The Secret Hours

The following week, Cassian was back at the bar, up to his usual routine of staring at me from outside and then coming in to order a gin and tonic. The months had changed yet again, time flying faster and faster. It was now summer, and we were in a huge heatwave that left everyone glistening and shiny with a thin sheen of sweat on their skin.

Most people were walking around in shorts and light t-shirts, a lot of the thinner girls opting for nothing more than biker shorts and a sports bra. Summer in the city was always like this, all rules about being modestly covered in public went out the window, sacrificed for a bit of comfort in the scorching heat that claimed the city.

Living next door to the bar, somehow the secret got out that I had a pool at my apartment. It was an incredibly nice pool for where I lived and was a big reason why I chose my apartment over a couple others. No one used it much besides me, and I did my best to keep it clean, and more importantly, private.

Occasionally, drunk people from the bar would sneak over and try to swim, which was a liability for many reasons. The landlord had put up cameras and lights that were motion activated, but if you were actually in the pool, you were out of the range of the lights and without the lights, the cameras really didn't pick up anything. Needless to say, it was quite private, and people got away with a lot of activities out there because of the poor security setup.

Having a private pool available in the middle of the heatwave was a luxury that was comparable to few. In a city where pools were already rare, having one that I didn't even have to pay for or maintain myself was one of the best things about my living situation, even though I still did sleep in the dark basement that was my apartment.

I had been at the bar incredibly too late, and for no real reason other than hoping that Cassian would show up. It was one in the morning and I was nursing my last beer when I felt a familiar pair of eyes looking at me from outside. Cassian glanced at me from the windows and then opened the door, cruising into the bar to sit next to me. He gave me a quick hug and ordered his usual drink, checking his phone for a second while I looked at him. He looked handsome as always, his black suit crisp and pressed even in the heatwave, his hair long and straight, framing his rough but charming face. I looked away and sipped my beer, waiting for him to make the first move.

"Hey, Claude." He finally locked his phone and slipped it back into his pocket, showing me that his attention was now on our conversation. "How have you been? I haven't seen you in a long time." He seemed genuinely interested in knowing how I was doing. The bartender slid him his drink and he took a long sip. It must have been a rough day for him at work.

"I'm good. Probably gonna head home after this drink." I picked up my beer and nodded to it. "It's getting pretty late and I know JJ said he wants to try and close early." JJ was the bartender working that night. At this point, I had gotten to know all of the staff at the tavern and was friendly with all of them.

"You don't want to sit and hang out with me?" Cassian asked me, that damned smile plastered across his face. He made it impossible to say no.

"I may be convinced to stay for one more drink" I responded coolly. The truth was I wanted him to grovel, wanted him to beg me to spend time with him. This answer seemed to satisfy him and he ordered me my usual beer without even asking what I wanted, throwing his seemingly limitless money onto the bar.

As we sat and talked, my conversation with Violet replayed in my mind. It suddenly occurred to me how little I actually knew about Cassian. We talked a lot but he only shared about certain aspects of his life, mainly his work. He knew so much about me and the things that I had been through, but I could hardly say the same about him.

We sat and talked until the clock struck two in the morning, and JJ started yelling that it was last call. I was quite tipsy at this point and wasn't ready to say goodbye to Cassian yet. I could tell that he was thinking the same thing.

"You know, as you have been told before I do live next door. I have a pool over there." I don't know why I said it or really even the person that I had become, because the normal Claudia would not have ever offered to invite a man over to her apartment. Alone. At two am. I decided it was definitely the alcohol, but I didn't care. I wanted to spend more time with Cassian. I liked the way he talked, the way he asked me about myself and how I could share anything with him. I knew he lived in the night and I was starting too as well, two a.m. being nothing but an early start with the promise of more dares and risks to take in the coming dark and secret hours.

"Yeah, that actually sounds great. This heat wave has been brutal." I was surprised that Cassian had agreed so quickly. He still hadn't brought up his girlfriend, and as much as I wanted to and tried to, I couldn't make myself confront him about it either. If I could pretend that I didn't know, and Cassian was content with not telling me, then it was almost like it wasn't true. Almost.

"Why don't you go ahead and head out. I need to talk to JJ about something but I'll meet you at your place. You're just next door, right?" Cassian said this as casual as he would if he was talking about the weather. I just nodded and tried to maintain the same casual tone.

"Here's my number. Text me when you're there and I'll let you in." I wrote down my number on the back of a receipt and handed it to him.

He smiled and said okay. I went ahead and gathered my things, heading for the door and over to my apartment. Once I let myself in, I realized that it was probably a good thing that we were going to hang out outside, as my apartment was a mess. I quickly slipped on my swimsuit and put my clothes back over it, just in case we ended up getting in the pool. I felt weird for not feeling more anxious, but I strangely was always at ease with Cassian. I felt like I had known him my whole life, and I could sense that he felt the same way about me. I honestly had no intentions of anything inappropriate happening between us, I simply just wanted to spend more time with him and keep talking.

Cassian texted me a few minutes later that he was at my apartment. I went up the concrete stairs and led him back down and through the gate and out by the pool.

"Wow! This place is great" he said, amazed, walking around the pool. I didn't really know what to say so I asked if he wanted a drink. When he said yes I went inside and grabbed two beers out of my fridge. When I came back outside Cassian had taken off his shirt and was untying his shoes. I handed him his beer.

"Are you getting in?" I asked him, a little amused. I had never seen him in anything besides those damned black suits, even in the unbearable heat the summer had unforgivingly brought. Now it felt weird to see him without a shirt on, in the process of removing his other clothes.

"Yeah I'm getting in! I haven't been swimming all summer." He finished undressing and was left standing in his boxers, which were of course, also black. I felt heat rush through me at the sight of him, wondering not for the first time if this was the best idea. I went inside and grabbed two beach towels, placing them on the side of the pool when I came back out. He was still standing on the edge of the pool, watching my every move. I wasn't sure what he was waiting for, but I was ready to put on a show for him. I pulled off my sweatshirt and slipped out of my shorts, revealing (most likely to Cassian's disappointment) my swimsuit that was underneath. Then, without thinking, I leapt into a dive and submerged myself in the deep end of the pool, embracing the fresh feeling of the cool water against my all-too-hot skin. When I finally came to the surface to take a breath, Cassian was also in the pool, seeming to have jumped in while I was underwater. His hair looked beautiful floating around him, and he gracefully began to swim around, obviously enjoying the feeling of the water just as I had.

I joined him and began to freestyle my way across the pool, loving the feeling of stretching my muscles and escaping the heat. Even so late in the night, the warmth outside was relentless and it felt more than amazing to cool off and stretch out. It occurred to me that this was the first time I had fully gotten into my pool and swam this summer. Normally I would sit in my float and read my books, not daring to go under and get my hair wet. But something about being with Cassian soothed me, and brought out my inner child. I didn't mind that my hair was soaking and would probably turn from blonde to green from the chlorine. I didn't care that my makeup was probably running down my face, leaving black streaks down my cheeks. I kicked and stroked and swam like I haven't in years. It was freeing. It was peace.

Cassian watched me, clearly amused at how comfortable I was in the water. He could swim well too, just not as well as me. I had always been a natural in the water, my parents practically couldn't get me out of the pool and the ocean whenever we went. The water always seemed to calm me, and somehow as I got older, I had forgotten.

"Where did you learn to swim like that?" Cassian asked me. He was now in the shallow end of the pool with his beer in hand, watching me go back and forth in the cool waves. It made me proud and a little cocky to know that he was watching me and was impressed with how I moved in the water. For a brief moment I felt graceful, which is something that I had never felt before.

"I used to lifeguard in highschool," I responded. That wasn't really the full story. That wasn't the part of the story about my grandma teaching me to swim at the young age of three, spending the better part of the afternoon with me in the pool. That wasn't the part about my cousin teaching me to surf in the ocean, both of us spending hours in the sun on our boards to only stand up on an actual wave once or twice, emerging from the water with blistered skin on our backsides and bruises under our ribs from laying on our boards. I realized that I didn't owe Cassian anything. I didn't owe him my life or my stories, especially not if he wouldn't share his with me.

"Why did you lifeguard?" He asked me. Out of all of the questions he could have asked, this one stumped me and caught me off guard.

"What do you mean?" I asked him, confused about what he was truly asking.

"You know what I mean. Why lifeguard? Why not work at a grocery store or a mall, somewhere where lives aren't always on the line? Why lifeguard?" He repeated the question, swimming closer to me. I was now resting on the stairs at the shallow end of the pool, wringing out my hair and relaxing. I rested my elbows on the stair behind me, stretching out my legs and leaning back, purposely not making eye contact with him.

"I've always liked the water." It wasn't a dishonest response, but again, not the whole story. The more vague I could be, the better. Especially with Cassian. Especially with him swimming at me like that, hunger in his eyes.

"I think I know why. Why you were a lifeguard. It's for the same reason you're a teacher now." He said it like he knew me, like he had been by my side my entire life. I didn't really appreciate the assumptions that he was making, and had to remind myself that sometimes Cassian could be all talk. Despite what my heart felt, he didn't know me. Not in the deep ways that I sometimes think he wanted to.

"What? To help people? That's a bit of a shallow assumption." I let the annoyance ring in my voice, my disinterested gaze shooting up towards the night sky instead of him.

"Yeah. Something like that." His voice was quiet and soft as he admitted that was exactly the reasoning behind his logic, if not something a bit more sentimental. I looked down and he was closer to me than before, an arm's length away from being able to touch me. Quietly smirking to myself, I locked eyes with him and feigned like I was going in to be closer, then dove down under the surface of the water and swam the length of the pool to the other side. It felt good to be the one that held the power, for once in my life. This was my house, my pool, my life. Cassian could try to make assumptions and analyze me, but there were things that he didn't know, that he would never get to know. The power in my blood was intoxicating, and combined with the too-much alcohol I had drank that night, I was riding a high that felt incredible.

When I looked back, Cassian was staring at me, his eyes hot and intense. Something had switched in the moment I decided to remain in control of the situation, of the flirty banter that so often was exchanged between us. He was quiet for a while and then broke the silence with a question I should have expected but never did.

"Do you mind if I am vulnerable with you?" He said it in a way that I didn't really understand. Vulnerable? You mean like disclosing your relationship with your girlfriend? Vulnerable like actually sharing more about yourself than your work life? I found the question somewhat funny, the irony surrounding it laughable.

"Go for it." I said it, more encouraging the request to see exactly what Cassian meant. I never would have expected what happened next.

Cassian reached down, his hands plunging under the surface of the water. At this point, the automatic lights outside had shut off, casting the pool and the water in an ominous dark cloak. I wasn't quite sure what he was doing until his hands came up, holding a soaked piece of black cloth between his fingers.

"I haven't been skinny dipping in ages." A huge smirk remained on his face, even though that's all he said. He wringed out his boxers and cast them to the side of the pool, laying them out to dry in the dark night, all the while still looking at me to try and gauge what I thought of the situation. How this was making me feel.

Similarly, all I could do was stare at him in awe and a bit of jealousy. I couldn't imagine what it was to be a man. To feel the confidence of being able to just strip with no hesitation, to not care that there were cameras facing us, that a woman who wasn't his girlfriend was in the same pool as him. He simply didn't care. His confidence was radiant, coming off of him in waves.

I shook my head a couple times and tried to wipe the stupid look of shock off my face. I knew my cheeks were red with blush but at least it was dark so he wouldn't be able to see.

"Whatever you want, dude." I replied, watching him swim around stark naked in my pool. The water was so dark that I couldn't see anything about his body below the surface, just a blob of shadow that was distorted as the water broke and shifted around him.

Well, that was that. For the first time that night, I started to consider that something more than just platonic exchanges could or might happen between us. I wasn't a prude by any means and had done some questionable things myself in that very pool before, but this was new for me. I didn't know this man, not really. He was so much older than me, quite possibly double my age. He had lived a very different life than I had, and I wondered why he was even spending time with someone like me. Someone young and stupid, and not the prettiest girl around by any means. He could probably have pulled this off with any one of Violet's friends or even Violet herself - so why me? Was it as shallow as my having access to the pool? Did he see it as a game, or perhaps a challenge? I didn't know, and I felt my stomach flutter as I realized I was beginning not to care so much about Cassian's motives, only his actions, only how close he was to me.

As I considered these things, Cassian seemed not to mind. He swam around, undoubtedly enjoying the freeing feeling of being in a warm pool at three in the morning without a stitch of clothing on to restrict him. I ignored his obvious nudity the best I could and went back to swimming around, trying to keep my eyes above the surface of the water and not take a tempting peek at what was shifting below.