To those intrigued as to how come Richie and Ali had never met, it's a very simple explanation...
Because...
And to Connar1, thank you; yes it is 'suspending disbelief'. More than that no one has ever mentioned me, Tolkein and JK Rowling in context before!
As for Meghan and Richie, it was just Spa sex fellas...
Aaaaanyway...
The next morning when I came downstairs and into the kitchen it was to find Fiona in a long red T-shirt as a nightdress having the tiniest amount of make-up applied and while I hate to say it, Ali did manage to make that thin face look pretty and human.
"Fi and I have to go shopping Richie," she said looking into the same mirrors that she had used to set Fifi's hair the evening before, "she's pretty enough to get away with my stuff but she needs all her own. Will you take us into town Richie, please?" she pouted, indicating that Fiona should do the same. Fiona did.
Ali had managed to create a teenage girl from a monster. It was like some kind of reverse Hitchcock movie.
"OK," I sighed, "Just let me have some breakfast..."
"Have a cup of tea and a shower and I'll treat you to brunch out." Ali had her arms around Fiona's shoulders now.
"OK!" I said.
"You know I'll make it up to you Richie." She grinned touching her cheek to Fiona's. I could see that this was something Fifi had never had before and she was responding.
"Thanks Richie!" said Fiona her face breaking into a smile. To my surprise she didn't look in pain or as if she was going to start rolling on the floor like a Estee Lauder Dr Jekyll as she underwent her transformation. I went upstairs with a promise of tea and other things from Alice.
While I was upstairs, Fiona showed the newly arrived Leah the new look and said that Ali and Richard were taking her make-up shopping.
"Come with us," said Ali, "It'll be fun."
"Yeah Leah, come," said Fiona, trying out that whole smile thing again.
Fortunately I was upstairs and didn't hear what Leah said next.
"When I want to look like a fucking clown, I'll wear baggy trousers and a red nose," she looked at her younger sister with distain, "wipe that fucking shit off of your face Fifi, you look fucking ridiculous."
Alice wasn't having that. She'd been in Fiona's life for less than 24 hours and the change was outstanding even from me, the bloke that couldn't fucking stand her or her sister.
"Don't change a thing Fiona," said Ali her arms folded and a tough look on her face, "and I suppose you're an expert on make-up and turn out Leah."
"I know when someone looks fucking ridiculous!" She chided with a superior look on her fat face with the obligatory head wobble.
"Really? I always enjoy listening to experts, please," said Alice, "Do tell." Ali had done a terrific job and Fiona's look would have been hard to beat by any make-up artist with the limited tools available.
"Well... well... Oh I don't have to..."
"Yes you do," said Ali, confrontationally stepping in front of Leah as Leah had done to me a week before, "you've just told Fi that she looks ridiculous, perhaps you'd like to elaborate."
"I don't have to..."
"Actually I think you do. I've spent just fifteen minutes making your little sister look even more stunning than she is normally and you said she looks like a clown. If you're making these brave and insightful statements I think Fi and I have the right to know the basis for that conclusion. Come on Leah, show your workings..."
Again my gorgeous Alice was the teacher, the bully basher, the hero and Fiona was looking up to her.
"Oh..." Leah flustered, totally out gunned and unused to not being the senior partner in any goings on like this, now knowing that her size and attitude wouldn't win out over any disagreement, "I don't have time for fucking shit like this."
"Won't take long, not for a master of the English language like you. Beauty is oft so well described by our Classic poets." She slipped an arm around Fiona and stroked her gently powdered cheek, "After all didn't Lord Byron say, 'She walks in beauty, like the night, Of cloudless climes and starry skies; And all that's best of dark and bright Meet in her aspect and her eyes...'" She pecked a kiss on the same cheek and Fiona giggled.
"Oh... Oh FUCK YOU!" she snarled, "Fuck the pair of you!"
Ali had a quick thought, and smiled,
"You should be so lucky..."
"What?" The shocked expression on Leah's face let her know that THAT wasn't the issue, that was definitely for sure.
"Ease up Leah," said Alice, her body language letting the fat frump know that she really wasn't intimidated by her in the way that scrawny Fiona had always been, "Life is too short for all this anger honey, after all is it not written 'Love will find a way through paths where wolves fear to prey'."
Leah's bottom lip bounced as my gorgeous Alice used Leah's one true love, Lord Byron, against her. She turned, walked around the kitchen table to avoid Ali, who shouted after her,
"Cheer up Sweetie, Be thou the rainbow in the storms of life. The evening beam that smiles the clouds away, and tints tomorrow with prophetic ray!" Leah stopped, turned, and gave Ali a look all hatred, "Honey, it's just poetry, live a little."
With tears in her eyes, Leah stormed off up the stairs, her tea unmade, her breakfast cereal getting soggy.
"Wow!" said Fiona, "you know everything!".
"Yeah," said Ali, her arm around her new protΓ©gΓ©, "little bit of Byron never hurt anyone. I'll have a chat with Leah and calm her down later."
We took Fiona shopping that morning, and using an eye trained to body shape and colour, Ali instructed the make-up girl in the department store on what she wanted for her new friend Fi and the girl agreed, and by the time we left some two hours later, Ali had the look she'd planned.