. 05

Author's note:

This is, in all its seven parts and their many chapters, one very,

very

long story. If long stories bother you, I suggest you read something else.

No part of this story is written so as to stand on its own. I strongly suggest that you start with

the beginning of Part 1

and read sequentially—giving up at any point you choose, of course.

All sexual activity portrayed anywhere in this story involves only people at least eighteen years old.

This entire story is posted only on literotica.com. Any other public posting without my permission in writing is a violation of my copyright.

Friday morning, it was before the alarm was due to go off, but I got up and hurried off to the bathroom. When I came back, Ellen was awake and hurried off too. We made love, and then lay there together talking until the alarm.

She asked me whether I thought I was over it, and I said, "Mostly, anyway. I hope. I'm afraid I still kind of feel 'an emotion of no-enthusiasm toward any arisement.'"

"You do realize that you were pretty rude for someone who had just been given a gift like that, don't you?"

I sighed. "You're right, of course. And I knew it at the time, even. I'll have to apologize."

"Can you say anything about why this happens so easily?"

"I don't know. Maybe. But we'd better get ready to run, now."

"You're sure you're OK? Phil, I love you, and this pattern worries me a lot."

"For this time, I think so. You're right, we need to talk and see whether we can't figure something out. And it worries me, too."

"We have a few minutes yet. The alarm was set to give us time for sex, and we did that already. Unless you're ready enough that it won't take too long, this soon." And, well, it seemed I was.

Afterward, we got dressed and went downstairs. Kelly was in the bathroom, and we each used it quickly when she emerged. As we went out, Kelly gave me a hug, and then hugged Ellen. "Phil, are you OK? You kind of scared me last night," she said.

"I think so. Ellen and I still need to talk, and I owe everyone an apology. I'm sorry. I don't understand why this happens, especially when what triggers it is good. From the way Ellen said things, I think she may have ideas she wants to talk to me about. I hope she has some insight."

Ellen looked really surprised, and then said, "You're absolutely right about that. We'll talk later, though, not now." We all headed off, Ellen quickly leaving Kelly and me behind.

"Do you want to talk to me? I don't have any insights, I'm afraid. You've got Ellen as a shoulder to cry on, and she must have helped, but I'm—I'm more than willing to listen, if talking about it will help. Otherwise, we can talk about anything you'd rather."

"I think I need to talk about other things. Some might touch on this, I guess. But thank you, really.

"I'm pretty sure most of what Uncle John said about Sam was new to you. And I referred to it last night, so I may as well tell you that the gang rape Ellen mentioned was what Sam was involved in. She helped them plan it, having conceived that she had grounds to resent the victim. She got taken and gang-raped herself as a result, and what struck her about it was that she had brought that on herself, but that the other girl hadn't done anything to deserve what happened.

"And somehow that insight brought her, immediately, to repentance for that particular wrong she had done, repentance with great sorrow. The victim—the other victim—had to untie Sam and take off her gag. She said Sam hadn't been crying from being raped, the way she had, but that Sam was crying by the time she finished saying that she was guilty and that she was sorry for what she had done. I don't know how much of the rest was immediate. But after those—um. I don't willingly use the kind of language, name-calling, that comes to me. After the rapists made their second attempt and were caught in the act, and after the trial about a week later, then a few days after that she came to me.

"I hadn't told you, but I mentioned it in saying what I was thankful for. For more than three years, Sam had made it a mission of hers to make my life miserable, and I'm not exaggerating at all when I say that. It was flagrant enough that every single one of the four hundred plus in our class at least knew that she was always after me for no reason, and some of them saw a lot of it. But—I'm still going to leave out details here. But for complicated reasons, she very suddenly was faced with the fact that she was doing it because she had fallen in love with me, and resented that. If you ever meet her, you can ask her about that part if you want, and she's likely to tell you.

"But anyway, the very next night after that, there were the rapes, and she kind of fell apart, and it showed. She was unnaturally quiet, and not entirely functional. She spoke politely and respectfully to everyone, when she had to speak. A couple of times in class, one of the teachers or another told her to respond to something I said, and she was polite and respectful even to me.

"So anyway, after the trial, she came to me, at supper, when I was sitting with friends and surrounded by lots of other people at nearby tables. And she politely asked whether she could speak with me. When I asked where she wanted to go to talk, she said that we would have to arrange later to talk about things we needed to say in private, but that right then she had something to say that others should hear as well. And she confessed at some length what she had done to me for three years, saying she had known all along that it was wrong but not cared. She said very clearly that it was wrong, that it had hurt me and that she had intended it to hurt me, and that she couldn't do anything to take that back. She said that all she could do was say that she truly was sorry and ask me to forgive her. And I did. She was crying as she finished up.

"I was very nearly in tears myself. Maybe I really was in tears. But where, with anyone else, I would have hugged her and tried to comfort her, I had to struggle to make myself go to her and take her hands in mine. I had told her many times, that if she would come to me and honestly discuss whatever she had against me, I would honestly discuss it with her. And I had longed for this.

"When we did get together to talk, I confessed my own hardness of heart, and asked to offer her the hug at that point. And I was having to force myself, and I couldn't seem to hold her more than half a minute or so before I was stepping back. Anyway. We agreed that I had forgiven her, completely, and that she understood that my difficulty in any kind of intimate contact with her wasn't deliberate. It hurt her, though.

"And things got weirder. I know I told you that the school devoted a whole week, full time, to hands-on sex ed. Anyway, Sam and I were assigned to each other. And I just plain couldn't respond to her, sexually. Physically just dead in that department. And Sam is beautiful, and I admired her tremendously for the courage she had been showing.

"I did my best for her. Um. Ignoring all the details: my instructor came up with something that broke through my problems, and from there on we had quite a week.

"Anyway, you'd heard enough about this that I thought you should hear enough more to understand it a little."

Ellen had come up behind us and slowed down, as we had taken an extra lap while I told this. She said, "Boy, if I'm not with you, you always dump too much information out." But she was smiling. She went on, as we all slowed to a walk, "Did he ever get to the reason he should have had for saying this? He had wanted so much for Sam to stop tormenting him, but when she did, he kind of fell apart himself. He was in a fog for a week or more. He really needs to figure out why he does this and how to stop. I have ideas, but we need to talk some. A lot, in fact, I'm afraid."

We went into the house. I told Kelly, "You'd better have first go at the bathroom again," and Ellen and I headed upstairs. We didn't make love, or do anything that might lead to it. We sat down, looking at each other.

I said, "One part of it, and I don't see any way of dealing with it, is just that serious surprises bother me. I feel like the rug has been jerked out from under me and I'm falling, and I can't recover. And I need to tell them all that, and apologize, because of course that's going to happen and we all have to face it. But I don't understand why it bothers me so much more than it does other people."

Ellen looked at me with her face full of concern for me. "Phil, enough of your surprises, ones I've seen, have been really unpleasant that it's not all that surprising to me. And I can see that this is a factor in unsettling you, even when the surprise is good.

"But you need to learn to deal with surprises without coming apart. You do it fine sometimes. Let me remind you of an occasion when someone who was outrunning you unexpectedly fell. You acted decisively, without any of this business of feeling sad and lost.

"I wish I saw enough to say what was different about that. I kind of think that if you were in my place, talking to someone else with this problem, you would spot it and know what to say. You really are that perceptive about other people. Phil, you know I love you. And I will stay with you even if you keep doing this. But it's really hard and kind of unfair to everyone around you.

"When Jenny treated you the way she did, well, there was some excuse for it, even if you took it too far. And when your grandparents were killed, for sure. I wasn't in a position to see what happened then, even if you were still being affected when you arrived at school. But you need to remember that you're not in it all alone.

"Now we need to go take a shower and get ready for the day."

Ellen stood up and came over to me. She pulled me to my feet and took me in her arms and held me. She said, "Phil, I promise I won't leave you unless you drive me away. You could do that deliberately and directly, or the way Brian did, and in the end I'd feel I would have to go. But I love you, and I plan to marry you whenever you're ready. You need to meet my family and I need to meet yours, first. And you need to get me a ring, soon.

"I told you my parents won't think it's big enough or nice enough or expensive enough no matter what, so you don't need to worry about pleasing them. And I'm quite sure that you'll exhibit your normal perception and good sense and good taste, so pleasing me won't be a problem. With you, anything!

"Now get your clothes and let's go."

We shaved and then showered, managing the shower without too much noise, and then got dressed and went in to get breakfast. I was sure that we were back to the point where I could assume things in the fridge were fair game if I used good sense and restraint. I washed and microwaved a potato, then cut it up and fried it with onion and pepper and mushrooms, and also one largish slice of turkey, cut up. I mixed some seasonings in with some eggs and scrambled them in, adding some cheese as well. Oh, some garlic, too. Ellen was good enough to peel me a couple of cloves.

Kelly was there eating cereal, and Ellen had started to see what cereals were there, but I told her just to sit and wait. She poured us both some orange juice, and got me a glass of water too—she knew me. She also got out plates and forks. She hesitated and then asked Kelly if she would like some as well, then got her a smaller plate and a fork as well. I dished up. I had made sure that I made enough that plenty was left for Uncle John and Aunt Sally, too.

I had a thought. I got out the remains of the sweet potato casserole, took out a small amount, and heated it in the microwave. I put a spoonful of orange juice on it and mashed it in, then put a dab on each of our plates. "Tell me what you think," I said to them. I ate mine, and wasn't sure whether it was an improvement or not, but it was good in any case. The girls said much the same, and I decided I wouldn't bother with that idea the next time I made it.

A very few moments later, Uncle John and Aunt Sally came in. Kelly had made coffee, and Ellen had gotten herself a cup, and now she poured coffee for them as well. I said, "I'll warm up your breakfast in a moment, when I'm finished, unless you want to do it yourself first." Aunt Sally just went and turned on the burner. She spent just a few minutes warming it up. It hadn't gone dead cold, anyway. Ellen had set places for them when she saw that I was leaving some in the skillet.

Aunt Sally served them, and they prayed. After she'd had a few bites, she said, "Phil cooked this, right?" Assured that I had, she said to Ellen, "You really had better hold him tight. We already loved him before you told us he could cook, but I'm surprised you don't have a whole flock of young women trying to take him away from you."

"Not enough of them have had a chance to taste his cooking. Kelly and Elise, and both of them are willing to leave him alone, but one history student at the picnic already offered to marry him on the spot. I'm pretty sure she wouldn't have followed through if he'd agreed, though. He did point out that they couldn't even get a license, due to the holiday." She glared at me, theatrically. She did add, back to smiling, "And Tammy isn't likely to go after Phil for anything more than cooking lessons. She's really happy with Pete, but she was impressed with Phil's cooking nonetheless."

I said, "Ellen just was telling me that I needed to get busy and get a ring. She said it won't be big or gaudy or expensive enough to please her parents no matter what, so I should just use good sense and not worry about what they would think. She neglected to wait for me to ask her." Ellen stuck her tongue out at me.

"And I hadn't asked because we had agreed that we needed to talk with Jenny and Sam first. I was thinking that, with a three-hour difference, now would be a fine time to call them. So my second thing I need to say is to ask you if you'd like to be present. Certainly when we call Sam."

Uncle John and Aunt Sally looked at each other a moment, and then he said, "If it won't bother you, we'd love to. We were expecting to call Sam today anyway, and we would certainly like to meet Jenny, even if only by phone."

I said, "Kelly, is it OK with you, too?"

"I'd love to be introduced to them, especially Sam!"

Aunt Sally said, "Phil, dear, what's the first thing you need to say to us? You wouldn't have put it that way unless you meant for someone to ask, and it seems I'm elected."

"I owe you, all three of you but especially Uncle John, a big apology about last night. I'm sorry, your gift was thoughtful and generous. I shouldn't have fallen apart like that. Ellen and I spent some time this morning talking about the general problem, and we'll have to keep working at it. I don't know that we made any progress, but she called some things to my attention.

"For this immediate case, I can only say that it brought back to me again how much I miss my grandparents, and also made me feel somewhat cheated that I was never told about these books, all those years. But of course, he went through their subject matter with me, at greater length, more than once over the years.

"And I think that probably the death of my other grandmother, Nonna, when I was five, must also contribute. I wasn't allowed to see her for some time beforehand, and then I was just told she died. There was no funeral or anything, at least that I was aware of. And I miss all three of them to this day." I felt myself choking up again. "I'm sorry. I can't really talk about it, even now. But I truly am grateful, very much so, for your thoughtful gift. I hope you will all forgive me for my lack of enthusiasm last night."

Aunt Sally came over to me and bent over to hug me. "John and I certainly forgive you. Nothing in the world could have been more obvious than that you weren't being ungrateful or rude. You're unfailingly courteous and polite, Phil." She kissed me on the cheek, then went back over to sit with Uncle John.

Kelly came over to me and hugged me as well. "Phil, from everything you've told me, I would worry about you if you didn't miss them dreadfully. I don't think I have anything to forgive you for. But if I can help, let me know. And congratulations! Even before you talk to your friends."

"Ellen, do you want to call Sam while I wash dishes?"

"What? You call her and I'll wash up! You cooked!"

I decided not to argue. I really wasn't that fond of washing dishes, after all, it was just that they needed to be washed. So I called Sam.

"Phil! I'm really glad you called!"

"Before you say anything more about whatever it is, you'd better hear this. Ellen's slaving over a hot dishpan, but I'm sure you'd expect her to be in on this. But we're in your aunt's and uncle's kitchen with them, and Kelly's also here. I don't know whether we told you that we invited her to come along with us."

"Great! Hi, Aunt Sally and Uncle John! And Kelly, I'm really glad to meet you, even if it is by phone. In fact, though, would it be OK with you if Phil takes your picture right now and sends it to me? It really helps me to know what people look like when I talk to them. I don't quite understand why."

"That's fine with me. Phil just bribed me with a second breakfast, and it would be hard for me to say no to much of anything. That omelet was really good."

I took the picture and sent it before saying, "It wasn't an omelet. Just scrambled eggs with some stuff added. For an omelet, you need to kind of fold it. It's a lot of extra work, and to my mind it's not worth it. Maybe I've just never had a really good one, though."

"I know I can't really trust you when you're being modest, Phil. And I've been hearing from more than Ellen now about your cooking. Kelly, thanks, the picture helps. I knew you were nice because of things Phil has said, and also, well, I know Phil. He has radar or something for that. I figured you were probably pretty, too, but that was more of a guess, since your running speed was the important thing. But if you weren't really nice, you might be a running partner, but nothing more. I'm very glad to make your acquaintance, in any case. Phil and Ellen both think a lot of you."

"OK, Sam, you can chat with everyone in a bit, but we called for a reason, and then you said you were really glad we called. So what's up?"

"I was just going to tell you about yesterday, and I guess I may as well while I've got all four of you there at one time. Kelly, I hope I don't bore you. Professor Zander and his wife, Nan, invited me and three other students over for Thanksgiving. They go to my church, or I probably should say I go to theirs. Nan's a musician of some note, too. Professor Zander asked me to bring copies of those drawings, and also of my sketches I did before I came up with them, so that Nan could see them, but it turned into a group discussion of the drawings. They were all really impressed, with both of the drawings but especially the second one. And there were some comments on some of the sketches. I mean, none of them had really worked, but I may have some ideas about how to develop a couple so that they would work.

"We talked about lots of other stuff, too. The food was really good, and the whole thing was a blast. Nan played piano, and we all sang, but she switched to guitar after a bit, and I asked if I could take over on piano. They made me do a couple of solos at the end—not that I needed much persuading.

"I knew the other students some already. They're in classes with me, or just around. But it was fun getting to know them better. And I didn't mean to imply that my sketches were the main entertainment or anything. Professor Zander had asked all of us to bring samples of our work, but he knew about that first drawing, so he asked specifically for it and anything related.