Chapter Seven
Tori's week-end was a strange combination of happiness and trepidation. She completely enjoyed the time that she spent with her dad. Paul took her to the famous Pier 39 and she did all the tourist - like things. She ate the largest strawberry she had ever seen, she rode the carousel, she saw Alcatraz and even bought some psychedelic fingernail polish. When they got back home, Tori convinced her dad to invite Stella to join them for dinner on Sunday and this time Tori went with them. It was so much fun to see the two of them flirting and teasing one another. Tori truly hoped her dad didn't let Stella get away.
But whenever her dad mentioned her job, Tori felt her shoulders tighten in tension. Then she would find herself thinking about Jake. In fact, every time her mind wondered, Tori found herself thinking about Jake. She hoped that they could work out their differences soon, because, the way it was, she was spending way too much time worrying about him. She figured that once she had their relationship ironed out, then she would quit thinking about him so much. At least that was her plan.
On Monday morning, Tori found herself thinking about Jake again, as she put on one of her new dresses and added her open toed sandals. She found a barrette from some past time period of her life and managed to use it to enhance her haircut. She even used a light touch of make-up. Looking in the mirror, Tori liked what she saw. She realized that she was glad Jake wasn't blind because maybe he would like what he saw when he looked at her, too. Tori shrugged off the thought and headed to work.
After Tori let herself into Jake's house, Beatrice handed her a cup of coffee as she passed the kitchen. When she got to her desk, there was a pile of work waiting for her. On the top of her stack of paperwork, there was a note from Jake, asking her to come to his office first thing.
Tori made her way down the hall and knocked on the door to Jake's office. She heard the muffled "Come in." The room was still all dark except for the computer screen, but Tori was familiar enough with it now to be able to confidently move over to the chair she used.
When Tori was seated, Jake said, "I want to apologize about last week. I didn't handle your concerns well. I wasn't expecting you to catch on so quickly. That's not a reflection on your ability to deduce the obvious, it was merely my own way of convincing myself that it was possible to interact with another human being again. I had planned on telling you when the time seemed right. First, I wanted to give you the opportunity to get to know me a little better, though. But I shouldn't have lied to you. I made you feel like I was toying with you and I'm sorry."
Tori sat quietly, wondering if she was supposed to respond yet. She certainly didn't want to say that what he had done was ok and all was forgiven. But she also didn't want him to feel too badly. She really did want to be his friend and she didn't want that relationship based on shame or guilt.
Going over the options in her head, Tori finally settled on what she wanted to say. "Jake, maybe you could tell me what it is that you wanted to tell me eventually. That way, I would know what it was that you wanted me to understand. And I wouldn't be left in the dark - so to speak."
There was a sigh that seemed to be torn from Jake's heart before he spoke again. "Tori, I don't know where to begin. It's an ugly story and I don't really want to tell it. But you deserve to know why I am the way that I am. Then you can decide if you want to keep working here.
"When I was a kid, I can remember my mom and dad screaming at lot at each other. I can even remember my mom and I sneaking out of the house one night to run away. But my dad caught us. Over the years, my mom had more broken bones and claimed to have walked into more doors than I can even count. Then, when I was eight, my mom left to go to work one morning and she never came home. That night, my dad hit me for the first time, telling me that it was my fault that she had left.
"Without my mom being there to protect me, my dad started using me as his punching bag. As I grew older, the abuse got unimaginably worse. Then, when I was sixteen, after a particularly bad night of my dad and his buddies using me to relieve all their stresses from the work week, I woke up to someone knocking on our trailer door. When I crawled over all the passed out bodies and opened the door, I felt like I was looking at an angel. There was this woman standing on our front steps. She was older, beautiful and had the kindest eyes I had ever seen.
"This lady took one look at me, then a look past me at the scene behind me, grabbed my arm and pulled me to her car. After we climbed in, her driver sped away like demons from hell were chasing us. Turns out, this woman was my grandmother - my mom's mother. She had been trying to find us for years. I told her about mom leaving and she just snorted her disbelief. Apparently my grandmother thought my dad had killed my mom and hidden her body.
"My grandmother had legal custody of me before the day was out, even though it was a Saturday. The woman was wealthy, powerful and loved me. Life changed completely for me. Instead of cowering in fear or having to lie about what was happening to me, suddenly, everything was like a fairy tale come true. I had a safe home to live in, a grandmother who loved me, new clothes to wear and I was going to school regularly for the first time in my life.
"It was on the way to school one morning that my dad managed to ruin my life. My grandmother had pressed charges against him, so he was running from the law. As I walked down the street toward school, a car pulled up beside me and my dad yanked me into it. Since I was headed to school, nobody missed me for the entire day. Which meant that for almost eight hours, my dad was free to do whatever he wanted to me. And what he wanted was to disfigure me as much as possible.
"By the time the authorities found me, my dad was long gone and I was almost dead. My dad had broken my arms and legs, he had cracked my ribs and crushed the bones in my right hand. But the worst damage was done to my face and chest. He had not only beat me, but he had also used his hunting knife on me. The day is a vague memory for me, but I can still hear him say that he really doubted that my grandmother would want me if she couldn't stand to look at me.
"Thank God, my grandmother was as politically networked as she was. When she turned up the heat, not only did they find my father, but they found my mother as well. At least they found her body. Apparently my dad had killed her all those years ago and buried her behind the house we were renting at the time. Combined with the charges of attempted murder, my dad was sentenced to death. Before the state could enact their punishment, though, a couple of guys from the prison carried out my dad's sentence. Seems he thought that everyone would be as easy to beat up as a frightened kid. His mutilated body was found in the showers.
"A few years later, my grandmother died, leaving me her entire fortune, but it didn't change what had happened to me. Even with all of that money, I couldn't change the fact that my face was grotesquely disfigured. I have it on the best authority that the scars are unbearably hideous. I can't even stand to look at myself in the mirror any more, let alone subject another person to seeing me. That's the reason I live in darkness, Tori. I don't want to have to face my reality in the light of day.
Tori sat in shocked silence. In her wildest dreams, she would never have guessed Jake's story. He was so successful and accomplished. "Jake, how did you do all that you have done? How did you go to school?"
Jake sighed before answering her. "I used to go out in public - at least if it was dark enough, or I had a big enough pair of sunglasses. I managed to get through school and passed the bar by sitting in the back of classrooms and convincing as many professors as possible to let me do the work on my own and turn it in without coming to class. I did it all without realizing that there was no way I could go into a courtroom and expect a jury to listen to me when I couldn't even stand to be in a room with the lights turned on. I can just see it now, 'Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, would you all mind if we turned off the lights in the courtroom while we put this accused mass murderer on trial?' That's when your dad stepped in to help me find a way to use my education to still make a difference. We've been working together ever since."
Tori knew that Jake now expected her to say something sympathetic and comforting, but for the life of her, she couldn't think of what that might be. She had never been faced with someone who had experienced anything like what Jake had just explained. The depth of depravity that he had been forced to live with was something that Tori had only read about in horror stories. And now she needed to respond to Jake. What was she supposed to say?
After a few moments of silence, Tori was surprised to realize that she was growing angry. Angry at Jake's father for taking away Jake's childhood, angry at all the people in Jake's young life who turned their heads and didn't help him, angry at the surgeons for not being able to heal him, but most of all, angry at Jake for giving up. She felt her emotions bubbling up and realized that she had no intention of showing pity for Jake. She didn't want him to stay in the dark. She wanted him in the light, and she would be damned if she wasn't going to try to get him there.
"Jacob Rhodes," Tori said, in a stern voice, "You have lived through hell and you are letting the evil that was your father continue to dictate your life. Do you really think that the people in your world would have that big of a problem with what you look like? Beatrice and George aren't here because you pay them well. They are here because they love you. My dad isn't the kind of man who would let how you look affect your relationship. I don't know who else you have contact with, but I can't imagine that all of the people in your life are so shallow that they would be put off simply because you bear the scars of some hate filled devil."
