A Oneshot
————
The Brain of Adeline Parker-Tate
Secret Agent
Day:
Friday
Time
: 3.05am, approx. three hours before sunrise, five minutes into the witching hour.
Mission
: To get into room 242 undetected and steal Sphanx, world's best familiar/annoying cat, who escaped my room a week ago and hasn't returned. Sphanx's return is vital to my
soul
, damn it. She is also an excellent bed-warmer.
Analysis
: Room 242 is next door to current location (Room 243). Mission is stated above. Have disguised self in black as per all great secret agents. Black spy outfit will also help with camouflage in case I am detected (Ok - am wearing black silk camisole and shorts, but can't be bothered to change out of pyjamas).
Room 242 is occupied by one man, Marcus, AKA The Perp. The Perp is
the worst
. He never smiles, has been known to declare loudly that he hates cats, and for some stupid reason, Sphanx is
obsessed
with him. But no more! After tonight, Sphanx shall return to my room and never leave me again.
Caution
: It's the Witching Hour on a full moon. Inhibitions will be lowered, but am stealthy, am best witch in the town - no - the universe. Will not be impacted by this. Am completely in control of everything.
Status Update:
My resources tell me The Perp, AKA Marcus, AKA The Man Who Hates Cats, has left the room. The time is now.
GO GO GO.
Log:
Have managed to creep into room 242 undetected. Crawling along the ground like a super spy, am doing black flips and cartwheels like Cameron Diaz in Charlie's Angels. Am moving like the wind.
I am
invincible
.
Mission objective has been located. One cat, identified as Sphanx, sitting perched on the bed, purring like a traitor, licking self and doing the weird stick-up-leg-flexible-thing. (note to self: google how cats are so flexible later).
Have approached bed, Sphanx looks up and flops down exposing belly for pats. THIS IS MY KRYPTONITE!! Am helpless, cannot do anything but sit on the bed and pet Sphanx's soft, warm belly. I try to pick Sphanx up, but she hisses. This is a no - she knows what I'm up to! She will not leave the room.
Oh no! Danger, abort. Bedroom door is opening!!
Quick thinking has led me to hide under the bed. This is the perfect hiding spot; no one will suspect - am genius. All I can see is a pair of black boots. They walk towards the bed.
Can hear Sphanx suck up and being sickening, purring louder as the black boots approach the bed. (What a traitor! She is supposed to be my familiar!!). The black boots appear to be petting her and she is loving it. This is ridiculous!
"We have a guest in here, huh?" the deep, unfortunately sexy voice asks Sphanx.
Sphanx meows, and continues purring loudly whilst she receives pats (Fiend!!).
The boots kneel down next to the bed.
Oh no
. Am going to be found wearing nothing more than pieces of silk under a strange man's bed. Should have revised spy outfit.
A face peers under the bed, and yes. The owner of the boots, Marcus, AKA The Man Who Allegedly Says He Hates Cats But Then Pats them is staring at me. One eyebrow is raised as if to say,
'what the fuck'.
"Why are you in here?" his deep voice asks, like a whisper wrapping around my body, slithering along my skin. That's a weird sensation, but I realise i don't not like it.
"I can't sleep without Sphanx," It's like he's given me truth serum or something!! What a
Villain
, "I came to try and get her, but she won't move."
He reaches out and grabs me, pulling me out from under the bed and pulls me to stand up. He smells like a man should; like wood, spice and sex, it's disarming, alluring,
sickening
. (mental note: don't be distracted Adeline! He is the perp here! You need to focus on your mission!)
He's definitely looking at me like I'm a weirdo, but he also seems a little distracted. I'm close enough that I can see the colours in his eyes and the disgusting urge to kiss him is storming itself down my body. (You can't get distracted here, agent! Return to your mission. It isn't too late to try and get the cat).
"If you want to come in here and sleep in my bed, you could just ask," With the way his eyes are staring at me there's no mistaking the implication. Doesn't he know I'll hex him if he tries anything?
"No thanks," I snort (
Excellent, show him he has absolutely zero effect on you