Empty.
That was the only word that came to mind as I pressed my bottom against the cold porcelain tub. I sat inhaling steam while dipping my big toe in to test the water. The hot water could not even begin to warm me considering the way I felt. I slipped into the water, not caring if it burned my skin. Inside, I resembled a dead woman.
Months had passed since I had given up on my own happiness. I decided that if I couldn’t have the man I wanted, then I would be with a man who was secure. A man I knew would love only me. There was only one problem. To date there was no college course called “How To Make Yourself Fall In Love 101". I was still completely and hopelessly mad about the man I had given up. He was irrational, indecisive, stubborn, and time and time again, he had done nothing but hurt and disappoint me. Why did I love the idiot? I tried my best to swallow this bitter pill that life had dealt with only partial success.
I found myself sobbing amongst the bath wash and loofa sponge while Mr. Bubble looked on with a sadistic smile. I gave him a stern stare and said aloud without thinking how utterly insane I sounded “You bubbly pink bastard. Everything fizzles out in the end...even you. So go ahead and smile you stupid...” My eyes then shifted from side to side, sniffling to rid myself of any evidence that I had actually started crying. I felt ridiculous.
“I’m a fucking fruit cake.” I muttered while grabbing the towel and drying off.
The hallway echoed with my wet footsteps. I was alone for the remainder of the night. My significant other half was working until the wee hours of the morning, as usual. More than often he left the front door unlocked when he left. It was no big deal considering how far out in the country we lived. I didn’t even bother to check it. I rarely did anymore. If someone wanted me that damn bad, they could have me. At least I would have been a victim worth making an effort for with the time it took to drive there.
I remained somber as I dressed for bed and crawled into the covers. I picked up the horror novel I had started to read the night before and thumbed through the chapters before finding where I had left off.Murder, gore, and sex. Just the kind of thing a woman in a house sitting in the middle of nowhere needs to read while alone. No one had ever claimed that I was a normal young woman.