Forward:
There is no sex in this story. (WOW, I just dropped 75% + of my potential readers...)
It is about a marriage that was in trouble before COVID, the rebuilding of that marriage and the craziness of COVID on the people around us -- as well as us.
The major situations in this story are true, but the names, sexes (sometimes), locations, relationships ... have been changed. The core of the individuals in this story remains true. The deaths, hospital admissions, infections, personal actions, denials, destruction, some of the exact dialogue and attitudes are all true. I have either experienced it first hand, it was shared with me by trustworthy friends and relatives, and sometimes it was on the news -- the real verifiable news, not something unsupportable said for a sound bite or a 'gotcha' that substitutes for intelligence. (Oh boy, this shit will now hit the fuckin' fan from the cults ...)
It is a bitch to see the deniers come down with COVID. Some of them got hospitalized in the ICU and some of those died alone in an ICU ward. This is not politics, it is public health. In my [humble] opinion, anybody who wants to make this political doesn't really give a shit about anybody but themselves. A previously close family member can no longer look most of the rest of us in the eyes any more. This is because the spouse spent two weeks in an ICU and then a regular hospital bed. That was followed by time in a skilled nursing facility. That spouse still cannot breath without additional oxygen. Their lungs are not expected to be whole again. The denier will never forget the bullshit that came out of their mouth months before this happened... "COVID is just bullshit. Take some meds and it goes away." Their previous words are pretty fuckin' hollow now that their spouse almost died. Oh, you don't like reality smacking you in the face? Yea, that's right, bad things only happens to other people, not me...
OK, I'll stop my ranting. It doesn't mean that I'm still not pissed...
Once again, you've been warned. On the other hand, please bitch and moan if you need to. Comments that are stupid, not follow medical science ... will be deleted -- but noted in my comments. From my experience, I will laugh at you, and pity you at the same time.
Will Rogers:
"There are three kinds of men.
The ones that learn by readin'.
The few who learn by observation.
The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves."
If this is more than you can take then ...
SAVE YOURSELF AND GO TO THE NEXT STORY.
If you really need to bitch and moan and live in the land of pretend while you defend 'your freedom', please do it in an enclosed bar with other like-minded people. You'll probably meet a couple of my near and distant relatives, the ones that were not hospitalized -- or dead -- yet?
I've never said that I'm a practicing Christian.
By the way, please be sure that the ICUs in your area are not at capacity. Just found out that a friend's family member that lives along the Ohio flowage just had a heart attack. That person had to go 120 miles to find an open ICU bed. COVID patients have overloaded the regional system; whoops ... UNVACCINATED COVID PATIENTS have overloaded that regional system.
Play the game, have others pay the costs.
For this submission, I have used Microsoft word to suggest editing and spelling. All grammar and spelling mistakes -- real or imagined -- can be blamed on the Author due to his very bad keyboarding (FAT FINGERS), his attitude, and that he only read and reread this damn story at least 45 times. Oh yes, add his pigheadedness to the error reason list.
I hope that you are satisfied.... (Do I love self sarcasm...)
On with the story.
From decline to recovery of a marriage
Friday, October 9, 2020 A Chicago working class suburb
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"Where are you going Debbie?" I paused before starting again. "We've talked before about going out during COVID."
I waited 30 seconds while she stared at me silently. Her face rotated between scorn, anger and a hint of sorrow and maybe regret? NAH. It was just anger and probably indigestion too. She was fuckin' 'annoyed' again. Then she solidified into being super pissed, her normal 'go to' look. Somehow she kept the vitriol in partial check this time.
She barely kept it in check.
"Where are you going Debbie?" I asked. "We're both are at risk. And I'm so much more at risk than you. I'm the one with the lung issues. You're the one with the autoimmune issues."
My voice was measured, controlled, and very much contained and constrained. I've put everything into not exploding, not letting loose, not showing I was even 'annoyed'. I was asking as a concerned husband of 35 years. The concern was real. It was the only way to attempt to reach her. If she ever felt a little bit threatened, she'd go off the rails and attack anyone who dared to confront her.
I was being overly calm and respectful. No negative emotions were in this conversation. My wife could pick up anything negative and I've been practicing to stay 'supportive'. The camera app on my phone and Zoom sessions with friends really helped. I had practiced this over and over again.
Being this calm and controlled actually was beginning to hurt.
"Where are you going Debbie?"
I knew the answer because I overheard her talking with Laura. They were going to have dinner inside a restaurant and then go to a crowded bar with their younger workmates. Both places and groups of people did not follow the COVID protocols. Everybody has been working remotely, but her younger co-workers getting together weekly after work hadn't stopped with COVID.
The last time this happened with Debbie, I self-quarantined. It was two weeks of living alone in the basement. From below, I was monitoring her movements and health, cooking on a camping stove and sleeping alone on a blow-up mattress. She spent most of her extra time when she was not working remotely on the phone with her friends and relatives. I got to watch anything I wanted and didn't have anyone bitch to me about anything. Her extra 'digs' and anger didn't translate very well with texts. It frustrated the hell out of her.
The bottom line was that I can't risk getting COVID. That last 'Covid escape' incident with her was in early June. It happened right before our neighbor Beverly went to the hospital. Bev was 7 days on the ventilator and then 4 weeks in rehab before she came home. She still has some Covid 'Long Hauler' symptoms, and it's been months for her. She used to be a healthy 62 year-old with no pre-existing conditions. She got COVID from her two grandkids who couldn't be bothered by following the protocols or staying away from her or their parents. The worst part is that they somehow 'neglected' to tell her about their bar hopping and other clubbing. They kept saying that they were careful-- careful my ass.
From all this I found out something very important. I found out that there is a god.
Because she was in the hospital, she couldn't pay for their community college tuitions that she said she would. Their parents had to quickly come up with the funds. Now the kids have to work more hours in their part time jobs and both took out student loans that their parents wouldn't and couldn't sign for. The grandchildren are starting to hurt financially because the parents don't have that kind of cash, even for our local community college. Our neighborhood does not have much extra money. Those kids now have to make tough financial choices and live with the results.
I found all this out after Beverly got back from the hospital and rehab. We were talking 'over the fence' outside while we were both masked and 6 feet apart. Bev was so pissed that neither of those grandchildren will ever see another tuition payment from her and won't be seeing more than a dollar from her will. Their callousness drove this granddaughter of Slovaks and Lithuanians on her mother's side and granddaughter of an Okie and a Pennsylvania coal miner on her father's side to see them as the spoiled brats that they actually are. They really didn't give a shit about anybody but themselves.
Beverly told me about how they are trying to 'make nice' to her. Being on the ventilator that long really changed her attitude and health permanently, and Bev has carried grudges before. I knew Bev well enough that this was never going to change. She's lucky that she has enough retirement funds from her late husband that she'll never need her grandchildren to care for her.
These kids are going to have to make it on their own. There's going to be a lot of growing up and living on ramen and boxed mac-and-cheese in their future. Going out is going to be McDonalds for them. Payback is a bitch and Bev will never let this drop. She was the wrong purse to fuck with.
"Where are you going Debbie?"
"Brian, I'm just tired of working from home, from being at home, from only seeing people by ZOOM. I got to get out."
She paused for a couple of seconds. I was not going fill in any of her blanks.
"I'm going out to dinner with Laura. Then I'm coming home."
"Really now? The restaurant has a tiny dining room and no outside seating. What about the bar you're going to after dinner?" The shocked look on her face said it all. She's so fuckin' believable. "Straight home?" I paused and stared into her eyes, eyes that were purposely looking away from mine. I walked right in front of her and got in her face and she couldn't turn away. "So you think that this is a safe thing to do? Do you think that this is a safe thing for me? The infection rates are skyrocketing. I'm at risk. You're at risk. Why are you putting me at risk? Why?"
She got a bit of a sheepish look on her face. "I'm just tired of it all. Nothing happened last time. You were still OK after I went out."
By now my controlled demeanor was starting to unravel. "Do you remember that I spent those next two weeks in the basement after your last 'vacation from COVID'? Does my health have any meaning to you?" Now I was starting to escalate. I was getting louder. "Does it? DO I HAVE ANY FUCKING VALUE TO YOU?"
She pulled back with a jolt. "Well, Laura said it was going to be OK and..."
I broke into her right away. "LAURA LIVES IN LAURALAND." This shocked her into silence. She immediately understood what I meant. Nobody ever successfully confronted Laura on the bullshit things that she'd say. In our group we 'Live and let live', 'don't demand that everybody follow what you say', 'allow people to have their own opinions'... yada, yada, yada. That's always been 'the rule' in our group. Everybody has an opinion, as well as an asshole. Sometimes those two things went together. As long as somebody is not hurting anybody, let it go. I'm far from a control freak until somebody puts me or others at risk.
"Laura believes whatever she wants and doesn't believe in anything that she doesn't want to. She gets an idea and runs with it. You remember the time she 'just knew' that hydroxychloroquine was going to save her? She stole it from somebody she knew and two weeks later sun burned badly. Then she peeled for weeks. When you self-medicate and don't read the drug's warnings, you can get into real trouble. Laura just feels, she doesn't think."
I knew that I was going to win this battle and lose the war. I needed to calm myself down and get back into 'support mode'. I dialed back to being the supportive 'nice' husband. Quietly I continued, "I know she's your friend but do you remember the last thing she said to you before you went out last time?"
Debbie had a thoughtful look on her face when I broke back in, "You were leaving the house and she said that if you get COVID, you take some meds and you get better. It's no big deal. That it's all a scam. Why don't we ask our neighbor Bev about this? Then Laura went into the 'THEY ALL LIE' bullshit. There's a shit load of people in this world with integrity. Anybody that says they 'THEY ALL LIE' has no integrity."
I looked into her eyes, "You have been spouting parts of her shit to me, to your family, to anybody that will listen." I waited 10 seconds, "Why are you saying something and acting on something that is so wrong?"
"Look Brian, I just got to get out. Nothing is going to..."
I lost it.
"LIKE OUR NEIGHBOR BEVERLY? LIKE HER TIME IN THE HOSPTIAL? LIKE HER TIME IN REBAB? LIKE..."
"I'M GOING OUT. GO SPEND THE NEXT TWO WEEKS IN THE BASEMENT. YOU CAN..." there was a honking of a car horn. "She's here. I'll see you when I get back." She bolted out the door calling "ON MY WAY" to the 'Queen of Lauraland' as she ran.
Some laws cannot be broken, especially the 'Law of Unintended Consequences'.
Life had just changed dramatically for Debbie. She just didn't know it yet.
Monday, October 12, 2020 A call from Debbie to Mary
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