The Hard Road Of Love

Prologue

My story is what the title indicates; one of love and the hard road that love can entail. It concerns a number of people all of whom have effects on each other, even though they may never meet. You will meet all of them.

Meet Stephanie.

To say that Stephanie is lovely is to understate the truth about her. It is not just to say she is physically lovely, although she is certainly that. If you must have some details, then be satisfied with a couple. She has those most beautiful of colour combinations of black hair and blue eyes. I add, that the rest of her is very nicely arranged.

Stephanie's loveliness extends beyond the physical to include a bright and sparkling personality in addition to which is a depth of character. Some people may possess one or two of these qualities, but to have all three is not so usual.

That Stephanie is the sort of person she is might seem suprising since her parent's marriage came to an end when she was ten years old. After that, her mother took in a series of live in lovers who, starting when she was about twelve, all had a go at groping Stephanie.

It might have been the very sordid nature of this situation that caused Stephanie, at age fifteen, to come to a resolution she never wavered from until forced to do so. She resolved that her virginity would be a gift from her to the man she married. Unusual by today's standards? Yes, but surely not completely unknown.

In the course of time, and by dint of her own scholastic efforts, Stephanie qualified as a Pharmacist and fortunately gained a position in a 24-hour Pharmacy near the flat that she was renting.

Enter Francesco.

Being the sort of girl she is Stephanie was never short of dates with men, but none of them had ever struck just the right note for her. Most of them seemed to anticipate easy sex with her, but she fended off all pleading, bullying, bribing and soulful weeping.

Then one day Francesco entered her life. He came into the Pharmacy with a prescription for his mother and was served by Stephanie. His dark good looks and sparkling black eyes immediately thrilled her. They engaged in a little light banter, and he left. Other girls working in the shop made giggling remarks about this young man putting his shoes under their bed, but I am afraid they had little hope of that.

Stephanie did not altogether forget Francesco after he left. He kept popping into her mind's eye, and this made the day rather pleasant for her. If she thought that this was the last she would see of him, she was very wrong. The next day he marched boldly into the Pharmacy and asked for her by name – she wore a badge with her name on it – and when she came to him, he announced in an oddly stilted sort of way, "My name is Francesco, and I would like you to come with me to see a film tonight."

Stephanie was somewhat taken aback by this abrupt invitation. She pointed out that she could not discuss the matter just then, but if he could meet her at lunchtime, they could talk about it. He agreed to this, and they duly met, and went to see the film that evening.

I do not wish to linger long on the details, but one date led to another and after an initial attempt to get her to have sex with him, he tried no more. The whole thing started to take on the appearance of an old fashioned courtship. Francesco plied her with flowers and other small gifts, and it culminated in Francesco announcing that his parents would like to meet her, so she was to come to dinner next Saturday. Francesco had an interesting way of making an invitation sound like a command.

Francesco met her at her flat, and escorted her to his home. If she had any doubts about the reason for the invitation, they were soon clarified. It was a general appraisal of her person. Was she a catholic? (She was in a perfunctory sort of way). Why did she live alone? Where were her parents? Most embarrassing was the mother's attempt over washing up to discover the condition of Stephanie's hymen through a series of questions about boy friends in the past.

The visit over, Francesco escorted her back to her flat, kissed her good night in the rather courtly way he had, and departed.

Another royal command was issued for the following Saturday. This time there were no further questions, and after the meal, Stephanie found herself alone with Francisco for about ten minutes. Francisco made economical use of this time and, taking a small box from his pocket and opening it, he announced, "We shall be married." The box contained an engagement ring.

Now to be fair to Francisco, Stephanie had not only fallen in love with him, but made no attempt to hide the fact from him. In fact, she had come to adore this handsome but oddly restrained young man. Given the situation Francesco probably had some right to expect a positive response, and this he got.

When the parents returned to the scene, Francesco announced the engagement, and the usual kissing and hand shaking took place. Thereafter dates were fixed, priests were seen, and all the other pre-marital activities carried out.

Meet the Boys.

It was at the time of all this activity that Stephanie found herself doing the evening shift in the Pharmacy for a couple of weeks. Her flat being only a couple of streets away, she usually walked between it and the Pharmacy.

One night, having finished work, she was walking home when she passed three parked cars. She took no particular note of this, as cars were often parked thus. It was just after she passed the third car that she heard doors being flung open, she was seized and dragged into the car. As she struggled and screamed a blindfold was quickly wrapped around her face and a hand clamped to her mouth.

The car took off, followed by the other two that had been parked behind it. She was taken to a local reserve, dragged out and flung onto the ground. For a moment, hands held her down, and she saw woolen Balaklava helmets covering faces. Then an iron bar was placed over her throat, and a voice said, "One sound out of you, bitch, and we press this so you can't breathe."

Their method of removing her clothing was to cut it from her. Police afterwards conjectured that cloth cutters shears had been used. She tried to plead, to tell them she was a virgin, but this only resulted in pressure from the iron bar on her throat.

The first to enter her ripped through her hymen. When he finished he must have seen blood on him from her deflowering, and a voice said, "Look what the filthy bitch done to me," and a kick crashed into her ribs.

How many men took her she could never afterwards say, perhaps ten or a dozen. The other two cars had followed them, and all three were packed with men. For Stephanie it was a nightmare of pain and humiliation. She thought they would never stop.

When they had finally finished with her, she heard someone say, "Better kill her, so she can't talk." "Another voice said, "Na, she ain't seen nothin." The iron bar was removed from her neck, and another kicked smashed against the side of her head. She sank into merciful black oblivion.

She was found, still unconscious, by two would be lovers seeking seclusion in the reserve. As she surfaced from unconsciousness some three hour later, she at first saw everything through a mist. As this cleared, she saw first a nurse standing beside the bed she was lying in, and at the bottom of the bed a man in a white coat. It came to her that she was in hospital. A female voice said, "She coming round."

Stephanie's personal world was one of excruciating pain. She in fact had sustained two broken ribs, a badly bruised head but fortunately no fracture, a bruised throat with some inner damage, a raw and bleeding vagina, and other cuts and bruises resulting from the savage treatment she had received.

She felt a slight prick in her arm, and within seconds, she slipped off into a deep sleep.

Meet Francesco's Father.

When Stephanie awoke from her sleep, she saw through the haze Francisco sitting beside her bed. Turning her head, she saw a policewoman sitting on the other side. The haze cleared, and the policewoman asked, "Do you feel like answering some questions." Stephanie, who was experiencing the return of pain, did not feel in the least like answering questions, but never the less replied, "Yes." And so it began.

In the following days and weeks she was subjected to seemingly endless police questioning. Some of it sympathetic, some of it suggesting that somehow she had initiated the rape. Apparently the suffering and humiliation of the rape was not enough, it had to be added to.

Francesco visited her everyday, bringing flowers and fruit. He sat holding her hand and speaking words of comfort and love. His parents came to see her but for the most part sat silent.

After a couple of weeks, the worst of her injuries had started to heal, and she was released from hospital with instructions to come back for further treatment and tests. Francesco drove her to the flat and escorted her in. He did not stay, saying he had something he must do.

During the following week, there was no visit or communication from Francesco, but on Sunday night there was a knock at the door. Anticipating Francesco, she was surprised to see his father standing there. She invited him in and asked him to sit. He refused the offer of a seat and stood, coming brutally straight to the point. "My son cannot marry you, you are no longer pure, you are defiled. The ring please."

Stephanie was numb with shock. Hardly realising what she was doing, she removed the ring and he snatched it from her and left. Stephanie stood swaying in the middle of the room as coldness swept over her. She fell down in a faint.

How long she remained unconscious she didn't know, but when she came to she tried to crawl to the toilet. She failed to reach it, and there, on the living room floor, she vomited, defecated and urinated.

A Tragic Interlude.

Stephanie returned to work about a month after her discharge from hospital. One good piece of news was that no pregnancy had resulted from the rape. But too much had been done to Stephanie. Her work colleagues and friends noticed and commented on the changes in her.

From being the loving vital young women she had been she went into herself. There, deep in her psyche she nursed the evils that had been done to her, especially by men. The rapists, Francesco's father, and Francesco himself, too cowardly to stand up to his father. Was this the love of men?

The hatred grew within her. At work, she tried to avoid serving people, relying on other staff members to bring the prescriptions to her. Prescriptions were safe, they did not hurt or rape. Socially she refused all invitations to parties and gatherings. Shut away in her flat, her old friends and acquaintances gradually fell away, apart from a few whom had really loved her, and these all female. She would admit no men into her company unless circumstances forced it. Even then, she treated them with disdain and given the slightest opportunity lashed them with sarcasm.

She moved from her flat to a small house, perhaps because a house was more isolated. She didn't have to talk with neighbours, and those who initially tried to welcome her into the street, were sent away hurt and puzzled.

Stephanie lived her life as far as possible in isolation from her fellow human beings – she lived a dark and emotionally pain wracked existence.

Meet Gerald.

Gerald was one of Stephanie's neighbours, but had not been among those who tried to welcome her to the street. He nursed his own pain, but not in the same way that Stephanie nursed hers.

Gerald is about 5 feet 11 inches tall. Not of exceptionally powerful build, and quite pleasant looking in a freckled, snub nosed sort of way, and no, as far as I know he doesn't have a gigantic one.

As to his personality, he is a happy outgoing sort of person. The sort who would always help or do a good turn for others if he could. At least, that is how he had been until his tragedy.

His situation is easily summarised. After two years of courtship, he had married his beloved Angela. On the second day of their honeymoon she had stepped out in front of a truck and was killed.

Gerald was beside himself with grief. He cried out to God, but God gave him no answer. He begged for God to give him Angela back, but God withheld her. He offered bribes to God. "I'll pray everyday." "I'll read the bible from cover to cover." "I'll go to church every Sunday." God was not moved by these offers.

Angela he had loved deeply – as deeply as any human being can love another. She had returned this love in abundance. They had engaged in sexual intercourse from very early in their relationship, and though both of them had been sexually active with others before they met, they found something in each other they had not experienced before. Put briefly, their sexual activity was the expression of, and not the source of, their love.

Once begun, their sexual relationship was exclusive. In most other aspects of their lives they could and did include others, but not sexually. Their fidelity was absolute. The loss of Angela, quite apart from the appallingly tragic circumstances, meant for Gerald the loss of his other half. Those words are often used factiously by husbands and wives, but for Gerald and Angela, it was the truth.

As Gerald began to crawl out from under his mountain of grief, he seemed to revert to a former time in his life. He went to every party he was invited to where he usually got drunk. He screwed every willing girl on offer. He fucked them wherever he could, and if possible brought them back to his house for the night.

The trouble was, he was still seeking Angela, and when he woke in the morning with the latest conquest beside him, he not only had a hangover, but also a load of guilt because the girl was not Angela. This gradually developed into a self' loathing that he tried to deny by engaging in even more boozy parties and girl screwing.

His life had just reached this point when Stephanie moved in next door. Learning from those who tried to welcome Stephanie, that she was a miserable isolate, he ignored her presence next door – that is, until "the great outcry."

It happened like this: One day Gerald had finished some shopping at the local supermarket and was on his way out of the store. Ahead of him, he noticed his neighbour, Stephanie, who was clearly struggling with a package and two or three bags. Knowing her reputation in the street for rejecting people, he hesitated to offer assistance, but had just decided to do so, when one of the bags dropped from Stephanie's grasp. The contents of the bag spilled all over the pavement, and Gerald hurried forward to assist her.

Stephanie had knelt to try to retrieve her goods and Gerald came down beside her. He began to pick up various items, when he became aware of Stephanie staring at him, then with shocking suddenness she struck out at him and screamed, "Get away from me you filthy beast, you animal. You were one of them." Being a bit off balance, Gerald fell over onto his back. Stephanie continued to punch and kick at him as he tried to defend himself. She was screaming over and over again, "He raped me, he raped me."

A crowd began to collect around them with some trying to calm Stephanie. The arrival of two police officers dispersed the crowd to a distance where they could watch but not interfere, and gradually calm was brought to the situation, except that Stephanie, still kneeling, was now crying hysterically. Gerald, half-stunned from hitting the back of his head on the ground, was still on his back.

As the situation was sorted out, an ambulance arrived and took Stephanie away. The police officers had heard the cries of "rape," and so Gerald was put into a police car and taken away to be questioned.

Stephanie's identity had been established soon after they arrived at the police station. Since the police had never been able to identify Stephanie's assailants, they were very interested to talk with Gerald. After several hours of relentless interrogation, Gerald was released to go home, with a warning he would be required for further questioning soon.

A bewildered and frightened Gerald went through the motions of living for the next five days. He went to work and came home in the constant dread of a police order to come in for more questions.

On the sixth day, he received a letter from Stephanie. She had been taken to a psychiatric nursing home for treatment. Gerald has kept the letter, and has allowed me to quote it in full:

Dear Mr.Knight,

It is with the deepest and heartfelt sense of guilt that I write to offer my sincere apologies for the recent events. Can you ever forgive me for the terrible accusation I made against you?

I have told the police it was a false accusation based on nothing more than my own unhappiness and bitterness. I think they had already come to that conclusion.

I shall be in this place for a while yet, but when I come home, and if you can bear to see me, I should like to make a personal, face to face apology. Will you let me do that?

Believe me

Yours Sincerely

Stephanie Farr.

Stephanie and Gerald.

Gerald was deeply moved by the letter, and realising that what had occurred had represented a crises in Stephanie's life, he wondered if he should visit her in the nursing home. Being a bit doubtful about this he began by phoning the nursing home to enquire about Stephanie's progress. He did this a number of times over the next few days, and finally asked if it would be all right for him to visit, explaining his involvement with Stephanie. He was told they would ring back and let him know.

They duly rang, and he was told that Stephanie's psychiatrist thought it might serve a very useful purpose for him to visit. Feeling somewhat nervous, he took a bunch of flowers, and paid the visit.

This began a new phase in both their lives. As people will when they begin to gain confidence in each other, they told their stories. Stephanie was working her way through her feelings with the psychiatrist, but perhaps it was through Gerald that she gradually began to allow herself to become her old self again. Never completely, of course, because no one can go through those events without some modification to their personality, but that modified personality can take on a full life of it's own.

Through this contact with Stephanie, Gerald worked through his own problems. One evening, as he was leaving Stephanie, he gave her a goodbye kiss. This kiss lingered a little longer than a goodbye kiss required. Gerald refused a couple of party invitations in the following week, and his visits to Stephanie became daily.

On her return home, a new restraint on their relationship came about. It was rather like one of those shipboard romances that when the trip is over, the two romancers don't know each other any more. Not that Stephanie's and Gerald's relationship would be classified as "a romance" at that stage.

It was Stephanie who broke through with an invitation to Gerald to come and have tea with her. Over tea, they began to search each other out again. Other invitations, like seeing a film together, going to concerts, and joining friends for a drink followed the tea invitation.

Poor Gerald had given up his passing sexual partnerships and was getting extremely frustrated, but now he had his eye firmly on the target. Stephanie, who if she had the support and love of Francesco might have recovered long ago, had locked away her sexuality. Yet even so, she gradually began to release the chains she had bound so firmly round it.

Gerald, understanding her trauma, never made any overt sexual approach to her. They kissed, they hugged, but he waited for her to come to him. One night, as he sat with his arm around her, she started to cry. He comforted her, asking what the trouble was. She said quite simply. "I have lost the gift I wanted so badly to give to the man I married."