Trivial Pursuits Ch 13

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

" I wanna feel your touch

It's burning me like an ember

Pretending is not enough

I wanna feel us together

So I'm giving in

So I'm giving in

To the trouble I'm in"

"Trouble I'm In" Twinbed

*********

Alessa's internal alarm, which had been developed from years of habitual nightly runs, had just given her pause in her work when her actual phone alarm did sound, alerting her to the time. Six o'clock. Her stomach dropped as she bumbled to quickly switch off the electronic beeping, and gave a guilty glance about the still bustling office. But no one seemed to notice her actions, and so she picked up her purse and dug for the unopened circular package that fit securely in her hand.

Her eyes darted up again as she reassured herself that no one witnessed her pop a pill from the packet. She put it in her mouth and then downed it with her pre-run water. So quickly over, but so jagged going down. And then it was gone, protecting her from the inside.

The first pill down, she grabbed her gym bag and left the office for her run, hoping it would quiet her mind for an hour. But given the preoccupation of her thoughts the past two weeks, she didn't think it was likely. She walked briskly down the street to her gym, wrapping herself in her jacket to ward off the cold, wet autumn wind.

Just two weeks ago, summer was still clinging to the evening air, but so much had changed since then. She recalled that Sunday evening after she had phoned Denny, asking to speak with him. Just twelve nights ago, she had met him at the bar he had given her directions to, dressed casually in jeans and a few thin layers of shirts and a cardigan.

And though Denny was likewise comfortably dressed, his unwelcoming and guarded countenance made her instantly fear she had destroyed her opportunity. He was seated at a booth, and without any words exchanged, she slid in the opposite side, her eyes finding it difficult to meet his muted gaze. She was about to say something when an older woman came over asking for her order. She stuttered a vodka rocks, calling to mind the drink Macrae had ordered. Denny raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.

When they were again alone, she finally braved breaching the silence. "Thanks for meeting me." He only nodded once. All afternoon she had worked at constructing an elegant and humble speech, but suddenly her eloquent monologue fell out of her head, all the words crumbling into jumbled nonsense, and so she blurted, "I've reconsidered."

He gave her a questioning look that she read as a confused request for an explanation.

"As hard as it is to admit, you were right," she began with a bitter swallow. "I realize that I'm...I'm stuck and missing out on a full life. A life that I want."

Denny's expression was slowly morphing into guarded interest. "And what led to this epiphany?"

Alessa pursed her lips together and shrugged an uncomfortable shoulder. "Does it matter? Let's just say lots of things have happened lately, made me start thinking."

Denny narrowed his eyes at her, ever the hound sniffing for the last morsel of truth. "But what changed from this morning when you were so adamant about moving on to three this afternoon when you called asking to talk?"

Thankfully, she was momentarily saved by the waitress bringing over her drink with the slice of lime. Alessa took it and swallowed a giant gulp before giving a dramatic gasp. Denny only smirked at her reaction. When the burn of the straight alcohol dissolved away, he nudged her with his foot under the table and then gestured with his head for her answer.

"Mr. Schecter invited me to his home for lunch today," she admitted finally, watching Denny's slowly growing reaction. "He asked if I would be interested in dating his son."

"But you turned him down, right?" he concluded. "Why? At the very least, it would have gotten you your advancement," he observed rather cruelly. "Plus, David's a great guy. Who knows, you might have liked him." He took a swig of his beer.

Though she glared at him, he could see the hurt in her eyes. "I've already told you, that's not how I want to get ahead."

There was silence between them as she pushed back the cuticle on her thumb while trying to dissect her own response to Mr. Schecter's offer and the compulsion to call Denny. It wasn't easy to put all the thoughts and feelings into words, but she tried, understanding on some level that she would have to if she was to ever stop lying to herself. "And any way, even if I had been interested in dating his son or Hyun-Joong, or anyone else, I couldn't. Not really, not with any success. Not as tied up and held down as I am." And then she looked up at him and gave him the one certainty she knew. "You see, I can't keep fighting the truth: I need you."

There was a flash in his eyes of fiery intensity, but it eventually quelled into a subdued gloat. And then before she could say anything, Denny cut in. "I don't know," he began slowly, sitting back and stretching his arm out casually along the top of his booth, before looking nonchalantly out at the bar. "This has already taken so much of my time, and now that I've had a chance to think about it, I'm not so sure I have the patience for a strong-headed, uptight control freak. Not even for one who can kiss as well as you."

Alessa tensed under his insult before she caught the sly, half smile he gave as he cut his playful eyes back at her.

Her glower was tinged with amusement. "I see. And here you had me fooled into believing you were a thoughtful, considerate gentleman capable of single-handedly bringing back chivalry. I'm glad to discover you're just a cowardly, dirty-minded weakling before it was too late." She wasn't exactly fighting a smile, but Denny could see the fleeting relief of humor in her eyes.

At last he sat forward, putting his arms on the table. "Well, if you put it that way, I guess I'd better give it the ol' college try. After all, I couldn't bear the guilt of failing as the last hope for chivalry." He gave her a warm smile and she too responded in kind as the tension began to bend and break.

But the ease couldn't last as they stared at each other with so much left unresolved. Alessa finished off her stringent drink before getting down to business. "So what is your plan?"

"For what?"

"You know for what. For us. Given how you were going on about my deeply flawed outlook last night, I'm fairly certain you have a

strategy

to fix me, right?" she asked, an edge of vexation creeping in her voice.

Denny eyed her with a playful smile. "My plan is just to date you. To be with you every conceivable free moment of our lives, and do every inconceivable thing to you."

Her cheeks blazed red as she looked away, though the flush could have been attributed to the alcohol. "That seems like a little much," she muttered, an eyebrow raised.

"But it's exactly what you need," he concluded confidently.

"For how long? I mean, what if I want out? What if I can't handle it, or what if I just don't like you as much as I thought? Or you get tired of me?"

He took her hand, drawing her uncertain gaze to him. "Sweetheart, this sort of attraction doesn't fade. It's deep and real. All we have to do is respond to it." He could see her discomfort at his claim and so laid out parameters that might make the situation more manageable for her. "Give me a year. Give yourself a year to learn how to respond, to learn what it feels to be happy because of someone else, to need someone else, to fight with someone and then make up after. Give yourself time."

But she was still tense as she considered it. "A year?" she questioned doubtfully "Why a year?"

In all honesty, it was just the first amount of time that he had thought of without much reason other than it seemed long enough to make her fall for him, so his clever brain scrambled to come up with something plausible. "Because I don't want to rush you. I don't want to throw you into something I know you're afraid of. Plus, each new season, each new month brings something novel that hadn't been there before. There's something about being with someone through the holidays, and on Valentine's and through the spring and the summer. It's long enough to grow and short enough to fly faster than you would have thought."

She looked at him speculatively. "I'll make it the best year of your life," he promised. But she didn't capitulate immediately. "This is what you want, right?" he guided.

"Yes, at least I think so, but it scares me."

"That you'll be disappointed?"

But that wasn't everything. "Maybe."

"Then that's just something we'll have to address when we get there. Though, given how it feels between us, I'd bet my last dollar that you won't be." His smile was warming, tempting, melting just a little of her apprehension.

In some ways, she struggled with the prospect of relinquishing her autonomy, hiding behind arguments of equality and independence and the perception it was all so pathetic to rely upon him. But deep down she knew that wasn't reality. As uncomfortable as the arrangement was, Denny was her guide, and like on any tour, it was the guide who knew the way. And so she had promised him a year to plan their time together as he saw best, agreeing to cooperate with him.

Alessa had made it to the gym and was finally on the treadmill, but even as her feet pounded fast on the machine, she couldn't stop thinking about Denny and their first two weeks together. The first item on his agenda had been for them to meet with Macrae the following morning to fully disclose their relationship with the firm. At first, Alessa had adamantly refused, stating she didn't want anyone to know. After all, she didn't want anyone to have reason to attribute her success to the fact she was sleeping with her boss. But Denny insisted it was a requirement of both their employment contracts, and he wasn't going to jeopardize either of their careers by simply failing to follow protocol.

With little other choice, Alessa walked bravely into Macrae's office, her mien cool and distant. Macrae didn't miss the twinkle in Denny's eyes, though he didn't smile outright. Jude offered a chair to both the junior employees before taking her own seat on the other side of her smooth birch desk.

"How can I help you, Denny?" she asked, though she had no doubt the slick little bastard had finally succeeded.

"Ms. Macrae, we are here to officially notify management that we are a consensual couple."

"Is that right?" she asked slowly. Her gaze slid to Alessa.

Though her question was more rhetorical than anything, Alessa could feel the pressure of Jude's gaze and the responding urge to press back. "Yes, that is correct. Mr. Ashbury and I are interested in dating one another. And as it is our responsibility to disclose our relationship, we thought it best to do it this morning," she explained succinctly, if a little needlessly.

Macrae wondered about the hesitation she saw in Alessa's eyes. "Completely consensual?" She refused to look at Denny, certain he was smirking at her.

Alessa seemed taken aback, her eyes wide for a moment before she deftly hid her discomfort. "Yes, of course."

"You understand why we make you disclose your relationship, right? To avoid accusations of harassment weeks or months or years after the relationship goes to pot," Macrae informed her bluntly.

"Yes, I'm aware," Alessa answered, feeling as though she were in the principal's office for misbehaving.

"Then I'm to advise you that the protocol for terminating a relationship and actions to take if said relationship becomes hostile in nature are in your employee handbook, and if you ever have any questions, you are to speak directly with me. Understood?"

Alessa nodded, but Denny responded with a smug, "Of course."

Macrae watched the two for a minute more, noting that Alessa seemed to struggle to ignore him, as though he weren't even present.

"And I'm sure you also understand, as delineated in your contract, that if you do engage in a relationship, one of you will need to be transferred to a different department. We can't have your relationship interfere with our work. And as you hold less seniority and nowhere near the clients, Alessa, you will be moved."

"Wait. What?" Alessa asked sharply, looking to Denny with a scowl. "No. I don't want to be transferred."

Macrae's sculpted eyebrow shot up.

"I am exactly where I want to be, doing exactly the sort of work I want to be doing." Alessa argued. "I've worked long and extremely hard to get here, and I shouldn't have to give up the career of my choice just to be with the man of--" but she caught herself before she said anything too telling. "In order to have the personal life I choose," she patched.

"You do understand you can't be supervised by the man you're sleeping with?"

"I'm not sleeping with anyone," she defended, though her stomach gave a little swoop as she recognized it was only a matter of time.

Before Macrae could return, Denny spoke up. "What if Alessa stayed in my department but we reassigned the role of her indirect supervisor and annual performance reviewer to another junior partner? That way, she can continue the work she wishes and I have no direct impact on any promotion she's likely to receive. After all, her talents uniquely qualify her to work with our clients in the Asian markets, and we are quite a good team," he added with a smile. "It would be a detriment to the firm to change anyone's placement at this time."

Macrae eyed him shrewdly. She wasn't falling for his reasoning, knowing full well he only wanted to keep Alessa close to him. However, she also agreed with his assessment of the rightness of Alessa's placement in his department. The girl had thus far been an undeniable asset with all the cases she had handled. Though it was likely she would be an asset anywhere, Macrae admitted there was no reason to make her unhappy in her work if an arrangement could be made to lessen the favoritism and avoid the drama of an interoffice romance.

"Very well, I'll assign Kenneth or Rebecca, perhaps, to perform the annual review for Alessa. But that doesn't excuse the two of you from the responsibility to comport yourselves in the utmost professional manner at all times. If either one of you causes even a hint of drama that disrupts the workings of this office, you will be terminated. Any harassment, any inappropriate behavior during office hours, any creation of a hostile environment by either making all the men jealous that she's taken or any women grumbling because she's sleeping her way to the top, and you will have serious consequences to deal with, including hitting the pavement for another job. Am I understood?" she asked brutally, her smooth guile replaced with a drill sergeant's directness.

Denny was all ease, but Alessa sat straight, her slim hands folded in her lap. She nodded eagerly, wanting a scandal the least of anyone, and made silent prayers that this relationship wouldn't be the undoing of her professional life.

"Very well," Macrae said at last, apparently satisfied that all the necessary aspects were covered. She stood to usher them out. Alessa, eager to be free of the embarrassment of what essentially was a lecture to not let sex interfere with her work, scuttled from her chair, gave one quick fleeting look at Jude, and walked swiftly from the room. Denny slowly trailed, his hands in his pockets. When Alessa was gone from sight, he turned back to his superior.

Macrae had expected a smirk, but was rewarded with a calm, pleasant expression instead. "Took you long enough," she dug. Resentful.

"It's not a dash, Macrae. Love is an endless marathon. You give it all the time it needs."

"Love," she said derisively. "What do you know about love?"

"Enough to recognize it when it slams into my chest." He tipped his head at her and strolled out of her office, leaving her behind to eye him speculatively.

Late Tuesday evening, Alessa was in the library finishing research for a senior partner when Denny walked up, and she was awash with emotion. It was different now when she saw him, gentle feelings of ownership and belonging shaping the reactions of interest and attraction and arousal that before she had always wrestled against. Now that she was officially dating him, she had to remind herself that it was okay to be attracted to him, to return his flirting banter, to allow his body to slip distractingly close to hers. There were moments she still felt flighty or nervous, but always so curious as to his next move.

"Hey, Sweetheart, finishing up?"

And it was still a struggle to not ward off his familiarity with hostility or ice-capped distance as he had once called it. But each time she readjusted her mind-set to welcome instead of shun his attentions, the feeling was less foreign and more natural.

"Yes, actually. Just need to reshelve these few volumes." She stood, gathering the papers she had copied and taken notes on into a pile, before collecting the five thick books.

"Here, let me help you with that," he offered instantly, stepping forward to take three of the books. Her eyes flittered up to his and she gave him thankful smile. They were silent as they walked down the narrow aisles, finding the empty spaces for their books.

Alessa's last book belonged on the very top shelf, which was too high for even her tall stature. The short stool that she had first used to retrieve it was still there, and so stepping up, she stretched high, sliding the book into place.

"Careful," Denny murmured as his hands slid onto her hips to keep her steady. Alessa immediately tensed a moment before she willed her body to turn to him and step down. Though her feet were safely on the floor, he didn't release his protective hold on her. He peered down at her, his eyes roving over her face, eventually stopping at her lips. She involuntarily tightened them, drawing them protectively in.

"You know," he commented, "I haven't kissed you today, even though I thought of nothing else," he murmured, his head dipping to hers at last.

Her stomach tightened in anticipation, but unlike all the stolen kisses before, Alessa knew she was absolved of the need for protestations. After all, they were to be lovers, and lovers kissed. So she only braced herself for the swell of arousal that always accompanied his mouth upon hers, the intoxicating taste of his tongue, the answer to her need just out of reach.

Alessa presented herself to his gentle onslaught, moving her lips as he guided, opening her mouth for his stroking tongue. At the first flick of his against hers, her breath hitched, and then she slowly began to move in concert with him, her mouth, her slanting head, even her feet compelled her to surrender, shifting and stepping a whisper closer so that they were straddled by his.

In her wild and paradoxical existence, Alessa struggled to allow in just enough of the pleasure he offered without being swept away by the strong current. It was as if he created a sea of sensation, and her task was to mind the dam, letting in only the smallest amount while holding back the rest of the ocean. As a result of the monumental endeavor within her, she rarely left her worrisome thoughts too far behind.

As she was musing the irony that she was thinking about how she thought too much, the shelf cut across her back and Denny pressed himself intimately against her. He cupped her face and spoke into her mouth as he kissed her, his rough voice sending little sparks of pleasure through her.

"We have an appointment tomorrow."

Addled as she was, it was more than a minute before realized he had spoken. "Appointment? For a case?" she mumbled back against his roving lips.

"No. At the clinic." He continued kissing her without further explanation, and when she pulled back, he simply kept himself occupied by moving down her neck.