The Punchline Ch 01

"In his defense... his mother was hot."

The comedy club erupts in laughter, the people in a nice, relaxed mood. Most of them are completely drunk out of their minds and the ones who are not are still so desperate to fit in that they laugh anyway, even if they didn't find my joke that funny. It's almost sad in a way, but hey, when I get laughs, I get paid. That's how it works.

My name is Grayson Harper. I'm twenty-three. I'm white. I thought I'd get that out of the way. And to answer the question that I know you didn't really ask, but yes I did go to college and I got a Bachelor's in the English language.

I'm not a... terribly bad looking guy. I've got black hair, stubble, fair skin, and a lean build. I won't go so far to call myself athletic, but I'm lean. Kind of soft. But yeah. Other people say that I have boyish good looks but I just want to strangle those people because a man who has many, many insecurities doesn't exactly like to be called 'boyish'.

I might as well go through some background. I grew up in a pretty nice household. Although there was a good amount of fighting going around, everyone loved each other and it was all in good fun. I'm an only child, with a mother and father who love me very much and are very supportive. I can be thankful for that at least.

I was a good kid. Very good, in fact. Never once got into trouble, never once got a detention, the principal at my old school barely knew me, because I never had to get sent to her office. I watched kids all around me fall into drugs and alcohol and being douchebags in general but I was just a nerdy kid who liked comic books and video games.

And to not bore you with a whole biography... well... I'm a stand up comedian. Just started out about three months ago, I found that this club was looking for a regular act and a few others were looking for unknowns so I've been working as one for a while. Used to write novels, still do in my off time, but I find that comedy was more to my liking.

Anyway, at the height of the laughter, as any comedian would do, I told them that they'd been great tonight and I got a round of applause as I stepped off stage. I walked into the back where another act was preparing and there was the owner with my week's pay in his hand.

My boss was a good guy. He wasn't some crazy card that everyone knew, he was just a regular guy who loved comedy and, at one point in his life, was a stand up comedian. Quite well known, in fact. He's also a friend of mine. His name is Anthony Williams, but I just called him Tony, which he hated in a friendly kind of way. Cause Tony's usually an Italian name and he's an African American and... not... not Italian and-okay you guys get the point.

"Hey Grayson, that was a great show tonight. Noticed you pulled a few new jokes out," He handed me an envelope and I nodded, putting it in my coat pocket as I grabbed it from the rack.

"Yeah, I try to mix up the act from time to time. Like every night. Maybe if you watched them, you'd know that," He chuckled and I put my coat on.

He pat me on the back as I walked away. "There's only so many times that I can hear the women being killed in media joke."

I responded by throwing up my middle finger, causing him to burst out laughing. I was known as that guy, really. The guy who could always make his friends laugh. I didn't always try to, but they always laughed.

I walked out into the club where I got a few words of encouragement and some congratulations from the people who particularly liked the show. I humored them as I went along and made my way out of the back door of the club, standing in an open parking lot. It was cool this night. Felt like it was going to rain any minute.

And I saw my car parked not twenty feet away from me. I reached into my pocket to grab my keys when I felt an absence of them. Shit... I fucking left them inside again... god fucking dammit.

Sighing, I turned to my left and walked back through the back entrance, going into backstage where I got my keys and walked out the front door, much to my chagrin yet again. Tonight was not my night, basically.

I turned to my right and immediately right again into an alleyway, where I just walked right through it, breathing in the cool night air and actually enjoying it. Felt fresh.

"Hey... mister? Could you spare a few dollars? Change, maybe?"

I nearly jumped out of my shoes as the feminine voice came from out of nowhere, closing my eyes and grabbing my chest, as if I was going to have a heart attack. Breathing in slowly, I turned to where I thought the voice was coming from. There, I saw a woman with long black, slightly dirty hair and baggy clothes, sitting near a box with some blankets laid out next to it.

I nodded and reached into my pocket, where I grabbed my wallet. But something occurred to me. The voice was... very feminine and familiar. Almost... nostalgic. I looked back at her and slightly moved my head in close, looking to see if it really was who I thought.

"C-Callie?" I sputtered out and the girl, obviously embarrassed, turned her head away from me.

Callie was a girl I went to highschool with. She was a very cute girl who was an A+ student and kind of quiet. Everyone expected her to become a successful businesswoman and was voted most likely to succeed when we graduated. I never talked to her because even she was out of my league at that point and she never talked to me either.

"Jesus Christ, Callie? Is that actually you?" I asked, moving forward. She almost seemed to recoil.

"Could you sound a little less indignant? Yeah, yeah it's me. Who-" She looked up at my face and squinted, but recognition lit it up. "Oh. Grayson?"

She knew my name? I didn't... wow. I didn't think anyone in highschool would recognize me, let alone recall my name. But despite the small shock, I nodded.

"Shit, I... uh..." She didn't know what to say. It was hard to see her face in the dark light and with her hair covering it, but I think she blushed.

"Uh..."

We both stayed in our respective places more a period of five seconds. It was incredibly awkward. Both of us did not know what to do. I mean, it's not every day you meet a former classmate who is now homeless.

But feeling like it was weird that I was standing over her as if I was better than her, I dropped down to both of my knees, knowing that sitting on my haunches would tire me out and I didn't want to seem like an unfit asshole.

"Callie... I... wow. I don't know what to say, just..."

Callie sighed slightly. "Then don't. Just walk away."

I shook my head and moved down to sit across from her, looking at her face with a slightly crooked neck. She was dirty. Not incredibly so, but dirty enough to tell that she hadn't showered in a little while. You couldn't really smell it though, which is odd, since she... kinda smelled like fruit. I guess it was a perfume of some sort or... something.

"What are you... doing here?" I asked tentatively.

"What do you think?" She responded, almost coldly, as if she's been in this situation far too many times beforehand.

I didn't know what to say. "I... I don't... Callie, I'm uh... I'm just surprised. Are you okay?"

Callie kind of winced at the question, as if no one had ever asked her that. She stayed silent for a few moments before shaking her head.

"I got kicked out of my house after graduation because of... a falling out. Been like this ever since."

I shook my head in disbelief slightly. "Don't you have friends to stay with? You had plenty of friends back in highschool?"

She gave a slight 'tch' sound. "Turns out those friends weren't as friendly as I thought. So no. I've been... stuck here."

I rubbed my forehead and looked at her. "Well... then..."

"Then what?"

I don't know what possessed me to say what I said next but I offered something... weird. "Then I have an empty couch that you could sleep on if you want. Plenty of space. At least until... you get back on your feet."

It's true. I had a small house in a neighborhood nearby It had a pretty big bedroom, a living room, an office, a kitchen, a living room, two bathrooms, a garage, and a nice backyard. Plenty of space for two people.

Her eyes widened in response. I could tell that she was in a similar type of situation that I was. It wasn't every day you ask a stranger for money, that stranger turns out to be someone you knew in highschool, and then that stranger offers for you to come home with him. She scanned me and I could clearly tell she was hesitant. Maybe because she thought I was some weird sex offender who did this only for girls to come home with him so he could cut them up and eat them with some fava beans and a nice chianti.

"Listen, like... that's very generous, but I don't charity, just-"

And I don't know why I said what I said next, "I think at this point, you can allow yourself a little charity, Callie."

She stayed silent for almost a full minute. And I just kinda stayed there. We could hear faint laughing at the act that had come on after me in the club behind her, the cool air hitting our faces non-stop as she thought, my head racing and asking me questions, asking if this is really a good idea.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

Then she nodded slowly once and then repeatedly afterward. I almost smiled, but I didn't, cause that would be sort of creepy really. She told me softly, "I have a duffle bag behind the dumpster as well as this one. Just let me grab-"

"I got it," I told her and immediately stood up, walked over to the dumpster, reached behind it, and pulled out a dirtied light blue duffle bag of things. I turned back to her and she had stood up, holding her second bag of things in her hand.

"Okay... let's go."

****************************

I opened the front door to my home and flipped the light switch next to me. The living room lit up and I dragged her bag over and set it down next to the coffee table and saw her set her other bag on the other side. She was about to sit down on the couch, but hesitated.

"What?" I asked.

She grabbed her left arm and kind of looked away. "I'm... dirty. I don't wanna-"

I waved that claim away. "That thing is almost definitely dirtier than you are, Take a seat."

She didn't laugh, but she smiled at the joke and then did actually sit down. It took her a few seconds, but she relaxed, obviously comfier than she was in an alleyway.

"It's been... a long time since I've sat on a couch that wasn't at a youth center, Grayson," She sighed.

"Jeez... you make it sound like sitting on a couch is like sex," I replied and she did laugh.

Wow. Her laugh was like... it sounds kind of dumb, but it sounded like music. Like there was a melody to it. It took me a second to register that it came from her, but I turned back and smiled.

"So, I'm gonna need you to get off that couch dick for a moment so I can pull out the bed. Cool?"

Her eyes lit up as if this was too good to be true and she stood up, walking over to the armchair as I went to work on the bed. I looked up at her.

"So, not saying you stink but I bet you'd like a shower," She nodded. "That's why I'm prohibiting you from every bathroom in this house."

It took her a second, but she laughed again. Music. As if Beethoven came around and was like 'Yo! Girl Laughs -- The Cortet, let's get it!'

"But seriously, the bathroom where I shower is through there. Big shower. The cool part about it is that... ya know... it's not a shower and bath combination thing. There's a shower and then there's a bath. It's pretty hype... okay sorry, bad joke," Another laugh. "Seriously though, take as long as you need, I've got shampoo and soap in there and everything. Make sure to get some comfortable clothes to change into. I'll keep working on the couch bed."

Callie nodded and began to rummage through her light blue duffle bag. "I haven't been able to wear... like... comfortable clothes in... a very long time."

That took me by surprise for a second, but it made sense. Why wear clothes like tanktops and t-shirts out during the Fall and Winter when you're always outside? And that thought, even though not tremendously bad, and probably one of the least bad things about being homeless, caused a twinge of guilt. Even though I didn't cause her situation, it felt bad that I was living a relatively easy life and she couldn't even wear a t-shirt during the winter without getting a cold.

She walked off to the bathroom and I went to work on the bed. I was able to rummage through my closet and pull out an extra set of sheets, two pillows, and several blankets to put on the bed. By the time I had her bed completely set up, it had probably been half an hour, and she had only gotten out of the shower moments afterward, now wearing a wrinkled tank top and pajama pants, which were actually kind of clean.

"Hey. Got the bed ready for you," I told her and she nodded.

"Thank you," She told me and I stretched my arms, yawning.

"I uh... I had pretty long day, so I'm probably going to try and sleep now. It's about midnight anyway so, I might as well try and sleep early," I clapped my hands together lightly and she nodded.

"Okay. I'll... talk to you tomorrow?" She responded, almost as if that was debatable.

"No. I'll try my best to avoid you," I smirked and she rolled her eyes and I began to walk to the room.

"Hey Grayson?"

I turned to her and she was sitting on the edge of her new couch bed, looking down at it and touching the soft sheets.

"Why... are you doing this?"

"Devoting my life to a dead end career in comedy? Sometimes I wonder that myself," I told her and her shoulders dropped slightly, almost annoyed at the answer, but she did smile.

"You know what I mean. This. You're acting... friendly and you've given me a bed to sleep on but we were never friends and we never talked. Why?"

I stood there for a moment, not really knowing the answer myself. And I think, as I stood there in silence for what seemed like a long time, but was in reality about three seconds, she picked that up too. But I just smiled at her wistfully and told her "Obviously to get into your pants, Callie."

She smiled back, both of us knowing that honestly, I didn't know what had gotten into me tonight.

"Thank you, Grayson."

I stood there for another few seconds before slipping into my bedroom and closing the door. I immediately ripped off my coat, my pants, my underwear, and my socks and climbed into bed. I don't remember the last time I was this tired.

And as I curled up in bed, I thought, as I usually did. But instead of the recent past, tonight, it was of highschool. And I fell asleep thinking of her.

To Be Continued in Chapter 2...