I had just told Amy about me being an escort or if you prefer a male prostitute. I could see the look of shock in her eyes that turned almost to sorrow.
"Jeff, I don't know what to say. It was so unexpected. I think you better take me home now," she said with teary eyes. "I need time to think."
I paid our bill and we left the lounge without saying a word to each other. As I pulled up to her house, I told her, "Amy, regardless what you think of me, I really do love you and the kids. I was hoping that someday we might have had a life together."
She started crying again without saying a word and opened the car door and ran to her house. I sat there until I saw her go in. This was the lowest feeling I have ever had in my life. I knew it might happen some day but I never thought it would hurt so much.
I drove home and even thought of driving over a cliff. I guess we all get those 'do ourselves in' feelings at a low time such as this. I would never do it but I have to be honest and say it crossed my mind.
I tried calling her all weekend but my calls went unanswered. I figured I would wait a few days before trying again. On Monday, I went to work but my heart really wasn't into it. I gave out work assignments and went to the lounge to get drunk. After a few drinks, I figured that wouldn't solve my problems. I just took a long drive and ended up at the airport. I sat there and thought for a while, watching all the planes take off and land.
I remembered bringing Gina and Ryan to watch the planes. I told them some day I would take them somewhere on the big plane. They were so excited about it. Now I wondered if I would ever be able to keep my promise to them.
I went home and tried to get some sleep. I tossed and turned thinking about Amy. I had to try to get her to talk to me. Maybe she just needed time. The next morning I went to the office and threw myself into my work. It was sometime in the afternoon when I got a call from my grandma. She told me Amy stopped by and was really sad. Grandma wanted to know what happened. Amy said it was about my past and that if she wanted to know more that she should talk to me.
I couldn't tell her about being an escort so I just told her I told Amy that I had an active sex life while in college. My grandma asked me how I could be so stupid. No woman wants to hear about her boyfriend's sex life. I tried to explain that I was in love with Amy and didn't want secrets between us. There was no way I was going to tell Grandma the whole truth, but I had to tell her something.
Another week went by. I tried calling every couple of days and even left a couple of messages. I did think about going to her house but then thought again. I doubted that she would have wanted to see me. Late in the week my phone rang. I looked at the caller ID and noticed it was Amy's number. I lifted the receiver and said hello.
The voice at the other end was a child. "Jeffery, is it you?" said Gina.
"Yes, sweetheart, it's me. How are you?" I said in a soft voice.
"Me and Ryan want to know how come you haven't come to see us. We miss you."
I swear a tear came to my eyes. Off in the background I could hear Amy's voice.
"Gina, who are you talking to?" asked Amy.
"It's Jeffery, Mom."
"I didn't hear the phone ring," said Amy.
"It didn't, Mommy, 'cause I called Jeffery. Me and Ryan want him to come over." Now I had tears for sure.
Amy took the phone. "Jeff, I know I have been avoiding a discussion with you. I would like to see you and talk with you," said Amy.
"Any day, anytime, Amy. I want to talk with you too," I replied.
"Is it all right if I come to your place tonight? I'd prefer the kids not be there. I have some things I really need to ask you," said Amy.
"Fine, I'll be waiting for you. Please do me a favor and tell Gina I miss her too and give her and Ryan a hug for me."
"Yes, I'll do that. They really do like you, you know."
"I really do like and miss them too. I'll see you tonight, Amy."
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Amy speaks:
I'm really confused what I should do. After the death of my husband Dave, I didn't think I could love again. That was until I met Jeff. He's funny, kind and gentle. He seems to love my kids and I know they love him. The only problem was he never seemed to want to meet my relatives and friends. I didn't know why till a week ago.
I was in college when I met my husband. Our hormones were at their peak and we wanted to make love. We were both from a fairly strict upbringing. Against our parent's suggestions, we got married in our junior year of college. We both worked part time and made ends meet with the help of our parents.
Ten months after we were married our daughter Gina was born. She was so cute and sweet. She was like my little angel. My mom was a godsend. She always stood by me and even watched the baby while I was in school.
Dave was in the ROTC. He was going into the service as a career. I was in nursing, figuring I could get work wherever he ended up stationed. I was young and didn't realize how hard it would be. I became a nurse. Gina was two years old when we found out Dave was being sent overseas to a war zone.
It just made sense to stay here until he returned from the war and then move to where he would be stationed next. I remember making love to him before he left. A few months later I discovered I was pregnant. I wrote him and he was happy to hear he was going to be a father again. I on the other hand was both happy and nervous. If it wasn't for my mother and father I don't know how I would have survived.
When I was seven months pregnant, I received the horrible news that Dave died in a roadside bomb accident. Our son Ryan was born two months later; he never got the chance to meet his dad.
After the birth of Ryan, I got a job at the hospital. I was a nurse and did home health care. I went to the homes of mostly the elderly and saw that they were taken care of medically. I didn't like leaving my kids but I had to earn a living. We couldn't just live off the military benefits. My mother, God bless her, watched my kids every day.
My kids were my life and I spent all my free time with them. My parents told me I needed to get out once in awhile. Dave wasn't coming back and I was a very young woman. I would go out with a few girlfriends from work and others that I knew from school but I just wasn't into dating.
I was asked out a few times but I didn't feel anything from the men I dated. Of course, once they found out I had two kids they backed off except for trying to get me to have sex with them. They didn't succeed; sex wasn't what I wanted. I was lonely and just wanted a little male companionship. There were a few nice guys and we were just friends.
I even dated two doctors that were both divorced. Just about every time we had a date set up they had some sort of emergency. Twice I was left at the dinner table because they had to leave. I was just too much of a homebody to want a life like that.
One day I stopped to see a new client/patient by the name of Emmie Ward. She so much reminded me of my own grandmother. The lady was like a breath of fresh air and wasn't afraid to speak her mind on most any topic. Whenever she started on family, she would talk about her grandson, Jeff, who she always called Jeffery.
In her eyes, Jeffrey could do no wrong. She told me he was the best in everything he did. He made it to the state finals, running cross-country in high school, graduated in the top of his class. Went to college for five years and ended up with two degrees, one in computers and one in education. He now was buying his own business.
I remember her saying how smart and handsome he was. She told me that I should go out with him. She was so sweet the way she put it I wasn't even embarrassed. I do have to say that I was a bit intrigued. Was he all she said he was or just a grandmother's vision of a grandson?
I stopped by to see her one day and when I walked in, there sat a good-looking man. The way Emmie had described him to me I knew it must have been Jeffery. Something just clicked in my heart when he started talking. Emmie asked him if he was going to ask me out. I was a bit embarrassed but I was hoping he would.
He hem-hawed around a little but finally asked me and I said yes. We went out and had a nice dinner. I told him I wasn't interested in just a sexual romp and he said he didn't have a problem with us just being friends. I mentioned my kids to him and he wanted to meet them. So far, everything Emmie told me about him was true.
He stopped by the following weekend and we took the kids to the zoo. He acted like a happy father and I couldn't get over the way my kids took to him. We started doing things almost as a family would. We took the kids everywhere. I would see him about twice a week and I began to look forward to those days.
After a couple of months, I began to wonder a little about him. For one thing, he always acted like a gentleman and he never made passes at me. It was almost disturbing. I was falling for him and he acted as if he cared for me but never even kissed me on the lips. Maybe the cheek or held my hand but not much else.
A couple of times he gave me a foot massage. I couldn't believe how good he was at it and that I wanted him to keep going much higher. He was the first man since Dave's death that struck a fire in me but never went any further. It was frustrating.
I know I told him I wasn't looking for a sexual partner and it was true at the time but now I was thinking a little different. I was wanting him to make a move on me, anything to show he wanted me.
The other problem I had was he really didn't want to meet my friends or family. He was a nervous wreck about even meeting my mother and I didn't know why. Did he have something to hide? If so, what could it be? He seemed to be the near perfect man if there is such a person and loved kids. I just didn't understand.
We had dinner and I asked him if he would take me out again the following week. We could have dinner and maybe even dance. He jumped at the offer and the following Friday we went out. I went all out buying a new dress even though I couldn't afford it. If he wasn't going to make a move, I was.
When he picked me up, he told me how nice I looked. I could see in his eyes that he meant it. My play to seduce him or at least get some reaction out off him was working. After dinner, we were on the dance floor and I put my arms around his neck. I pulled him to me and kissed him. It nearly took my breath away as we stopped dancing and kissed again.
When we sat in our booth, I mentioned to him that I had a cousin getting married in a few weeks. I told him that everyone in my family would be there and I wanted him to go. He looked very nervous when I told him that my mom had been telling relatives about us and everyone was looking forward to meeting him.
It was then that I told him that I thought he cared for me but I wondered why he didn't show it by at least being a bit more intimate. It's when I received the shock of my life.
He told me that he loved me but was afraid to be intimate with me until I knew the truth about him. When I told him that I knew everything about him, that Emmie told me his life story, he said even his grandmother didn't know this.
I told him he was scaring me. It was then he told me that he was a male escort in college. Basically, he was a male prostitute. Now I knew what was holding him back. It took me by such a surprise that I was speechless. The man that I had fallen in love with was a prostitute. He slept with women for money.
