So, I'm sitting in a chapel, waiting for my ex-wife's wedding to begin because I'm the cool ex-husband. Why not? I've been the cool dad for twenty plus years, the cool sports coach and the cool manager. I don't even know who the fuck I am anymore. What I know for certain is the western omelet I had for breakfast is getting ready to leave the building. And I also know that I am sitting only a few feet away from the shithead she cheated on me with, and that is inspiring a lot of other cool ideas, like emptying my Glock into his face. All the people who coerced me to be here today would get a kick out of that.
Shithead is a good looking guy in his custom fitted suit. His real name is David, and I have a lot of trouble remembering that. The suit would look better with my regurgitated omelet on it but I don't think I can reach him from where I'm sitting.
But the omelet is coming. There's also a tear or tears in my right eye. I'm going to blame them on the omelet, fortunately no one is sitting to my right. Occasionally a tear will leak out of my left eye, my oldest sees one and she grabs my hand. But the omelet is definitely coming, I break her grip and dart out the side door heading to the men's room.
Jesse, my ex-wife, is standing right outside the side door and I almost knock her and the bridal party over. We make eye contact for the first time since she admitted cheating on me. The smile she had been wearing evaporates as the first bars of the bridal march begin. My stomach reminds me what I was planning on doing and I run to the men's room.
Fortunately, it's just vomit and the bathroom is pretty clean as I kneel before the toilet. My daughter comes in behind me:
"I am sorry dad, I don't know why I let mom talk me into getting you to attend her wedding. It seemed like a good idea to show people how you accepted her relationship with David."
Another round of omelet exited my body. I was sure that was the end of it, rinsed my mouth out and washed my face.
"What are you going to do now Dad?"
"I'm going to head to the cabin, I was planning on heading there tomorrow anyway. My stuff is still in the car. I never checked into my room, its paid for if anyone needs a room."
I kissed her goodbye, "By the way, this is a men's room hon."
My family had owned a cabin in the mountains for a few decades. It was my favorite place to escape to when playing the cool dad or boss became too much for me. My phone was already blowing up as I tried to set the address in the app. I ignored them all. It was a two hour drive to the cabin, and I was regretting that I didn't change before I left, but leaving was the best idea I had in a long time.
David's ex was sitting on the cabin's porch when I pulled in. The same people who coerced me into going had tried to get her to go to the wedding too, but she told them all to go fuck themselves.
"Good afternoon Jack, I wasn't sure if I would see you tonight or tomorrow. From the text I've received, you made quite the exit."
"My breakfast didn't agree with me Linda."
"Still playing the cool ex? There's coffee in the thermos, black like you prefer. Beer and soft drinks in the cooler and a bottle of your favorite scotch in there too. But I recommend that you hold off on the scotch, according to my daughter, we're going to have a lot of company. How many people does this place sleep?"
Linda had called me over a year ago to tell me my wife was sleeping with her husband and offered to show me proof. Until that time I had no idea that Jesse might me cheating on me. We hadn't gotten along for maybe a year, but I thought that was just the normal ebb and flow of a marriage.
I met Linda at a restaurant and immediately felt sorry for her, she was way overweight and looked like the world had beaten her down.
"Go ahead and say it," Linda said. "Maybe if I had taken better care of myself my husband wouldn't have been hitting on your wife."
"That's not what I was thinking, I was looking at you and realized for the first time since your phone call, that this isn't just about me, there's a ton of collateral damage caused by our spouses."
Linda went to show me the pictures her private eye had taken. I only saw a glimpse of the first one showing a heart shaped birthmark on a naked right ass cheek. I'd recognized my wife's birthmark anywhere. I refused to look at the other pictures.
We became good friends, first sharing information about our divorces and then discussing the overwhelming loneliness in our lives. All of our kids were out of the house, going to college and living their own lives. We were left with eating dinner by ourselves when we could gather the initiative to actually cook something. Lonely nights, lonely days, and lonely weekends. We started going to dinner one night a week and breakfast on Sunday morning. Eventually, Linda started joining me for evening and Saturday jogs. We never moved beyond the friend stage, it just felt wrong to me.
Back to the present, I sat down next to her and poured myself a cup of coffee.
"Jack, have you checked your phone since you raced out of the chapel?"
"No, I got done throwing up my breakfast, got in my car and drove here. Why, what happened after I left?"
"About a third of the people sitting in the chapel got up and left as Jesse was walking up the aisle, most importantly your three kids and my two. The kids are on their way here now and will probably be here in an hour, they're picking up food and drinks."
"David's sister called me, she was absolutely furious with the way David treated me. She said only about a third of the guests showed up at the reception and most of the wedding gifts disappeared. David is furious that they wasted so much money. She also said that many people agreed to go because you were going, once you left, they felt free to leave."
"Wow," I said. "It was only an upset stomach."
"Bullshit Jack, many people saw the tears in your eyes. I finally hit home didn't it. You've been the tough guy, holding it in but looking at my ex getting ready to marry Jesse was too much for you."
She was right and the tears started flowing. I remembered when she first showed me that picture that I felt nothing, there was no hate, no sadness, nothing and now it was all coming. Linda was holding me as I cried on her shoulder. Not the way the cool one was supposed to act.
"Let it out Jack, I spent hundreds of dollars on a counselor doing this same thing."
I finally got my shit together and broke the hug.
