out the ingredients for a pan of cornbread. It was soon in the oven with the timer set.
The second bedroom where Sarah kept her altar set up with a circle for casting. Nobody ever came around anyway. She checked to make sure she had all the various items she would need that night for her ceremony.
If she were in town, she would have readied this earlier in the day then spent a good bit of time preparing for trick-or-treaters. Little kids were so cute in their costumes, little ghosts and goblins. In college, she and her roommates had made elaborate preparations at the house they shared in the city. They'd all dressed up and set up tricks to scare the pants off the kids that came to the door. She'd always done a few little enchantments that wouldn't be speculated on but added to the fun of the holiday.
When she was a child herself, Sarah had trick-or-treated then gone home to help her grandmother with the Sabbat ritual. That had been until she was fourteen. That year she had refused. It was a regret she still carried with her. It had hurt her grandmother but she had let Sarah walk her own path. Sarah had just wanted to be normal, to feel a part of everything. Of course, she'd quickly found out that denying her magic had not made her any more popular with the other girls.
That freak flag again.
Her grandmother had died when Sarah was nineteen, away at college. She'd truly been alone then. Now, she was thirty-six. Tonight, she would offer one last plea to the universe before she would accept that this was just the way her life would be, solitary. As it had been, was now, and ever would be.
Sarah finished preparing the room just as the timer went off on the oven. She set her besom broom aside and went to take the cornbread out. She headed into the bedroom. She quickly stripped down, tossed her clothes into a laundry basket and headed for the bathroom, pulling the elastic from her hair where it was bound into a tail at the nape of her neck. She put the plug in the old claw-foot tub and turned the hot tap on full blast. She'd be lucky to get a lukewarm bath. She reached for a bottle of bath oil that smelled of cinnamon and ginger, spices she associated with fall. The spices would carry over nicely into her ritual that night, both for the Sabbat and what she had in mind afterwards.
As the tub filled with water, Sarah took her hairbrush and bent over, careful not to let her hair touch the ground. She ran the brush through it, bringing it together to tie it high on her head so it wouldn't fall into the bath water. She didn't want to have wet hair when she was naked for the ritual. It was too cold for that. Ready, she checked the temperature of the water with a finger.
Hmmm
Not quite optimal. Pretty dang cold in fact!
Guess it wouldn't hurt to give it a little zap.
She reached in and spread her fingers, picturing the water beginning to steam just a tiny bit until she could see the wisps actually rise from the water's surface. She pulled out her hand and stuck a toe in.
Ahhh, much better
.
Sarah grabbed her little inflatable pillow and settled back against the tub. She let her mind wander as she relaxed. Tonight was a time for remembering loved ones who had gone on. It was also the changing of the year. Perhaps this would turn out to be a particularly auspicious time to ask for a man in her life.
The tip of her tongue against the back of her teeth, she inhaled deeply through her nose for a count of four, held her breath for a count of seven then slowly exhaled through her mouth and around her tongue. She did this three times then tried to just let her mind float. It didn't take long before she felt ready.
