===DISCLAIMER===
This is my first work. Any resemblance to blahblahblahblahblah is purely coincidental.
If there are any weird words or spellings, I honestly blame my computer's auto-correct function.
Chapter One - A Week in a Broad
"This is it," said Alice from the passenger seat. The little circle on her smartphone's GPS app had no more blue line to follow along the satellite map. The two of you had driven for twenty-five miles through the countryside to spend the week together in your parents' summer home. Your father had just bought it last September from an old woman (or old ghoul, as he put it) who had been living there alone since the Depression. Your parents vacationed there last winter.
She was a strange one, your father said. She wouldn't talk much, except that the house had given her nothing but pain. The house was dilapidated too, but it had cost him almost nothing. And it wasn't too far away. If it were fixed up properly, you and Alice could come again next Spring for your honeymoon.
The land certainly was beautiful. The sky was overcast like a blank canvas, and the fog had just lifted from the ground, covering it with dew and filling the air with the smell of moist earth.
"Air sure is a lot clearer out here," said your betrothed as she shut the car door. You love the way her voice gets whenever she's excited. The two of you share a love of the outdoors, and the thought of having a little secluded spot in the countryside to go to for privacy made your heart thump too. "Oh, and the house is just adorable too."
You could see the little blue house (not on the prairie) through your windshield. It was a fixer-upper, but the paint still held and there weren't any holes or anything.
You step out of your side of the car, planting your foot in the gravel lot. Alice was right, the air did feel great. You regret not having your windows open on the drive here. There was obviously no parking lines over here, so you just parked a little ways off from the fence gate. It felt kind of dumb pulling the key for it out of your pocket when the fence was in such bad condition anyone could have just jumped over it.
"Wait," Alice said. "Let's take a picture."
Smiling in agreement you pull your phone out from your pocket and held it up. Your fiancée instinctively leaned against the one remaining nice part of the fence and posed. She had a low-neckline long-sleeved T-shirt with black and white sailor stripes, tight black denims and ankle-high boots. She rolled her sleeves up to her elbows so it didn't go over her fingers, and fixed up her mussy, shoulder-length, jet black hair.
Her little pixie face lit up in that smile you've seen a thousand times before but had never lost its charm on you. She was still the cutie you met in college. Her green eyes twinkled as her lips arched up in a pouty smile. With the blank sky and little blue house, and green grass that stretched on forever to serve as her backdrop, you snap the perfect shot.
Hearing the audible click, she got off the fence and walked over. You palm the phone to her. "It's perfect. I'll make it my profile picture. Send it to me?"
You look at the 4G symbol on your phone. Facebook. Upload. Right.
There's no wifi here, so you couldn't use the internet for very long without drying up the data plan.
'Oh stop thinking like that you idiot,' you tell yourself. You've got a week alone with the most beautiful woman in the world and you're thinking about your computer? There should be lots to do in this place. Hopefully the beds are all in good condition, you smile devilishly.
Almost as if to agree, your girlfriend turned her head back at the house. "Come on, let's go inside already!"
"Ho'd up," you announce in faux-bonics as you turn back to the car. You open the trunk, exposing the several bags of crap your parents forced you to bring, along with your regular luggage.
"Work before play, I'm sorry to say," you rhyme lamely as you gesture towards the trunk. Alice groans softly as she paces over to help you. "Don't remind me..."
You hand her the backpacks and light items, leaving the suitcases, paint cans and bags of tools for yourself.
"What's the red paint for?" Alice asks, curiously, strapping on a backpack.
"Dad says I gotta repaint the outhouse."
"Are you serious?!" Her emerald eyes open wide in horror.
"Just kidding. It's the toolshed. We've got indoor plumbing, don't worry."
She gives you a bemused 'are you kidding me?' look before snatching the house and gate keys from your hand. You shut the trunk closed and pick up your heavy shit while she leads the way. She was still smiling, so your little joke had only tickled her a bit. You've never actually seen her mad before.
...
"Ah....shit," you exclaim upon seeing the house's interior. Your parents had done a lot to clean the place up, but there were still places where wallpaper was stripped off and windows with cobwebs and cracks in the ceiling. The biggest problem was just all the old people bullshit lying around. Big stacks of pots and pans (thank god they were clean) sitting on tables, and cabinets filled with weird creepy dolls and antique plates. Lining the walls were boxes and piles of newspapers. Just lots and lots of shit your parents left behind for you to throw away.
Alice was taking it in even worse. You can see the womanly need for cleanliness and order setting alarms in her head. Her green irises darted around her wide-open eyes, taking in the sights. "Was the last owner a hoarder or something?" She exhaled in disbelief.
"Oh well, let's just check the place to see if everything's working before we settle in," you say pragmatically.
You set down your tools and supplies on the floor and walk into the downstairs bathroom. The ceiling above you looked pretty rickety so it was probably a good thing there wasn't a bathtub on the second floor to crash down on you when the ceiling finally gave up. "I'll check upstairs then," Alice said as she trailed up the stairs.
You spot a little chain hanging from the bathroom ceiling as you step into the dark space. The little wire in the light bulb lit up and burned out. "Good ol' Tungsten, eh?" You head back over to the bags you left in the living room. You remembered your parents had you bring a six-pack of fluorescent bulbs with you on the way here. You swap the bulbs, holding the used-up incandescent one in your hand. You pull down on the light chain again.
"Let there be light," you say to yourself. If only Alice were hear to catch that. She always misses out on your great jokes!
To your surprise, there's another chain hanging down, right in the middle of the bathroom. "The hell is this?" you ask as you pull that one too. The formerly dormant toilet next to the wall came to life in a loud and powerful flush. 'Thank God that works," you say in surprised relief.
Holding the dead bulb in your hand, you walk out out of the bathroom and into the kitchen area to find a place to toss it. You walk past the faded pink wallpaper of the dining room into the kitchen and search the place. The kitchen counter was cleaned up by your parents so only a pot, a tea kettle and a silverware rack remained. A bit of stray light from the window landed on a piece of paper taped to the counter, almost as if to guide your eye. You can recognize two different handwritings. The first one was your father's.
'Trash can is under the sink. Only use for non-burnable trash. Food waste goes in the living room furnace. Collect the rest in bags, and throw into big cans by the fence along the road. There's some creepy shit written along the walls in the basement, so scrub it off when you get the chance. Also, replace the lights in the bathroom, dining and upstairs bedrooms.'
You nonchalantly look back into the dining room, up at the ceiling. There was a gorgeous crystal and brass Spanish chandelier, probably the only fancy thing in this room. But it used candles.
'Oh, so that's why we brought candles.' You look up again, counting twenty-four slots, then looked down to see a pair of sconces that used light bulbs. 'Yeah, fuck that. I'm just going to use the sconces.' You head back over to the note. This time, the second portion was in your mom's handwriting.
'I hope you've brought candles to light up that beautiful chandelier so you and your cute fiancée can have a lovely dinner together.'
Fuck!
'Well, a romantic candlelit dinner would be kind of nice. But I'm not telling Alice about the candles until tomorrow. There's a lot of work to be done here.' You read the rest of the note.
