Jennifer looked absolutely stunned, as though this thought had never occurred to her. "Mark never made the first move to try to push sex on me."
"Jennifer, it was a first date, and if he knows you from high school, then he knows that trying something like that with you would mean no second date. Look, we're going clothes shopping Monday when you get back, and maybe you'll want to talk about it then. You could get pills almost for free from the clinic. If you were on the pill, and still nothing happened, then you couldn't get in trouble, and if something
does
happen, you still won't be in trouble."
Jennifer's story
I didn't sleep well at all last night. I had a wonderful date with Mark, he was so nice and so sweet, and my first kiss was everything any girl could ever dream about. Then, when I got back, my friends were all excited for me, and they even want to take me shopping for some better date clothes.
Then Rachel started talking about birth control. What a downer. Mark was so nice to me, and never made any sort of move that made me doubt that he was treating me with Christian respect, and then Rachel just threw that in there. I mean, I suppose that I could go on the pill, just in case, but,
dear Lord!
what if my father ever found out?
I gathered up my shower stuff and headed for the floor bathroom. It was early, so I had the bathroom to myself when I got there, which was a relief. My hair still looked pretty good, but I washed it anyway, and I still had Monica's cream rinse with my stuff, so I used that, too. Maybe I shouldn't have, because my dad will be picking me up this evening for a weekend at home, and he might notice. Everybody said that my hair looked good up in a ponytail, and I guess that's how I'll wear my hair today, since Mark seemed to like it, but I'll have to take it out before dad gets here.
Oh, my gosh, I still had the clear nail polish on, and I don't have any nail polish remover. I'll have to take care of that, too, before I go home.
When I got back to my dorm room, Monica was already gone. I brushed out my hair, and it did look pretty good. That cream rinse really did help. I put it up in a ponytail again. Rachel and Monica said that I should wear my own jeans today, the Wranglers, instead of a skirt, and I figured that sure, it would be a nice change, and Mark liked me in the stylish ones Rachel loaned me - gave me, actually - for the date. The Wranglers aren't quite as nice, but the girls all say that they'll look better than my skirts.
I got my clothes out, and then I did something I've never done before. Since Monica wasn't in the room, I took off my robe and looked at myself, naked, in the full-length mirror. Oh, my God, is Mark thinking about seeing me like this, looking at me like this? I wanted to hurry up and get dressed, I was so embarrassed, but I forced myself to keep looking.
Oh, my God, oh, my God, this is scary. I don't guess that my figure is too bad, a little flat chested maybe, but Rachel was right: I was so happy with Mark last night that if he had pushed me for intercourse, I just might have done it. Was Mark really that considerate, or was that just a game he was playing, a seduction game? Oh, Lord, I couldn't keep standing here, I had to get dressed!
I grabbed my underwear out of the drawer, and pulled my panties on quickly. They were plain white cotton, nothing like the cute bikini panties the other girls had. I started to put on my bra, and then hesitated: half of the girls on campus go braless, and my breasts are small . . . .
I left my bra on the bed, and pulled on the t-shirt I was going to wear today; I had to see what I looked like braless. I pulled on the Wranglers, and went back to the mirror. My t-shirt was dark green, with a Future Farmers of America logo on it, and it wasn't see-through or tight at all. Front view, side view, it wasn't apparent, it wasn't obvious, that I wasn't wearing a bra. Actually, I thought that I looked pretty good. My bras weren't flattering at all, and I really didn't need them for support, but I sure did for modesty, and a Christian girl is always modest.
No, I couldn't do this. I pulled off my t-shirt and put my bra on. I put the t-shirt back on, and I felt . . . well, I wasn't sure how I felt. I didn't think I looked any different with the bra on, and part of me really wanted to take the bra back off. Would anybody actually notice? Would
Mark
notice? Oh, my God, if he put his arm around me, he'd be able to feel that I didn't have a bra on, and what would he think of me? I am a good, Christian girl!
Only prayer would calm my soul now, so I got down on my knees and I began to pray to the Lord for guidance. But prayer didn't come easily, I was so mixed up and confused. I would just have to trust that the Lord would help me through this day. I began to think of Mark again, and I resolved: I was going to go braless, just to see how I felt about it. I started to pull my t-shirt back off again, and . . . .
Ring!
The telephone. "Hello?"
"Hi, Jen, it's Mark. If you haven't already had breakfast, would you like to grab a bite at the Student Center cafeteria?"
"Oh, hi, sure, I could do that. Where are you?"
"Well, to tell the truth, I stopped in your dorm lobby. I'm right downstairs, if you happen to be ready."
"Oh, yes, right. I was just getting ready to go down to breakfast anyway. I'll be down in a minute." The Lord did help me: He timed Mark's call just so I wouldn't go out braless! That was a real relief.
It was also a bit of a disappointment, I thought, as I was going down the stairs, but when I saw Mark's smile when I got to the lobby, all disappointment vanished. He greeted me with a kiss, a quick, soft kiss, not too showy, not publicly embarrassing, but kind, loving and respectful.
Oh, my God,
loving?
Was I actually falling in love with Mark Stewart after just one, single date? I had to calm down, to compose myself.
"Hi, Jen, it's great to see you this morning!" No one had ever called me 'Jen' before. It sounded so, so
intimate,
so different from everyone else who always called me Jennifer. He took my hand as we walked out of Blazer Hall and toward the Student Center. It is only a four minute walk, but it was really nice. Mark was tall and he seemed better looking than I really ever used to notice about him. He didn't have the clumsy look now that he had in high school, and his hair was shorter than most of the guys on campus. It seemed that most of the guys wanted a longer-haired hippie look, but Mark wore his hair short. At UK, that made him a bit distinctive. Oh, gosh, I started to realize that I felt
proud
to be walking with him and holding his hand.
It was a different feeling than last night. Last night, walking with Mark, after dark, was sweet and romantic. Out in broad daylight, it was nice, but in a way I felt like I was showing off my boyfriend.
My
boyfriend!
I never had a boyfriend before, and it was exhilarating, it was exciting, and it was just plain different than I had ever felt before.
"Mark, I've got to tell you, my parents are coming to pick me up this evening after class. I've got to go home for the weekend." By now we were standing in line, holding the ugly yellow fiberglass trays, and getting bacon and eggs and toast at the Cafeteria. My dorm meal card worked here, but Mark had to pay cash, a whopping $1.57!
"Would you like me to meet your parents?" Mark asked.
"Oh, no, not yet! My dad would lock me away in a closet if he found out that I had a boyfriend." I just realized that I called Mark my boyfriend, when he really hadn't said anything about dating steadily or anything like that, but then felt a sigh of relief; he hadn't balked or had a whoa-too-fast look or anything like that at the title.
"They'll have to find out sometime, Jen." There he was, calling me 'Jen' again. I just loved that! We sat down at a table for four, but not across from each other, closer, at the corner. I did something I almost always do, but had omitted at dinner last night; I thanked God for the food we were about to receive. Mark didn't join in, but was very respectful, and didn't start eating until I was done.
"I know that they will, and I'll want to introduce you to them, but I have to figure out how to do this. I know that I'll have to talk to my mom first."
"Of course, I absolutely understand." Mark took my left hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, and kept holding it; he was left-handed, so he didn't need to let go of my hand to eat his breakfast.
The rest of breakfast, and then the walk to class was uneventful, but I felt amazingly happy. Another quick kiss at the door to my class, and then he was off. I was sure of it now: I was falling in love.
