The Monster Within Ch 04

Author's note/Disclaimer

All characters depicted in sexual situations are over 18.

Of course all characters are fictional, any resemblance with living or dead real persons is pure coincidence.

This is the fourth part of a five-part story. I recommend reading the previous parts if you haven't done so yet.

My thanks go to Joffa for providing his spelling and grammar expertise. His help is highly appreciated. If any errors remain, I'm sure they happened after his editing.

***

The events in this part start about a month after the end of part III.

***

Part IV Defeating the monster

The last few weeks had been wonderful. Beverly and I were growing closer. There was no real doubt anymore whether or not we were an item. We were rarely seen separated, we clicked perfectly and our thinking patterns fused rapidly.

But not everything was sunshine and roses. I had been talking to Doctor Fish twice a week in an attempt to overcome my depression and my feelings of guilt following the deaths of my wife Sandra and or twins, Cecile and Matthew and the subsequent killing spree I had set out on four years ago. There were some encouraging signs according to Doctor Fish but there was a long way left to go. My hatred and craving for revenge had not yet diminished.

Beverly was of invaluable help in the process. Her loyalty and the unconditional love she heaped upon me contributed massively to every small step forward.

At the same time Beverly herself also still had issues left from the traumatic experience of being assaulted by Donald. The erratic mood swings she has experienced since she was attacked by her then boyfriend still hit her with unabated force and, at the same time that she was an irreplaceable pillar for my psychological healing, she was increasingly dependent on my approval. She was aware of her beauty, she knew that she was a brilliant cook, but aside from those two areas, she was unable to act on her own. My attempts to re-establish her self-confidence had so far proven fruitless.

***

We had just returned from walking the pack. Beverly had quickly got used to these walks and enjoyed them as one of our favourite joint activities. Since I had brought home 'Oslo' six weeks ago, the walks had been a bit more demanding than usual as young puppies shouldn't walk long distances from the beginning while the majority of the pack needed the long walks. So on the standard two hour walks either Beverly or I carried him for prolonged phases. Also he still needed to learn how to walk on the leash, so the walks were more than mere pleasure but also essential training for Oslo.

"Stan, the girls have been pestering me about joining them on a girls night out today. Esther, Nina and some other girls are going to hit the bars tonight and have become increasingly annoying about it."

"Of course. That's a wonderful idea. Have fun! Take a cab home or call if you want me to pick you up somewhere."

"Are you sure that you're ok with it? I will stay here if you want. Or at least I can prepare something for you to eat."

"Beverly. Stop it. It's enough. We need to talk. Now."

I took her by the hand and led into the living room, sat down on the couch and patted on the seat next to me, "Please. Sit."

"Why? What is it? You are breaking up with me! You're kicking me out! I knew I shouldn't have asked."

"No, Bev, I'm most definitely not kicking you out. Just sit down."

Reluctantly she took her seat and turned towards me.

I took her hands in mine, sorted my thoughts, looked her in the eyes and started, "Bev, I'm really worried. I'm worried about your mental health. Since you moved in here you have been behaving erratically. You change from enthusiastic to depressed, from purposeful to disoriented, from alpha wolf to beaten puppy and vice versa within seconds. I've tried my best to get you to participate in the decisions, to include you in the planning, to pull you out of your shell. But so far I've failed.

Partially it is my fault. I should have resisted longer before I gave in to become intimate with you. You were still far too shaken, too much in need of protection. But you're just too damn beautiful and I'm just a man. That's not an excuse but an explanation. I was weak. But another big part of it is your fault.

An example: Would you have asked Donald for permission to go out with the girls?"

She shook her head, "No."

"Then why are you asking me? What makes you think you need my permission? What makes you think I want you to ask for my permission? I've tried my very best to get you out of that fragile state of mind. But I'm failing.

On that ominous day some weeks ago, you made me tell my story and showed me a different point of view. It was the first step of a journey I've embarked on since, together with you and Doctor Fish. I'm far from being over it but for the first time since Sandra, Cecile and Matthew were murdered, I can imagine a future ahead of me. A future which is not consumed by hatred. I owe this future to you. And now it's time to pay the first instalment of that debt. We will not get up from this couch until I know what the real reason for your behaviour is.

So what is it? Why are you suppressing the woman you are?"

"I don't."

"Yes, you do. Tell me."

"No, I don't."

"Yes."

"I can't say."

An opening, a crack to put my foot in, "Why not?"

"I'm afraid."

"Of what?"

She fell quiet, she didn't speak or move for at least a full minute. I waited. Finally she whispered, so quietly I almost didn't hear her, "That I will lose you."

I held her hands tighter, "What makes you think I could abandon you? That you could lose me? Ever since we met I've done everything I can think of to keep hold of you. Don't you see that?"

"But why?" she whispered, almost inaudible, "Why do you need me? There is no reason for you to need me." She slightly increased the volume of her voice, "You are so self-assured, so dominant, so independent, so overwhelming, so all-conquering so... so... so you. And I? I am just an unemployed, useless and dependant piece of trash, good for cooking and fucking." Her voice had reduced to a whisper again, "What if you realise that? What if you realise you don't need me?" Tears started to flow down her face.

I pulled her in an embrace, held her tightly and let her cry out her fear. Finally. Finally I was able to understand the reason for her behaviour. I didn't agree with her of course, but neither had she agreed with my reasoning when I told her about my reasons for withholding from her. I would have to convince her to speak to Doctor Fish. We wouldn't be able to solve this on our own.

When her crying finally slowed, she wiped away her tears and said, "You must think I'm a hysterical psycho."

"Well, you are the one talking to the guy who is seeing a shrink twice a week," I tried to cheer her up a bit but failed miserably. "Bev, please listen. Listen to me very closely now.

I will not abandon you. I will not leave you. I will not let go of you. You are so much more to me than just for 'cooking and fucking'. I honestly don't even care about that. If you didn't cook and slept in the guest room, I would still not let go of you. You are one of the two fundamental pillars my new life is built upon." Of course my pack was the other pillar, I didn't need to mention that, after six weeks she knew.

"It is your unwavering love and support which allows me to talk to Doctor Fish and work on my issues. And that is not even the main reason why I would never abandon you. Do you want to know why? Do you want to know why I could never let you go?"

She looked up, her eyes red and swollen from crying, "Yes."

"I love you. I've known for sure for maybe two weeks now and I should have told you this much earlier. I love you, Beverly Ferguson."

She just sat there. Seemingly frozen. Then slowly her jaw moved a couple times in a futile attempt to speak. Finally she found her voice, "Really? You're not just saying this?"

"Bev, I've told you that I wouldn't say it unless I really mean it. So, yes. Really. I love you, Beverly."

Without a further warning she dived forward and pulled me into a kiss, a frantic, sloppy kiss. She started fumbling on my belt, opening my pants, rubbing me.

"Take me. Claim me. Make love to me. Now."

She pushed down my pants to my ankles and, faster than I thought possible, shed her own. She knelt down in front of me and sucked my half-hard cock into her mouth. With a few bobs of her head, a few flips of her tongue and a few sucking motions she had my cock hard and covered in saliva. She didn't waste time. She got up, straddled my hips, positioned my cock head at the entrance of her literally dripping pussy and impaled herself, rock bottom in one swift motion.

"Mine." She leaned forward and resumed her frantic kissing, "My love. My life."

Finally I recovered from the surprise and returned the kiss. I had been totally stunned by the urgency and the need expressed in her actions. She started to lift herself up and let herself fall down again, I felt her stiffen. That was fast. It usually took a long and thorough foreplay to make sure she would be satisfied in the end.

I reacted to her stiffening by holding her body in place above me and starting to fuck her from below. After only two thrusts I was rewarded with her body tensioning.

As I bottomed out for the third time, she came.

"Ohmygodohmygodohmygod..."

Her pussy clamped down on my cock so hard, I was stuck. I could just hold still. When her pussy finally released its death grip I resumed to fuck her slowly, prolonging her orgasm. With her satisfaction achieved, I let myself quickly drift towards my own release.

"Cum for me, my love, cum for me, shoot your load deep into my waiting pussy."

I obviously wasn't the only one who had learnt to read the partner's signals of the impending release. With a few more thrusts I passed the point of no return, I tensed the muscles on my cock, holding back a few seconds more, my movements came to a halt, she took over, gliding up and down on my hard, tensed cock.

"Cum for me, my love, cum for me."

I released the tension and came. I bucked, gripped her body, pressed her down on me.

"Oh, yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssss."

We kissed, we caressed and we stroked each other, enjoying the afterglow, non-verbally expressing our love for several minutes, finally together for good.

Shortly after we had cleaned up and stood at the kitchen counter, drinking coffee.

"Bev."

"Hmmm," she replied dreamily.

"I want you to go and see Doctor Fish or somebody similar on a regular basis. I don't think we can solve your issues without help."

"I can't afford that."

"But I can, my love. I would do anything to make you happy."

"Anything?" I didn't hear the faint undertone in her question.

"Anything."

A few more minutes later Beverly spoke, "Stan, as much I just want to remain home tonight until you're ready for another round and then repeat the session from earlier, I also should go and meet my friends."

"Sure. I'm so spent it might take quite a long while to get ready for another round anyway. So go upstairs, waste your make-up to hide your natural beauty and go and have fun with your girls. Don't worry about me, I've been able to entertain and feed myself without help for several years. And if all else fails I'll have the pack go hunt something for me."

***

The next morning I sat at the balcony table alone and drank my coffee while reading on my tablet. It was a wonderful and sunny summer Saturday. I was looking forward to some intense dog training, maybe a dip in the lake but otherwise a rather lazy day. Beverly had come home totally wasted. Esther, quiet buzzed herself, had accompanied her in a cab. I had paid the driver and made him drive over to Esther's to drop her off. I then proceeded to bring Beverly to the top floor. I undressed her, fended off an extraordinarily clumsy attempt to seduce me, made her take a shower during which I had to fend her off some more, dried her off and put her in bed. I'd have to ask Esther what they had been up to.

Just as I wanted to get up for dog training my phone rang. A phone number, not a name, was displayed on the front. I could always hang up and block them if it was some telemarketer.

I answered the phone, "Yes?"

"Hello, this is Nina Walsh. Am I speaking to Stan Parker?"

"Yes. Hi Nina. To what do I owe the pleasure of your call? Where did you get my number?"

"I pulled it from Beverly's phone yesterday. Please don't get mad at her, she doesn't know but I really need to talk to you about her. I'll delete the number after this conversation if you want to."

"No, it's ok. You're her best friend. You should have an alternative way to contact her and as we don't have a fixed land line here you can use this number. What is with Beverly? You want to come over?"

"I'd rather speak on the phone. I'm not sure if she should know that I'm consulting you to discuss her."

"I'm not the type of guy to keep secrets from my girlfriend so maybe you don't want to consult me anyhow," I interjected.

"Girlfriend? That's a new development. She didn't mention that yesterday. The last thing she told me was that you have some commitment issues. However, if you feel you should tell her when we're done then so be it. I'm worried about her and I need your help to help her. And I think you are a really nice guy with good intentions, so you will do the right thing."

"What you think is the right thing, you mean?"

"You see, already moving to defend her interests. Her well-being at the top of your mind. That's why I called. Now let's skip the preliminaries. We are not adversaries fighting over her, we are allies fighting for her."

"You're right. Go on."

"Thanks. You know I've known her for a long time. We are both twenty six, we met when we were six years old and I moved into town. As far as I know I'm her oldest friend. But you are the one who saved her from that asshole Donald, you are the one she has fallen in love with and you are the one she listens to and wants to please.

I don't know why she doesn't recover from that attack. I understand it was an extreme situation in which she feared for her life, but from what she tells me you do everything in your power to help her recover. I know that she hates the woman she has become and wants to return to be the woman she was again. She used to be such a strong, independent and self-assured woman and now she is so... anything but.

As I don't understand the reason for her behaviour, I can't find out what to do and I really hoped you could share some insight, provide a different perspective to help me understand."

"Let me start by saying that I fully agree with your assessment as far as I know her. She needs to change back to the woman she was, she wants to change back. I know she is still in there. I see her occasionally, most commonly when she is cooking. I've tried to build on that and pull her out but so far I failed miserably. As a matter of fact I discussed just this with her yesterday a few hours before she left to meet with you. I found out a few things about the causes, but I don't think they are for me to share. But mostly they are based on the totally unrealistic picture she has created of me.

You were together yesterday, right?"

"Yes."

"She was quite loaded when she got home," I laughed, "from what I hear from you now I suppose this was some kind of 'healing attempt'."

"Did it work?"

"I don't know. She was so wasted she couldn't speak proper sentences yesterday and she hasn't woken yet. But never mind, that's not important. Whatever she and I discussed yesterday remains between her and me unless she decides to share it with you. I suppose she will, sooner rather than later, as I know how highly she values you. But I can let you know the following. She and I both agreed on the fact that she needs help to get over her issues and she will be getting professional help from a psychiatrist as soon as possible."

"Really? That's wonderful. You see, I knew you're a nice guy!"

"I'm not sure if I fully agree on that assessment. I think I have to accept a big part of the blame for her current state."

"Why? You saved her life!"

"Maybe I did. Maybe I didn't. But I think that one of the reasons she isn't recovering is that I gave in to her sexual seduction way to early. That gave her a false impression of my expectations from her. I slept with her when she still was unstable and submissive, she fell in love with me when she was still submissive and she remains submissive because that's what she associates with me and her love for me."

Nina laughed out loud, "Stan, Beverly is one of the most beautiful woman I've ever seen and I've seen her seduce men. You stood no chance. Maybe you gave in early but it's not as if you had a fair chance. No heterosexual man can withstand her longer than a few minutes at most, I'm not even sure if a homosexual man could withstand her if she really wanted him and I know more than one woman who can't withstand her. Stan, she's walking seduction, she would have put Aphrodite to shame. Don't let it trouble you, it is not your fault."

"Yeah, she's definitely hard to resist. But she was in such a fragile state, I should have realised how unstable she still was. What I did was wrong, I failed to live up to the standards I set for myself."

"You are a good guy, better than most. Don't be too hard with yourself. It's too bad she found you first or I'd probably be sinking my own claws into you myself by now. Together, you, the psychiatrist and I, we'll help her find her old self again. Thanks for the talk. I feel better now."

"The pleasure was mine. And just so you know. I don't think we need to keep this secret. If the opportunity arises, I'll give Bev a summary. I'll let you know if it happens. Bye and good recovery from yesterday."

***

When I returned from the dog training, Beverly was sitting at the table, a coffee in front of her, her face buried in her hands.

"HEYYYYY THEEEERE! GOOOOOOOOOD MOOOOOORNIIIIIING!" I shouted and loudly clapped my hands. Who could drink, could suffer. A little bit at least.

"Oh, shut up, you bastard."

Before I had left for the dog training I had prepared a light bouillon. I turned up the heat on the cooking ring and soon had it boiling again. I added an egg, stirred the soup properly, poured some of it into a cup, went over to her and took away her coffee.

"Give that back," she growled.

"Later, right now, drink this. But slowly, it's hot."

I placed the cup in front of her and gave her a sideways kiss on the cheek.

"What is it?"

"A bouillon with an egg. All the minerals and energy your tormented body needs right now. It will make you feel better. There's more of it if you feel like."

"Thanks, Darling."

"Welcome. Wild night?"

"I think so. The last thing I clearly remember is that Sumi convinced me it was fun to take three Tequila shots in quick order. Then I only remember you showering me and putting me to bed."

She took a small sip of her soup, "How did I get home?"

"Esther brought you in a cab."

She fell quiet and slowly sipped her soup and I resumed checking my regular news sites. After a few minutes she spoke again.

"You were really serious yesterday, right?"

"Yes, every word."

"You really want me to see a shrink?"

That wasn't the topic I had expected but I adapted quickly, "No, I want that you want to see a psychiatrist. Remember your own words. If you don't do it for yourself, it won't work."

"You're right. And I agree. Both with the necessity to see a psychiatrist and that I have to do it for me. I think I've known for some time but our discussion and the night out with the girls yesterday really opened my eyes. Donald has taken away an integral part of my personality and I want it back."