Dear Readers,
So sorry this story wasn't posted right after Ch. 8 like I promised. I went through the whole submittal process and thought it was a done deal, but when I went back to check on their status a day later, I saw for some reason 9 hadn't saved.
Thanks again to AlreadyTaken for all her editing and advice!
Titania
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CHAPTER NINE
"Beautiful loser
Where you gonna fall?
When you realize
You just can't have it all"
"Beautiful Loser" Bob Segar
"Listen," Jude cut in for the last time, wondering how Denny had managed to make any head way with the stubborn woman, "right now, you are no good to anyone. You've worked yourself to the bone. From one woman to another, you look awful. And from a senior partner to a new associate, you're about to burn out that bright little light. You won't last a year here, let alone an entire lifetime if you can't learn to stop and take a deep breath when you need it. So, stop arguing with me and get on the elevator," Jude commanded a reluctant Alessa, waving her arm through the open door to usher her in.
From the moment Jude had said she was taking her for a drink, Alessa had done nothing but raise objection after objection. Her stamina to argue was impressive, but Macrae wasn't going to allow her to win this time, and therefore was in no mood to hear her many refusals.
Alessa wondered if she should speak up and admit that her current haggard state had nothing to do with her ability to manage her work load, and all to do with her torment under Denny's hand. But she didn't think that answer improved the situation any, and so remained silent as she followed Jude down the street to the small, local bar.
It wasn't too crowded, as many in the financial district had headed home by that late hour, but there were a few patrons scattered about, drinking their choice unwinder before heading home to familial obligations. Alessa followed Jude to the bar where she ordered a Vodka on the rocks with a twist of lemon. Alessa thought quickly, and remembered the tasty cocktail she had ordered with Denny. But she frowned and dismissed the idea, instead ordering the same as Jude.
In the beginning, they only sat in silence as Jude cast a scrutinizing eye over Alessa, taking in her beauty, but also the weariness, the darkened circles under the eyes, the hair pulled up in a ponytail, and the unease of sitting under the older woman's inspection.
"So, the easiest question, though perhaps the dullest: how are you liking working at the firm?" Jude began, taking a sip from her clear, refreshing drink.
Alessa opened her mouth to speak, but Jude cut her off. "And since I took the effort to ask, you can at least give me an honest answer, not a canned one," she preemptively chided.
Alessa looked down at her little glass, watching the condensation slide down the outside like tear drops. "I don't regret working here, becoming a lawyer. It isn't always easy or pleasant, but I think I am doing a good job, and I am satisfied with it." She looked back up at Jude levelly, her expression neutral, but her eyes carrying the balance of both success and the sacrifice required to obtain it.
"But you're so young," Jude commented casually. "Don't the long hours cut into your personal life?"
"I don't have as much time available to be idle as I'd like, but I believe my time is well employed. And my lack of time only forces me to appreciate the time I am with my family more."
"How very politic of you," Jude said with narrowed eyes. "But what about relationships? Surely your boyfriend objects."
Alessa took a deep breath. "I'm not dating anyone. I'm not looking to date anyone. At the moment, my career is paramount. I'm sure a boyfriend would object to my lack of time with him. It's only another good reason to not date," Alessa replied confidently.
"I think many people were surprised when I became a lawyer," Jude supplied, seemingly off topic. Alessa was finally becoming interested in the conversation as she listened to the senior partner, and former super model, discuss her own private life. "It was probably because everyone thinks models are dumb, or at the very least, if you did as well as I did, surely you don't really need to work for a living. But the truth of the matter is, I wasn't ever overly keen of the whole industry, and so only used it for what I could get out of it.
"When I was twenty-five, I had plenty of money, had connections all over the world, had seen and travelled and done. I was perfectly content. Until I realized I was only twenty-five. That was only a quarter of my life. I'd been married for two years to Keith by that time, but I was beginning to not want to be part of the lime-light. After all, I'm actually rather shy when it comes down to it and the fame of being a supermodel and married to a rock star wasn't an easy side-effect to bear. So I had to decide. What did I want to do with the rest of my life?
"I certainly didn't want to segue into being a designer or photographer like so many others do when their looks start to go. I didn't want to be pushed to the periphery of the inner circle, always remembering what it used to be like when I was the center. So I needed something altogether different. Ran, Randol my manager, always said I had killer instincts when it came to working out the details of my contracts. He made me believe I could be a lawyer. He used to work here before he started his own firm and so he got me a meeting with Mr. Mayer. He convinced him I would be worth it, and so Mayer promised, if I got into Harvard, passed within the top ten percent, he'd hire me." She took another drink, her ice rattling.
"That seems awfully unrealistic." When Jude raised an eyebrow, Alessa hastily explained. "I only mean that's an extremely high expectation. Unrealistic, even, especially considering others who have been hired by the firm don't even come close to that level of success in school."
Jude shrugged, crunching her ice. "I think it was just his litmus test to guarantee I was serious about law, not just moving on to my next fad."
And if after two years I made good on my education, he'd allow me to buy in as Senior Partner.
"If anyone thinks being a celebrity is hard work, with grueling hours and endless pressure while constantly being under the scrutiny of the public's eye, they haven't seen anything like a first-class lawyer. In a way, I was probably a lot like you. Very driven to do something else. But I did keep three of my most lucrative contracts, and yet managed to graduate fourth in my class and then put in eighty-hour-work weeks here. But that was a lot of strain to keep a marriage to a musician. His band was on tour a lot of the time, and in the end, we lost the connection. Anyway, I went on to have a string of lover's, and put my hand in at a serious relationship here and there. But no matter how much I wanted them to work, they usually didn't last in the fervor of my career.
"I've never regretted it, though, even after the death of my marriage to a man I still love to this day; even after countless failed relationships and heartbreak; even after not being there when my father passed away from cancer back in Australia." She let all her losses hang in the air between them as she finished her drink, the thin ice rattling ever so slightly.
Alessa eventually spoke up, her resolve returning to her. "Thank you for sharing. You've certainly convinced me."
Macrae's eyes narrowed into slits. "And just what have I convinced you of?"
"Well, that relationships can't work. Not if I want to be successful here. They just turn out to be a waste of time and a source for endless heartache and strife."
Jude wore a disbelieving, incredulous half smile. "Little girl," she almost sneered, "my story wasn't to warn you to not get involved. I said I didn't regret the effort I put into my career. But that doesn't mean I don't regret the effort I didn't put into my relationships."
