Trivial Pursuits

Dear Readers,

First let me apologize for the long delay in submitting this chapter. Real life obligations have kept me very busy, leaving little to no time for thought or work on this story. It has, however, calmed down and I am now able to dedicate most of my free time to it, and as such I sincerely hope to have the next (and possibly last?) chapter written, edited and uploaded within two weeks.

Secondly, a big thank you to all of you faithful few who have continued to return, read, rate and review. Your ongoing encouragement certainly goes a long way to sustain my efforts to pen these stories.

Thank you to AlreadyTaken, my ever-faithful editor for yet another valuable edit and suggestions. And a new thank you to another editor, who, alas has not given me her Member name. You know who you are :)

Enjoy!

Titania

******

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

"Go and find the right one to save

I'd rather find my own self for you to slay

Causing my own rough way to calm

Screaming no I've found the love that's been lost

I've been walking on a tight rope falling

And I've been looking for a lifeboat for you

I been looking for a light left in your eye

I've been walking a a tight rope feeling

And I've been looking for a lifeboat for you"

"Lifeboat" Early Morning Rebel

As she tightened the raincoat around her in hopes of blocking out the miserable drizzle, Alessa wondered why she even had that old clunker of a car if she never drove it. Now nearing ten on Friday night, as she made her way from the bus stop to her above-the-garage apartment in the rain, she lamented not driving it to work that morning. As her heels clacked along the cracked sidewalk of her neighborhood, she assumed it was simply habit; typically on Friday nights she would go home with Denny to his place. But as he was out of town until the following morning, she was destined for her own place for once.

Unfortunately, the moment she thought of Denny, she was subjected to the replay of his declaration of love over and over in her mind, and the subsequent relief and fear that constantly cycled around and again as she imagined a moment of happiness fading into a lifetime of pained abandonment.

But her tumultuous thoughts were disrupted by the sight of an unexpected car parked in front of her above-the-garage apartment. Even in the dark Alessa recognized the vehicle, though it took her brain a moment to fit it into this context. What was her mother doing there?

"Mom?" she asked walking up to the blue vehicle. The window rolled down.

"I took a chance that since you couldn't come out to see me, maybe I could come see you. Maybe stay the night? It is Friday after all. Do you have to work tomorrow?"

Alessa was stalled for an answer. She had already divided her time between work, Denny and Cadence, and now her mother was begging for a considerable chunk of the forty-eight hours she had "free."

"Of course, mom. Did you bring a bag? Let me help you carry it in. Have you eaten yet?" she asked, scrambling to recover from the unexpectedness of her arrival.

"Alessa, it's ten o'clock at night. Of course I've eaten."

"Oh, well because I haven't. I was in the middle of finishing something up at the office. You know how I get when I'm on a roll. So I'm starving." She took her mother's large overnight bag and cosmetic case, slung it over her shoulder, and watched as Eileen emerged laboriously from the car. Though Alessa was accustomed to how slowly her mother generally moved, it was a constant struggle to temper her own natural quick feet to amble sluggishly with her and not leave her behind. By the time they were at the top of the stairs, Eileen was panting heavily, having used her hands on the railing to pull herself up as her legs weren't quite capable of doing the job on their own.

"Would you like some water?"

"Yes, please," Eileen panted as she sat down on one of the over-stuffed arm chairs. After tossing her bag on the bed, Alessa went to the kitchen and was quick to bring back some ice water. While Eileen drank it, Alessa sat down and they caught up on all the trivial goings-on in their lives. During their discussion, Alessa thought her mom looked a little more tired, her eyes a little more dull than typical. Her skin perhaps a little yellow. But she didn't want to ask. Didn't want to know. Didn't want to hear. And when the guilt of being too cowardly to ask gnawed a touch too much, she went to the kitchen to make herself a simple wrap with quinoa and broccoli with a fleeting wish that Denny were around to make his tasty omelets and hold her in his arms.

In the morning, they were having breakfast at a small French-inspired café of which Alessa was fond when her phone chimed. She read the text, and then flicked her eyes up, realizing her mother had been watching her. She had that mischievous gleam in her eyes and a little smirk at the corner of her mouth, telling Alessa she couldn't wait to pry details out of her.

With something of a sigh, Alessa explained Denny had just landed and was interested in meeting them that afternoon for an outing before taking them to dinner.

"Is there anything particular you'd like to do this afternoon?" Alessa asked, sipping her espresso.

"Well, now that you mention it, I did see the Cal Academy is having a special exhibit on jellyfish."

"I think I heard something about that," Alessa responded with a smile, knowing her mother's fondness for the gelatinous sea creatures. "Alright, let's see if he agrees," she mumbled as she texted him back with the suggestion.

"Oh course he'll agree," Eileen replied knowingly. "He's your boyfriend meeting your mother for the first time. If he's worth half his weight in gold, impressing me will be the name of the game."

Alessa raised an eyebrow, but smiled, knowing she was correct. For the remainder of the meal they discussed her holiday with Denny's family, Eileen prying as much of the details, especially about Pima, from her as she could. And as she foretold, Denny agreed happily to the outing.

At the appointed time, he arrived at Alessa's to pick up mother and daughter. He knocked on the glass door at the top of the landing, a black jacket on and droplets of rain on his hair.

There was a rush of greetings as both he and Eileen were introduced to one another, each claiming it was a pleasure to meet the other. Alessa's stomach was tight as she watched him make small talk, asking about her drive in, their morning breakfast and any news from Walnut Creek, all the while scanning his face for any signs of pejorative thoughts. But his warm and sparkling eyes turned toward hers, and she felt heat flush her cheeks as all she could think of once again was his declaration of love over Thanksgiving.

"I suppose this is the place where I say I can see where Alessa gets her beautiful eyes," he commented with a good-natured smiled.

Eileen laughed out loud. "Yes, I suppose her eyes are mine, and everything else is pretty much her father."

"Yes, well," Alessa said uncomfortably, blushing for unknown reasons, "shall we go?"

"Of course," Denny replied congenially. "I haven't been to the Cal Academy in ages," he confessed. "Maybe since I was a kid."

"It's one of my mom's favorite places," Alessa added.

"Really?"

"Oh yes, I've always loved science. Wanted to be a biologist." They were walking out the door with Denny leading, Alessa casting a watchful eye on her mother's gradual progress down the wet stairs on shaky legs. She was breathing rather harshly at the bottom, but had enough air to suggest she'd ride in the back.

"So why not a biologist?" Denny asked when they were on the road.

"Oh, you know life. Got married, had a daughter, so I took a job without finishing school and worked there until my health dictated I couldn't. It's worked out fine though." Denny smoothly navigated the moderate traffic the short distance to Golden Gate Park and then pulled into the main parking for the California Academy of Science. He insisted on purchasing the tickets for the group and then allowed Eileen to lead the way. The trio spent a pleasant hour and half strolling through the aquarium and butterfly dome, though Alessa's mother had to sit to rest more than once. At one point, Denny suggested the planetarium, which was a nice reprieve from the constant walking. It was nearing closing time when they felt satisfied with what they had seen and made their way through the gift shop.

As they perused the bits of science commercialized for retail, they slowly separated, finding their own ways through the shelves and tables filled with kits, books, and specimens.

And rocks, Alessa noted, as she came to the display with geodes that had been broken open. Some were small, some were in kits, and a select few had been processed one way or another to become a striking decorative statement. One in particular caught her eye, causing her to pause and give study. It was set on a lacquered plate of wood with three legs to hold it up.

While the outside of the stone was rather simplistically beautiful encased in a brushed sterling silver overlay, it was the inside that rightly attracted the eye. The inside, Alessa marveled, the inside was as if a tiny dazzling galaxy had been captured and compressed down into a tumbling frozen cloud, crystalized and translucent. The grayish lavender hue rumbled with ribbons of smoky white, and glimpses of metallic glitter hinted at something magical and otherworldly.

At once, Alessa felt an affinity with the cut open rock, as if it were a small, hard metaphor for herself. She felt the compulsion to share her find with Denny, to let him see inside and marvel with her. But when she looked up and scanned across the room for him, another idea formed, compelling her to pick up the stone and wooden stand and carry them quickly to the cashier. She asked for it to be wrapped and placed in a sack. She kept looking over her shoulder, hoping the young woman did her job quickly, and much to her relief was handed the package just before Denny and her mother approached.

"What did you get?" Eileen asked.

"Oh, just something for the bookshelf. Ready?" she asked with a smile, hoping to change the subject and move them on. Though it was still a little early, they decided to go for an early dinner so Eileen could make the drive back to Walnut Creek that night.

Denny let Alessa choose the restaurant, which turned out to be a nearby Thai restaurant that had the best pad si-io. The meal only built on the easy rapport between Eileen and Denny, and by the end of the evening when he returned them to Alessa's, Eileen had given an unspoken blessing to his and Alessa's relationship. And though he wanted to stay the night, he bid them both goodnight, leaving them to say their own goodbyes.

But when Denny was a mile away stopped at a red light, he smiled down as he read his text. Alessa was inviting him back if he brought ice cream with him. He chuckled as he turned on his blinker to head to the nearest grocery store to pick up something with chocolate and nuts. When he pulled back up into her drive, Eileen's car was gone and Alessa was standing on her small balcony, a glass of red wine in hand. When he trotted up the stairs, she held out her hand and led him inside.

Late the next morning, after Alessa had shoved Denny out the door and showered, she met Lou at what was becoming their favorite Sunday brunch destination. Ever since Thanksgiving, after Denny's declaration of love caused her to realize she felt the same, Alessa's heart and mind warred nonstop, leaving her unsettled. She knew only one person could give her an unbiased opinion born from personal experience and the needed candor to advise her.

Lou was dressed in a multitude of pastel layers, the soft grays, beiges and lavenders setting off her dark complexion perfectly. Always the astute one, they had placed their orders and snagged the last table available inside, before Lou commanded, "Spit it out."

Her cheeky grin somehow made Alessa feel slightly more at ease, though anxiety was too far embedded in her spirit to dissipate altogether. "I—" she frowned, not knowing where to begin. Alessa had shared a few of the more innocuous details of her holiday with Denny but had left out a few crucial ones, namely his confession of love and the dawning of her own realization. She sighed as she was wont to do before she simply purged everything, including his three-word declaration. Alessa let the words hang in the air, not having heard them since he had said them himself.

Lou's eyebrows rose up discernably and her lips parted in a slow smile. When she was finally grinning fully she said, "See, what did I tell you?" She chuckled at Alessa's expression. "And? What did you say to him?"

Alessa opened her mouth but nothing came out. She was stalled. "Alessa, you did say it back, right? Please don't tell me you left him hanging?" Lou asked in exasperation.

"I-what could I say?"

"That you love him, you dope."

Alessa struggled to come up with an adequate reply. "I just don't know how to do that, Lou."

Her friend's face morphed into gentle understanding and then shrewd consideration. "You do love him, right?"

"I think I do. Yes."

Lou grinned and nodded. "But you're afraid. Of what? Of being embarrassed? Of seeming needy and clingy? Of being hurt?"

Alessa gave a single shoulder shrug. "Like I said, it's not going to last," she declared resolutely.

"Says who?"

"Experience."

Lou sighed in exasperation. "Yes, relationships fail, but don't you understand what it means when you love someone?"

"You're trapped?"

Lou growled. "No. Your love...think about it this way. Love is big and full, right? All-encompassing. Love is like and care and interest and concern and happiness and forgiveness and vulnerability and need all rolled up into one. When you

love

someone, it means you've found someone who can provoke all those things in you, draw them out. It means they're worthy of you, in a way, that you're compatible somehow.

"Now, that's not to say that everyone who's in a relationship loves a perfect person or loves someone who will never hurt them, because, let's face it, all people screw up. Most people are selfish at some point. But it means that a person exists who has things that you want. That you need. And if they love you back? Talk about the stars aligning."

Alessa made no reply as Lou's words tumbled around in her mind. And Lou knew that Alessa would eventually see that she was right, that love would be worth risking whatever she was afraid of, and so she chose not to ask any more questions on the subject. Instead she updated Alessa on the cultivated growth of her blog and begged her pretty friend once more to be a model for it. At the end of their brunch Alessa stated she would think about it and allowed the enthusiastic friend to hug her goodbye.

As it was the first of December, when she returned to her apartment she wrote her rent check and took it to Mr. Cho at the main house. She knocked on his back patio door and waited for him to answer. But when several minutes passed with no sign of him, she opened the door while knocking and calling out to him.

"Mr. Cho? Mr. Cho I have your check." She took a few tentative steps into the kitchen area, looking around. Not only had his door been left unlocked, but the kitchen light was on and a glass and a bowl of half eaten soup were sitting by the sink. She knew he must be there and so she proceeded on into the living area. And that's when she saw him, lying face down in the center of the floor with a hand outstretched, clasping a phone.

"Mr. Cho!" she gasped and ran to his side, kneeling next to him and turning his body over. The instant her hands grabbed his cold and rigid body and he rolled like a log onto his back, she knew he was dead, and his pale, lifeless face now peering unseeingly up at her confirmed it. It was a startling moment, turning someone she had known and loved into a lothesome thing, causing her heart to race in pain and surprise. Her hands yanked back in shock, the desire to grab him and hold him close overcome by the surreal grotesqueness that now held her suspended.

And yet, the knowledge that he could no longer hear her didn't stop his name from spilling from her lips, slipping timidly at first, questioningly, and then with the first swell of a sob, with great despair and weighty need. The tears were falling freely, blurring her vision, and with uncontainable anguish she wept loudly into her hands.

When her tears had finally ceased and her composure at last regained, she thought through what she would have to do. After she placed the call to the medical examiner's office, she made the excruciatingly painful call to Mr. Cho's son, John, who she had only met in passing. He was quiet while she struggled to speak with tears ever-threatening her, and thanked her after she'd given him the number to the M.E.'s office.

Once off the phone, she waited outside on his porch for the authorities. She gave her statement to the young police officer, her words catching in her throat when they pushed Mr. Cho's bagged body out on the gurney. The emergency lights never flashed as they slowly pulled away. After all, what hurry was there with a dead body?

She was numb and exhausted as she returned to her apartment. Alessa stood under the shower, her shivering body aching for warmth and comfort. Without thinking, she called Denny, but only got his voicemail. Alone, she poured a glass of wine and went to bed early.

Mr. Cho's death dampened her spirits for the first few days at work. Denny attempted to cheer her up, but she stated she preferred to just work and forget about it. On Thursday evening, Mr. Cho's lights were on and drew her over. John was there with his wife and daughter, and together they were sifting through his more personal belongings to box up and take home with them.

"We are going to try to go through all the larger items, furniture and things, to set them aside and keep, but the rest will be in the estate sale we've already scheduled for the twentieth."

Alessa was quiet as she nodded sympathetically. She then dug out of her pocket the check she had brought over when she had first discovered the body but forgotten to leave after the unsettling discovery. As she offered him the rent, the obvious finally occurred to her.

"So, you're planning on selling the place?"

Clearly, John had been waiting for an opportunity to broach the topic. "Yes, actually. This neighborhood has really gone up in value. Actually, the entire Bay Area is one hot property market, and as we already have our own place, we plan on selling as soon as the probate paperwork is finalized. I've heard the process can be messy and long, but my lawyer tells me there are ways we can get around it."

Alessa nodded numbly, a thousand implications all suddenly filling her head. She knew her renter's contract wouldn't survive the sale of the property. Her only hope would be to wait it out to arrange a new agreement with the buyers, but even then she knew there was no way anyone would allow her to keep her unheard of five-hundred dollar a month—with all utilities included— fee. And given that John was correct about the housing market in San Francisco, she knew she had to get started now if she was ever going to find a place by the time the sale went through.

So it was Friday during lunch as she stood eating her red apple whilst reading the bulletin board with stapled announcements that Denny approached her. "Whatchya doing?" he asked as he filled the electric kettle up with water and flipped the on switch. Alessa knew she couldn't keep this bit of information to herself, so she sat at the table and eyed him a moment before answering.