Author's Note: Welcome back to my next story. This tale came about as a simple idea and I decided to run with it as long as I could. I think the story came out well but I'll let you be the judge of that. It's not as long as my first work, A Most Graceful Life, and will be posted in three parts. Be warned there is no heat in part one, but you can expect it in the remaining parts. Enjoy.
-CJ McCormick
*****
Until my last day I will never forget the final words my brother said to me. When I closed my eyes I can still see his face and the terrified look in his eyes as he stood at death's door.
With a quick shake of my head I tried to push the memories back where they came from. It was the one thing that kept popping up in quiet moments like this one where my only company is the open road. It was hard not to shoulder the blame even now when he is truly gone.
Before I get too far ahead of myself, let me start from the beginning. My name is Jim O'Connell and as you may have guessed from my name, I come from a very Irish family. A matter of irony you would say especially if you saw my heavy, Mediterranean features like my coarse, black hair and olive skin. My father always took his fair share of jokes over that one, but he did like to remind all of us that his mother's family came from Greece. Yet it was those features that shined through the strongest in spite of the last name.
My brother, Matt, did inherit those strong Irish genes, sporting a curly mass of auburn hair and a generous amount of freckles. If you told someone we were brothers it would always generate a suspicious grin. That is until they saw how we were practically united at the hip and how we could finish each other's sentences. Any doubt was then swiftly erased.
Matt and I grew up just outside of Denver within sight of the majestic Rockies. Growing up, they so thoroughly dominated our world that I learned to do many outdoor activities from a young age such as skiing, snowboarding, and of course, sledding. Any time that we weren't in school or sleeping, Matt and I were outside exploring our surroundings and generally having a blast doing it. Even though he was only a couple years younger than me, he remained my best friend throughout our schooling years.
A best friend would've tried harder to save me.
I shook my head again to get the rogue thought out of my mind. It wasn't as bad now, a few weeks after his death, as it was during the entire ordeal and directly after he passed. Time was reducing the frequency but the intensity of the pain remained the same.
My story took a turn for the sour just three years ago. A routine doctor's checkup for my brother started off on the right foot, until he mentioned the frequent fatigue he was feeling just from going about daily tasks. As he explained his symptoms, the doctor was alarmed enough to order blood testing. A family's worst nightmare was confirmed a short while laterβMatt had leukemia.
The disease was alarming in the way that it could strike otherwise healthy adolescents and young men. Matt was just such a case. His prognosis was a sixty-five percent survival rate and chemotherapy was to start right away. I felt truly helpless to do anything to help my best friend and brother. Thankfully at that time, Matt was still naive and steely enough to believe that he could beat this. His courage gave me the confidence that he was right.
Time would quickly show us for the fools we were.
We fought the cancer as best we could for the next year and a half. Matt was confined to the hospital to minimize the risk of infection. He quickly lost his auburn hair and I remembered giving him some grief about becoming a skinhead, something he took with a good-natured laugh. Matt soldiered on as best as he could and we supported him in every way we knew how.
It was toward the end of the second year when the problems really escalated. At first the chemo seemed to work out wonderfully and the cancer went away easily enough. I could even see Matt on the cusp of triumph as we got so close to beating it. We suffered quite the blow when the leukemia reemerged in a more resistant form. I think in that moment Matt truly began to lose hope. The spark, the very fight that was so present in his eyes, seemed to recede and then diminished completely. Whereas before he seemed to respond to his treatments with quiet confidence, he became more resigned to the possibility that the cancer might win.
I swerved quickly into the shoulder of the highway as a passing car nearly cut me off. Resisting the urge to make an obscene gesture, I scowled instead and shook my head. Looking over at the passenger seat, I noticed several of my groceries had spilled out of the plastic bag. I had a full week's worth of groceries, enough to keep me sated for the retreat ahead.
Retreat. I hated to think of it as a retreat but in a way it truly was. I needed a break from life. Especially from my job and, sadly to say, my parents as well. Not that I didn't appreciate them, but they served as a reminder of Matt and right now I needed an escape from that.
It was the entire reason why I had chosen to take a week off from work and head up to our family's cabin in the mountains. It was incredibly remote, even to the point of having no cell service. Originally purchased when I was five, we had spent many nights tucked away in that quaint, little red-roofed cabin that so gently hugged the surrounding hillside. It was my quiet place, my serenity, and the one location where I knew I could find a measure of peace in light of recent events.
It also helped that so many memories of my brother seemed to be baked into the weathered logs of the cabin itself. We both learned to snowboard down the hill that it rested upon. I can still remember the time when Matt spotted a bear not far from the cabin when I was ten and we ran like devils back to the safety of enclosed walls and my father's hunting rifle.
The truth was that I hoped my week in solitude would allow me the extra presence of mind to get closer to his memory. I wanted to forgive myself and move on. That was the hope at least.
About an hour from Boulder, I finally saw the black gravel road that led to the cabin. It wasn't a moment too soon either as the weather looked to be starting to turn. Earlier this morning my mother warned me not to go with this fast moving storm making its way across the mountains and bound to dump a few feet of snow in the area. I smiled away her worries and made sure to take an extra shovel with me as well as some road salt. The truth was that the cabin was well equipped for all you could possibly want, even being snowed-in.
As I turned into the long driveway, the very first snowflake hit my windshield and quickly dissolved into a watery remnant. Before the second flake landed, I caught sight of the cabin itself and smiled at finally arriving.