The Secret Hours

Cassian and I talked. We talked and talked and talked. We shared secrets, we confessed wrongdoings, we were honest. All the while we were swimming in my pool, him naked and me in my bathing suit. It felt comfortable and easy to talk to Cassian like this. I had a feeling like we were the only two people in the world, like I could share anything with him and he wouldn't judge me for it. It was nice to be like that with someone, even if it only felt like a dream and probably wouldn't be the same by the next day.

Finally, Cassian broke up the chain of deep conversations.

"Can I ask you something?" He sounded honest but mischievous, and I already had a feeling about what he was going to inquire about.

"Sure," I replied, not trying to sound too mischievous myself, or eager for that matter. I continued to tread the water in the deep end of the pool while maintaining eye contact with Cassian.

"Do you mind being as vulnerable as me right now?" He asked it and swam a little closer, his dark eyes locking in on me. There was that word again. Vulnerable. What did he think I was doing up until this point? Talking about the weather? I had told Cassian things that other people would never know about me, never get the opportunity to learn about me, yet somehow it wasn't vulnerable enough for Cassian.

"How do you mean?" I asked, feigning ignorance even though I felt a rush of heat and tension course through my body, settling in my lower stomach. I watched him as he slowly made his way closer to me. He looked unreal, like something out of another world with his long hair and strong body, his handsome eyes looking deep into mine.

"You should take off your swimsuit. Be free and vulnerable, like I am." I looked at him with hesitation in my eyes. "Trust me, it feels good," he added, obviously sensing that I was less inclined and eager to strip down to nothing in the pool that had many cameras and windows facing it.

"There's cameras out here. Plus my neighbors could look out their windows and see me." These were very real concerns. I don't know if I was trying to convince Cassian or myself that I should remain clothed while in the pool with him.

"It's dark, and it's late. Everyone is asleep. Plus, if someone did look out the window or see the camera footage, it's too dark for anyone to tell that you didn't have anything on." I looked at him skeptically. "I think you'll feel better if you do it." He finally said, trying his best to convince me. He did make a good point about it being too dark to see anything outside. It was either close to or just past three in the morning at this point. There was hardly ever anyone out at the pool during day time, let alone the middle of the night.

I don't know why I did what I did next. Perhaps it was the alcohol, or maybe the rush of having the man I fantasized about naked in my pool about five feet away from me. I slowly reached my hand up and slipped off the straps of my swimsuit, one at a time. I let them fall down my shoulders and onto my arms. I felt Cassian's eyes burning a hole into me as I dipped my hands under the water and shimmied out of my wet piece of fabric. Similar to him, I wringed it out as best I could and laid it on the side of the pool, hopefully close enough to grab in a hurry should someone see us swimming together, naked.

Cassian was watching my every move, his sharp eyes trying desperately to look just below the surface of the water where my breasts were barely concealed. I looked back at him, daring him to say something. Instead he just swam away, and started talking again. It was like nothing happened, and we just picked up our conversation where we left off. I was somewhat dumbstruck, but told myself perhaps his reaction to my freshly nude body was probably for the best.

I started swimming around as well, enjoying the way the water felt on all of my body. It was freeing and intoxicating, the way the water caressed every curve, every piece of my skin. I had never been skinny dipping before, and it was a thrilling experience. I finally understood the hype of it.

Cassian and I continued to discuss life's biggest problems and share more secrets. I yet again looked up at the sky, wishing for once that I didn't live in the city where there was so much light pollution making it impossible to see the stars.

Cassian saw me looking up and swam over to me, closer than he had been before.

"Can you see the constellations?" He asked me. I shook my head.

"I don't have my contacts in, to be honest I can't see much of anything." I had taken out my contacts earlier that night, opting for my glasses while I was at the bar. Once I got home I had taken them off so I wouldn't lose them by the pool, meaning I could see very little that wasn't immediately in front of me.

I still continued to look up and watch the moon, the clouds, even if they were blurry without my lenses. I felt Cassian swim up behind me, so close I could feel his breath on my neck. I went completely still, not sure what to anticipate. This entire night, he hadn't been this close to me. Now that he was I couldn't think straight, and was uncertain about what he might be about to do.

"Can I touch you?" He asked me, genuinely but sensually, waiting for a consensual answer. I didn't know what to say. Was it not everything that I had wished for? Yes, but it was also the most frightening moment of my life. I was naked in a pool with a man who was also naked, and we were less than a foot apart.

"Sure" I finally answered. I braced myself for what was about to happen, mentally acknowledging that this was probably the first step on the path to no return. I started to not care. I started to want Cassian to touch me, to do more than simply touch me if I was honest with myself.

Cassian bent his legs to create a bit of a seat for me and hooked an arm under my breasts around my waist. I fell into him completely, and it was as if we were two puzzle pieces that had just fit perfectly together for the first time. My body molded into his, my back against his chest, his arm around me tightly.

Cassian used his free hand to point up in the sky, right next to my head. He started pointing at different stars and constellations, naming them and telling me the stories about them. I didn't care. I couldn't even see the stars, but I was more focused on the position we were in, the way I was being held. Something I didn't think was possible for myself anymore.

I shifted my backside against Cassian and felt his member pressing against me. He was hardening as I sat on his lap, and it was drunkening to know I had such an effect on him. I could feel his hard manhood pressing against the inside of my thigh, dangerously close to my center. It made me hot, and I immediately leaned further into him, making a point to shift and wiggle from time to time on his lap, enacting a jolting sensation on occasion from his hardened dick that lay under me, his other hand still wrapped tightly and protectively around my waist.

Cassian was still trying to tell me about the stars, but I could tell he was losing his concentration. His sentences were broken up, his loss for words in time with my shifting on his lap, the contact between my thigh and his member creating blurred lines and clouded thoughts. I knew I was teasing him, but it still felt good to hold that power. I needed to be in control, and I let him know who was calling the shots as I wiggled on his lap, eliciting a complete halt in his monologue about the stars.

I didn't have time to breathe, to blink. Quick as lighting, Cassian turned me around. He hooked my legs around his waist, causing me to straddle his lap. He carried me around in the pool, looking into my eyes, I'm sure seeing fear and excitement reflected in mine. Neither of us said anything, and he suddenly leaned in and kissed me. It was soft at first, gentle and kind. I laced my hands through the dark hair on the back of his head, touching him as much as I could while his lips worked over mine.

The kissing quickly became more intense, more passionate. I could still feel his member hard beneath me, now almost in perfect alignment with my center since I was sitting on his lap facing him. Cassian gently bit my bottom lip which earned him a soft moan from my mouth. He smiled a bit and did it again, then slowly worked his tongue into my mouth. I opened wider and let him in, returning the favor and kissing him back just as passionately. I absentmindedly began to grind on his lap, feeling his hardness press against me. It would be so easy to reach a hand down and slip him inside me, let him fill me up like I hadn't been filled in months. My body was responding to his actions in a desperate way. I felt empty, and there was a tightness in my core. I longed to sneak my hand down and rub myself as we continued to kiss and worship each other's mouths, but I refrained.

Cassian walked us over to the wall of the pool, myself still settled on his lap, grinding back and forth and our lips assaulting each other. It was like nothing I had ever experienced before, and I wanted more. Suddenly, as I considered yet again shifting and slipping Cassian's hard dick inside me, I remembered my conversation with Violet, and how Cassian did have a girlfriend. The reality of the situation blew through me, instantly killing the arousal I had just been feeling seconds ago. I slowed down my kissing, and stopped my grinding on his lap, even though I wanted nothing more than to keep going, to pretend like we were allowed to be skinny dipping together and doing what we were doing. To act like he didn't have commitments, that we could be for one another, at least for one night.

Cassian sensed the change in me and all of a sudden withdrew his lips from mine and set me down in a quick motion, my feet touching the slick bottom of the pool. He put a short distance between us, shaking his head like he was disappointed in himself. I stood in the pool, naked and embarrassed. How did this happen? I should have been in bed asleep right now, not skinny dipping with Cassian and playing stupid games.

I instinctively crossed my arms over my chest, doing my best to conceal my breasts from Cassian's view. I backed up further from him, a confused look on my face that was silently asking him why? Cassian continued to shake his head.

"Claude..." He paused. "I'm sorry. I can't." He spoke softly, as if I was the one who had initiated things with him. Immediately I felt my blood boil, anger coursing through my veins. He spoke to me as if I was a little school girl with a crush, like I was out of control of my emotions and actions, like I had been the one to kiss him first.

"Why? Because of your girlfriend?" I finally asked the question, letting it sting him as it left my mouth. He could hear the anger in my voice, the disappointment of what had just happened. I knew the moment I said it that I had struck a chord, and for once I seemed to have actually shocked him.

"How do you know about that?" He asked me quickly, raising an eyebrow. He had an embarrassed look on his face as he demanded an answer. I could tell he was caught off guard, and truly had no idea that I knew about his relationship.

I kept my distance and watched him, the range of emotions playing out on his face.

"Violet told me about her a while ago," I said coldly. I let him fill in the blanks, doing the math and figuring out just how long I had known about his girlfriend. He looked at me, something like hurt flashing in his eyes.

"It isn't like that," he finally said. I continued to look at him, raising my eyebrows in a silent question. It isn't like what? Finally he answered.

"Yes, for the purpose and simplicity of labels, I do have a girlfriend. But it's not a traditional relationship." He paused and looked at me as he chose his next words, seeming to struggle with explaining his situation. "We're both very open people. We are happy together and we don't ask questions about what the other one does. It's a concept a lot of people can't understand, but it works for us." He almost seemed relieved to have finally let it out and told me the truth.

I, however, was feeling more and more angry. He was the one who had started kissing me, and then he was the one that stopped and told me 'no.' I didn't know what was going on or what any of it was supposed to mean, but I was tired of standing there helpless, naked and unsure of everything that had happened that night.

"Listen. I know about her, and that's fine. You have the right to not share something with me if you don't feel like it. But, I won't be someone who helps another person cheat. I refuse. So how open is your relationship? Really?" It felt nice to be so direct with Cassian, to talk about the elephant in the room that had been hiding in the corner for so long now. I studied him closely as he absorbed my words.

"It isn't right. I think this is too far, even though it is somewhat of an open relationship," he finally answered. As if to accommodate his answer and prove it further, he took another step backwards from me, creating even more distance, acting like I had some kind of contagious seduction disease. "It isn't like I don't enjoy kissing you or being with you. It just almost feels too real."

I thought about this for a moment before leaping to my own defense. "That's fine, Cassian. But you are the one that instigated this. You are the one who decided to strip down to nothing, to convince me to do the same. You're the one that held me tightly, that pointed to the stars behind me and kissed me first. You're the one who has commitments, not me. I am not in a relationship, just you. So, you have to decide what is and isn't okay in the borders of that relationship and figure out exactly what the hell you are doing with me here tonight." I blew out a heavy sigh as the words poured out, my shoulders sitting taller and lighter now that I said what I felt necessary.

Cassian seemed a bit surprised by my outburst. He looked at me for a long time and didn't say anything. I shivered under his gaze and wrapped my arms tighter around myself, still attempting to shield my body from his eyes, unsure of what he could truly see through the dark water.

Finally, he spoke.

"I know," he said softly. Then, he lunged at me in the water, swimming up to me and taking me once again in his arms.