The Pact

My heart thumped fast and hard in my chest, and I rubbed my hands carefully against the sides of my pants, hoping they were not as clammy as they were shaky. I got out of the car and walked slowly across the grassy hill of the park. It was a perfect day, weather wise. The sun was shining, with puffy white clouds that dotted the bright blue. I would have been happy even if it was cold and raining buckets. I hadn't seen my fantasy lady, Rachael Duncan, in ten years. Per our agreement, we had kept in touch over the years as pen pals, and today was the day we had set to see each other again. I had flown five hours to see her.

She was sitting under our favorite old maple tree in the park we played in as children. She hadn't seen me yet, and I was glad for the few extra seconds just to watch her. She was just as beautiful as I remembered her. Soft flowing blond hair, bright green eyes, cute button nose. She was taller than I thought she would be, but I'm a pretty tall guy. She was sitting under the tree, leaning against it, reading a book, with her long legs stretched out in front of her.

Rachael stole my heart when she was eleven and I was thirteen. To this day, I have no clue how she did it. Before that, we had been neighbors, and friends, but one day, she smiled at me, and called me a brat for tugging her hair, and everything just changed. Call it hormones if you want, but I call it love. She consumed my every waking moment, and invaded my dreams every night. About a week later I asked her to be my girlfriend. We weren't together long before we were torn apart by the demands of Uncle Sam. I was furious when my dad was stationed on the other side of the country the same week I had gotten up the nerve to kiss her for the first time.

That last day, I held her in my arms and fought back my own tears as she sobbed on my shoulder. I had just told her I had to move, and that we would not get to see each other again. "Shh...Rachael...please don't cry."

"I don't want you to go!" She sniffed, her voice cracking. "I love you Jesse Thatcher."

"I don't have a choice. We knew one of us would have to move someday. We are both military brats." Because of her dad's rank, it was unlikely she would have ever been the one to move.

"It sucks." She said, wiping her eyes.

"I know." I tucked a stray strand of honey blond hair behind her ear. "We will stay in touch, though. I will write you every week." I said. I had been true to my word. I wrote her a letter every Sunday night, for the last ten years, and she had always written me back, except for this one time I didn't hear from her for two years. It was hell. She recently started writing me again, a few months ago.

"Promise?" She asked. I nodded.

"Let's make a pact." She said suddenly, smiling.

"A pact?" I narrowed my eyes.

"Yes...a pact. We will meet here, under this maple, at noon, in exactly ten years from today. Then, if we aren't married, we will be together. Forever."

"Why ten years?" I asked.

"Because, I will be twenty one, and you will be twenty three. We will be old enough to do what we want. Our parents can't stop us from being together. No one can."

"Ok, Rachael, in ten years I will meet you here, under this tree. I promise." As soon as I said the words, she threw her arms around me, kissed me hard, and turned and ran away, her long hair streaming behind her. She never looked back as I watched her go. I walked home in tears and finished packing my stuff. We left the next day.

Today, she didn't look up as I walked slowly past the playground full of children and stood near her.

"Rachael Duncan...put that book down and come give me a hug." I said smiling.

"Jesse!" She squealed and jumped to her feet. She flew into my arms before the book even hit the ground.

I wrapped her in a big bear hug and lifted her off her feet and spun her around, laughing. "Hey squirt. Nice to finally see you again." She hated me calling her that as a little kid, but I knew she didn't mind today.

"I've missed you so much!" She said, crying into my shoulder.

"I missed you too, baby." I whispered. "I can't believe this day is finally here." I put her back on her feet again, and just stared at her, running my fingers over her cheeks, her lip, her chin. "Don't you cry again." I said, whipping her eyes gently.

"I'm just so happy." She said, "I wasn't sure if you'd really come." She admitted. She stepped closer and hugged me again. "It's so good to see you."

"I made a promise, Rachael. I told you I would be here just last week when I wrote you."

"I know...I just...I thought maybe you would change your mind." She said, looking away for a moment.

"Rachael...did you not want me to come?" I asked, I turned her chin so she was looking directly at me again.

"No, of course not..." She trailed off, but she wasn't convincing about it. Something was obviously bothering her.

"Well, ok then, I'm here, you're here. What's with the hesitation, princess?"

"Do you remember the other part of our pact?" She asked, stepping away from me.

"Yes...of course. We'd be together." I nodded. I had tried to date other girls...but most of them didn't understand why I was still writing to a Rachael. They would get pissy and jealous and always break up with me. I'd never been able to love anyone the way I loved Rachael, so I never minded much.

"Well...I'm not sure that's going to happen." She said sadly.

"Why not?" I asked quietly, holding my breath as I felt my heart sink. In truth, I could feel it breaking. "Are you in love with someone else?" I asked.

"No, no...there is no one else." She insisted, shaking her head.

"Ok...so what is it?" I asked, barely breathing again.

"I..." She buried her head in my chest again, mumbling something I couldn't understand.

"Rachael, come on...talk to me." I pulled myself away from her and held her arms, looking down at her. "What's the problem?"

She closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. When she opened them, she lifted her chin and stared at me. "I'm afraid you won't want me now." She said slowly.

"Why would you think that?" I asked, dumbfounded.

"Because...Do you remember two years ago, when I stopped writing for a while?" She asked.

"That was the worst two years of my life. You have no idea how happy I was to get your letters again." I nodded. "I missed talking to you. It drove me crazy to not know how you were doing."

"I never told you why I stopped writing." She said. "You need to know why, and I don't know how to tell you."

"I assumed you met someone who didn't want you writing me." I said. "I never really asked." I said. The truth was, I didn't really want to know she was dating someone else. I knew she'd had boyfriends of course, but I never wanted the details.

"I have a son." She said softly. "I never knew how to tell you."

"What?" I stared at her. "You had a baby and NEVER told me?" I gasped. "Why would you keep something like that from me? We tell each other everything!" It was true. We had never kept secrets from each other. I told her everything. Well, everything important anyway. How could she not tell me she was a freaking mother?

"I knew you'd be mad." She started crying again. She stepped away from me. "I should just go now." She turned to walk away. I spun her back around and pulled her in my arms. I couldn't stand to watch her walk away from me again, no matter what secrets she kept from me.

"Calm down, hon, I'm just surprised is all." I said softly. I could feel her shaking like a leaf. "It's ok...I'm not mad...I'm not mad." I crooned. "I just wish I knew. I would have sent toys and stuff when I sent letters. Hell, I would have flown out here sooner and been with you, damn it."

"I didn't want you to know...I felt so ashamed that I broke my promise to you."

I pulled her over to the park bench and sat with her in my lap, cradling her like a child, her head on my shoulder. Now that I had her in my arms, I couldn't stand her just sitting next to me. "So you stopped writing because you had a baby with someone?" I asked.

She nodded. "I broke my promise to you."

"No you didn't, you started writing me again."

"Not that promise." She said. "The other promise."

"Rachael...honey...I don't remember any other promise."

"I wrote you when I was thirteen...after my momma died. I promised her that I wouldn't have sex with anyone I didn't love. I told her I loved you. I promised you too; I amended the pact, for that. Don't you remember?"

"Yes...I remember Rachael, but you were only thirteen...I didn't really expect you to keep such a promise." I said smiling. "I don't mind that you're not a virgin anymore sweetheart. I still love you." I kissed her nose. It's not like I was still a virgin. I had wanted to be her first, but what's done is done.

"I care! I wanted you to be my first! Not that evil drunk son of a bitch! I wanted it to be special...not horrible!" She shuddered, and something in her eyes changed, as if she was remembering a nightmare.

"Rachael...Rachael...wait a second...are you saying you were raped?" I hissed, hugging her closer to me. "Talk to me baby. Tell me what happened." I tried not to growl. I was furious. She sighed, and rested her head on my shoulder. She was quite for a minute, and then she started talking.

"I was waiting for today, you know, how I promised. It was at college. I was stupid. I let my roommate talk me into going to a frat party. I drank more than I should have and this guy was interested in me. He said he wanted to be able to talk to me without all the noise of the party. We went to his room. I was so dumb, and drunk. It was awful...so awful." She was crying again. "Afterward...I was so shocked, and ashamed...I didn't want anyone to know what had happened, especially not you and Daddy." She said. "I stopped writing you that week. I just didn't know what to say anymore."

I hugged her and rocked her, silently cursing in my mind, at myself, the US military and God, for letting this happen to my girl. If we had stayed together, she never would have been at that party. She would have been with me."And you had a baby." I finally whispered.

"When I found out I was pregnant...I freaked out even more. I didn't know what to do. I finally told Daddy what happened, but I made him swear not to tell anyone...especially your parents. I was so afraid of you finding out. The guy is in jail now, and he doesn't know about J.T. After he was born...I was just too busy to keep in contact with anyone for a while, and I just didn't know what to say to you."

"So what made you contact me again?" I asked, "you didn't write for so long."

"I already broke one promise...I couldn't break another. I knew our ten years was almost here...I didn't want you to come to the tree and wait for me, and not know why I didn't come. So I had to write you again. I had to be here today, so I could explain, at least."

"I'm glad you decided to be here." I said quietly. "You have no idea how happy I am that I get to hold you in my arms again."

"So, now you know my awful secret." She said. I rubbed her back and just held her. She was heaven in my arms, and I didn't know how long she would let me.

"You don't have to keep secrets from me. No matter what happens in our lives, I will always love you. Nothing in the world will change that."

Rachael shook her head."But, Jesse...I have a baby. He's not yours, and I never even told you about him."

"But your baby is mine, Rachael...because you're his mother, and you are mine." I said. "I will take care of both of you from now on." I swore. "I want to marry you, I always have. I've told you that. It doesn't matter to me that you're a package deal now. I will be your son's father if you let me. I love you. I will love him too."

"You're only twenty three, Jesse...you'll get tired of me, and being a father, eventually. You'll find someone else and want a family with another woman. A child of your own, someday, when you're older."

"Babe...I've never wanted anyone but you. I've never gotten tired of you. I will never get tired of you, or your son. How could I? I've never loved anyone but you. There will never be anyone but you, don't you know that?" I touched my lips to hers, and let her feel my oath in our first kiss since we were children.

She was hesitant at first, and then opened her mouth to mine. The kiss left us both breathless. I couldn't stop kissing her. Her touch was gasoline to my fire. I had burned for her over the years...an insatiable hunger that never quit. No other woman ever made me feel like she did, not even close. Now that I had her in my arms, I couldn't control my desire for her. I kissed her harder, more demanding, more passionately, holding her to me, wrapping my fingers in her hair, holding her head tight as my tongue plundered her mouth, over and over again. Every kiss made me hungry for more.

She cried out against my mouth, and pulled me forcefully away from her, leaving us both gasping. "Jesse...stop...please stop." She said hoarsely.

"I don't think I can ever stop kissing you, Rachael." I whispered, our foreheads touching.

"Please..." She was shaking. "I can't do this."

"Don't say that, Rachael...please...just be with me." I said softly. "Please. I love you. Don't just kiss me and run away again. I can't bare to wait another ten years for you." I whispered.

"I'm scared, Jesse. I know I shouldn't be with you, but I am. What happened to me...it's changed me. I wish to God it hadn't, because I wanted so badly to be with you, but I'm so scared."

"What are you afraid of?" I asked, kissing her again softly, slowly, carefully. I forced myself to stop and let her answer.

"You. Me. Us. Together." She said, hesitant. "I can feel you against me. I used to dream about it at night...us finally together...now...I'm just scared." I immediately understood. I shifted so that she wasn't pressed so hard against my erection.

"I swear, I won't hurt you, darlin'." I promised. "Don't you know that?" I hugged her, rubbing her back. "It's just me. Jesse. I will never hurt you." I whispered in her ear. "Let me show you how good it can be. Let me show you what you're first time should have been. Please, Rachael...let me love you." I held my breath and waited for her to say something.

Eventually, she nodded. "Daddy likes taking Jesse fishing with him on the weekends. We can go to my place."

"You gave your son my name?" I asked, shocked.

"Of course. I couldn't think of a better name, a better person. I wanted so badly for him to be yours, to give him something of you. You're the man I love. His name is Jesse Thatcher Duncan. After you."

"Rachael...that's...I...Thank you." I said. I didn't know what to say. I knew that some day I wanted to have a child with her. I had no idea she named her son after me. It was like he was already mine.

"Take me home, Jesse. Make love to me, please." She said, kissing me softly. "Just be gentle with me, okay?" I nodded, and kissed her softly. "I promise, Rachael. I'll make it good for you."

She had walked to the park and rode back to her house in my rental car. She was silent in the car, and looked out the window. I knew she was still nervous. I was too. What had happened to her was horrible. I wanted to kill the bastard. I would have, had she told me two years ago when it happened. I was nervous too. I had to erase the bad memories of her only sexual experience. I had to make it great for her, and prove to her how good we could be, together.

When we got to her house, I walked her to the door and when she unlocked it, I picked her up and carried her inside. The walls of the living room had been painted, but the furniture was basically the same. Her father wasn't much of a decorator, but there were little feminine touches around the room. Throw pillows, candles, flowers. It was cozy.

"Jesse..." She tried to squirm, "You don't have to carry me. I can walk you know."

"Hush. Is your bedroom still the one on the right?" I asked.

"Yes." She giggled.

I kicked the door open and walked us both inside. I carefully deposited her on the bed and went to lock the door. Just in case. Old habit I guess. The dolls and stuffed animals were gone, but she still had the same bed, desk, dresser. It looked like everything had gotten a fresh coat of paint. The room was done in white and yellow and purples. Ultra feminine. It fit her perfectly.

"Rachael...are you sure about this?" I asked, turning toward her. "We can wait if you want." I said, sitting down next to her. She sat up and kissed me.

"No." She said. "We've waited long enough." She said seriously. "I need this...today, tonight, now. I want you to show me what I've been missing all these years. I need you to make it right." She said. "You're the only one who can. I wanted you to be the one...for years this was the day I planned on giving myself to you. I still want that...if you still want me." She said, seriously.

"Of course I want you." I said, tears in my eyes. "I love you."

"Are you...are you still...innocent?" She asked. She blushed and looked down at her hands.

"No...I'm not." I said, honestly. She nodded, quietly. "I understand."

"I tried to wait...but now, I'm glad I didn't." I said softly.

"Why? Because I didn't?" She asked sharply.

"No...because if I had waited, I wouldn't know how to make it good for you. Men, we get too excited, too fast, our first time or two...or ten..." I laughed, "After a while, we learn to slow down, take our time, and pay attention to what our partner needs. We learn more about sex and we get better at it. Well...some do. I do anyway." I said, slowly pulling her closer to me. "I will go slow. We won't do anything you're not comfortable with. We have all the time in the world." I said, kissing her gently. "I promise, I will tell you what I'm going to do before I do it. If you don't like something, tell me. You're in control here." I knew I had to be extra careful with her, so she didn't freak out.

She nodded. "Okay." She swallowed hard, and leaned in to kiss me. I let her initiate the kiss, and let her take the lead. Our lips touched, so softly at first, but then she moved in closer to me, and pushed me down on the bed, leaning over me. I kept kissing her, exploring her mouth, and brushing our tongues together. Very carefully, I pulled away, gasping.

"I'm going to move you now, so you're on top of me." I said. I grabbed her leg and wrapped my arm around her middle, and pulled her on top of me, so that she was straddling my hips. I sat up with her on my lap. She started kissing me again as I moved my hand to her bottom. I kneaded the flesh, rubbing gently as I kissed her. I could feel her thong under her slacks and ran my fingers along the string sides, playing at her hip.

I kissed her again and again, nibbling and tasting her mouth, until I heard her moan softly and felt her press harder against me. She was definitely ready for more. "Rachael...let me take off your shirt." I said. She sat back a little, and I slowly began to unbutton her pink blouse from the bottom up.

"Hurry." She said, shifting and leaning forward a bit.

"There's time for that later, baby...this time, we're going slow." I smiled, deliberately slowing my fingers to play with the second button from the top...the one over her heaving breasts. My hands ached to cup them, hold them, squeeze them, but I was having fun teasing her. She had no idea how much I could tease her. The button popped open finally and she moved to un-hook the top one before I could stop her. Her shirt lay open against her skin, revealing her pale stomach and lacey covered breasts.

"I'm going to touch you now." I whispered. "I'm going to worship your breasts until you orgasm for me at least once." I stated matter of factly, pushing her shirt down her arms, and off. It fell to the floor.