Cassian showed up again next Thursday. And the Thursday after that. And after that. Some days he would partake in his usual ritual of standing outside the bar in the cold, looking in and seeming to make prolonged eye contact that left me embarrassed and flushed. Other times, he would come inside and greet everyone in the same way he had the first time we met - big hugs and smiles. I was no exception to the rule and had to endure every hug and the reactive tingling that spread throughout my body at his touch. As much as I hated it, I couldn't stay away from the affection he was giving me.
One night, when the weather had changed from snow to rain to humidity, and spring was in full bloom, Cassian didn't show up at all. After months of routine, I felt confused at the disappointment that cascaded through my body at his absence. I had grown used to our game we played - him staring at me through the window and the small talk that would follow his warm embraces. There were even nights where my friends had left the bar and I stayed late, closing the place down. He would show up and we would sit together and have a drink late into the night, talking about life and experiences that we didn't very often share with other people. Nothing inappropriate ever happened, and to my simultaneous relief and disappointment, Cassian never seemed interested in being anything more than friends with me. He was respectful of me and my boundaries, never giving me anything more than the greeting hug that was now part of our ritual. I felt that we had become somewhat close, and I actually was enjoying the company and conversation of him, even if I was still unbelievably enamored with and attracted to him.
The night Cassian didn't show up, I picked up my beer bottle and walked over to Violet who was with some of her friends, discussing drama involving people I didn't know. I waited for a pause in the conversation and pulled Violet aside.
