The sky was a deep red and the stars were beginning to make their appearance as she opened the back door to the deck. The soft whisking of a drummer's brush sounded from the jazz playing quietly on the stereo inside. Her long dark hair was still wet from her shower and her white dressing robe clung nicely to her body. Holding a well deserved mixed drink in one hand and pulling the screen door closed behind her with the other she moved toward her favorite evening chair on the back deck. The sun had set nearly an hour ago on yet another hot summer day and the cool evening breeze was drifting along rustling the leaves on the trees. It was dark enough now that with the house lights off she couldn't be seen by any of the neighbors and that was how she liked it: A clean body, a nightcap and the night sky. She let out a peaceful, contented sigh as she sat down and allowed the tension from the day drift away with the night breeze.
She slowly sipped her drink, watched the evening birds fly over head and listened to the crickets sing an evening tune. A strong gust blew through for a minute and she turned her head into the wind and let it lift her still damp hair from her face. Closing her eyes she let herself be embraced by the warm force. The breeze died away as quickly as it had come but her smile lingered. The smile, brought on by those thoughts of him, always lingered.
She pictured him from years ago standing strong; breathing in the cold winter wind that he loved so much. A strong, cold wind always made his face light up with a sense of aliveness and connection to the world. She sighed; it had been a long time since she had seen him and even longer since she had seen that look on his face. He had been gone now for years, married another woman. She had no one to blame for loosing him other than herself. They had met when she was young, and she hadn't been prepared for the feelings meeting him had brought. The only way she could describe it to herself or others was that when she was next to him it was like the explosions of stars and collisions of planets were tiny compared to the existence she knew through him.
Maybe that's how everyone feels when in love. Maybe it was something special. Either way it had terrified her. She had pushed him away. He had gone, she had grown up and time had passed.
They still spoke and she hadn't been wrong about who he was, she was as much his true love as he was hers. But it was too late and the purity of the soul must sometimes take a back seat to the reality of wives, carpools, jobs, kids and even lawn care. Well, whatever it had been she, had come to accept her fate of living with just thoughts of him and daydreams of a future she knew she would never have. It was those thoughts, those memories that had brought the peaceful smile this evening.
She pulled a spare deck chair over to prop her feet upon and lay her head back to look up at the sky. As the night grew darker, more stars appeared. Her mind drifted back to him, as it often did in the quiet of the night. She thought of his smile, his crystal blue eyes, and for a moment she felt as though she could almost hear his voice. She missed the way he smelled and liked to remember how it was laying next to him breathing in his scent. He smelled like home. Like cold winter winds and hot summer rains all mixed together.
The sky darkened further and a distant rumble brought her from her silent reverie. Looking west she saw the stars disappearing behind what must be a dark cloud. She took another sip and moved the chairs to face the oncoming storm. She wondered what it would be like to have him there next to her, to enjoy the storm together. She sighed and smiled. That would be nice. Her mind cleared of all but the truest feelings in her heart. She let herself picture him beside her. She reached out her hand and closed her eyes. She could almost feel his hand take hers, hear his breathing, feel him looking at her.
The storm moved closer and the wind began to pick up. She wrapped the dressing robe around her legs and tucked the edges in between her thighs. She took another sip and lay her head back; her hand still outstretched to feel his. In her mind he was there next to her. He held her hand and gently moved his fingers along hers, their palms to each other. She curled her fingers as he entwined his fingers in hers and moved his other hand over to run his finger tips over the back of her hand.
She smiled and let her body relax. The wind blew one side of her robe aside revealing her leg. She felt his lips on her hand, gently kissing each fingertip. He moved up to her wrist and turned her hand over to kiss the underside of it.
"I love you." She whispered to the empty space.
"I love you too." The empty space seemed to respond.
There were many times when her dreams had felt so real that she wondered if he was having the same ones.
He continued to kiss the underside of her wrist and then farther up her arm. She moved her hair aside to allow him to kiss her neck. She let out a small gasp at the thought of his lips on her neck. The feel of his warm breath and just the tip of his tongue as he gently kissed and licked her neck and ear lobes sent chills up and down her. Her eyes still closed she turned her head and parted her lips slightly. She felt him lean in and press his lips to hers. She smiled, the last time she had kissed him he had been self-conscious because it had been the dead of winter and his lips were quite chapped. She loved how that kiss had felt and was thinking about it now as her lips moved gently in open air. His tongue danced into her mouth and hers into his. She moved the hand he had been holding up and placed it by her cheek. She could almost feel his skin next to her.
Small droplets had begun to fall. It was then that it really hit her- his scent - the smell of his flesh, the smell of his being surrounded her. She let the light rain hit her face as she continued to kiss him. Each drop brought another sweet kiss from him.
