A few years ago...
It should be raining. Spectacular weather didn't happen often in London, but today had to be one of those rare days. The last thing she wanted was for the sky to be relatively clear. At least a light breeze kept things a little chilled.
Alexia wanted a full out storm with torrential rain and flash flood warnings. Lightning and thunder shaking the walls would have also been appreciated. All physical manifestations of the turmoil churning in her.
The black Mercedes moved through traffic deftly. Matthew asked if she wanted the windows down since the weather was so nice. Alex shook her head and told him to drop the AC temperature in the car to the lowest. Cold. If only she could numb herself to everything. Although she was already shivering, Matthew complied.
They didn't talk during the hour drive out of London. Alexia had been grateful that Matthew didn't start a conversation. He just dutifully drove her to the estate her grandfather owned on the outskirt of London. She couldn't recall how they reached the estate, too lost in her thoughts by the time the car pulled into a perfectly manicured, white coral driveway.
She opened the car door and stepped out cautiously. The twinge of physical pain in her abdomen was nothing compared to her emotional and mental anguish. The pinch from her injury only reinforced her loss. Instinctively, her hand protectively settled over her flat stomach. Tears pooled in her eyes as she stopped walking.
"Alexia," Matt began softly, "you haven't cried yet. It would do you some good." His hand was at her elbow, offering a comforting embrace should she need it.
Blinking back her tears, Alexia gave a sad smile. "I'm trying to prolong my state of denial." She rasped.
Only a couple weeks ago she shed a layer of her depression, just enough to want to venture out of her grandfather's building. She had been in ICU for three weeks before in a stable enough condition to be moved to a private wing of the hospital. The moment she received the ok, Dane had her return to London.
Matthew thought a ghost inhabited the house. Since she had been in the hospital for almost six weeks, Alexia wasted away to almost nothing. The dark circles made her sad eyes look even bigger. Her coffee and cream complexion was devoid of its usual healthy glow. Instead, paleness to her color added to the appearance of her frailty.
Dane assigned someone with Alexia at all times. She refused to take medication and he worried she would try to hurt herself. He pushed for her to visit Blake and their son's graves in hopes that reality would start to sink in. The two had been buried on the estate where Alexia was now. It would be her first time visiting the graves.
"Then we'll walk slowly." Matt replied just as softly.
They took the scenic route, going through the gardens. Her favorite part of the whole estate was the gardens. It stretched on and on, having grown in size since Alex first told her grandfather how much she loved it when she was little. Her pace grew deliberately slower as they neared the huge marble headstones surrounded by fresh flowers.
The small hills of dirt had yet to settle, reminding the visitors of how recent the tragedy. Alexia stopped several feet away. Matthew patiently waited for her next move. He could tell she was reading the headstones, the names and dates. Her gaze lingered on the engraved cursive words written in French on her son's headstone.
"We love you." Alexia translated before she burst into tears.
Matt retreated quietly as Alexia sobbed and made her way to the graves. She didn't care how dirty she'd get as she dropped to her knees in the mounds of dirt. Her words tumbled out, forming not one coherent sentence. The words switched back and forth between Blake and Gabriel. Finally, she let out an anguished cry and just sobbed herself into exhaustion.
Awhile later, Matthew approached when Alexia's body stilled. He saw her draw in a shuddering breath. She looked up at him with swollen eyes still swimming in tears. He didn't like seeing her so completely devastated and a part of him was glad that no one had such a debilitating power over him. Well no one he'd admit to.
"It-" She began, her throat working to get the words out, "it still doesn't f-feel real." She drew in another unsteady breath. "O-only a part feels r-real. I can feel G-Gabriel's loss in m-my soul, but not Blake's. I should feel like h-he's gone. But I don't."
Kneeling, Matthew rubbed a hand over Alexia's back. "They're both gone, Alexia. I'm sorry." He couldn't sympathize. He hadn't grown an attachment to the unborn child and he sure as hell wasn't fond of Blake. All he could offer was what little empathy he could fake.
---
Alexia stayed at the estate for a couple months. She found it therapeutic to visit the graves and speak with Blake and Gabriel. She heard from her grandfather that Gabriel had jet black hair, and light eyes. He probably would have looked just like his father.
At first, she had been angry with Blake, but when all that anger was spent, she was overwhelmed with how much she still loved him and missed him. She planted flowers near the graves and told stories of her youth. Sometimes she'd tell the two about her day or the wishful dreams she had about the three of them as a family.
"The doctors say I am unable to have any children." Alexia whispered to Blake as she yanked out the newly sprouting weeds. There were gardeners and staff for that, but she liked doing it herself. "I don't mind though. I can't imagine having anyone else's child."
Alexia was silent again as she worked to pull out all the little weeds and then went to planting some miniature pink roses. She felt herself smile. "I know it's not very manly, but they're so beautiful." She explained to Blake and Gabriel as if Blake asked why she planted pink roses beside their graves.
She still couldn't believe Blake was gone as well. Her soul still ached for the loss of their son, but she couldn't bring herself to accept Blake's death.
When she had been stabbed, she vaguely remembered voices, horns honking, and lights flashing in and out above her. Then the beeping of machines. She remembered being hooked up to all these tubes. The doctor checked in on her and told her to get some rest. She wanted to ask about her baby, but the solemn look on his face told her everything.
Her first visitors were her grandfather and Matthew. He told her about the funeral arrangements he made for Gabriel. Then his voice trailed off and he looked to Matthew. Her grandfather always had Matt tell the bad news. As Dane moved to leave the room, Matthew pulled a seat beside Alexia's bed.
"Blake went looking for Richardson's partners." He started with. Alex blinked and felt her stomach drop. She already knew where this headed. "He found one of the guys...but he walked into a trap."
"No." Alexia started to shake her head. She was too weak to shout. "No. He can't be dead, too. I don't believe you."
Matt continued. "We did a DNA test on the body we found and it most definitely is Blake, Alexia. I'm so sorry. Your grandfather will have Blake buried beside Gabriel. His body was unrecognizable. It would be best you don't see it."
She called Matthew a liar and told him to get out. Her sudden movement to grab something, anything, to hurl at him pulled some of the needles out. The machines started to alarm and her heart rate shot up.