The Princess and the Pea

With apologies to Hans Christian Andersen...

Once upon a time, there was a prince named Edward who wanted to fall in love and marry. It would have to be with a real princess though, his parents decreed.

They traveled around the whole world looking for her, but every time he met a princess there was always something amiss. There were plenty of princesses but not one of them was quite to his taste. Something was always the matter. They were too stupid, too bony or too vain. The Queen decided that they just weren't real princesses. So the prince returned home, very sad and lonely.

One evening, a storm broke over the kingdom. The lightning flashed, the thunder roared, and the rain came down in bucketfuls. In the midst of this horrible storm, someone knocked on the castle door and Edward himself went to answer it.

When he opened the door, Edward's eyes lit on a beautiful though bedraggled and thoroughly soaked and shaking maiden. Water ran down her hair and her clothes in streams. It flowed in through the heels of her shoes and out through the toes. Her clothes were so soaked that there was no clue as to how they had once looked but the way they clung to the womanly virtues of her body left Edward's mouth dry. Edward looked up into a face filled with intelligence and humor at her own predicament.

"Forgive me, my lord, for appearing before you in such a state. I am Marian, the lady in waiting for Princess Chandra. There is a tree down in the road at the bottom of the hill and she sent me to say she is going home. We will return again in a fortnight."

"They sent you up the hill in this storm?" Edward cried in outrage. "You could have been hurt or taken ill. Come in, we'll take care of you."

"But Princess Chandra will be waiting for me to return," she protested.

"I will send a foot soldier to tell them you will stay here until the weather clears."

Edward took her by the hand and drew Marian further into the castle, rubbing her cold hand between his own very warm hands. He could think only of getting the cold and soaked clothes off of her and warming her.

"What have we here?" The Queen had arrived. In an instant, Edward knew what he must do.

"Mother, this is Princess Marian. Her carriage arrived at a tree down in the road so she sent it home after a groomsman escorted her to the door."

Marian started to protest but Prince Edward squeezed her hand. She looked up into his eyes and closed her mouth. The Queen swept forward.

"You poor brave dear, come in. We'll get you some dry, warm clothes then we'll sup together in front of a roaring fire and you will spend the night with us."

Marian was swept away with just a moment for a puzzled glance over her shoulder at Edward. It wasn't long though before they were all seated near a roaring fire and supping on a rich venison stew.

She and Prince Edward spent the evening by the fire talking, laughing and playing draughts. The Queen was pleased at the comradery she saw between the two but she still thought it necessary to make sure this was a real princess.

"We'll find that out quickly enough," thought the old Queen, but she didn't say a word out loud.

She hurried to the guest room and took all the bedclothes off the bed; then on the bare bedstead she put a pea. On top of the pea she had twenty mattresses laid; and on top of the twenty mattresses, twenty eiderdown quilts. That was the bed on which Marian found herself expected to sleep that night.

"Here you are, ma'am," the chambermaid said as she led Marian into the room and set the lamp on a table. The maid suppressed a smile at the joke she assumed the old Queen was playing. These royals certainly did the queerest things. There was no understanding it.

"Will you be requiring anything else tonight?" she asked Marian.

"No," Marian said as she stared up at the ladder leading up the side of the mattresses. It looked very strange to her but perhaps this was an odd custom of this kingdom. She had heard they did things differently in other kingdoms.

She decided to leave the lamp burning so she could see her way up the ladder, took off her robe and made her way to the top of the mattresses. Drowsily, Marian settled in and was soon asleep.

Marian sat up with a start. Something had woken her. She gave a little scream when a face appeared before her near the ladder.

"It's just me," Edward said reassuringly. He climbed the rest of the way up and onto the bed next to her. "I needed to talk to you."

Marian blushed a little at having a man on her bed and drew the blankets up. She had never met anyone who made her feel so... uncomfortable. The way he was looking at her made her tingle all over her body. When other men had looked at her that way it had made her uncomfortable but this was discomfort in a totally new and not unpleasant way.

Edward lay down on his side, propped up on his elbow and smiled at her.

"Are you comfortable enough?" he asked.

"Oh, yes, thank you" she responded.

Edward took Marian's hand in his and looked into her eyes. Marian shivered.

"Marian, I knew from the moment I saw you that you were the person I have been looking for and this evening has proven that. But my parents will not let me marry anyone who is not a princess. That is why I told my Mother that you were a Princess tonight."

"But Edward, she will eventually learn the truth," Marian pointed out. Edward just smiled.

"Not until it is too late. Tomorrow, I will ask you to marry me in front of everyone. If you consent, we will be married by the priest here at the castle. I will let nothing take you from me now that I have found you."

Edward drew her hand to his lips and kissed her fingers then placed a kiss in the palm of her hand. Marian felt that she could hardly breath. She was drowning in his eyes.

"Will you marry me, Marian?"

"Yes Edward," she sighed. Edward leaned toward Marian and pressed his lips to hers. The tingles Marian had felt earlier were amplified, racing up and down her skin. She felt his tongue tracing her lips and opened her mouth to him when he pressed in.

His tongue swirled around her own and she barely registered what his hands were doing until she felt them on her bare shoulders, caressing her flesh. Hunger for his touch flared to life in her chest and she pressed closer to him.

Edward felt himself growing aroused. He knew that he should leave her to sleep through the night but another part of him couldn't bear the thought of leaving her. He just needed to touch her a little bit, be close to her. His fingers slid over her nightgown as he imagined the bare flesh underneath.

What did it matter if their wedding night was tomorrow or tonight? He simply couldn't bear the thought of leaving her and he felt an the need to touch as much of her as possible.

Edward pressed kisses down her neck and over her bare shoulders, the front of her gown yielding easily to his fingers until he could cup her full breasts in his hands. Kissing his way down her chest, Edward sucked one of her nipples into his mouth. He heard her moan and felt her fingers sliding through his hair.

An urgent need to press his naked body to hers rushed through Edward and he pushed at the covers to move them out of the way. He moved over her, covering her body with his, pushing her deeper into the yielding bed.

Rising up, Edward quickly removed the barrier of their clothing and kissed her deeply. He spread kisses over her body, working his way down toward her moist core, flicking his tongue over her abdomen. Pulling her thighs open with his hands, he slid his tongue into her sweet nectar.

Marian was startled. This was was what a man and woman do? This was nothing like what she'd seen the animals do. She'd occasionally heard moans coming from behind bedroom doors in the castle. This must be why, she thought, as she writhed under Edwards touch. Her muscles stiffened then shuddered in release.

Edward worked his way up Marian's body with tongue and touch then kissed her lips gently.

"Are you well, my lady fair?" he asked between kisses, holding himself aloft over her.

"Very," she replied. She felt the head of his manhood pressing against her swollen nether lips. Fascinated, she looked down in the dim light to see his cock. It was lovely. She reached down and stroked her fingers over it.

Edward moaned, "Oh yes, please, touch me."

Shyly, Marian did as requested, wrapping her fingers around his swollen prick to stroke him. She knew what was supposed to happen next and she'd heard from other maidens whispering that it would hurt, but only for a moment.

Gently pulling him closer, Marian led him to the entrance of her womb. Edward pushed in as she guided him. She tried to relax.

"Do it quickly," Marian whispered. "I think it will hurt less if you do."

Marian bit her lip at the pain as Edward thrust deeply into her then held still. She breathed lightly until the pain subsided and Edward began to stroke lightly in and out of her.

Time seemed to stand still as Edward teased her with his cock, thrusting slowly for a time, then quickly. Marian felt her body tighten and release several times before Edward shuddered and poured his seed into her.

Edward rained kisses on Marian's face and held her close as they dozed. They woke several times to pleasure each other. Marian wanted it to go on forever. During the night, the old queen decided to check on the princess, so she cracked the door of the bedchamber and listened. All she could hear was moaning and groaning and creaking as the maiden thrashed around on the bed. Satisfied that Marian wasn't getting a wink of sleep because of the pea, the queen returned to her own comfortable bed.

In the morning, the Queen asked the yawning Marian how she had slept.

"Oh, terribly. I'm horribly sore." Marian blushed and hurried on, "It must have been the walk in the rain."

Now the Queen was sure Marian was a real princess, since she must have felt the pea that was lying on the bedstead through twenty mattresses and twenty eiderdown quilts. Only a real princess could be so sensitive!

The Prince was allowed to marry Marian. The pea was exhibited in the royal museum; and you can go there and see it still today, if it hasn't been stolen.