This story is about a girl's journey through life when who loses the one she loves.
There is little sex in this story.
The story is a complete work of fiction and not based on any real persons, events or organisations.
Chapter 1 - Abandonment
I fondly looked down at my newborn son in my arms happily suckling at my breast while my wonderful husband beamed at us both. Considering my journey up to now, I was amused at how the life I had envisaged had been turned on its head and was now so different than I had imagined, what felt like only a few years ago. Back then life was moving along smoothly according to plan.
I had been with my childhood sweetheart Mark for 6 years. We had started dating at high school when were just 17. He was not my first, though I never admitted that to him, so I officially took his virginity and not the reverse.
Most of our friend's school relationships had folded quickly after finishing school as everyone took different paths in life. Mark and my relationship had survived the transition, and we had become even closer. We had a great group of close friends, mainly from school that we used to hang out with. To make sure we stayed in touch, we developed a custom of gathering for pizza, a BBQ, etc. on Friday evenings at someone's place.
Most of the original school couples in the group who had split still all came. There was a collection of new partners and some had hooked up with others in the group. Mark and I sometimes joked it should be called the Friday partners swap meet. It was a lively mix of old friends, couples and exes. My best friend was Sally. We had been buddies from the age of six and practically grew up in each other's houses.
By this time we were both at university, him studying Business and me studying Medicine. Both our courses were hard and demanding in time, especially mine. To get more time together, we had moved into a modest apartment while studying. Since school, our relationship had developed to a more mature solid level, though our actual quality time together when we were not working or studying was a bit limited. Eventually Mark's four year degree was finished and he immediately picked up a job in finance. As for me, I still had one more year to do at university and then after graduation, another year of internship at a hospital.
Mark's big graduation day came in a few months and I had a lovely time watching him proudly receive his hard earned degree. We then went out to dinner with all his family and drank plenty of champagne. Later back at our apartment after a nice celebratory lovemaking session, he cuddled up close and said, "Allie we need to talk." My immediate thought was, now he was graduated and going to earn good money, he was going to propose.
Instead he said, "Honey I have been thinking. You are studying so hard and so long hours I am getting lonely at home. You never have much time for me anymore. I know it's not your fault and I know you feel guilty about neglecting me too."
"Yes I know, my degree is really hard on us, and so was yours before you finished. Nothing is different from when we were both studying, but you just have more free time on your hands now. I will be finished eventually. You just need to do some other things, maybe get some new interests or do a bit more part time study until then."
"Well that's what I have been thinking. I have always wanted to travel, and James is heading off to Europe for a bit, so I thought I would go with him."
"That's not fair! I thought we were both going away to Europe together when I finished? That was OUR plan!"
"I know, but that is almost two years away. I don't want to wait that long. We can still go again together in the future when you finish.
Though I could see some logic in his argument, this was definitely not what I had in mind. "So how long were you thinking of going away for?"
"I don't know, six to nine months, maybe a little longer if I pick up work."
"REALLY! You will leave me alone for that long!"
"You will be so busy studying you will hardly notice I am gone AND you also won't feel guilty neglecting me when you have to study."
"Why then am I not so thrilled? It's late, can we talk about this in the morning?"
"Well OK, but I have bought the plane ticket already."
"REALLY! Before you talked to me! When are you planning to go?"
"Umm ...in just over three weeks."
"WHAT!" Getting out of bed I grabbed my pillow and said, "then you can bloody well sleep alone tonight to get used to it," and headed to the spare room.
Still angry, I left early before Mark was awake to go to the hospital for early morning rounds with my professor. It was a 'full on' day and I had little time to dwell on it during the day. I returned home late, tired but still cross.
Mark was very apologetic, but it was clear he had decided to go. I figured he had ambush me with his plan so I couldn't change his mind.
I told him in no uncertain terms how pissed I was at him that and presented me with a 'fait accompli' with no discussion. "I thought we were in a 'R-E-L-A-T-I-O-N-S-H-I P' Mark. That means discussion and joint decisions. When did this discussion happen?"
"Well it's something I really want to do."
"I would never take that sort of decision without discussing with you first and getting your views, it is just not fair!"
He just shrugged.
I was suddenly seeing a new side to him. Needless to say I slept in the spare room again that night.
During the couple of weeks, between my long hours at the hospital during the day and studying at night, we talked little. Most discussions were confined to the logistics of him going away. Sex was definitely off my agenda though he had tried to initiate 'make-up' sex a few times.
About a week before he was due to leave he said, "I have been thinking Allie, that maybe while I am away we should, you know, cool things a bit."
"Huh?"
"Well maybe while I am away we should be like...'free agents', if you know what I mean."
"Which means exactly what?"
