1 year. That's how long it had been since my initial encounter with Michelle. It's not something I can forget, or even want to forget. A lot had happened since then, and now the irony was sinking in. My girlfriend, Holly, had left me and it was Michelle who I was turning to. Nothing about our love affair was revealed to Holly, she just preferred someone else to me. Even after a year of devotion, I didn't prove good enough in this case.
To give you some context, I had known Michelle for a long time -- most of my life in fact. Our friendship was close for periods of that time, and as we had both grown from playing children into young adults -- it was hard to ignore the changes we sometimes felt about each other. Maybe it's just normal -- to see one of your best friends as more than just that. I did my best to ignore it, hoping that the feelings would eventually die down as nothing more than teenage desires.
But they didn't. Moving from our teens and into our early twenties, there was always some level of desire that meant I wanted her. She felt the same -- something I didn't find out until much later. I didn't want to risk our relationship on the tiny chance that she might like me as more than a friend, so I did my best to put it to the back of my mind. I took an interest in other people and eventually started seeing someone who I really liked.
At 25 years old, it was slightly embarrassing that I hadn't had a girlfriend until then. I don't consider myself a bad looking guy, but perhaps pleasing girls was something I needed to work on more. It was a bit of a relief to hear that the girl I was seeing was in the same boat.
Holly was almost what any guy would wish for; smart, attractive, funny and kind. It was hard to believe at first that I had got so lucky, but as I got to know her, it was hard to see if I had made the right choice. Through all her talent and attraction, she carried a minor sense of control and manipulation about her. It was difficult to see at first -- not just because I didn't want to see it, but also because she was good at hiding it. But as time went on through our relationship, I could see the results it was having. I spent less time with my friends. Less time doing the things I enjoyed and learning about what interested me. Less time developing as a person. What made things worse is that my friends pointed it out to me -- but as soon as they pointed the blame at Holly, I jumped on the defensive.
When I confided in Michelle about my relationship, things started to get complicated. I revealed to her that 6 months in -- I still hadn't had sex with Holly, or with any girl for that matter. She told me to open my eyes and stated Holly was simply using me until someone better came along. Obviously, I rejected her claim straight away. That just didn't make sense to me at all, but as time continued on, I feared she may have been right.
Holly started talking to a guy who she worked with and their group of friends. She spent more time with them and less time with me. It didn't annoy me to be honest as it gave me more time to do the same. I thought it would be good to not spend so much time together -- until she told me one day that she has slept with this other guy after a night out.
She apologised of course -- saying how much she regretted it and how it was just a big mistake. But it made me wonder why she was happy having sex with other people but not me. I turned to Michelle once more -- she was really the only person I felt I could talk to on these sorts of things. I was upset and angry at the time, and Michelle saw that. We talked for a long time at her place, and one thing lead to another until she had me pinned down on to her bed and took my virginity. It's not something I can forget, or even want to forget. She showed me just how intimate relationships should be, giving me the best experience of my life at that time.
Looking back, I don't understand what made me stay with Holly instead of leaving her. I still liked her at the end of the day, so maybe I thought she was worth another shot. We even started having sex soon after, but it was nothing like what Michelle had shown me that night. My friendship with Michelle took a hit, but nothing that we couldn't reconcile.
My relationship with Holly carried on well for another year, but when I came home one day, I found nearly of her stuff piled near the door. When I asked her about it, she looked at with a straight face and simply said she wanted to be with someone else. The same guy she slept with initially as it turned out. She left with her stuff and that was it.
Michelle soon found out, and almost instructed me to go around to her place to talk about it. I had no reason to object, so I did-- waiting for her to arrive. I knew where her spare key was, so let myself in and waited up in her bedroom. For whatever reason, this was always where we went to talk about things.
I heard the door open and the rustling of keys, followed by her footsteps coming down the hallway. I turned my head to look at the door as it opened.
She was wearing a dark blue dress that cut just below the knee, which appeared to fit her more than perfectly. In the brief second before she spoke, I couldn't stop myself from looking at her top to bottom. I guess I should mention now that -- amongst other things, Michelle was the most beautiful girl I knew. Even more beautiful than Holly in my eyes, but of course I never admitted that. She had dark, wavy hair that fell below her shoulders; gorgeous, brown eyes that stood out from the rest of her elegant complexity. The dress she wore allowed her breasts and bum to protrude perfectly away from everything else. I always personally thought most woman reached their peak in terms of appearance in their 30's. At only 27 years old it was hard to see how she could get any better. She was stunning at any time, but this was admittedly another level I hadn't yes witnessed.
"Hey" she said gently as she walked in.
"Hi" I replied.
She sat down on the bed next to me, and it was a minute before either of us spoke. She knew I was feeling awkward despite it not being anything unusual and broke the silence to my relief.
"I know you're upset, but you can't let it bug you forever."
"Easy for you to say."
"I don't like seeing you like this. If I could make her love you again then I would."
"You expect me to believe that? You tried to make me split up with her." She went quiet for a second.
"I know- because I didn't trust her to make you happy. Not in the long term."
"Well, maybe you were right. Say it then."
"Say what?"
"I told you so" I said slightly sarcastically.
"I didn't tell you anything, I just gave you my opinion."
"It wasn't just that though, was it?" I said, referring to our encounter. "How was I supposed to be happy with her after what we did?"
"So it's my fault is it? I could make you feel good and she couldn't. I wasn't going to deny us those feelings just to you wouldn't get bored with her."
I gave a simple sigh and shrugged my shoulders.
"I still loved her though"
