I was surprised to see Ellen's parents smiling, too. I wondered just what Ellenâtheir Ellen, my Ellenâhad told them, presumably back when we were at their house. Not to mention what had already been shared before we got there, the last hour or so. Or however long. We'd gotten there just a bit before the time we'd told everyone elseâbecause we'd run later with Barbara and Bert than we had expectedâand then we'd spent five or ten minutes with the pastor, but I was guessing most of them had allowed more time because they were less familiar with the church. And also, I thought Steve had brought our parents, and he had wanted to be pretty early to make sure of the camera setup. So I thought most of them had probably been there nearly an hour.
Not a lot more was said before our music beganâa few brief reminiscences from school, no others so private, and all flattering to Ellen or to me. I said, "That's our cue," and we all got up. I opened the door and we went out into the hall. I pointed. "Ellen, Jenny, Sam, Ellen, Deedee, down that hall. Second door on your left." Ellen knew which one, of course. "Mr. and Mrs. Chan, Dad, Mom, through that door. The ushers will seat you. Guys, you come with me." But it wasn't quite that simple. A lot of hugs were given first. Mr. Chan and Dad each shook my hand very firmly. Mom murmured encouraging words to me, and I thought she and both elder Chans did to Ellen. I was finding it a little hard to pay attention, just then.
We went down to the hallway on the other end of the sanctuary. The auditorium, it was called in this church, to remind people that no placeâthat or any otherâis holy in and of itself. Down that hall to the first door, into the little room to the side of the platform. There was a screen showing the video feed from the camera next to the sound board, in a little enclosed space at the back. Pastor Mac had already entered, and was standing at the front, waiting. The Chans were coming up the aisle, Mrs. Chan holding the usher's elbow, Mr. Chan following. They were seated in the front pew, by the center aisle, on the left-hand side from the congregation's point of view.
I thought to look at the congregation, and I was a little overwhelmed. I felt just a little the way I had being called to testify in front of more than five hundred peopleâbutterflies in my stomach and feeling like my knees were going to collapse before I could walk that far. A lot more people were out there than I had expected. A lot more!
My parents were being ushered forward, now. The usher tried to seat them on the other side of the aisle, but they ignored his attempts and sat next to the Chans, the women next to each other, the men on the outsides. I couldn't see their faces, of course, even when they turned a little to speak. I suspected that the usher was displeased, but on the other hand, people probably ignored his suggestions often enoughâprobably just not the couple's parents at a wedding. I knew Pastor Mac well enough to be absolutely sure that he didn't mind one bit. He might even have been pleased. I certainly was!
As the music got to the point we had established at the rehearsal, I eased the door open a crack, and when the door across the platform swung open, I opened it up. Pete entered as Jenny entered from the other side. They walked in and stopped, followed by Fred and Ellen, then by Bill and Deedee. Jim accompanied me in, to the center, as Sam accompanied Ellen in. The music came to its final cadence and ended maybe fifteen seconds later.
I assume you've seen weddings. Yes, there's a great variety, but there are some common elements as well, in European church traditions at least. Pastor Mac welcomed the congregation and asked them to be seated. Even though nobody had processed up the aisle, people had stood up as Ellen and I entered. He said why we were thereâfor Ellen and me to be united in marriage in the presence of God and all those present.
He addressed the two of usâand all presentâgiving the biblical significance of marriage. Of course, the most important text is from chapter two of Genesis. Unlike many, he did not cite only verse twenty-four, but began with the end of verse twenty. He stressed that woman was made from man and for man, and that man without woman is incomplete. He also reminded us that in the first chapter, in giving the sequence of creation, it simply said that God made man in his own image, male and female, which could only be understood to mean that our creation as male and female was God's design from the beginning, and that the displaying of the animals to Adam, and the creation of Eve from Adam, were no afterthoughts but were done to show that neither men nor women are or can be complete in themselves.
He cited Jesus' use of Genesis 2:24, in discussing divorce in Matthew 19 and in Mark, also bringing in the section on adultery and divorce in Malachi 2, as all showing that faithfulness and permanence in marriage were requirements given from the creation itself.
He mentioned the wedding where Jesus turned water into wine, as showing among other things that this was an occasion for rejoicing and gladness. In this connection, he also mentioned such verses as Matthew 9:15âwhich is about the Lord's return, but in which the gladness of those present at the wedding is taken as so obvious as to be an appropriate metaphor. "Can the guests mourn while the bridegroom is with them?"
The pastor then read the entire passage concerning wives and husbands from the fifth chapter of Ephesians, reminding us that the context was of mutual submission, each of us to serve the otherâEllen by submission to me as the church is to be submitted to the Lord, I by love and sacrifice toward her as thorough as Christ's love and sacrifice for the church. He observed that this passage was often said to illustrate the church's relationship with the Lord by means of the institution of marriage, but that it instead illustrates what marriage is to be by the example of the Lord's relationship to the church.
He asked us to give our vows. He was prepared to prompt us if we lost it, but we each stated our commitments without any help. I thought I was doing pretty wellânot only better than I had felt I would just before we entered, but better than I had expected all along.
Then it was time for Sam's song. She walked down the steps to the piano and began. The passage she had usedâthe pastor had said "adapted," but it was adapted only in the sense that no specific English translation was used directlyâthe passage was Psalm 127. Her song was through-composed, not strophicânot a stanza-refrain patternâthough the first verse of the psalm was repeated at the end. And I fell apart, losing everything but Sam's playing and singing, tears running down my face.
I came back to reality with Ellen holding one arm and Jim the other, both of them speaking to me very quietly. Ellen was saying, "Phil! Don't lose your focus!" and Jim something like "Phil, buddy, it's OK, it's just a song." After a moment, I was able to say, also
sotto voce
, "I'm OK. Thanks." They both looked worried, but moved back to where they were supposed to be standing. Only much later did I discover that the sound tech had the presence of mind to mute our mics.
Sam hadn't been supposed to come up until Pastor Mac began speaking again, but she was standing right there with Ellen, looking very worried. I ignored protocol long enough to step over and hug her, saying, "Thank you!" I gave Ellen a quick hug and a peck on the cheek, too, and went back to my place.
We all remained standing where we were for the sermon, which was brief. Somewhat unfortunately for me, the text Pastor Mac had chosen was also Psalm 127. I struggled to keep my focus, indeed, paying attention to what he said, but later on I couldn't have summarized it in detail. Since the service was recorded, however, I was able to watch it later and listen better. The video was zoomed in on the pastor, with only Ellen and me in view next to him.
He divided the psalm into three parts, the secondâverse 2âbeing a development of the firstâverse 1. Nothing purely human will last, he said, and even in the short run nothing that isn't the Lord's will can succeed.
Following from this, though we're to workâand work hardâwe are to trust in the Lord's provision. This section is primarily cautioning against anxiety, he said, which at rock bottom is prideâI can and must provide for myself!âand greedâthe unwillingness to be content with what God provides. He reminded us that the people to whom this psalm was originally addressed had far less than we did, materially. Even our poorest, he said, have luxuries unimaginable to them. Yet stress and anxiety are considered major problems in our day.
He also brought in the Sabbath, an absolute command for Israel, a concrete reminder of the need for trust in God's provision. When sunset arrived to open the Sabbath, they were to put aside their work, even when crops needed to be planted or reaped, so that they might well lose much if they delayed. Only trustâthat God cared for them and would provide enoughâcould enable them to do this consistently and rejoice. Enoughânot necessarily everything they wanted, but what they needed. Enough.
The pastor applied these two sections directly to marriage. We, as man and wife, were going to have to work to keep our marriage alive and healthy, sometimes very hard. From speaking with us, he knew we understood this. Yet, he said, we needed always to keep in mind that we could not make our marriage succeed, however hard we worked at it. It was a gift from the Lord, he said, and as long as we thought of it as something we had to accomplish, we would find ourselves becoming anxious. We needed to put our trust wholly in God's promise to bless his people, working out of that trustârather than working instead of trusting. That hit me hardâone point I managed to remember!âand when we discussed it later it seemed it had hit Ellen even harder.
The third section, he said, was obviously directly talking about marriage. In a day when children are treated as disposable, when people said every child should be wanted and then advocated and allowed mass murder of children as a means to that end, we were to truly rejoice in the children we were given. He brought in the vows we had just madeâfor better, for worse, in sickness, in healthâsaying that by committing ourselves to each other, we were committing ourselves to accept children in that same spirit. And he noted that there is a promise in this, that if we truly do this, our children will stand with us and for us, accomplishing what we can't by ourselves. I saw Ellen flinch slightly as he made this last point. He pointed out that, until the Lord's return, we will each run out of time to accomplish our tasks, and that part of God's provision for this is our children. He related this back to the early verse about anxious toil.