It starts the same way. Standing in my living room with the phone ringing. Around me, walls rip away, frames are sucked into the sky, the ground cracks, everything is chaos, and yet, there was no sound apart from that damn ringing. I try to stop myself, but as always, like every other time, I walk over, the dream refusing to end, refusing to let go. I pick up the phone, and hear the words, "Is this David Leonard? Sir, there's been an accident..."
And as always, I jerk awake, my face drenched in sweat. As always, I just sit by the edge of the bed and while waiting for the tears to stop, think about my past, what I had lost.
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I was 16 when I met my wife. It should have been nothing special, just a friend introducing her to me, but from the moment I met Jeanne, it just sort of clicked, no matter how corny it may sound. Jeanne was a pretty 5'5 brunette with brown eyes and a smile that could warm the coldest of days. Despite looking very ordinary, wearing jeans with a loose green top at the time, I found myself being more attracted to her than any of our college sluts who go around wearing tight tops and skirts that look more like belts. She was something different, something special.
We went to the same college, were chosen for the same university, most of my young adult years was spent with her, my closest friend. As we grew older, the line between friends/couple became increasingly strained, sideway glances turning into guilty smiles, guilty smiles turning into flirting, flirting turning into teasing, but neither of us took it any further. Too scared, too proud or the fear of rejection, I don't know, but it looked like I would forever remain in the friend zone, which is the worst place for a guy to be. Fact.
That changed when Jeanne had invited me as her +1 for cousin's wedding, both of us being 19 at the time. I had already been introduced to her parents, John and Nadine, and they seemed to like me, so it wasn't awkward or out of the blue. Anyway, during the reception, I found myself dancing with one of the bride's sisters, who was very...enthusiastic, let's put it like that. Especially her hands, which were definitely rubbing against things they shouldn't. Trying to pull away, and ignoring that sly look in her eyes, my eyes caught Jeanne, who was trying hard not to laugh at my discomfort. And yet, she seemed slightly bothered about it as well.
Managing to pull away, I sat down next to Jeanne, ignoring her jibes. Throughout the evening, the eager bridesmaid tried to catch my eye several times while I was talking to Jeanne, but I smiled back at her, not wanting to hurt her feelings. Of course, that only encouraged her and so, when I saw her approaching me, I did the only logical thing I could think of. I asked Jeanne to dance with me.
Spontaneous. Random. Out of the blue. Jeanne looked at me curiously, before glancing to the bridesmaid, and asked, "Any particular reason?"
"It's a wedding. People are dancing. Do I really need a reason?"
The way she was staring at me, I half-expected her to decline. But to my surprise, Jean sighed, saying, "Come on, then."
It was a slow song, and so, finding some space on the floor, I drew her in, placing my hand on her waist and did that classic dance that involved nothing but circling, made for people like me who had no idea how to dance. We moved slowly, just me and her. I had expected for it to feel awkward, having never danced, not even at my prom. But in reality, it was...nice. I found myself enjoying the closeness, the warmth shared between us. Looking down at her, and seeing the small smile on her face, I forgot every piece of restraint I had and kissed her. At the contact, every part of me shivered, and as Jeanne kissed me back, I failed to notice anything else. No idea how long it lasted, could have been years, before she pulled away, and it was only when she gave a small smile and rested her head on my shoulder that my heart started beating again. Both of us giddy as fools, we carried on dancing, oblivious to the world and whoever was in it.
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The same nightmare. The same Phone. The Same message. "There's been an accident. You need to..."
The living room fades to black. The only thing left were the voices.
"Severe Damage...Heavy Blood loss"
"She's going into cardiac arrest!"
"Clear!!!"
Then it abruptly stops, moments of silence. And then:
"I'm sorry, Mr.Leonard. We did everything we could, but we were unable to save both of them."
With a cry of anguish, I was back to real life, in the early morning. Breathing heavily, I forced myself up and went downstairs, not even bothering to try to go back to sleep. How could I, knowing that the funeral was in a few hours?
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Three years later after our kiss, a year after our marriage, Jeanne gave birth to our daughter. She had been staying with her parents during the final stages of her pregnancy as per her request, which meant I only heard that she was in labour as I was making my way home from the airport, having been at a conference for the past three days. Smashing the gas pedal of my BMW, I raced to the hospital, driving to the edge of my- no, the car's limit. Speed cameras, I hear you say? Funny, I didn't notice any.
Shutting the car door behind me, running as fast as I can, I made my way through the hospital. Darting through hallways, asking for directions impatiently, I finally saw John standing outside a door, anxiously waiting. Apologizing to him for the delay, and finding out that Nadine was with Jeanne, the two of us waited in that hallway, neither one of us saying a word. I was terrified, partly thinking about everything that could go wrong, but most of all, that soon, I was going to be a father. I mean, holy...
The door opened and the nurse told us to come in. I looked at John, and asked, "You ready to meet your granddaughter?"
He gave a nervous smile, replying, "About as ready as you meeting your daughter."
Taking a deep breath, I walked into the room, and that's when I first saw her, crying in Jeanne's arms. Walking over, I met Jeanne's eyes, and we both smiled/cried as we looked down at our daughter. She was a little replica of Jeanne, right down to the bone.
"She looks exactly like you, Jeanne", John said, in a slightly shaky voice, while Nadine grasped the baby's- my daughter's hand.
"Not quite, Kyra got something from her father", Jeanne replied, her voice filled with exhaustion. "David, come on, introduce yourself."
My hands were shaking uncontrollably as I walked up to her, and the feeling I got when I held Kyra for the first time, as she cried with surprising volume, it was... inexplicable, and I refuse to even try and explain it. It took all my self-control to not break down and cry with her. Instead, I gently whispered "Kyra" in her ear, and her eyelids opened just a fraction, allowing me to see a flash of grey.
"She's got your eyes, David", Nadine said, and it was then that was when I felt like a father, and the emotions running through me...was ageless.
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The next few days passed quickly for me. I would come early every day, waiting impatiently by the door until I was allowed in. Jeanne had trouble with the birth and was still quite weak, so I would stay by her, making sure she was alright, never leaving her side or Kyra's.
The time came when we finally took both of them home, inviting Jeanne's parents to stay with us for a while, and the next few months, I would forever remember as the best part of my life.
However, the next three years was both amazing and frustrating. Because of Kyra and the fact I was making enough money for the both of us, Jeanne decided to quit her job and became a full-time mother. I was working as a manager for a multi-firm company, and the meetings/deadlines/conferences took so much of my time, I couldn't be around Kyra as much as I wanted to. But still, no matter how tiring and stressful my job got, when I got home, I would be cheered up instantly by the two people that mean most to me.
And so, the years passed.
The main thing I noticed as Kyra grew up was that she seemed closer to me than her mother, but I figured that this was mainly because I wasn't around as much as Jeanne was. I still remember her as a toddler, like it was yesterday. Kyra may look like Jeanne, but she had inherited my personality as well as the eyes. Always messing around, always curious, it was remarkable I found myself changing into a child when I'm with her.
Unfortunately, as Kyra got older, I found myself spending less and less time with her, mainly due to my promotion as Assistant CEO in a multi-firm company. But I never forgot certain events. Her first day of school. Her first play. Her first dance class. Things like that.
Jeanne and Kyra had become my whole life. There was nothing more that I could want or need. But my job prevented me from showing that to them, and it left me feeling useless.
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The Funeral.