Saturday morning dawned bright and sunny. I rolled over and pulled the covers over my head not wanting to begin the seemingly endless journey back just yet. I could wait till afternoon to start my climb out of the bottomless sexual barrel I'd allowed myself to plummet into.
When I awoke the second time and peeked out from under my soft bedding the sun was still shinning and my alarm clock read 12:15 PM. "Okay Genevieve," I thought, "Time to get up and do some serious thinking." I started with a cup of hot tea and a bowl of rice crispies.
Since it was such a nice afternoon I decided to get dressed and take a walk at Hillcrest Park. I put on a pair of jeans and a cute little pink tank top. Without a bra my nipples showed clearly through the top so I added a white hoody to cover my breasts. I pulled my hair back into a long ponytail and threaded my long tresses through the opening of a ball cap. My old comfortable jogging sneakers finished off my outfit.
Slipping my cell in the hip pocket of my jeans, I grabbed my keys and headed out for Hillcrest Park about 1:30 PM. It was a short 10 minute drive to the entrance of the park. The lot was rather full with an assortment of mini vans and SUV's. I parked away from the crowded part of the lot and stepped out into the bright sunshine of a beautiful fall Saturday afternoon.
Hillcrest Park is known for its kiddie playground, which was built with donations from local homeowners. That part of the park was overflowing with hundreds of toddlers and their parents happily spending the afternoon enjoying the sunshine and the assorted playground swings, slides and jungle gyms.
The other part of Hillcrest Park is a walking path that winds along the Northkill Creek. The state fish and game commission stocks the creek with rainbow trout early in the spring, but by this time of year most of the trout had been caught and filleted by local fishermen. I headed for the walking path and planned on finding a sun drenched bench to sit and contemplate where my life was headed.
As I walked along the path mostly young couples walking arm in arm passed me by. They all looked so happy, smiling at one another, laughing and just enjoying being together on such a beautiful afternoon. None of the males paid much attention to me as I avoid eye contact with every one of them. I probably walked three quarters of a mile along the path and even the other walkers started thinning out when I came to a bend in the creek. Right at the apex of the bend there was a bench between the creek and the walking path that faced away from the path and overlooked the smooth flowing water of Northkill Creek. The bench was bathed in bright sunlight, as was the surface of the water.
I thought to myself, this is a perfect spot to sit and think long and hard about my future. I settled onto the bench and let the warm sunrays shine on my face. The sounds of birds chirping in the trees above me and the water cascading over rocks in the stream added to the serenity of the spot. I'd always loved getting out into nature for its calming effect on my senses. I sat there for the longest time just enjoying the calmness of my surroundings.
Before I could even consider my future, I needed to look at the recent past. Where did my transformation get off track? When I'd first made a conscious decision to go ahead with my transformation I was most interested in changing my physical appearance. I wanted to make myself look more appealing to men. I wanted them to see me as an attractive woman who was confident of herself rather than the introverted shy professor most had seen me as before.
What I hadn't planned was the transformation of my subconscious mind into the lustful sex craving wanton woman I'd become. Thinking back I suspect that subconscious transformation first began to manifest it's self when I sat down in that off Broadway theater and watched the performance of Taboos. That was when my transformation deviated from the path I'd intend and every sexual encounter from the first when I jerked off a total stranger in the theater to the cum bath I allowed myself to be subjected to at Jim's apartment moved me further and further from where I truly wanted my transformation to lead.
As I sat there basking in the warm sunrays, tears of shame began pouring from my eyes. I knew where I was headed, but had no idea how to find my way back to where I wanted to be. I cried for the longest time that Saturday afternoon scared to death that I wouldn't be able to change. Scared to death that the men I'd surrendered my body to would want me to give myself up to their sexual desires again and again. My mind was racing with fearful thoughts and I didn't hear the approaching footsteps.
"Are you okay?" A soft voice asked.
Startled by the sound of another person's voice I quickly tried to wipe away the tears from my cheeks.
"Yes I'm fine." I said without turning to answer that soft voice.
"You could fool me." The voice replied.
I turned slightly to look at my questioner. "Really, I'm fine." I said.
The man standing at the end of my bench smiled and said, "Okay but I'd hate to see how red your eyes get when you're having a bad day."
"I didn't say I was having a good day." I replied. "I only said I'm fine."
"Well would you mind if I set my tackle box down here on the end of the bench?" He asked.
I hadn't noticed that he was holding a fishing rod and small box when I turned to look at him.
"That's fine with me." I said.
"Thanks this bend in the stream is the sweetest trout spot in the whole park." He offered as he placed his fishing box on the edge of the bench.
"I wouldn't know I've never tried fishing." I said.
"Well you should, it's a very calming activity." He replied.
He turned and slowly made his way down the stream bank to the edge of the water.
I almost thanked him for showing up. His presence at least caused me to stop crying. I'd obviously unknowingly intruded on his favorite fishing spot. I considered leaving but since he didn't seem to want to try and continue any conversation with me I figured we could share the spot for a little while.
He fiddled with the tiny silver lure attached to the end of his line and then with a flip of his wrist the lure was flying upstream. I watched as it flew through the sunshine. It's silver finish sparkling and reflecting the sunrays as it floated toward the waters surface.
It made a tiny splash as it entered the water and sank out of view. I turned my eyes to him as he concentrated on what he was doing. He flicked the rod once then turned the crank a time or two. He stood motionless other than the flick of the rod and the slow crank of the handle watching the water intensely.
Then in an instant he jerked hard on the rod and raised the tip up in the air.
"Yes." He said as the string extending from the end of his fishing rod went taut.
"Got one?" I asked almost instinctively.
He didn't answer. He didn't have too the water near where he had thrown his lure exploded answering my question. Droplets of water flying in every direction as a beautifully colored fish jumped above the surface flipping its tail one way while its head went the other.
The end of his rod bent toward the spot where the fish disappeared again below the surface. He began turning the crank slowly and moving his rod from side to side. Only a second or two passed before the fish jumped out of the water again. Its multi colored body shimmering in the bright sunlight.
"Nice rainbow!" He exclaimed. Very slowly he brought the fish closer to where he was standing. When it was within his reach he carefully crouched down and moved his fishing rod above and behind his shoulder. The fish slid into his free hand and he lifted it from the water.
"Sweet!" He said excitedly. As he stood up he tucked the butt end of his rod under his arm and brought his other hand to cradle the fish gently in his hands.
"What a beautiful fish." I said.
His fingers moved to the mouth and he gently removed the hook letting the lure swing away from him. Turning toward me he held the fish out so I could get a good look at it.
"Is that a Rainbow Trout?" I asked.
"Sure is, and a very nice one at that." He replied.
The trout's body looked like a rainbow, separate lines of color running along the length from its head all the way to its tail.
"I can see why they're called Rainbow Trout. It's so beautiful, what a shame it has to die." I said.
"She's not going to die." He said. As he slid one hand to the trout's tail he again crouched down and began moving the fish back and forth just under the surface of the water. Once he'd done that three or four times he let go of its tail and lowered his other hand deeper in the stream's waters. The trout lingered for a moment and the slowly began swimming off toward the middle of the stream.
"See, she's just fine." He offered as we both watched the trout disappear into the deeper part of the stream near the middle.
Standing up again the fisherman said, "Didn't I tell you this was the best spot around?" His broad smile reinforcing the statement he'd made.
"Yes you did, and I can see why now." I replied smiling back at him.
As he adjusted his lure again he turned his head toward me and said, "You know it's none of my business, but your smile sure is more pleasant then all those tears."
As quickly as he said that, he returned his attention to the stream and his fishing lure that was again flying up stream.
I didn't respond to his statement but it was nice that he would notice my smile. Over the next hour or so I watched as he caught another three Rainbow trout. Each one was as brilliantly colored as the first and each one was gently returned to the waters of Northkill Creek. While I watched him fishing I began to think about how I'd turn myself around. I quickly realized that all the men I'd fucked since my transformation were only following my lead. I'd come across to them as an easy fuck. I'd given them signals that it was ok to use my body for their own sexual release. If I just changed those signals, not flaunt my sexuality to them they very well may have not seen me as a quick easy lay.
Could it really be that easy, could it be that all I needed to do was come across as a reserved sophisticated woman instead of a lustful sex-craving slut? No better time then the present to find out.
As the fisherman made his was up from the edge of the steam I let myself make eye contact with him. Smiling I said, "You're pretty good at fishing."
He grinned and said, "Just lucky today. Sometimes their not biting and all I do is practice my casting skills."
"Do you fish here often?" I asked.
"As often as I can." He replied. "But I usually don't have an audience."
"I'm sorry, did I make you feel uncomfortable?" I questioned him.
"Oh no!" He answered. "I just never had such a pretty woman sit and watch me as I fish."
"Oh sure, when you got here I was crying my eyes out. I must have been a sight." I said.
He replied, "Like I said before, your smile is certainly more pleasant then all those tears, but I'm sure you had a good reason to be shedding them. But that's none of my business."
He leaned down close to my face and smiled. "Yep I was right." He said.
"Right about what?" I asked.
"Emeralds always look more beautiful when framed in white rather then red." He replied.
For a moment I didn't quite understand what he meant. But it finally dawned on me that in his own way he was complimenting my green eyes. I thought easy now Gen, remember you want to give the right signals. Sophisticated not slutty.
"You're very kind, thank you for noticing." I said.
"You're welcome." He said. "Are you staying?" He added as he picked up his fishing box.
"It is getting a little cool, and this bench isn't all that comfortable. Do you mind if I walk with you?" I asked.
