The Stirrings of a Cold Heart

Everything seemed to be going the same as any other night. Each of the performers did their pieces and then the stage was set up for the Goddess of Spring. Aidan took up her place and the first scene went flawlessly. As expected, Linus appeared in a puff of smoke dressed in his usual red Elizabethan costume and gold skull mask with the ram's horns and carried her off. In the next scene the stage was decorated to look like the underworld with paper flames lining the walls in vibrant reds, orange and yellows. The furniture was painted gold with fake gemstones so that the audience would have no doubts that they were looking up Hells' throne room. The only real flame in the entire scene was a single brass Arabian oil lamp, positioned on a table just downstage of the throne.

Aidan quickly took her seat in the large throne on stage and took on a depressed sad air just before the curtain rose. She and Linus had performed this play so many times that the stage directions and dialogue were second nature to her. The first part of the scene involved various demons mocking her for being unhappy which included little rhymes and songs. This lasted several minutes and through it all she kept her gaze down and almost appeared to be crying. Finally, Hades made his grand entrance and commanded the fiends to leave them alone. The voice that spoke was not the strong English voice she had expected, but a whispered one with a nondescript accent. Upon hearing it she slowly looked up, careful to keep her expression sad and not break character. Standing before her in dressed in black breeches, a black and red brocade waistcoat and a long sleeved floor length robe of crimson velvet edged in a fine gold brocade stood Erik wearing the gold skull mask with horns. She had no idea how he managed to get on stage, but it was him and she didn't dare let on to the audience about the change.

"Why do you still weep?" he asked. This was not part of the script, but Aidan never let on.

"Because I miss the world above. My world. Everything I knew. Everything that was beautiful and alive. Here there is only death and unhappiness."

"There is beauty here too if you know where to look," he responded, then pointed to the paper flames fluttering in the background. Look at the way the colors dance in the flames. There is blue, gold, red and even white just like your precious flowers." He picked up one of the fake jewels that decorated the stage and held it out to her. "Have you ever peered inside a bauble such as this? If you turn it just so in the light then you will see a rainbow just like in your world above. No rain is necessary to create them here."

"And where is your illusion of happiness?" she challenged.

"Happiness? Happiness is something not even the Gods can create," he explained with a slight shake of his head.

"Why should you be happy? Do you deserve to be? You stole me from my mother and kept me a prisoner here." At her accusation he nodded, denying nothing then cast his gaze downward sadly.

"I was the first born son of Cronus, the first one he devoured to keep his throne and the last to be freed from his belly. Instead of ruling over the Gods by right of birth I was forced to draw lots and received the underworld as my kingdom. I keep order and balance between life and death, but there is no happiness for me here. There is light from the flames that burn, but I feel no warmth from them. The air is scented but not with the perfumes of flowers or the sweeter smells of cloth warmed in the sun mingling with a woman's own natural fragrance. I am surrounded by the finest gems ever created but they are cold and unfeeling and cannot match the fine soft hand of a woman when it holds yours."

"Do you think you can erase what you have done with a few pretty words?" she responded coldly.

"You're right, I should not have taken you the way I did, but would you have listened to me if I presented myself to you as I am, Hades the God of the underworld?"

She didn't answer. Erik may have seemed to be acting a part for the audience but it was no performance and Aidan knew it. They were talking of the past. How he had stolen her from the mortal world and made her a creature like himself. More importantly, he was speaking of how he had kept his true dark self a secret from her. In answer to his question she shook her head, admitting he was right.

"I suppose I wouldn't have."

"I must have watched you playing among the flowers and leaves a thousand times. So beautiful and so happy. Just seeing you made me feel lighter than I had felt in ages. I thought that if I brought you here then perhaps some of that gentleness, that light that seems to come from you so effortlessly could drive away some of the misery of my existence." He knelt down before her on one knee and looked at her imploringly through the mask. "Let me try to be the man you want me to be. Allow me that chance."

She didn't doubt that he meant it, but she wasn't sure she wanted to take that chance. There had to be a way to test him right here and now. Throwing away whatever resemblance to the original script they had been following, Aidan decided to test Erik before the audience and see where heart truly lay. For a creature given to burying all of his emotions this would not be easy.

"Do you love me?" she asked.

"I make you queen of Hell and offer you all its treasures and all you can do is question me?" Erik responded, still playing the part.

"I want to know." She stared into his eyes intently and Erik began to realize what she was doing and it vexed. His eyes glanced at the paper flames that decorated the stage then up at the stage hands and other actors waiting in the wings. He wanted to find a way to appease Aidan without having to admit that he might still possess wretched human emotions. "I must have an answer." Her words were soft.

"I offered you my name and gave you my ring," he responded.

"A mark of ownership the same as branding cattle. What I want to know is do you love me?"

"Our thoughts and emotions have always been shared between us so words are useless and unnecessary. You should know by now how I feel." Erik turned around and looked at the people watching him from the other wings.

"I know that once when you were human you dared to love a woman." The ancient vampire closed his eyes at these words. Yes, he had dared to love Athanasia, but that was a time that was dead and gone. It was a time when he had been naive and foolish and he didn't know if any of that man even still existed within him. "You still love her. Is it so difficult to tell me whether or not you love me?"

"I have never allowed myself to feel human emotions and I will not start now. They are a weakness and easily preyed upon." The vampire's response was unemotional and stung Aidan. "If you're expecting me to get down on one knee and pledge my undying devotion to you then you shall have a long wait, my dear. Love is pain that I have long since snuffed out." He glanced back at her, certain he had brought an end to this conversation.

"I have never asked more than you are willing to give . . ."

"Then do not ask this of me." His response was like a slap in the face to Aiden. After all his claims about them needing to talk. After the way he had nearly killed himself from starvation over his pain at losing her. Here he was stubbornly refusing to admit what she knew he so clearly felt. The strength that had been supporting her through this performance faded with his stubbornness. Seeing him stand there with his back to her something in her snapped. Rage washed through her at the thought that the man whom she had saved and given herself to time and time again would dismiss her so callously.

Without a second thought, Aiden thrust her hand into flame that flickered on the Arabian oil lamp. She could feel the skin blister as a bright stab of pain shot through her. Instantly her pain became his. With a roar he turned and pulled her away from the lamp and instead he enveloped her into his arms. Anger at her stupidity was replaced by an emotion that he dared not define as he looked down at her face.

"Was it for my sake, or for yours that you did that?" she asked him, almost not caring if she heard his response. He had made his point abundantly clear earlier. Erik laid her head against him, cradling the still-smoldering flesh of her hand in his own. God help him, she was stubborn. She would injure both of them to get what she wanted. He could not blame her for wanting that. He had done the same thing to her. Erik looked down at their entwined hands, knowing that the words that he had held at bay since the day she became a vampire were going to escape him.

"Both, angel, for we are one. Without you, I would die. God help me, I do love you."

Aidan removed his mask then the two kissed to the sound of thunderous applause from the audience and reminding them that they were still in the middle of a play. Quickly they went back to the production at hand with Hades leaving to face Zeus and Demeter and leaving Persophone to voluntarily eat the six pomegranate seeds and seal her fate. When it was over they were given a standing ovation and for a brief moment everything seemed like it would be fine between Aidan and Erik.

They walked backstage and Aidan went to her dressing room where she changed back into her dress of red silk that was embroidered with ribbon around the neck and sleeves. She put on her bonnet and was about to get her cape when she noticed Linus' door was ajar, which was not like him at all. She opened it up and in the lamplight she saw his body on the floor still in his costume, his eyes staring blankly at the ceiling. Suddenly she understood how Erik managed to get on stage. Horrified, she ran from the theater without a word to anyone vanishing into smoke as soon as she was outside. Things had not changed the way she had hoped and she just had to get away.

Having nowhere else to go Aidan reappeared inside of a warehouse near the harbor. It was closed and locked up for the night so she had no fear that anyone would find her. She walked through the maze of crates and barrels until she found her way to the other side and another door. She broke the heavy padlock then stepped out onto a platform that extended out over the water. It was undoubtedly used for moving freight onto ships, but right now it seemed like the furthest thing from the rest of the world. From here she could look out over the harbor and see all the tall masted ships waiting to put out to sea. She could hear the sound of the waves hitting the rocks beneath the warehouse. Acting on sudden impulse, she climbed up on the wooden railing and leaned out as far as she could, feeling the wind coming off the ocean against her skin. She took off her bonnet and loosened her hair letting it blow wildly and freely in the salty air. She looked up at the millions of stars that sparkled above and began to sing.

The song was simple and spoke of a lost love that was the sun to her and traveling across oceans and seas that no longer exist yet are revived when her love is present. Aidan had never traveled until that fateful night when she left England for the United States. The voyage had been an easy one, at least for her. Since she only appeared at night, the sailors had begun to speak of a ghost on board and warned each other of her beauty and charms. She still felt like something of a spirit among the living. They passed by her, danced with her and even did business, but not one of them really knew her and she preferred it that way. At the hospitals and workhouses she was still the angel of death and she was content to be so. She knew who she was now and she was content to live this way.

The rhythmic motion of the water moving in and out, like the breath of mother earth, made her smile. She slipped off one of her shoes and stocking then carefully dipped her foot down through the railing to touch the cold water with her toes. Satisfied, she stood back up and turned her gaze once more on the stars and continued her song. She sang to the heavens above that without her love there was no sun and no moon, but thankfully he was there and she would go with him to the ends of the earth. Aidan finished her song in triumphant, but also wishing that love and relationships could actually be that simple. Sadly that was not the case, but at least standing here she had found some peace away from it all. Aidan quickly discovered she was wrong as she suddenly sensed a familiar presence nearby and the sound of clapping met her ears. She whirled around to see her master leaning against the door frame watching her.

"You can experience those lost places with me." He started to walk towards her, but she turned away from him and started down to the other side of the platform. "Help me revive what is lost." He waited but she only furrowed her brow and looked down at the wood planks at her feet. "I love you." Yes he did and Aidan could not deny it. He had laid his heart bare before her and the entire audience and for a brief moment she had been ready to reconcile. She loved him too, but then she found her co-star's dead body and all the doubts and reasons she had left came back.

"Why did you kill Linus? We were friends and he was certainly no threat to you. Do you plan on killing every man who dares to show me even the faintest of interest?"

"Perhaps," Erik replied in his usual cold stoic fashion. "He should have been more careful about the women he pursues."

"You can't go around doing this to people. It is not for you to decide who lives and who dies. You are not god. Not only that, but I do not belong to you and I was very clear last night when I told you to leave."

"Yes you were and I want you to know I have tried to feed as you do, but I am not as strong or as disciplined as you are. You still haven't answered my question," he pursued. "Once you have then I will go, if that is what you really want."

"Ask your question then," she snapped as he caught up to her and turned her to face him.

"Why did you leave? I concede that my behavior was reprehensible and I was wrong to even consider killing that child. I also realize that I never should have hidden the truth about who I was from you. No doubt that was probably the final straw in your decision to leave, but you could have talked to me. You could have asked me anything and I would have held nothing back."

"It's complicated," she answered.

"Was it really all because I didn't tell you of my business or my past?"

"Partly," Her voice was soft.

"Then what else?"

"When Rabon told me some of your exploits I began to realize just how naive and stupid I was. I still wanted to believe that it was all a lie and for a short while I convinced myself that it was. When I saw you . . ." Here she stopped and pushed the memory of Erik leaning over that child out of her mind. She didn't want to remember it and judging from the pained look in Erik's eyes, he didn't either. "I couldn't look at you without seeing a stranger before me. It also forced me to realize that I didn't know who I was anymore. I had to get away."

"I am all he told you and more. I have killed and fed on the blood of innocents. I have tortured my victims and savored their pain. I advised powerful mortals on these arts and profited from it. If they were too much of a coward to do it themselves then I did it and received much blood and gold in return. I have no conscience about it and I am hardly ashamed. Bloodlust is in our nature and most of us take to it at some point. I wanted to pay mankind back for what it did to my bride and son and I enjoyed every moment of it . . . I still do. Think back to when you were a mortal, did I ever pretend to be some stuffed shirt nobleman, or penny-pinching businessman. I don't know why you didn't see the malevolence in me, but I can tell you that it is always there. Strange how my savagery becomes quieted when you are near. The night you left the beast awoke."

"I had to go. I needed a fresh start . . . to . . . to stretch my wings on my own and find my place. The one thing I was sure of was that Aidan Cathal was dead and this man I lived with had enjoyed a thousand lifetimes before I was ever born and I really didn't know him as well as I thought. After witnessing the darkness in you I knew it was now or never. I would either be molded into whatever you decided, or risk everything and be what I wanted to be."

"You'll always be a vampire. That can never change."

"I know that and I've accepted it, but my existence is on my terms and no one else's." She turned from him and walked back into the warehouse carrying her bonnet in her hands. She barely made it inside and she heard his voice once more.

"You have done as you pleased and done very well. You have gone where you wanted and seen what you liked." In an instant he was behind her, his fingertips gently brushing against her shoulder. "You have made love to whomever you desired." His motives at this statement were transparent. He was thinking of that night when she had nearly succumbed to Linus' considerable charms. Aidan was not about to tell him the truth, at least not yet.

"I have loved as much as I wanted to," she answered, then continued to walk away. No, she had taken no lovers, although Linus had certainly been tempting. Somewhere over the miles, and safely removed from her memory she had felt someone hurting deeply over it and stopped herself. She hadn't realized where the feeling was coming from at the time, but now she understood well. In that moment her mental walls had weakened and Erik had felt her in Linus' arms.

Moving through the maze of freight she walked slowly unsure of the feelings between her and Erik, unsure if she would be able to run away so easily again and she was certain if she wanted to. She could feel the vampire's eyes on her, watching her every movement as she walked. He wasn't letting her see his thoughts, but she could feel the desire in him and it mirrored her own. his emotions and that made her uneasy. She turned, intent on making it clear that she would not give into her baser needs only to find him standing directly behind her. Before she could say anything, he pulled her to him, taking her bonnet and tossing it aside and kissed her deeply. She didn't want to enjoy the taste of his lips, but they were warm and wonderful against hers. As much as she had missed his arms and kisses, she was afraid of letting him back in her life. She didn't want to lose the person she had become and with him that was possible.

Angry at herself for her weakness, she pulled away from him then lashed out and slapped him across the face. Erik was such a strong presence and while she certainly wanted him, Aidan didn't want to be so easily won. She had grown so much in the last five years and made herself so strong. She would not give that up for a moment's pleasure and she reminded him of this. She told him about the life she had built for herself and made it clear that she would not allow anyone else to take control or make decisions for her. He watched her, a hint of a smile playing on his lips. He had loved her before, there was no doubt about it, but seeing her stand before him refusing to be anything less than his equal made his heart swell with a greater affection than he could express.

"I will not rob you of the liberty you have achieved for yourself. I only want to join you on your journey," he responded. "Don't shut me out. Let me give you what you want."

"What could you possibly know about what I want?"

"One thing you must always remember, we are each other," he answered, removing his long sleeved velvet cloak and tossing it aside. Yes, he knew exactly what she desired right now and it was the same thing he did. He unfastened his waistcoat before once more pulling her to him, capturing her lips. His kisses were hot and overpowering and the taste of him excited her and gave rise to her hunger. Even so, she was determined to prove she could not be had so easily and pushed him back.