. 08

Author's note:

This is, in all its seven parts and their many chapters, one very,

very

long story. If long stories bother you, I suggest you read something else.

No part of this story is written so as to stand on its own. I strongly suggest that you start with

the beginning of Part 1

and read sequentially—giving up at any point you choose, of course.

All sexual activity portrayed anywhere in this story involves only people at least eighteen years old.

This entire story is posted only on literotica.com. Any other public posting without my permission in writing is a violation of my copyright.

Saturday morning the alarm went off half an hour earlier than normal. I somehow got up more quickly than usual, needing to pee of course, and was surprised to see Barbara sitting up, dressed for running, reading, with the couch folded back into a couch. I merely waved at her and hurried into the bathroom. On my way back to the bedroom I detoured enough to bend over and give her a quick kiss, on the lips, and exchange good mornings. Ellen headed to the bathroom as I moved to start getting dressed, then thought again and got back in bed. Ellen came back in, looked at me, and got in bed too.

"OK," she said, "we have more time than we expected, but we really shouldn't take too long anyway." We really were pretty quick, but Ellen did come, so I thought we did well under the circumstances.

We cleaned up quickly, went back in the bathroom to shave, got dressed, and went out. Ellen said, "Barbara, thank you. I'm sure you heard that we had time for something more than a quickie, and we weren't expecting anything. We were expecting you to get up at the same time, with competition for the bathroom all around. And we've been pretty short on time this week, so we really do appreciate it." We all had a little water, and we headed off to the gym.

Barbara was charged for entry, as a guest or visitor. Had she been staying longer, she could have gotten a weekly pass with a lower per-day rate. We found Kelly and Elise talking, and introduced Barbara to Elise. Ellen and Elise began, with the rest of us starting together about as soon as the coast was clear.

As we ran and just talked a little, it soon was pretty obvious that Barbara was having trouble keeping up with Kelly and me. She certainly could run that fast, but she wouldn't be able to continue it long enough. I nudged Kelly slightly and slowed down a little, and the girls followed suit. A minute later, Barbara's breathing was better, but I wasn't sure we were quite slow enough for her, so I said, "Barbara, you set the pace for us. You're close enough to us that we'll be fine for a day."

"Thanks." She slowed just a bit more, and we matched her. Once her breathing was back where it should have been, even conversing, she sped us up just a little. Mostly the girls talked across me, and it was interesting to me because neither asked the about kinds of things I was apt to discuss with them much. I had heard things about Kelly's family, back when we were first running together, but not much since. And Barbara's younger years had just never come up.

I was surprised, though, when Barbara asked several questions about Kelly's spiritual beliefs and feelings. Kelly answered—a lot more briefly than I would have in her place, fortunately—and eventually said, "You were there last night. I can't say for a minute that I'm not kind of following Phil's ideas of what scripture says. But you saw, he never, ever tells me it teaches something and leaves it at that. We not only go and look it up, but we read it in context so I can see what it really is talking about. And so far, of course, that means I'm depending on Phil—and Ellen, too—to say what passages to look up and read, what's really relevant. But they really are pushing me to be reading through it so I can start to know that myself.

"It will take a few years, I can see that, and I'm going to have lots of questions. I've read enough in Jeremiah, just for example, to see that it jumps around a lot in time. But I can see that he's always trying to make me figure it all out for myself, not to give me answers. He may be wrong on things, and I'm sure I'll find some places where I think he is. But he won't try to hide ambiguities or difficulties from me. Ellen spends a lot of time reminding him that I need him to leave those aside so I can get the main point. And last weekend, with Sam's aunt and uncle, was just wonderful, too. I hope I do get to meet Sam sometime."

Barbara said, "I hope you do, too. Sam's worth knowing, even if you didn't know her aunt and uncle, not to mention Phil and Ellen. I hope she gets herself settled, soon. She had to kind of take her life apart and put it back together differently, not much over a year ago, and she came out maybe the nicest and best person I've ever known. I'm kind of sorry to hear that she's going through that again. I'm really glad that Ellen's got Phil, but I'm also really sad that Sam doesn't, if that's not too confusing. I owe Phil more than I can say—" she kind of looked at me as she said this "—but it's fair to say that's partly Sam's doing. Jenny's, too, but Jenny's part wasn't quite as simple."

Soon after that, Ellen and Elise slowed down, and we caught up to them. We walked most of the way around one lap together, Elise and Barbara doing most of the talking. As we got outside, before Elise went her way, she said, "Phil, Ellen said you two need to tell Barbara about, well, about your fight. Really, please don't feel you have to talk in general terms to leave me out of it. In fact, Barbara, it really was all my fault, one hundred percent, and if they don't make that perfectly clear then ask them."

We exchanged too-hot-to-hug kisses on the cheek with her, and started home. Ellen said, "She's wrong. Most of the blame, maybe, but I messed up big time too, and Phil will try to shoulder some of it. I hope we've gotten that all across well enough to Kelly."

Barbara said, "You'll tell me when we have time, but it sounds like she fell in love with Phil, some. If that's right, um, Kelly, you need to know that this was pretty common last year. I did, too, and if he weren't spoken for I'd be in line with everyone else trying to catch him. Ellen's way better for him, and I hope things go smoothly from here on out. But falling a little in love with Phil isn't something I would blame anybody for. It's how she handles it that she can control. It sounds like maybe Elise didn't control herself? I guess I'll be hearing about it, anyway." I wondered briefly whether Barbara was tactfully warning Kelly. I hadn't seen any special evidence of Kelly's feelings for me—which I thought she had well enough under control—but maybe I had missed something.

We exchanged goodbye cheek-kisses with Kelly when we got to her corner. Barbara said, "I hope we get a little time to talk tonight, Kelly. Tomorrow sounds like conversation will be more of a group thing—not that I'm not looking forward to it."

When we got home, Barbara said, "You two take your shower, and I'll go after. You know I'd love to shower with you, but it really would make me want more. Thank you for offering, though. If it weren't for Bert, I might do it anyway, and live with the frustration I'd feel."

So we showered, again with something more than a quickie. Ellen said quietly, "I almost wish Barbara really were in here with us. Seeing you wash her would have had me even more ready. But she's right, of course."

Ellen combed her hair while Barbara showered and I got breakfast ready. Scrambled eggs with one of the peppers and some of the sausage, onion, mushrooms, cheese, and a few other things. As it cooked, I worked on getting the first couple of sheets of cookies ready to pop into the oven. The eggs needed enough attention that I didn't want to be baking the cookies then, lest one or the other wind up burned.

Barbara's reaction to breakfast was one I was becoming used to. "Phil, where did you learn to cook like this? I wish I'd been out here to watch!" She knew Ellen was working on her hair and I was cooking when she came out. I gave my usual explanation.

There wasn't any of the scrambled eggs left, and we were all still a little hungry. When I'd last done bread, it had been raisin, and so now we all had some raisin toast. I needed to get ingredients into the bread machine and start more bread baking, and also have dry ingredients ready, so that in the morning I could quickly set it to mix dough while we were at church, to have rolls with dinner. Onion rolls, I thought.

I asked Ellen to do cleanup, while I got bread started and then began on the cookies. Barbara offered to help, and I said, "You need to do your hair, before it dries, don't you?" She had a towel around it. So she sat and combed, and I asked her to start on what she had wanted to come and talk about.

This all was a lot more fragmented than I'll give it. Timers, cookie sheets rattling, dishes rattling, water running, eventually the floor being swept, all that was happening too.

"Well, first of all I really did want to come and see you. I miss a bunch of people from school, but other than Nancy you're first on the list, way ahead of anyone else. And Ellen, yes, it's Phil mostly, you know that. You'd be farther down the list, if you two weren't together, but you'd sure be on it. Though you two are so much closer than most anyone else that that makes a difference, too. I think the next ones would be over half a day away, instead of a couple of hours. Or I'd have to fly to visit most of them.

"But I'm sure you know, what I really want from you, both of you, is advice about Bert. The women I was finding were all, well, looking for sex, not a relationship. And at first, that was fine with me. I really felt like I was free at last, in a way. I was definitely staying in the closet, but I was finding women who attracted me and who thought I was attractive. Because it's you two, I can just say, and you can see how liberating that was.

"But after a while, I realized that they were just like most of the guys at school, present company being the one really big exception. They were looking for a fun romp in bed, OK, doing something fun beforehand too in a lot of cases, but they weren't really looking for even friendship beyond that, much less a long-term partner. Commitment just isn't a goal. And I started thinking about a few couples at school. Phil, you don't fit into that word, but commitment was what I saw in you, even though it was limited at that point, and now you're working on something really permanent and exclusive. But there's also your buddy Jim, I know Helen pretty well, and they both want something that will last. And a few others, boys and girls both, who wanted a relationship, not just screwing as much as they could.

"And Bert was looking more and more like what I wanted—except of course he's a man. But as I talked with you, well, you're right. Phil, you're special, but I don't think you're unique. And Bert as a friend was what I wanted in a lover and partner—everything except that he's a man.

"So I talked to him about you, what happened with you. I told him that if he really was interested, in me, not just in screwing me—and he acted that way—I thought he seemed to be more like what I wanted than any of the women I was finding. He obviously wasn't turned totally off, horrified or anything, by the idea that women were what turned me on. And I was pretty sure he wasn't—um, it sure looks to me like some guys just have kind of a sick fascination with lesbians, it turns them on. You see it in porn all over the place, and it's clear enough that it's intended to titillate men, not women. Mostly, anyway.

"At any rate, he didn't seem to be like that, at all. So I said, if you won't be jealous of my enjoying seeing other women instead of other men as sexy, and if what you want really is what you said, a partner, I'd like to try if you would. And I said, because of this one guy at school, I know that it's possible for a man who actually cares about me to turn me on. You seem to care the right way, but so far I'm kind of inexperienced, it's just been this one guy, so I can't say for sure it will work well. If you think you'd like to try, and you really do find me maybe the kind of woman you'd want long term, as a real partner, think about it some more, in those terms and tell me, but I'd like to try.

"And we did try it. And the sex, for me, was pretty good even the first time, way better than that first time with you." She laughed. "In fact, he said, 'Are you really sure you're a lesbian?' And he said it was pretty good, maybe even better than that, for him. We kept it up, and as sex it got better and better.

"So maybe it's a no-brainer. Maybe I just need to stop worrying. He wants to talk about moving in together next semester, about getting engaged. I've tried to be honest with him, that my real worry is that somewhere down the line attraction for women will kick in and make me so dissatisfied that it will kill our relationship. Sometime when things aren't going right for other reasons, most likely. I can't help worrying, and that by itself is going to kill our relationship if I can't resolve it.

"Phil, you worked a miracle for me once before. I guess I just don't know where to turn, except to hope that you can do it again."

Ellen went over and hugged her. "Oh, Barbara, I really do know how you're feeling. Exactly. It's lucky I told you all about that last night. Or maybe ordained by God or something, I don't know. Remember, I told you what I was afraid of? Just being putty in the hands of someone or something else, being pushed into marrying Phil, willy-nilly, like it or not, when that's what I wanted more than anything, and still do?

"My answer may not help you, the thing you're afraid of is different even if the feeling is the same. And Phil had given me this answer at the time, I was just too afraid to accept it. Assuming we do get married, and I'm determined that we will, it will be because we want to and choose to. No one will be standing behind me with a shotgun, saying, 'Marry him or else.' If this lets him—and our children—do something fabulously important, great! But if God, or whoever it is, is destining me to marry Phil, he has to destine me to want to marry Phil. If he can't do that, then it won't happen. And once I realized that I can say that, that I really do get to choose, then I found I don't care whether someone somewhere is causing me to want to choose that. I do want to, and I do choose to!

"But I put Phil through the wringer for a long time over it. I'm so happy, and grateful, that he had Sam—and Jenny and a few others for the part of the time that was at school—because if he hadn't he would have been grief-stricken all over again, I'm afraid. And I'm glad I told you last night, so I didn't have to explain it all from the beginning right now."

There was a long pause. Finally, Barbara said, "Thank you. Really. What you said about feeling the same, it sounds like you're right, and that helps a little. And maybe what you said about the answer for you will help, too. I'm going to have to think about it a lot. Anyway, Phil?"

"I need to think some. Can Ellen tell you about our big quarrel? I'll need to jump in some, I expect, but I'll try to be thinking about what you asked, more than that. And I just realized, I'm going to have to come up with lunch in a bit. I don't know why that's a big surprise, but somehow it never entered my head."

They both laughed, and Ellen came over and hugged me. "Phil, I can scrounge something together, if you're willing." She added to Barbara, "He probably won't let me, though."

"I'm sorry, I don't have attention right now for four things. Honestly. Tell her what happened, and I'll listen a little, and think about her questions, and do the cookies. Worry about lunch later." I hurried to get the current batch out of the oven before they really burned—they were overly brown on the bottoms, though—and put the next batch in, and worked on getting cookies off the next to last sheet onto wire racks, and then filling up that sheet with dough blobs. Ellen had stolen a kiss in the middle of this, so it was her fault that the cookies were overdone, and I told her so.

"Here it is in brief," she said to Barbara. "Elise came over to talk to me about something, and I just realized I never did find out what. Anyway, I wasn't home yet, and Phil was studying and cooking dinner. He invited her in to wait, and went back to studying. I was due any minute, though it might have been half an hour longer or more. She apparently kept talking to him, asking him about books on our shelves, and brought a book over to ask him questions about it. And he pulled his chair out so he could answer more comfortably, and she just sat down in his lap and put her arms around him and kissed him. Long kiss, I gather. And he told me, his first reaction was to kiss back, without thinking about it, but just for a moment. He was starting to try to push her away when I walked in the door.

"Of course, you can see what I thought. And he had just promised me, and Sam and Jenny as well, that there would be no sex with anyone except the three of us. Me, that is, unless one of them was within reach. Someone like you, he and I would discuss, and he wouldn't without my approval and also without really credible evidence of no contacts that might have let in STDs. And I'll say, in your case and a few others, if you'd come saying you hadn't had sex with anyone at all since graduation, your word would have been good enough on that. And anyone whose word wasn't good enough, I think Phil wouldn't have agreed to even if one of those came waving a clean set of test results. But there are a dozen or so, certainly, where that would have been the only issue. And we never did settle whether he would accept condoms in a questionable case.

"Sorry, I got carried away. The big point was that he had said, absolutely no one new, period. And this whole promise wasn't something I had asked for, at that. Phil had insisted. And there he was with Elise in his lap, in mid kiss—OK, breaking it off, but I couldn't see that. And all I could think was, Phil lied to me. And I ran down to my apartment downstairs and locked the door. I was just devastated, because I had trusted him."

I broke in to say, "I think it really was, she trusted Brian and he sort of changed overnight, and now she trusted me, and in a matter of days there I was disregarding everything I'd promised. And you need to understand, what she saw was impossible to interpret any other way, just from seeing it. Really."

"You see how he is. He doesn't make excuses for himself, he makes them for me!"

She went on through the whole mess, not too long but in some detail.

"So anyway, I had to call Elise back and say I'd listened and to quit calling, I'd talk to her eventually. And I had to call Sam and Jenny to tell them. And then I had to beg Phil for forgiveness. I had promised to trust him absolutely, and then I wasn't willing to trust him enough even to let him talk to me.

"And Phil wants to take most of the blame, or at least to take some and absolve me of most of the rest. But I was the one who couldn't be trusted.

"Worst of all, it was in the week of my period, so I couldn't even make up to him that way. Or no, that's not the worst, not by a long shot, but it made it hurt a lot more.

"If you do decide to really commit yourself to Bert, you're going to have to find out if he's really as trustworthy as Phil. We can't tell you that. But if something happens, make sure you don't just refuse to listen. I think that's the big thing to say, from this.