Standard Disclaimers: Any and all characters are purely figments of my imagination. If a real life person's name is used, its for authenticity. If partaking in sexual stuff, they are over 18 years of age. If I mention a city in these United States, please use a map to learn that I have spelled the city correctly! Starts slowly, but it does build up.
My name is Woodrow Chandler, Jr. I am 39 years old, and after working at the same job for 17 years, or should I say 17 seasons, I am now entering a full retirement.
I just completed my 17th season in the NFL, when most 'experts' thought I'd never play one game. I guess I fooled them! In the 272 games played, in those 17 seasons, I appeared in 271, missing only one game, to be with my wife for the birth of our first child.
Let me give you all a little back story, if I may. I was born and raised in Havre, Montana. Yes, in high school, I was a Blue Pony. My high school mascot.
I was the third child of Woodrow, Sr, and Hazel Chandler. Both my older siblings were girls, so my pop sort of spoiled me. Don't get me wrong, I worked my ass off, getting to where I am, today.
In high school, I played a sport every season. Football is what I was best at, standing almost 6'3" and topping just over 200 pounds, my senior year.
Colleges weren't exactly beating down my door, so when Idaho State offered me a scholarship, I jumped at the opportunity. Pocatello, Idaho was an upgrade from Havre, so off I went.
I played all four years, starting the last two seasons as an outside linebacker. I had bulked up to 225, without losing any speed. I did have some pro scouts looking at me, but they all said they would wait until after the draft, so they could save money, signing me to a free agent contract.
The Denver Broncos, did just that. I wound up playing there for 11 seasons, mainly becoming a special teams star, as well as the back up strong safety.
Right after my second season, I met, fell in love with and married Susan Bell. Just a whisp of a girl, 5'2" and maybe 115 on a good day. We made odd couple, number one, in my life.
Our sex life was off the charts. She and I did almost everything, in every imaginable position. The only thing she would not allow, due to my size was anal. Suzie drew the line saying that my thick eight plus inches just wasn't going into her back door.
With everything you can think of being in our play book, I didn't complain. There were several occasions when one or two of my fingers found their way into her forbidden region.
Just about 2 years into our marriage, Donna Chandler was born, and 18 months later Bonnie Chandler joined our band of Chandlers.
For the next 3 or 4 years, as my standing in the league improved, our love life seemed to be headed into the crapper.
If Suzie didn't claim to be too tired, the kids were horrible, or some other half assed excuse, I didn't feel like begging, or fighting.
Just after our eighth anniversary, I sensed something else was happening. She seemed to get even more defensive when I asked if we were still good, even though I knew we weren't. I started hearing whispers in my own locker room, that one of my teammates might be making a play for my wife.
I actually confronted Donnel Jarvis, one of our star running backs. At first, he denied everything, but when I confronted my wife, she broke down in tears, admitting to a seven month affair.
"Except for a bigger paycheck, what does he have that I don't" I calmly asked.
Shrugging her shoulders, she told me at first she just wanted to see how sex would be with a black man.
I couldn't believe this shit. I never denied her one thing.
When I cornered Donnel, he tried talking his way out of it, but I told him what my wife had said. He did admit to it, but when I asked him if he was going to marry her after our divorce, he replied, "Fuck, no!"
That's all I needed to take with me to the divorce lawyer I found.
When we met for the first time, I asked for primary custody. When her lawyer asked why, I played Donnel's reply about marriage, which caused a flood of tears from my soon to be ex wife.
After much negotiating, Suzie got custody during football season, and I got custody the remainder of the year.
I did go to our team's management and quietly told them if Jarvis stayed, I was gone.
The following week, I became a Seattle Seahawk. I guess even after 10 seasons, the brass kept the running back, and dumped the back up safety, and special teams star.
On to Seattle, a city I had never been to, except to play football, but I knew I was going to a very good team, on the rise. I also fit in very well with my new teammates.
Coming off a nasty divorce, I shied away from dating. It wasn't due to a lack of opportunity, as there were locker room groupies in every city I played in.
After a year of abstinence, I did hook up on the road, more than once, always using protection, even when the girl would tell me it wasn't necessary. Bullshit, I would think to myself.
My second season in Seattle, I fell into a perfect 'gotcha' moment. Our home opener was against the Broncos. While warming up, most of my old teammates greeted me very warmly. With one notable exception. Yep, Donnel Jarvis. The asshole wouldn't acknowledge my presence on the field. Late in the first quarter, he felt my presence. He was returning a punt, and running at full speed, I hit him directly just under his shoulder pads, so hard his helmet flew about 10 yards behind him. When he didn't get up, I just jogged back to my sideline, with the home crowd going nuts. He missed the next four games. Boo fucking hoo.
I was told, later, that this reminded the Seahawk faithful of two plays in 1988, involving Hall of Famer, Steve Largent and Mike Hardin of the Broncos.
Early in the season, at Mile High Stadium, Largent was going out for a pass, and Hardin hit him so hard, it cracked a tooth.
Back at The Kingdome, later in the season, Hardin intercepted a pass, and like a rocket Largent threw himself into Hardin so hard, it took the training staff 10 minutes to get Hardin back to the sideline, and directly to a hospital.
I was told that the noise ranked among the top 5 in the 25 year history of the stadium.
As my third season was moving into the playoffs, I quietly began thinking, what if? Hawks, Broncos in Super Bowl 48?
It became a reality. I did convince my ex to let my daughters go to the game, and they got to witness the greatest Seahawk win, ever. 44 to 8 over that asshole's Denver team.
Right after that game, the Broncos released Donnel Jarvis.
Back to me. During my last three seasons, I started planning for my future. I started making what turned out to be some very good investments. I also started dating, a little more, but just couldn't find a lady who wanted anything from me, except my money.
I did have more than a few dates that ended up in either hers or my bed, but nothing that ever rose to the level of marriage.
Before my final season, which I had announced my retirement, I purchased a fitness gym, not too far from where I lived. I figured I needed to keep myself in shape, and this seemed the best way.
While waiting for training camp to start, I would visit most every day, just to see how it was running. During the morning and afternoon sessions, most of the customers were women. Both young professionals and some older, soccer mom types.
Before any of you get ideas in your head, I was not scouting out date material.
There was one lady who would work out at least 3 or 4 times a week. Hard to judge her age, but she would be picked up by one of two look alike daughters, each with children with them.
They all seemed very nice, and I did see what seemed like sons in law, too. One evening, I was doing some paperwork in my office when I heard some yelling by the weight machines.
When I went to check, I saw an older man yelling at this lady, with her family trying to push him away. I yelled at the top of my voice for everyone to knock it off!
All eyes turned to look at me, approaching quickly. This guy looks at me and says, "she is my wife, and she's coming with me!"
"I'm your EX WIFE, you shithead, now leave me alone!"
He reached out and tried grabbing her arm. Big mistake.
"Take your hand off of her, or I'll break your arm!" I hollered.
That got everyone's attention.
